Romanian | noun

♦ the bittersweet longing for a beloved person; feeling empty inside with a beloved person gone; the strong desire to meet someone dear; wistfulness; melancholy

 

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The preparations for Taehyung's new album release are going full throttle. Sometimes he barely can tell up from down with how swamped his head gets, entire body aching. He is running on fumes. Spends half a day in the dance studio, the other half in discussion with literally anyone. Part of his even bigger than usual workload is his fault, though. Because he insisted to be more tightly involved in everything. Especially planning the tour. He wants to have a say in this. And very selfishly make sure most of his venues will be at the coast. Close to the sea.

It helps that Chris (Christopher? Bang Chan? Chan-sunbaenim? Taehyung is still confused, and it's been weeks) as his new manager is an upgrade in so many ways. He asks in which steps of the tour planning Taehyung wants to be involved, and when. He makes sure Taehyung doesn't skip any meal - sometimes Seo did not care all that much when the idol skipped a meal or two, occasionally even encouraged it as some form of dieting  - and always has a smoothie, some salad, cereal bars, yogurt or something similar at hand to offer as a snack. He insists that rather than gaining a jawline sharp enough to cut glass, Taehyung should take good care of himself. His fans wouldn't want him to starve himself until he is only skin and bones, they want him to be happy. Or at least he does, Chris adds with a sheepish scratch to his nose.

A few times, Chris also lays hands on the as good as finalised album tracks - when he in theory is just supposed to wait for Taehyung to finish his last few visits at the studio but subconsciously drifts closer to the mixing console, starts shifting sliders and the producer just... lets him. As if that's a normal occurrence. Taehyung gets why, after they play the entire track once more and it sounds more defined. Something he didn't know was missing is there now, making the entire song a close to perfectly cohere thing. His new manager, Taehyung swears, has magical hands.

Despite Taehyung's insistence to take part in as much decision-making as possible, Chris still makes sure to clear his schedule of everything unnecessary and distracting. One day during lunch, he hands a list to Taehyung with names of all show hosts and interviewers who might want to invite him for his comeback and asks him to cross out everyone he does not want to meet, no matter the reason. At first, Taehyung only crosses out four names. But when Chris asks with empathetic voice if he really feels comfortable with everyone else and assures Taehyung that he will let down everyone gently so they can't take the piss at Taehyung being picky, a few more names vanish. And then some more. Until there is only a handful left. Chris nods with a smile, pats Taehyung's back and congratulates him on taking good care of his mental health.

"Ya may be a person of public interest, but that doesn't mean ya have ta answer ta the bloody wims of everybody."

Taehyung grins, both at the message and the wording. If it's only the two of them, the Australian-Korean has gotten comfortable speaking with a heavier accent. Doesn't bite his tongue as much as he does next ot cameras pointed at Taehyung. It's refreshing, and funny.

And also more often than not the reason for a little pang in Taehyung's chest. Because the Australian accent reminds him of Yongbok, whereas Yongbok reminds him of, well. Of his darling mer.

"Hey." Christopher's expression shifts from satisfied to concerned. "Ya good, mate?"

Taehyung nods too quickly.

His manager doesn't pry further but silently offers up his company, and an open ear, should Taehyung need it. As much as Taehyung likes him though, he sure won't spill the beans about Jeongguk to him anytime soon.

Another cool thing about Christopher-Bang-Chan-whatever is, that he doesn't question Taehyung's habit - because at this point, that is what it is - of writing a one-page letter by hand everyday in the afternoon. Instead, after noticing that it's not a one-time thing when Taehyung keeps trying to write the letters on his lap during car rides to the next shooting location for the music videos, he begins to free up Taehyung's schedule for one hour everyday. Manager Seo would have nagged him at least thirty times by now and not helped him at all.

Today, Taehyung is at his twenty-seventh letter. And something is different. Something BIG. Because yesterday he finally had his First Ever Letter from Jeonggukkie waiting for him in his mailbox. He read it ten times in a row, then went through his stuff until he found a fitting frame, and hung it up right next to his bed. And this morning he read it three times again before leaving for work. By now he has memorised the whole thing and could recite it by heart if he wanted to. He'll keep reading it though. Feels closer to the mer when he can see his wonky handwriting. Now back to his answer, though.

