Chapter 5

“Here you go.” Taeyeon put down a cup of warm coffee and warm packs on the bench before sitting down. Jessica thanked her while grabbing the warm pack first for her cold hands. She hasn’t gone out for a while since her debut especially this late at night. She is not used to the cold weather. Meanwhile, Taeyeon is still wearing the top she had earlier on. She just has a baseball jacket to cover herself. But still, it was amazing how she can withstand the cold weather of the city.

“I’m sorry for all the troubles…again.” Jessica apologized. Although she is happy to be able to stay out and be with Taeyeon, she still feels guilty for troubling her. A lot had happened. The bartender always came by to fix things. She certainly is clumsy to caused so much problems in just one night.

“Stop apologizing. It’s getting on my nerves.” Taeyeon took a chug of the cold beer.

“S-sorry…Ah, I mean, I’m just so used to apologizing. That’s all…” Jessica bit her lower lip as she looks elsewhere.

“I can see that. That…member of yours certainly the cause of it.” Taeyeon said causing Jessica to immediately turns to the side to look at her. She is calm but from way she spoke, she seems to have known some of the things that’s going on.

“Summer…is just a bit short-tempered.” The brunette fakes a chuckle to shrug things off. As much as she just wanted to say out loud of how the singer has been abusing her all those years, she is very much scared of her. It seems to be the effect of all the hitting Summer has done. She fears if she ever spoke out about it. Who knows? Everyone else might caught up into a trouble they have no relation to.

Just like Tiffany did.

“There’s no used trying to lie about her.” Taeyeon looks at Jessica. Her expression is calm but she is worried. “I know a fake when I see one.” She spoke.

Jessica wanted to say it. She opens but no words seemed to come out. Instead, another force laugh goes out as she hits Taeyeon lightly on the shoulder. Things went quiet afterwards. Taeyeon continues to stare at the brunette; she knows the younger one has something to confess. But seeing those fearful eyes, she assumes she is afraid of the consequences hence she did not force her to say another word about it or else it would only put more pressure.

“Are-aren’t you too young to be bartender?” Jessica suddenly asked; earning a confuse look from Taeyeon. “I mean…you must be younger than me.” She smiled. Taeyeon blink a few times before she burst out laughing. Jessica tilts her head with a questioning look on her face. She doesn’t understand why she thinks it’s funny. The bartender wipes away the little tears of joyful laughter from her eyes.

“You shouldn’t say that to someone whose 9 years older.” Taeyeon said. It took a while before Jessica finally reacts with a surprising loud gasp. “Y-you’re already 33 years old!?” She pointed at the older woman with her jaw wide open.

“Yes, I am.” Taeyeon is indeed amused by her reactions although she always receives those in her lifetime. Unlike many of her age, Taeyeon looks way, way younger than the average 33 years old. In fact, Jessica seems to look older than her in comparison. She has this baby-face syndrome. At least, that’s what Hyoyeon said. Aside from her average height of 157cm, she looks like an eighteen-years old than an adult in her 30s.

Despite getting blonde highlights dyed on her hair, wearing heavier makeup and having tattoos on her body, she looks more of a delinquent who never got into college. So, it’s always a hard time for her to explain that she is actually 33 years old especially when she is out drinking or buying cigarettes. The whole reason why she always went to the same store since the owner already knew her well.

“Maybe my reactions were a bit over there.” Jessica sat back down. “I guess I was just too shocked to learn you are much older…than me, unnie.” The mere word of ‘unnie’ made Taeyeon to almost spit out the beer in .

“Okay, I’ll stop you right there. I may be much older than you. But you don’t need to call me unnie. Just call me by name.” Taeyeon said.

“A-are you sure? I mean, it seemed very rude…for me to address you that way.” Jessica was not sure of it. Well, being an idol for almost three years, she has adopted the manners to always address those whom are older than her with ‘unnie’ or ‘oppa’. Even for the ones younger than her but debuted earlier, she addresses them as ‘sunbaes.’ So, this certainly feels new to her.

