YoursSongs Pre: Winrina Collection
[ gravity - sara bareilles ]
"Winter, stop na."
Something always brings me back to you.
"Ang hirap na kasi... We're not the same as how we used to be."
It never takes too long.
I find myself hyperfixating upon every little tone, every little sound that comes from you like always, but none of those things tell me different.
They tell me that you want to leave.
That it's not the same anymore.
That we weren't really meant to be together.
I can see it in your eyes, I guess.
"Okay." is all I answer, and I find your expression change from calmness to immediate hurt.
"Okay?" you ask, as if clarifying my answer, and I nod at that.
"Yeah." I answer, and the hurt settles in upon your eyes once more.
"If that is what makes you happy, then let's do it."
You look down after hearing my words, and I notice how there is a flash of doubt and uncertainty upon those eyes, like you're slowly prodding upon the icy path upon this river we've settled in, where one wrong step might lead you plunging down upon freezing waters.
The difference is, I already fell.
When you said those words.
When you wanted it all to stop.
The water freezes everything—too much to the point that I'm wondering why there are no tears upon my face, when one, two, three, endless tears are now cascading upon yours.
"Winter, I..." You trail off, not really knowing what to say, and I sigh as I move closer towards you, pull you in to hug you tight, probably for the last time, but you never let go.
You never let go, and pull me in tighter.
Almost to the point that I can't breathe.
"Karina." I call out, and I feel moisture gathering upon my shoulder, shifting into my neck as I feel you bury your face upon that specific spot, and even if you're already saying your goodbyes earlier, I only let you do this.
"Karina, stop crying." I call out, and that only makes you cry out more, hugging me tighter like a child not wanting to let go of her mother, and there I can never fight the urge to hug you back—I do so, and you ultimately surrender upon my arms.
"I'm... I'm tired. Pagod na pagod na ako, Winter, I don't know what to do—"
"Then stay with me, longer, like this. Let me be your resting place, even if it's only for a while." I utter without giving it much thought, which naturally comes always—when it comes to you, I always become like this.
"Okay." you utter, sinking further upon my arms, and I do not mind the words I uttered that gripped upon my heart and set it on fire, never minding the embrace that now feels like torture, and maybe it is because of you.
Because I know that one moment next, you might leave.
That you're never really permanently here.
Never permanently with me.
I want you.
Tattooed on me permanently, hugging me forever like this, able to kiss you whenever I want, able to keep being with you like this—but you say you're tired.
Have I been too much, Karina?
Nevertheless, I want you.
I still want you.
No matter what.
No matter how long it takes, no matter how hard I beg, I want you here for as long as I want you to be—
"Winter, let go." you say, and I find the words fumbling out of my mind, as if it never really was there.
"Okay." I answer, apathetic, and there I know the time is over.
"Goodbye, Winter." you say, intent on your goodbye, intent on you leaving, and I find myself watching you silently, not really knowing what is happening except for the fact that this would be the last time that I'd be with you like this.
Or was I really yours?
Set me free
Leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment in your gravity.