'My dear Jeonggukkie,

 

you have no idea how badly I miss you.  ><

First things first, let me answer your question about the address. I panicked, okay?!? The mail needs to include a family name in the address, but you don't have one, so I had to make up something.  Jeon is a very common surname,  and it's half of your actual name, so if anyone would ask, Imma smack their asses I hoped you would know who they mean. Did Yongbok ask you weird questions? Although he is a sweetheart, so I doubt he would tell anyone even if he noticed something. (And if he does, please don't kill him, oki? I really like that guy.)

I'm glad he believed the Photoshop thing. You did great, baby ^3^ If anyone asks for more details, just say that you are not the one who edited the pictures, 'kay?

Please be careful of paparazzi, Gguk. I dunno how bad the situation is in Haneul, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are still some shady guys lurking around there and trying to get a candid shot of me. Or my hot bodyguard uwu~ Really tho, be careful of sasaeng fans. There are some hardcore fans and antis out there who are not right in their mind.  Don't get hurt, babe <3

Also I hope there are no problems with Jimin or other villagers. I need you to be safe, okay?

Oh, also, fun fact, as this is my 27th letter: The number 27 is often seen as a symbol of transformation, balance, and harmony. It is believed to be a sign of divine protection and guidance. It is also thought to be a reminder to trust in the power of the universe and to use it to manifest your dreams and desires.

I'm gonna trust in the power of the universe SO HARD tomorrow when I have the talk with Bang PD-nim. Did I tell you about it already? I'm gonna negotiate for a new contract! If it goes the way I hope, I will have a lot less obligations, more free time and days off, a bigger say in which shows I attend, and more time between comebacks. Root for me, okay? Imma write you the outcome as soon as The Talk is over, pinky promise!

Also, I sent you a map with all the locations I'm considering for my tour. Please take a look at it and circle all the cities that might be a problem for you to reach, then send it back to me. I tried to include as many coastal cities as possible. The organisation team wants a finalised list soon, sooo... no pressure but please answer quickly ^^; Chris is doing what he can to buy me more time for a few things but there are still many set dates for certain decisions.

Alright, my break is over. I still gotta buy new stamps, . Maybe I can bribe Chris into doing it for me. (He would do it if I just asked I'm sure, but bribing is more fun. Can you ask Yongbok for me if his Aussie friend has a favourite candy or something? Thank you, love, mwah!)

 

I miss you. Every single day, I miss you. 

I'm sending you a thousand hugs and kisses. Can't wait to be back in your arms again.

P.S.: (This means post scriptum, babe. People add this to their letters when they forgot to write something earlier.)  Make sure to be in our flat in Haneul next weekend~ *winks*

 

As soon as Taehyung is done putting the letter in an envelope and sealing it, his manager wordlessly holds out a hand. Taehyung gives him the letter with a grin and a "Thanks."

"No worries, mate."

The idol his head to the side. "You know, your Aussie slang really doesn't work with how you insisted to call me sunbaenim during our first meeting."

Chris rubs his face and suddenly looks deeply unsettled. " me dead, ya are right."

Taehyung bursts out into laughter.

 

The next day, right before Taehyung is about to enter Bang PD-nim's office - or the Boss Room, as Taehyung and a few other idols of the company likes to call it - Chris takes him to the side with a concerned look on his face.

"Ya sure about this?"

Taehyung nods. "Yeah. Besides, it's not like they could fire me right before comeback if they don't like my requests."

His manager nods. "Alright. Good as gold luck to you. Hwaiting, mate- I mean, sunbaenim!"

The idol snorts.

 

"Bro," Taehyung slurs only the slightest bit into the phone. "Hyung, remember that one time we bought those giant- silver plastic tubes and went around the neighbourhood in them, pretending to be deep sea pyrosomes or something? Cuz I feel... I feel like we should do that again."

Hoseok sighs at the other end of the line. "Taehyung-ah, I love you, but does your call have a specific reason, or...?"

"Oh, right." He eyes the half-empty bottle in front of him. The label is only printed in foreign languages and he is too lazy to translate anything. It's his manager's pick. When Taehyung announced that he needs to stop by somewhere where he can buy alcohol to celebrate, Chris surprisingly had agreed to drive him there and not nag him about it. But only if he could choose which bottle. Taehyung had grumbled but agreed. He knew his manager would pick something light, and that was okay. Not like Taehyung wanted to get -faced-drunk in the first place. 