“I never like formalities anyways.” Taeyeon simply replied. Well, that is a complete lie. Taeyeon is more comfortable with the younger ones calling her ‘unnie’ and ‘noona.’ But, for Jessica’s case, she seemed to be more comfortable to be address with just her name despite their 9 years . She didn’t know why but the sound of her voice just calling her just by her name makes her excited; which is something she cannot admit.

“Then…Taeyeon…is it okay to call you that way?” Jessica innocently looked at her. Taeyeon suddenly blushes at the sight of her pure eyes gazing at her so she quickly turns around. “Jeez. Yes, it’s okay.” She drinks the beer in hopes to wash that anxiousness away. Jessica chuckles. She seems to be warming up to Taeyeon and the bartender is also not awkward with her. It relieves her to know how easily they both bonded with each other.

She looks at the view of the city. The lights are still bright and it looks beautiful. The cars are now lesser since it’s already around 4.30 so it is peacefully quiet. It’s sad how she wanted to end her life that night. She forgot how incredible the sight looks like and instead of admiring it, she wanted to jump and be gone from the world. How stupid it seems. But, can she really blame herself? With so much tragedy happening in her life, it’s hard for her to cope with it.

Taeyeon, however, came over just in time to pulled her; saving her life. She may not remember the words she had said to her that very night. But whatever it was, it brings her comfort. Funny how fates bring two different people from very different lives and statuses in this miraculous meeting. Now here they are, just sitting next to each other.

“I signed into the company when I was still young.” Jessica suddenly spoke. Taeyeon looks at her. “I barely understand what was going to happen to me later in the future since I was just fourteen at the time. I was still living in America when the agent came to me. He gave me his business card and told me he was from an entertainment agency in Korea.” She paused for a moment to recall those days when she first got recruited.

She was fourteen, a middle schooler. She was on her way home when a suited man approached her. He was nice and friendly. Well, she guessed it was a way for people to not scream and just run away from him out of fear. He told her that she got the looks of an idol. He then proceeds to explained that he was from an agency she never heard of. K-pop started to massively spread across the globe at the time. Jessica is very well aware of it since she is a fan herself.

There have been so many agencies recruiting idols from abroad. There’s Japanese, Chinese, Americans, Canadians and even Thais debuting in South Korea. Since K-pop went international, agencies seemed to be interested on recruiting foreigners even more. Jessica never expected she would also be the ones they were interested on. She did know huge agencies such as SM Entertainment, YG Entertainment and JYP Entertainment. But she never heard of Anchor Entertainment before.

The agent explained it was newly formed agency by an ex-idol from a famous group that disbanded in 90’s. He persuaded her really well; telling her how her looks would guarantee her a top spot in the entertainment industry. He explained how the agency have well-formed training system and they provided the best mentors to teach them. She can sing and dance in no time. Those were his words.

Jessica always watched her favorite idols online. They seemed to be having the best lives. In fact, she does love dancing and singing. She saw nothing wrong to take that opportunity. It was not everyday someone from South Korea came by and offered her a great deal. She was too caught up with all the delusions of fame and fun of being an idol like she saw on screens that she begged her parents to agree. After a while, her parents decided to take her to South Korea to auditioned. She practiced so hard for a month; singing the same songs and practiced the same choreographies that were informed by the agency.

With that, she and other fifty trainees were recruited. Due to her training, she had to moved away to South Korea on her own while her parents and her younger sister stayed in San Francisco. She spent the years training and training for countless of hours. She went to an international school and she even learned Korean. Despite her tiredness and lack of freedom, Jessica fell in love with singing. She is sincerely passionate about music and learning to be a great of a singer. She made sure she took care of really well. She even forced herself to diet to fit into the beauty standard. She even learned doing her own makeup and styled her own hair. She even dyed her , black hair to brown.

