Chapter 3

“Please, don’t go.” Jessica pleaded while holding her arm. The red-headed girl looked at her with such a sharp gaze before pulling her hand harshly. “I’m done, Jess. I’m done waiting for something that’s not going to happen. This whole stupid dream we have…it’s nothing but a failed hope now.” She spoke. Jessica was already crying. Her hands were trembling and her knees felt weak. She wanted to just throw up.

“Please… let me talk to Mr. Jang again and I’ll-.” “You’ll what exactly?” Jessica was abruptly cut off by her. She held her shoulders and looked at her straight in the eyes.

“Wake up. The only one who has a chance here is you but not us. I can’t lie to my parents and myself anymore. I quit.” Those were her last words. She picked up her bag and went out from the practice room; leaving Jessica crying alone on the floor.

That was five years ago. She was just 20 years old when all her members had decided to walked out the door. She was the only one left; waiting for the opportunity to debuted.

She signed under xx company. It was a new label. Not many knew about the company. Signing a contract with a newly formed label was risky but Jessica believed she can make it. She trained there since she was in middle school. Each year, more new trainees came in and soon the company debuted their first ever soloist.

By the time Jessica reached 18, she managed to get herself into a group that was going to debut soon. There were five members. Jessica had always been a quiet and shy person; opposite with Stephanie Hwang or better known as Tiffany. She was beautiful, bright and friendly. Her smile alone brings so much joy in that depressing practice room. She was fun and she was kind. Jessica admired her.

“I wonder how much longer we’ll have to wait.” Jessica said. It was midnight. Everyone went home except for her and Tiffany. The two of them were the eldest. Therefore, they were allowed to stay in the practice room overnight. Tiffany smiled and lovingly patted Jessica on the head. “We’ll debut soon. It won’t be long. I can feel it!”

Jessica smiled back. She stared at Tiffany without saying a word making the woman to turned away nervously. “Y-Yah, why are you looking at me like that?” She asked.

“You know, if we debuted, I bet you’re going to be the most famous.”

“W-what? Yah, why…why would you even think of that?” Tiffany nervously rubbed the back of her neck.

“Well, I have loads of reasons!” Jessica changed her sitting position to sat in front of Tiffany. She leaned closer to have a clearer view of her face. “First of all, you are incredibly beautiful. Your smiling eyes shines the brightest amongst all. You’re also talented! You have such an amazing voice. I wish my voice was like that instead of sounding so nasally. You dance well too and you never forget the choreographies. You don’t make mistakes. You’re also caring and… and you’re friendly. Everyone wants to be close to you…”

Tiffany stared at Jessica as she continued to blabbered. She can no longer hear the words she was saying. The room went quiet all of the sudden. Jessica’s eyes widen in shock when Tiffany suddenly leaned forward to kissed her on the lips. Her mind was confused. What’s happening? Why was she suddenly kissing her? Both of them are women. It was against the law of nature.

But, Jessica…wanted to feel more of this feeling inside her heart. She knew those days when she was admiring Tiffany, it was more than just mere admiration for a friend. It was love. She fell in love with Tiffany since way back then.

“Are you afraid of me? Do you want to stay away from me?” Tiffany asked. Jessica held onto her shirt. “No… I’m not.” She answered.

“This is not normal… You know that, right?” Tiffany felt she needed to said those words. She knew what they were doing was wrong and if anyone found out about this, it would jeopardize their chance to debut. She wanted Jessica to push her away, to look at her in disgust and leave. At least that way, she won’t continue on to love her.

But it was not going happen. Jessica held onto her shirt even tighter and leaned close enough for her to feel her breaths. The room felt hot and their hearts were beating rapidly fast. Tiffany held Jessica’s arms; signalling her to just reject her but the woman refused. “We’ll work it out.” She whispered. They both looked at each other with eyes filled with love. Tiffany reached out to caressed Jessica on the cheek before she leaned forward to kissed her again.

“You two violated the contract.” Those were the words said to them by the CEO.

Their secret was known by the company. In South Korea, homouality is a taboo. It is not something that can easily be accepted within the community. Idols rumoured to be in that type of relationship would cause failures for sure. Just like that, the group was disbanded and their debut were cancelled. All three other members have resigned. Tiffany and Jessica; for a while they believed they could still make it. The CEO had given them a chance to continue on with their contracts since they do not want to waste their talents.