"Hello? You still there."

"Sorry, hyung." He grins as wide as anatomy allows it. "Guess who got an amazing new contract today?"

There is a long silence in which he knows his friend is trying to make sense of the words. So Taehyung sends him a picture of his brand-new contract.

"What-"

Some more silence, then there is a very loud, high-pitched shriek. "YAH, WHAT THE ?! WHAT, HOW, WHEN? I have so many questions!"

If possible, Taehyung's grin grows even wider. "Isn't it cool?"

Hoseok laughs. "You , I'm so jealous! How did you even get your company to agree to all of those things?"

"Well, I'm the single most important money-maker of HYBE, so..." He shrugs.

"This is so amazing! We gotta celebrate this properly! Wait, I'm coming over right now!!!"

Taehyung chuckles. "Okay, see you soon, hyung."

 

Twenty minutes later, his doorbell  rings - for a solid minute. Which leaves not a single doubt of who wants to be let in. 

"You realise you have the keys to my apartment, right," Taehyung says through the intercom.

"Yah, do you really expect me to remember where I put that thing?!"

Taehyung sighs. "Whatever, just come up already. Do you... do you need any help with carrying stuff?"

"Nah, I got it."

Hoseok makes his way up to Taehyung's penthouse within three minutes. When Taehyung opens the entrance door for his friend, he almost falls onto his as a party horn loudly hoots straight into his face.

"YO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DUDE!"

Hoseok violently throws a handful of confetti at him while grinning with his giant flower hat on.

"It's... it's not my birthday, man..."

"Close enough though!" His friend keeps throwing confetti everywhere.

Taking one of the two plastic bags from Hoseok, Taehyung shuts the door and trails after him. "I'm not cleaning this up."

Hoseok doesn't even bother to stop his shenanigans and instead starts blowing paper streamers as high into the air as they will go. "You have a cleaning robot, for what?"

Well. Taehyung doesn't have any good comeback to that.

After they emptied all seven containers of greasy fast food  - Taehyung has no idea where all those chicken wings and the other stuff went, but then again he is in the middle of comeback preparations and thus permanently hungry, and Hoseok dances for a living, so - his friend asks: "Did you already write your fish loverboy about it?"

Taehyung finds a lone surviving fry and stuffs it into his mouth. They still have an entire cake to eat, gosh. It's a Ryan cake that says 'Happy BearDay', but that's beside the point. Taehyung is not sure he can fit even a single slice of cake into his full belly.

"Can you not call him like that? He is not a fish, and we are literally engaged. Or as good as."

At that, Hoseok shrieks with so much glee he flings himself off the couch.

"Okay, but have you told him the news?"

Taehyung snorts. "Of course. Wrote and sent him a letter more than four hours ago."

"More than- and you are only telling me about your deal for freedom now?! Yah, Kim Taehyung, you little ! Are we not best friends? Stop running away and face your punishment, you punk!"

 

•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•

 

"I'm so looooooonely," Jeongguk laments from where he is sprawled all over the couch, his head hanging upside-down over the armrest and arms stretched out so his fingertips can almost touch the floor. Screw his aversion of other humans, or his tendency to keep for himself. He misses his Taehyung and he is allowed to say so. As loud and often as possible.

Yongbok glances over from where he is just baking another batch of brownies in the kitchen, and snorts. "Ya look liyyke a sloice of molten cheese, mate."

The mer whines and makes grabby hands in no particular direction. "Gimme back my man!"

Yeah, no, the petit man surely has no good influence on him. They've been watching several tv shows together now, and it seems like Yongbok has made it his personal task to broaden Jeongguk's Gen Z vocabulary. Or whatever. The next time Jeongguk meets with Taehyung, the other will be either delighted, or devastated, no inbetween.

Moments later, a wonderful smell wafts through the air. Yongbok enters the living area like a freckled, apron-wearing, tiny, blond fairy, carrying a tray of freshly-baked goods in his pink mitten-clad hands. "I can't offah ya your lover, but I do av brownies, if ya want some."

The mer his lips. What kind of question even is that?