She did possibly everything to be better. To be prettier. To be more talented. She could see her secured future to debut when she got into the group with Tiffany. She really thought she could pursue the way to become one of the greatest singers of the industry alongside Tiffany.

But it never came true. She realized all those times she had spent imagining the fun and fame life of an idol. Those were all illusions. She was being delusional. She fell into a pit of darkness and could not get out of it. She is suffocated with all the lies she had to put up with. The times she had to fake a smile and laughter for the fans who were unaware of her pain. The days where she had to forced herself to hug and be friendly towards Summer; the woman who hated her to the core in real life and abused her for years.

Tiffany, the only person she thought would be able to bring the happiness back into her gloomy life, had walked out the door. She never got to see her again.

She sees herself as a bird with broken wings, trapped inside a cold cage and never be able to escape. She has been living that way ever since that day where everything fell apart.

“Why don’t you quit?” Taeyeon asked. The question caused Jessica to be taken aback. She told her the story of how she got recruited, the years she spent training and how she debuted. But she completely left the part where she was in love with Tiffany and their original group was disbanded because of that. She also didn’t talk about the abuses Summer have given to her for the past few years. No, those parts should remain a secret.

“Well, as much as I am tired of the idol life… I still succeed on becoming a singer. I have fans who…adored me and admired me. I’m also paid well by the company. I thought I’m at least lucky enough to have all of those. There’s a lot of idols whom are unlucky. They were forced to disbanded and they had to left their dreams for the sake of surviving. There are those who were stuck in the same place and never be able to move forward. They suffer a lot more than I did. So, why should I quit when my career is going well?” Jessica explained her reasons. Taeyeon stays silent for a short while as she continues to drink the last remaining beer inside the medium-sized bottle.

Once it’s all done, she puts the emptied bottle down on the bench and crosses her arms. “Why would you compare your lives with others?” She took a glance at Jessica before looking up at the night sky. “You shouldn’t endure sufferings just because you were luckier than everyone else who shared the same career paths as you. It’s like pouring vodkas inside glasses. Glasses are like…our hearts. Some of the glasses are big and some of the glasses are like those…shot glasses.” She paused for a moment to organized her phrases before continuing on. “When you pour the vodkas in those glasses, some of it would spill while some are only half-filled. What I meant is…the vodka is like the pain and sufferings we faced in our lives. The glasses are like our hearts. Some of us are born with the ability to endure a lot of pain while there’s some of us are who were born with more sensitivity. But…that doesn’t necessarily make us weaker. We just cry a lot more…and we get disappointed easily.” Jessica just stares at her without giving any responses. It made Taeyeon feel awkward thinking she might not understand her metaphors.

“Y-you’ll understand it when you’re older!” She quickly looked away. The brunette got stun by her sudden childish outburst but then a smile spreads across her lips. She perfectly understands what she meant. She is indirectly telling her that she should not be comparing her pain with others and that she has the right to live a life where she doesn’t always need to endure sufferings for the sake of ‘succeeding.’

“Thank you.” Jessica said, almost like a whisper but it was loud enough for Taeyeon to hear it. She turns around and sees her smiling. It was genuine smile. It’s not an excited or joyful. It’s more to a serene one. Seeing her calm expression, Taeyeon feels at ease for some odd reason. As if, she wanted to do more to comfort her.

Weird. She never felt these feelings towards anyone before. Is she sick or something? She could not understand all these new experiences she currently having.

As they talk to each other, time passes by in a blink of eye and before they know it, it’s almost five o’clock. As promised, Taeyeon will be sending Jessica back to the dorm. They went downstairs back to the pub and it’s already empty. The staffs have already went home including the owner herself. Taeyeon is usually the one who closed the place since she is always the last one to go home.

Once she finishes checking everything, she securely locked the door. “Have you done setting the location?” Taeyeon asked and Jessica answered with a nod. They go to the back of the building where’s there’s a parking lot located. There’re only a few cars left; mostly owned by business owners who stayed there. They continue to walk through the parking lot. Jessica keeps eyeing which car could possibly be Taeyeon’s.