But Tiffany knew she could no longer do this. She does not have the courage and spirit. She felt her smile was fading away each day and Jessica noticed that. She was no longer shining like she used to be. She tried very hard to make her happy, to make the old Tiffany come back. It never did. She was far too deep in the darkness that even Jessica could not reach out.

It was not long until she, too, finally decided to leave. She leaved not only the company but her love for Jessica as well. It was nothing but just distant memories of their mistakes.

“Congratulations, you’re going to debut.” The CEO said. Jessica looked at him. Did she hear him right or was he being sarcastic about it? “Our soloist, Summer will be re-debuting with you. Both of you will be in a duo group called Navice.” He explained. “This is your last chance, Jessica. After you ed up with that abnormal relationship with Stephanie, I’m sure you do not want to mess up this one.” He spoke as he stared down at her.

Jessica clenched her fist tightly under the table. Was their love truly being abnormal? She hated it. She hated it so much. What’s wrong with being in love with a woman? This was supposed to be a dream she fulfilled with Tiffany. Not Summer.

“You’re basically a no one. The only reason you were put together with me so that you won’t fail. Don’t ruin my career, freak.” Summer whispered to her. It was backstage, during their first debut stage.

Where did it all go wrong? Jessica felt numb. She felt weak. She felt the world was going against her. She was tired. She did not want to live anymore. She just wanted to leave this world.

“I’ll be here.” A gentle voice spoke to her.

Jessica opens her eyes slowly and lifts her head. She is currently sitting in the waiting room. A few days ago, she sneaked out from the dorm and went to a local pub not far from there. She drank a few bottles and got completely drunk. She almost jumps off a building when someone came just in time to saved her. She brought her back to her apartment and took care of her until Summer came unexpectedly to picked her up. She never got to know the older woman’s name. She never really introduced herself. She may have told her name, but she was too drunk to remember.

After the incident, she got scolded by the company and she was told if she ever attempts to do something like this again, they’ll put her on a hiatus. She can forget about her second solo comeback. Jessica could only apologize and did not even say a word about Summer abusing her. It has been that way ever since debut. Summer hates her. She wanted the spotlight all for herself. Behind the kind and humble persona, she is actually selfish and only thinks of her career. No one in the company, even the staffs, dare to make her angry.

Jessica never has the courage to go against her. She wonders is it because of the age factor? Or is it because she is always been a coward hiding behind someone’s else back? She couldn’t even fight back the CEO’s decision to disbanded the group and she didn’t even fight for Tiffany. She let everything fall apart. She ignores everything and she just keep walking on this broken path. She is bleeding inside and she is ‘dying.’

“Are you okay?” Jessica flinches and looks at Seulgi who has a worried expression on her face. “You were zoning out, again.” She spoke.

“O-oh, I’m sorry.” Jessica apologized. Seulgi sighs before taking a seat next to her. She hands her a cup of hot coffee. The idol takes it with a ‘thank you.’ “You’re not doing well. You have been going through so many things and your health is declining. You lose too much weight and…you kept being in your own world.”

Jessica knows what Seulgi said is true. Her mental health is getting more and more unstable each day. She could feel she is losing sanity with all the abused she is taking. Summer is the step-daughter of the CEO but their relationship is never been reveal by the public. She never received trainings. She was debuted on her own request once the company gained funds. Her debut as a solo was never a success. In fact, she is, what the netizens called, a ‘flop.’ She did not gain much fans and her album sales were bad. The company was close to bankruptcy by the time she released her second studio album.

The CEO, however, always lied to the people in the company especially the trainees. He claimed a lot of his enemies were using money to make entertainment companies boycott Summer. They even paid people to spammed hate comments on her videos and social medias overall. He used to be a famous idol from the 90’s. Of course, many people would try to take him down and did not want his daughter to succeed as well. Well, those were the stories he told.