Mere seconds later, Yongbok seems to be stuck between cooing and laughing at him, while Jeongguk struggles to regain his bearings, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and mouth hanging open with a half-chewed bite sitting on his tongue.

"Told ya ta blow, mate. It's pipin' hot. Ya good?"

"Mhnnnwhnnahafff!"

"Yeah, thought so. Wait, Immah get ya some wotah."

Jeongguk nods furiously. "Mhnhhhhnf!"

Once he no longer feels like the inside of his mouth is melting off - and the brownie tray is half empty - he goes back to pressing the latest letter from Taehyung to his chest. Imagines the way Taehyung has looked while writing it, the way his hand flew over the page from one side to the other again and again, brows furrowed as he tried to block out all the noise around him. Jeongguk doesn't know much about Seoul, but if it's such an awfully big city, sure it's deafening wherever he goes. Maybe Taehyung was right, and it's better Jeongguk didn't accompany him. He'd probably freak out constantly.

That doesn't mean he likes the situation, though. It still . Every night that he stays over at their apartment in the blue house, he feels like an intruder, the bed too big just for him, the room too quiet without Taehyung's deep, even breaths to fill the silence. At some point, Yongbok got him a giant cat plushie with ridiculous anatomy from what Jeongguk remembers of the videos and the tiny cat who came to the pier once. The head is as big as the entire rest of the body, it's fluffy, and half of Jeongguk's height. It was a sweet gesture yet didn't do all that much to fight the dark, cold hole in his chest. Squeezing the dead plushie to his chest is not the same as holding his beloved Taehyung in his arms.

A bit earlier this week, Jeongguk almost had a full-blown panic attack when he thought he'd lost the ring Taehyung gave him. Entire floods of tears spilling down his cheeks took turns with frantic scrambling in a vain attempt to search every corner of the house. Yongbok had been out to do whatever it is he has to do to earn money, and came home hours later to a terrible mess, and a crying Jeongguk in the middle of it. Turned out, Yongbok's sister has been over without Jeongguk noticing, and took the ring when she saw it laying in the bathroom because she mistook it for her own that allegedly looks similar. (Jeongguk doesn't really buy it, but it's his landlord's sister, so what can he say?) She came to return it the same evening. Jeongguk is not going to get his hair cut by her again for the rest of his life.

"Yah."

Yongbok pokes him in the side. Jeongguk shrieks, crumples the letter in his hand, whines upon realising what he just did, and then turns his head to glare up at the human.

"Don't ya gimme that look. He wrote in the letter for me ta keep naggin' ya about a quick response."

Oh.

Jeongguk blinks.

Right.

Taehyung did say that in the letter just for him too. He gave Jeongguk homework. Something with cities, and a map. He sighs. This is either going to be super easy, or really confusing.

"Okaaaaay... but only if I get more brownies."

"Where do all these calories go, I wondah...," Yongbok mutters as he heads into the kitchen to fetch the tray once again.

 

He writes Taehyung about the mysteriously disappearing calories, just like he writes him about everything else. After his first two letters ended up being rather short and brusque, the mer had laid awake entire nights regretting the way he phrased them, the way his answers were so clipped, filling not even half of a page. After that, he started writing Taehyung everything that happened to him. Every minute detail. The order of topics doesn't necessarily always make sense, as Jeongguk writes down the things in the order they come to his mind. It feels more natural this way, and less lonely. As if he is talking to Taehyung directly and just can't see him.

Taehyung doesn't complain about the U-turn Jeongguk's writing style has taken. About the many pages filled with messy handwriting, or the way his handwriting style could look drastically different from one day to the next because he still isn't that firm with the whole writing thing yet. Or about the way Jeongguk sometimes crosses out words or even entire sentences when he decides midway to talk about a different topic first.

Instead, Taehyung diligently answers to every single aspect mentioned in the mer's letters. He also throws in lots of 'baby's  and 'love's by the handful, so of course Jeongguk starts doing the same, makes sure to sprinkle in a 'pearl', 'little star' or something similar at least every third sentence.

And Taehyung cherishes his letters, dearly. From every silly thought or whine, down to the little doodles Jeongguk started drawing wherever he finds space on the paper. The first time Jeongguk drew something onto the back of the last page (a school of dolphins he saw the other day), Taehyung sent back an excited letter, where the entire first page only consisted of exclamation marks and hearts in all sizes and variations. Needless to say, Jeongguk from then on makes sure to at least send one proper drawing along every time.

So now here he is, writing a seven-page essay about the cities his Taehyungie picked for concerts, brownies, and how the noise of scissors cutting hair should be forbidden worldwide. Oh, and about how he misses Taehyung so, so, so terribly much each waking hour. And sleeping hour, because his Taehyung-deprived brain has begun to formulate dreams which feel so real it takes the mer several minutes after waking up to realise that he is, indeed, still alone in his cave. Or in their bed in the blue house. After the second day of Taehyung's absence, Jeongguk has already gotten so pathetic he sniffed the blanket for any lingering traces of his scent. By now it's long faded away. Gosh, he misses him so much.

Once he is done adding another string of scribbled hearts, Jeongguk begins to draw a brownie-devouring sea monster that faintly resembles Seokjin. It won't make much of a difference for Taehyung as he only saw the older mer once and from a distance of at least 50 metres. But Jeongguk knows, and he is also positive that if he knew about this, Seokjin would be stuck between being so offended it physically hurts and pissing himself with laughter. And he really needs that... that, uhh...

"MISTER BROWNIE MAN!"

A delighted, squeaky little "Yeah" comes from downstairs, followed by a cough and a much deeper, manlier "I mean, yeeeah?".

Jeongguk pads out of the room and over to the end of the staircase so he doesn't have to scream everything. At the foot of the stairs, Yongbok is already beaming up at him as if he wanted to battle the sun for its radiance.

"How do you call the little things in your body again that make you feel happy?"

The blond purses his lips and his head to the side. They both look quizzically at each other for several minutes, before the landlord says in his normal voice: "Do ya mean serotonin?"

The mer snaps his fingers and points at him. "Yes! That!"

...He really needs that serotonin boost right now with his Tae still gone for so long.

 

•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•

 

Taehyung's features morph into a scowl before he can quickly rearrange them into a pleasantly surprised smile when he runs into his former manager. Next to him, Chan ("You have so many names and aliases, can I pick a specific one for each day of the week?" - "Uhh, let's maybe stick with Chan from now on. Most people know who ya mean when ya mention that name, 'n it's also easier ta pronounce for Koreans." - "Okay, but only because you bought me the best hot chocolate on this planet yesterday.") also stops in his track. Seo's eyes flicker down to the tablet in Chan's hands, then up to his face, lips curling around something that might have been a snarl.

With the way the three of them have come to a standstill, they are totally not blocking half of the broad hallway. And people around them are also not at all watching, some of them even walking slower and turning their heads so they can catch better whatever scene is about to unfold. Nah, not at all. The fact, that Taehyung basically fired Seo as his personal manager because he was doing a terrible job and only focussing on himself instead of the idol in his care is one of HYBE's big secrets of the year, kept with tight lips.

Alas, everyone has heard about it. Seo probably hates Taehyung for ruining his reputation. And he definitely holds a grudge against Chan as his successor. Oh, Taehyung groans internally. This is going to be a headache.

"Good morning, Taehyung," Seo seethes.

With the sweetest, and most polite, dimpled smile, Chan steps in front of the idol. "It is good to see you again, sunbaenim. But I believe that's still 'Kim-ssi' for you."

 

Less than five  minutes later, Seo is holding the second shoe in his hand so he can throw it at Chan, too, when finally some security shows up and herds him away. Chan is still smiling. During the whole spat of Taehyung's former manager, the young half-Australian has raised his voice or shown any sign of agitation not once. And now, as a loudly cursing Seo gets dragged away by two buff men - Taehyung recognises them, they have acted as his bodyguards on several occasions - Chan even has the gall to bow deeply in Seo's direction and wish him a nice day. Once Seo is out of sight and can no longer be heard, Chan turns around to face the idol in his care, warm smile never leaving his face.

"I apologise for that incident. We got delayed in our schedule a little bit, but I'll be quick to make some calls. Everything is going to be fine, please don't worry. Shall we get going?"

There is not a hint of his Australian accent to be heard, not with so many other employees around them openly gaping.

Taehyung nods curtly. "Sure."

Once they are both in the car and on their way to Taehyung's third interview about his new album, hidden behind tinted windows, he loses a long breath and slumps into his seat. Next to him, Chan's shoulders only droop slightly. 

"Gosh, this was exhausting." He rubs a hand over his face and sighs again, then peeks through his fingers at the manager. "How the heck did you stay calm and nice during all this? He called you all those things, and was being a major piece of trash, I was seconds away to jump him, honestly."

It is true. To most of the bystanders he might have looked impassive, but Taehyung has been trembling with hot white rage at the things that left Seo's mouth. His former manager might not have insulted him directly - he knew better than to curse at one of Korea's biggest idols in a semi-public setting - but he sure aimed a string of well-placed jabs at Taehyung indirectly. And then started calling Chan all kinds of names. Made things up on the spot to let him look like an incompetent newbie who could never be capable of filling the role as Taehyung's personal manager while also bringing up his heritage not once but thrice and making snide remarks about how Chan did not suit Korea's beauty standards and is an eyesore next to an idol of Taehyung's calibre.

And so, maybe Taehyung had not ripped out his throat right there and then. But he'd drafted three different sues in his head already, and would make sure to type those out and send them to his lawyer by the end of the day. And the next time he comes across his former manager, the latter is going to catch his fists. Taehyung is not a violent person. He abhors fighting. However, the fun stops as soon as soon as people close to him are under any kind of attack. And after the past few weeks, Christopher Bang Chan has already made it into his innermost circle of friends. This is personal, now.

Next to him, Chan shrugs, then offers him some fruit salad he magically picked up on their way out of the HYBE building. (How he did that, when they didn't even get close to any food stall, is beyond Taehyung.) "He would've only taken it as ammunition if I would've reacted. 'N if not him, somebody else could av reported it. I don't really feel like losin' my job, or leavin' ya alone in the bloody middle of promotions, so."

Taehyung stares. Picks up one of the strawberries in a daze. "You are so freaking cool."

 

The interview itself goes smoothly. Taehyung didn't expect anything else, not after Chan urged him to sidle out anyone who made him uncomfortable. So Taehyung knew from the start, that he would be in good hands. The format is fun. He hadn't originally been close to Jessi, but he watched enough of those 'idols interviewing idols' clips to be at ease. And sure enough, the confident woman greets him like a good friend, suggests to drop honorifics completely within her first five sentences directed at him, and makes him feel relaxed despite the several cameras and microphones pointed at them.

Chan hovers at the side, ready to jump in if anyone should cross a line, armed with water bottles and cereal bars. 

He doesn't have to worry, though. Taehyung has a great time.

Jessi is in the middle of asking him about the lyrics to the title track, when she stops mid-sentence and frowns at the flashcards in her hands. "Wow, they've really put a lot of effort in this." She purses her lips, glances at Taehyung and then back at her cards. "Normally this is the section where I get to roast people. Looks like my staff wants me to go easy on you. I wonder why they worry? I'm docile like a kitty." She bats her eyelashes at him.

Taehyung snorts.

The whole farce holds for about three seconds, before Jessi cracks up too and cackles obnoxiusly, clearly not worried about a perfect image at all.

"So, uh..." She grabs the card at the top of her little stack, rips it in two, then throws it over her shoulder, still snickering. "This is rubbish. Let's move on. Next question! Are you ready?"

Taehyung nods, smile tugging at his lips where he leans back in his seat. His fingers keep fiddling with the ring Jeongguk put on him. A sudden pang of longing hits him right in the chest. His grip around the ring tightens, then goes slack, hand darting up to touch one of the pearl earrings he always wears instead. If he concentrates hard enough, he can feel the mer flicking the jewel against his neck. Can feel the ghost of a loving caress down his cheek. He his lips and blinks back into awareness. 

"Sure, what else have you got for me?"

There is mirth dancing in the female idol's eyes at the challenge. "Oh, I'm not going all out on you yet, big boy. But... how long did it take you to write the lyrics for 'Adore'?"

Taehyung taps a finger against his - their - ring. He half hopes the cameras won't zoom in on the action, to avoid annoying rumours, half prays they do, and that Jeongguk will watch the interview. "I got the basic version down in one night, maybe like... an hour? After that, it was just fine-tuning, really."

Jessi lets out a disbelieving shriek, then chokes. She almost falls off her chair. "Only an hour?! What are you, ing miracle boy?! Yah, no way!"

Even the staff cracks up at that.

The questions start to get progressively more weird from then on.

"Okay, but which body part do you clean first in the shower?"

Taehyung goes bright red at that one and Jessi laughs loudly, pointing with long fingernails at him. He looks at her manicured hands and just thinks that Jeongguk's nails are much prettier.

"Please express with your body the main concept of the second photoshoot for your new album."

He flops around on the floor in a vain attempt to imitate a seal (a merman, really, but he can't say that out loud now, can he?). They both laugh to the point of tears.

"Did you break into an aquarium to get those close-ups of colourful, exotic fish scales? Be honest."

"What, no! I abide by the law, I swear! This is Photoshop, that's all."

"Ehhh." Jessi flips through the photo booklet, looks at the pictures Taehyung has taken from Jeongguk in his pretty, pretty mer form, holds it into the camera, and shakes her head. "I'm not buying it. Looks way too realistic."

"Modern technology is a true wonder, you know," Taehyung tries again, but it leaves Jessi unconvinced.

"The only true wonder here is my stupidity. As a kid, I loved going to the aquarium yet the only fish I can recognise today is mackerel, and even there I'm not sure. Should have paid more attention in school, I guess."

Taehyung reaches out to pat her shoulder. She jerks away with a loud "Yah!". Then thinks otherwise and says, "You can only touch if I get to ruffle your hair."

Uhm.

"Okay."

She grins and buries her hand in his now black hair with the faintest hint of deep blue. While Taehyung lets it happen, he can't help but think that he likes it much better when Jeongguk cards careful fingers through his hair.

"Oh, also, we made a survey, which one of the pre-released concept pictures is your fans' favourite. Guess, which one won?"

"Hm." He purses his lips. He isn't sure about netizens, but he sure knows which picture is his personal favourite.

 

"Ya did great," Chan tells him later with a pat on his back.

With a tired smile, Taehyung accepts the offered mango lassi. "Thanks."

They drive in silence, the idol slowly drifting off to sleep, when his manager pipes up again.

"Uh, so I know this is not part of my work for ya, that's why I wannah check if it's cool with ya..."

Taehyung peeks an eye open and looks at him. "What are you so nervous for?"

Because Chan certainly is, with how he fiddles with his fingers and stares at the tips of his shoes, ears slightly pink. "It's just... could I take the rest of the evenin' off, maybe? Gottah let off some steam, if one of the studios at HYBE is free tonight."

"Why?"

"...Seo."

Taehyung is a lot more awake now. "Seo? Wait. Is this how you cope with haters? Do you hole up in the studio and, like, write diss tracks?"

"I wouldn't call them diss tracks..."

"Ohmygod, you totally do! This is so epic!"

"It's really not! But, like, so... is that a yes?"

Taehyung levels a flat look at him. "Under one condition. I get to hear the result. And if you went too easy on him, you have to do something about it."

Chan gulps.

 

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Jeongguk is about to stuff the third brownie in his mouth when one of Yongbok's small hands darts out and wraps around his wrist. The mer bristles. He does not like sudden physical contact. Especially not with a human. Especially not with a human who is not his Taehyungie.

"Aw," the landlord coos as he inspects Jeongguk's hands, completely nonplussed by the low snarl directed at him. "Yer cute nail polish is all chipped off, mate. Bummer. Want me ta paint yer nails for ya?"

Still more than just slightly miffed, the mer pulls his hand away. "No thanks," he sniffs. "Only Tae is allowed to do my nails."

"Yer so adorable, I'm devo! 'M stoked for ya tho."

The mer's eyebrows knit together. "I understood, like, every second word of this."

Yongbok laughs loudly. In the sunlight, his freckles seem to dance all over his face.

Futively waiting for any further explanation, Jeongguk decides it's time to go and write his next letter. He flees upstairs with a plate full of brownies in his hand and gets out a new sheet of paper.

 

My lovely little star,

I can't wait for this weekend to come. It's been way too long since I last held you, since I could bury my nose in your hair, or count the lashes framing your beautiful eyes. