TW: MENTIONS OF CHARACTER DEATH. READ WITH DISCRETION.

 

[ bawat piyesa – munimuni ]

 

First love never dies, after all.

 

Winter still stares lovingly at her.

 

No matter what.

 

She still stares at Katarina Yoo like it’s the first time she had ever seen her, like it’s the first time they had met, at kahit kailan hindi ito nag-iba. Kahit kailan, hindi siya nagsawa. Kahit kailan, hindi ito natapos.

 

Her love for Katarina Yoo never ends, after all.

 

She thinks of it as a love that defies lifetimes. A love that certainly is above or even over average, a love that does not let itself be controlled or be erased by time, a love that would never cease to exist. A love that is like a tattoo, permanently etched upon her very soul, a love that she intends to keep for a very long time.

 

Bawat titig, hindi niya maiwasang mahulog sa tila napakalalim at walang katapusang balon ng pag-ibig na kahit kailan ay hinding hindi na ata siya makakaalis – and yet she doesn’t even mind if she stays there for a very long time.

 

Bawat ngiti, tila nahuhulog pa siya ng mas malalim pa.

 

Bawat pagtawa, parang hindi na niya kinakaya.

 

Gusto niyang yakapin.

 

Gusto niyang hagkan.

 

Pero hindi niya magawa.

 

The video plays over and over again, reminding her of what was once hers.

 

Of what she had lost.

 

Of the cruelty of whoever it is controlling the strings of this damned and wretched fate.

 

In the screen, Katarina Yoo is immortal, after all.

 

Preserved.

 

Her memory never ending, and Winter will not lie if she says that the video is memorized in her mind, etched to its smallest details, for Winter knows that she had watched it more than once in this day – she had already lost count, rewinding it over and over again.

 

In the video, Katarina was still hers, after all.

 

The ring feels hot against her finger, like a cage sealing everything in between, and it is one of the memories Katarina had left her – one of the memories that she had preserved, the memories that she had been given, the memories she hopes would not be taken away by stupid time.

 

Time and fate that had taken away the love of her life from her, and how she wishes to get her back.

 

No matter what.

 

Hindi pa tayo tapos eh.

 

Please.

 

I haven’t even loved you for so long.

 

Mahal, balik ka na.

 

Sige na.

 

I’d do anything, please.

 

Please.

 

But no matter how she begged, no matter how she screamed and shouted for the heavens to bring back the love of her life, she’s still buried six feet under.

 

Winter still wakes up alone. Scared. Hoping that the next morning, she’d wake up next to her.

 

Pero lagi siyang bigo.

 

Everyday, nothing had changed.

 

Mahal niya pa rin eh.

 

Hinding hindi magbabago iyon.

 

And everyday, she wakes up to the same routine, filling herself with alcohol, hoping that it would drown everything else, hoping that it would create a mirage or an illusion and Katarina would appear in front of her, hoping that she would see her again –

 

Kahit isang beses lang.

 

Even just once. Even just one minute.

 

Even just a glimpse.

 

Even just another smile.

 

Even just another laugh.

 

Even just another hug.

 

Even just one kiss, again.

 

Kahit isa lang, sana.

 

Because Winter doesn’t even know what to do next.

 

 

Dito ka nalang, habang buhay.

Wag kang bibitaw

Wag kang mawawala

 

 

Ano’ng gagawin kung wala ka?