Jessica, although sceptical, always believed in it. The only reason she actually believes in those stories because of the piling guilt she has inside her. She sees herself as someone useless, a failure and just a singer who had to rely on Summer for the success of their debut. It should’ve been Tiffany here. If she is the one debuting with Summer, she would not be abuse by her. Summer won’t even dare to touch her since Tiffany has the courage to fight back. Unlike her, who’s a coward who just stays silent despite all the bad treatments she has received.

“I think… you should meet with a therapist. I can talk to CEO Jang and arranges a therapy treatment.” Seulgi explained. Jessica immediately shook her head. “Jessica, please.”

“No, if… if I go, Summer will get angry and she might hit you instead of me.” She is very much aware of Summer’s attitude and how she would react when she is unsatisfied. She would hit anyone, even Seulgi. Of course, she would dare to do those things since the CEO wouldn’t mind his daughter being like that.

 “I don’t mind.” Seulgi held Jessica’s hand. “I care for you as a friend. I would rather be stuck with that wicked woman than seeing you suffer.” She gave a reassuring smile. Jessica remembers how Seulgi is the only one who is still keeping her sane. Every time Summer scolded her and started abusing her, Seulgi would always come to comfort her. She could always quit the job if she wants just like the previous managers.

But Seulgi stayed for the sake of Jessica. She cares too much of her friend and did not want her to suffer alone.

“I’ll be okay. I can still take it.” Jessica gently pats Seulgi’s shoulder with a tired but genuine smile.

“But Jessica-.”

“Please, I don’t want anyone else to take the consequences for my mistakes. Not again.”

Seulgi could not say another word and only nods her head. Jessica is such a kind soul, she thought. It’s such a shame she has to endure such pain and abuse from an evil, two-faced woman. The door opens and a staff enters. “Jessica, please be ready to go on stage. We’re going to begin filming in twenty more minutes.” She informed. Jessica turns to look at her with a sweet smile. “Yes, I’ll go prepare now.” She stood up from the couch. Seulgi could only sigh silently as she watched Jessica walking out from the room with a few of their staffs following her from behind.

How long can she continue on with this act? How much longer can she lie? How much longer can she fake this innocent smile and laughter? How much longer can she pretend everything is alright? Nothing in her life is real anymore.

“Jessica unnie, please be safe and rest well!” The fan shouted as the others continue on to record videos and take pictures with their phones. Some fan-sites bring huge cameras just to take pictures of Jessica to post to their fan-pages. It’s a norm for these fan-pages to upload pictures and videos of their favourite idol to the social medias for every events. It’s a way to promote Jessica to the public. She has been gaining many loyal fans for the past two years of her career and her solo debut earned her more attention from the public.

Jessica, as usual, gives the brightest smile to her fans as she waves at them. Despite all the sufferings she received, she is grateful for the support given by the fans. She acknowledges their efforts to be by her side. If only, they could just erase her loneliness as well. But she is very much aware even thousands of fans could never really heal her heart. Once she is seated, the car moves and leaves the building.

“You don’t have any schedules anymore for tonight so you can take the time to rest at the dorm. Your next photoshoot is at 1.00 P.M tomorrow.” Seulgi explained. Jessica could only nod her head before looking out the window. She is tired but she didn’t want to sleep. It’s been months since she has a quiet and peaceful drive back to the dorm.

Summer is currently overseas to attend a fashion week. Jessica stays in Korea for her promotional activities. Being away from that woman for a week would at least give her a short period of serenity. She can take a break from the constant bullying. She is so used to hearing Summer bad-mouthing her that being in such a silent atmosphere made her feel awkward.

Jessica enjoys the view outside the window; just looking at the buildings and cars passing by. It has been a long time since she sees the beautiful lights of the city. How she misses that. It almost made her cry to think how badly her life went. How everything went downhill since that day. Tiffany no longer in contact with her. Jessica tries to call her multiple times but it went to voicemails. She texted her too but she never got a reply. She did that for a year until she finally gave up.

She could only accept the fact that she is no longer a part of Tiffany’s life and the time they have shared back then was only a distant memory.

“Ah, unnie, I need to pick up something from the store.” A staff spoke to Seulgi.

“What store?” She asked.

“The usual one. I forgot to pick up the accessories for tomorrow’s schedule.”

“Yah, how can you forget something so important? You know how late it is now? Jessica is tired from all the schedules she had today.” Seulgi nagged as the staff could only scratched her head. Jessica turns to look at them. “I don’t mind.” Both Seulgi and the staff stare at her.