Judging from her appearance, she expected that she drives a small car. Perhaps a Hyundai just like everyone else’s. It is the top brand in the country. Soon, they arrive at a car covered with a waterproof cloth. Taeyeon pulls the piece of sheet and reveals her car for the first time. Jessica’s jaw drops at the sight of the slick sports Porsche Boxster. Taeyeon looks at her with a raise eyebrow.

“Well, get in.” She said and goes to the driver’s seat. Jessica closes her gaping mouth as she slowly makes her way to the passenger’s seat. She sits down awkwardly. It was the first time ever she ever been inside a sports car before and an expensive one at that. It baffles her how a bartender can buy this. It’s not that she is looking down at her occupation or anything. She is surprise that she can afford it since even an idol like her could barely have the money to purchase this type of car.

“Put your seatbelt on.” Taeyeon instructed. Jessica is too occupied on admiring the car’s interiors that she didn’t hear her. The bartender is too lazy to repeat her words so she decided to do it herself. She leans towards Jessica, causing the brunette to flinches at the sudden closeness. She is short so she has to lean a bit forward and lets her upper body to lean onto Jessica’s for support. She pulls on the seatbelt while Jessica just stares at how close her face is right now with hers.

She can practically smell the scent of her hair. Despite working all night at pub and serving so many customers, her hair still smelled nice. But what bothers Jessica more is the fact that she can feel Taeyeon’s s on hers. Her whole face turns red. Although they are both wearing clothes, Jessica can feel the bra underneath Taeyeon’s tank top. Her mind could imagine her size and it made her curse herself mentally for having that kind thought at this moment.

“Jeez, you can at least put the seatbelt by yourself.” Taeyeon whined since her back got sore after bending over. “I-I won’t forget it…next time.” Jessica stuttered due to embarrassment. She tries to calm her beating heart by looking the other way. Taeyeon remains oblivious. Once she puts on her own seatbelt, she starts the engines. The sound echo throughout the empty parking lot. Using the map app in her phone, she drives away towards the location of Jessica’s dorm.

The drive goes on smoothly without much traffics ahead since it’s already close to five o’clock. People usually wake up to go to work around an hour later. Since the car does not have roof, the cold wind hits them as they ride on the road. Jessica is not used to the coldness of the weather but it seems to give her a sense of relaxation. Her eyes watch over the blinkering, colorful lights of the buildings they passed by. The view is amazing. It’s a been while since she enjoys the sceneries. Usually, the company’s car would go on the same routes. Stations to her dorms. Most of the time she doesn’t really care to look outside.

Summer would be next to her and yelling at her for not doing well on stage. Well, her rage is the result of her being overshadowed by Jessica sometimes. The fans do love young faces especially with the concept of the music is innocent. Therefore, she would spend the time just trying to endure the scolding and if she is lucky enough, she could take a nap. Summer may be a hot-tempered woman but she too needed a rest from all the outburst.

Jessica breathes in the air of the night as she closes her eyes; just enjoying the breezes going through her long, brown hair. She unconsciously reaches her hands up in the air; letting her fingers just feel the coldness of the wind. A smile spreads across her lips.

Taeyeon took a short a glance at Jessica and did not realize she too has a smile on her. The sight makes her happy to be able to drive the brunette back home. It must’ve been a while since she goes on to rides like this. She wonders if she has the chance to go for a drive with Jessica again. It seems impossible yet she anticipated it regardless.

***

They arrive at the parking lot of the apartment complex just a little past five o’clock. There is no one there so it is safe for Jessica to go up to her dorm. “Thank you for driving me back.” Jessica thanked her. “Just be careful when you go up there. There’s been many creeps out there recently.” Taeyeon said. She did not expect her words to tell her to be careful ends up scaring her instead. Well, Seulgi and the other staffs are always around to Jessica back to the dorm all these times to keep her safe. It’s no wonder she is anxious to be on her own.