“A-are you sure? You should really be resting instead of following us.” Seulgi felt worried. Jessica shook her head with a smile. “I’m sure you two are tired too. We can all go home together.”

“Thank you, Jessica.” The staff gave a smile of relief as Seulgi just sighed besides her. Well, if the singer herself said it’s alright, then there would be no problem. If Summer is here, she would just shout and hit them like a maniac. This is the reason why Jessica has always been adored by the staffs. She is always kind and caring. Despite her rising fame, she never really changes. She is always the same Jessica from years ago.

It takes almost an hour to reach the store. It is located on the lesser busy area of the city but still crowded with many people. “I’ll be back once everything is checked out.” The staff quickly left to run her errand. Jessica takes the time to look outside and just watches over the people that walk around. It is almost midnight so most people are currently enjoying themselves with their companions. She can hear the laughter and chattering outside.

She misses that too. The normal life; how can she just go out with friends without caring about maintaining a good image. She can get drunk, pass out on a random street and no one will give a damn about it. She can get angry. She can cry. She can curse. She can fall in love. She can kiss anyone she wants and hug any person she wanted. She can just have whenever she feels like it. Well, not like she ever done it.

She continues to look around until her eyes land on a familiar neon sign. Not far from the car, there is a building that has a huge size neon sign with ‘Run Devil Run’ written on it. There seems to be a lot of customers in there. It must be a well-known spot amongst the locals. Well, that wasn’t the reason why Jessica is attracted to it. She seemed to familiarized with the sign. She has seen it before. But she can’t remember where exactly did she sees it.

“What are you looking at?” Seulgi asked.

“Oh, just…that sign. It looks…familiar.” Jessica said as she continues on to stare at it.

“Ah, maybe you’ve seen it on SNS. It’s pretty famous. I heard a lot of people loves the bartender there.”

“Ah, he must be good at bartending then for people to come just to see him.” Jessica commented.

Seulgi chuckles. “Well, I would say that and… that woman is rumoured to be a beauty.”

“Woman? A female bartender, huh?”

“Yes, she wasn’t a great talker. In fact, I do hear that she was bad at communicating. But being pretty and giving cold-shoulders really make you look like a girl-crush. I mean, she is that good-looking that even the girls want to try her.” Seulgi said.

“Huh… I wonder, how she looks like.” Jessica once again averted her attention to the neon sign. She swears she have seen it somewhere before. It’s there in between her memories. It’s just hazy. Jessica did not know why but her heart is telling her that needs to do it. No, she has to. She didn’t know why. But, there’s something about that place that attracts her. It’s like she is being pull closer.

“I’m going in.” Jessica said and starts grabbing her mask. Seulgi’s eyes widen at the sudden decision.

“Y-yah, Jessica, are you crazy? You just got drunk a few days ago and went missing! You seriously want to go drinking again?”

“I’m not going to drink. I just want to check out the place, that’s all.” Jessica replied. She grabs her coat and an extra bucket hat she had kept in the car.

“I know Summer isn’t here but you’re going to get in trouble if Mr. Jang knows you went to a pub again!” Seulgi said with a worried expression. Jessica did not seem to care about the consequences. For once in a while, she wanted to act freely. What better time to do it besides now, when Summer is not here and the CEO is also away on a business trip.

“I’ll just take a short stroll around the pub and we’ll go home, okay?” Jessica said. Seulgi only stares at her, unsure if she should let this off. “Oh, come on. Please?” The brunette pouted. Seulgi could not stand those puppy eyes of hers and finally gives in to her sudden request. “Fine, fine, but at least let me accompany you just to make sure you won’t do anything stupid.” Jessica smiles and nods her head.

The two women exit the car cautiously. They can’t really just waltz in especially when there’s so many people outside. Jessica is an idol and her being presence at this place would create a buzz. Being an adult does not mean people would not talk about you drinking and partying. Well, a pub is different from the night club. Instead of loud music and dancing, it’s more to drinking and hanging out with friends or hooking up with potential dates. But to enter the place; you still need to give your IDs.

A tall man guarded the front entrance. The first hurdle that Jessica has to face is to enter the place without being expose that she is the Jessica Jung. The line is moving quick and she starting to realizes she did not think this thoroughly. She forgot about the part where she needs to be in a legal age to enter the premise and she is; the only problem is that she can’t really show her ID to the guard.

“I got this.” Seulgi whispered to her. Jessica could not respond since it is now their turn.

“ID?” The man asked as he looked down at the two short women. Jessica is starting to feel anxious but remains silent as she lets Seulgi do her thing. The young manager hands out their IDs to the staff. He takes a look at it and immediately notices who is their guest tonight. Before he can react, Seulgi gestures her finger to tell him to get close which he obligated. She whispers a few words to him and soon after he nods. He reaches his hand out secretly where Seulgi proceeds to give money and just like that they are given the permission to enter.

“Thank you.” Seulgi said and the two of them walked in. Jessica is absolutely stunned by Seulgi. Where exactly did she learn to do that type of business?

“Let’s just say I used to be quite the rebel back then.” Seulgi gave a cheeky smile. The place is crowded with people which is quite unexpected since they are on the less busy area of the city. To have this much people coming down means it must be a great place to entertain themselves. The first floor was already full so they have to go upstairs where there’s still some vacant tables left.

“I don’t know why you suddenly wanted to be here.” Seulgi said.

“Well, I just…wanted to see. I don’t know. This place piques my interest.” Jessica replied.

“I guess now that we’re here. Might as well stay a bit while Doyon finished her errands. Knowing that clumsy woman, we can finish at least one drink. I’ll order some for us. But nothing alcoholic for you.” Seulgi gave a warning with a look on her face. Jessica could only chuckles at her. She gives a small smile before leaving downstairs to order some drinks at the bar.

Jessica takes the time to look around the place. The pub was well-designed. It has a mixed of classic and modern style. The music was not too loud to the point it makes people shout just to have conversations. There are some tables to play billiards where it is mostly dominated by men and the bar is the main focus of the place. Seeing how many people just crowding the bar section, it means most of them came for the drinks. Seulgi did say the bartender there is a beauty with skilful hands.

Jessica is curious on how she looks like. She stands up from her seat and walks forward to a spot where she can see the bar from upstairs. There seems to be a few bartenders there but the other two are men. Jessica squints her eyes to have a better view of the only female bartender who are basically making drinks at the farthest left side.

The crowd are mesmerized by her skills. She is small and petite but she makes drinks with so much ease. She juggles around with the glass bottles and shakers to entertain her guests. As if she is a dancing swan gracefully and flawlessly executing her moves. Jessica adjusted her sight to have a clearer view of the bartender.

A shoulder length, black hair with highlights. A black tank-top with a fish-net tight shirt. Long, blue-coloured jeans. Piercings all over her ears. Some visible tattoos on her skin.

Jessica finally remembers why she is familiar with the place. That night, when she sneaks out from the dorm. She is mindlessly walking around and stumbled across the pub. It was around three in the morning and no one really noticed who she was at the time since most of the guests were already in a half-drunk state. She walked in and ordered a few bottles of drinks from a waiter. She was too caught up with her emotions that she didn’t even bother to stop drinking until she ran out of it.

She wanted to go to the toilet but she was too drunk that she ended up going upstairs to the rooftop. She opened the door, wobbling around. She could hear the sound of cars down below. She kept walking to the source of the sound and by the time she saw the lights; she was already standing on the edge. Her mind was too hazy. She couldn’t think properly so she lets her emotions took over her. She was about to do it. She wanted to jump and let herself free from all the pain she was feeling. But she was scared. A part of her still fear death itself.

She was in a battle on either she wanted to let herself go or not. Well, not until, someone came by just in time to saved her life.

“I’ll be here.” Those were her words.

The bartender of that pub was the woman who came to reached out and held her tight.

Kim Taeyeon. Fate has brought them to meet once more.

***

Chapter 3 has been posted! I did not expect to finish it this fast lmao. Anyways, welcome to new subs! Thank you for subscribing and for the votes as well. Thank you for commenting as well. I laughed at some of it because I can see how much you guys are into the story. Enjoy <3 Chapter 4 will be up soon and there's going to be more TaengSic.