“Yah, you’re already 24. You shouldn’t be scared.” Taeyeon said.

“Well, you could’ve told me to just be safe and leave the last part!” Jessica starts biting her nails as she looks around the parking lot.

The bartender sighs. As much as she just wants to drive away and go home to the comfort of her bed quickly, she has to admit she was at fault for making her scared. “Fine, I’ll…accompany you upstairs.” Taeyeon said in a low voice. Jessica looks at her and smiles in relief.

Once the car is securely locked, both of them go to the elevator provided to have easier access to the upper floors. There is one elevator used specifically by celebrities since some of the occupants are either idols or actors and actresses. There are many obsessed fans lurking around hence it’s always a risk to be alone. There have been cases where celebrities got attack by craze fans. Therefore, the building’s owner is kind enough to give access to one private elevator for them.

They got in and Jessica presses the button to the dorm’s floor. They keep a distant between themselves as the elevator continues to go up. A bell-like sound rang when they reach the upper floor. The two of them walk in a slower pace towards the apartment located at the corner left side. It is quite secluded in order to have better privacy for the idols. Jessica stands in front of the door while Taeyeon is a bit farther away from her.

“Um, thanks for accompanying me. I…must have given you quite a lot of troubles tonight.” Jessica fidget with the hem of her shirt.

“I don’t mind. It’s not an everyday thing.” Taeyeon replied. Although she means good, but the words of her saying it was not something they will do everyday makes Jessica sad. Well, it would be selfish of her to keep meeting with Taeyeon just because she wanted to. Taeyeon obviously have her own life and she is also busy with work. She cannot barge into her daily life as she pleases. Jessica is well aware of that matter. But it would be a lie to say that she is not sad that they cannot see each other often.

She wanted to get to know her more. She wanted to hear her stories and share her own stories too. She wanted to see Taeyeon’s expression whenever she said something ridiculous and childish. She wanted to hear her wise words. She wanted to hear her whines too. She really wanted to be around Taeyeon and be closer.

Taeyeon looks at her. For the past few years of her life, she always been repeating the same things. She works every night at the pub serving drinks to customers and if there’s women who caught her attention, she would spend a night with them only for the purposes of fulfilling her ual pleasures. Afterwards, she would cut them off for good. She goes back to work and make drinks. Go home, eat her meals and sleep. She didn’t even bother taking a day off because she has absolutely nothing to do at home besides checking up her car or watch movies on her flat screen television.

That is the boring life of 33 years old Kim Taeyeon. Jessica is someone she did not expect to meet. Even the way they’ve met was weird. She really did think once she left her apartment that day, she will no longer see her again. But for some odd reasons, here she is again.  She came to her along with her bad luck and clumsiness. Fate, is it? Taeyeon never believe in such a thing. It’s a cringe. However, it was the only reasonable logic she could think of.

So, does fate tells her to change her life and it starts with this idol standing in front of her?

“Give me your phone.” Taeyeon said. Jessica looks at her with a confuse expression. She did not ask why and decides to just reaches out into her pocket to take out her phone. She gives it to the older woman without any questions. Taeyeon takes it into her hand. She opens the contact app and sees there’s very few names saved in there. Aside from her family (assuming from the names she had saved under those numbers) and Seulgi, there’s no one else.

‘She doesn’t even have friends?’ Taeyeon thought. She opens up the dial-pad and starts tapping numbers on the screen. Jessica just stares at her in silence. “Here.” Taeyeon gives back the phone. The brunette looks at the screen and sees Taeyeon have saved her number in her contacts. A smile is about to form on her lips but she tries to hold it back. She doesn’t really want to be so transparent about her excitement.

“Is this your number?” It was an obvious question with a very clear answer.

“Yes, what else could it be? A beer delivery number?” Taeyeon sarcastically said.

“You do know…I can just ask Seulgi for your number. You don’t really need to give it to me personally.” Jessica said. Well, it was only meant to . Taeyeon’s cheeks slightly blushes at the fact thrown at her.

“Y-yah! Be grateful. I took the time to give you my private number! Jeez. You’re so picky.” Taeyeon ran her hand through her short hair with a frustrated yet embarrassed expression. Jessica chuckles at the sight of it.

“Thank you.” Jessica said with a smile.

“Is that the only thing you can say? I’ve heard it about a hundred times today just from you.” Taeyeon clears and put her hands inside her jacket’s pockets. “You can just call me…or text me…if you want to…you know, hang out or something.” She shyly said, her voice getting lower and lower near the end of her sentence.

Jessica smiles brightly and nods. “Yes, I will!” Taeyeon tries to not be bother by the weird feelings swirling in her stomach. “It’s late. Go inside.” She quickly said with an awkward gesture telling Jessica to enter the dorm.

“Alright. Goodbye.” Jessica gives a semi-bow before she goes ahead to open the door’s lock. She walks in and gives one last glance at Taeyeon before she slowly closes the door. Once she hears the lock from the outside, Taeyeon slowly turns her heels around and starts walking away. She is close to the elevator when she halts her steps to take a look at the door Jessica just entered earlier. She stares at it for a good few seconds before finally going towards the elevator.

***

Jessica just finished doing her routines before going to bed. She climbs onto the soft, single mattress and lay down in between the stuffed toys on each side. Her bedroom is smaller but fit enough for her things. Summer has the master bedroom with the queen-sized bed and her own personal mini walk-in wardrobe. Meanwhile, Jessica gets a medium-sized furniture for her clothes. The differences of the treatments between those two are obvious. That’s why the company never lets anyone to film in their dorms with the excuse of ‘wanting to keep their privacy safe.’

She looks out the window where the sky is still dark. She wonders if Taeyeon have arrived at home safely. She tuns to the side to take her phone that was charging on the night stand. It was already five forty. Taeyeon must already be at home asleep, she thought. She contemplates for a few minutes. Finally, she gives in and decides to text her.

[Hey, it’s me. Jessica. This is my private number.]

She stares at the screen, thinking she won’t be getting a reply until late morning later or perhaps on the afternoon. But to her surprise, it only takes around a minute to receive a reply from Taeyeon. She quickly taps on the icon and opens the text message.

[You don’t have Kakao talk or something?]

Jessica taps on the screen for a reply. [I just got a new phone a few months ago and I don’t have any social medias account.]

[Well, make one. It’s easier to use Kakao Talk than regular text messaging.]

[I’ll take a look at it 😊]

[Sure. You can just add me through my contact number.]

“She doesn’t use emojis, huh?” Jessica silently smiles after knowing a new trait about Taeyeon. She wanted to continue the conversation but looking at the time, she is sure Taeyeon needs her sleep. Besides, she also needs to rest for her schedules tomorrow. She still has promotional activities going on this week. She is sad to end the short conversation.

[It’s already late. I’m heading to bed now. You should too.]

[Sure. Go ahead first. You must be tired.]

Jessica types her last text message. [Goodnight then. Thank you for tonight <3]

[Goodnight. I had fun.] That was Taeyeon’s reply and it made Jessica happily smiles. It hurts to be smiling so much tonight but she didn’t care. It’s been a while she felt this happy over someone. It made her joyful. She covers her face with the cat stuffed toy and squeal like a fan girl. Oh, how weird it is to be this happy and excited.

Taeyeon looks at her phone and she chuckle at the sight of their text messages. She taps on the screen to save Jessica’s number in her contacts. ‘Clumsy Sica’ was her nickname. She puts the device down and continues to enjoy a glass of mixed drink she made earlier while staring at the city view from the balcony of her apartment.

***

Chapter 5 has been posted. Welcome to new readers and thank you for the subs as well <3 Anyways, chap six maybe longer so it may take a while. I hope you enjoy this TaengSic-filled moments update! <3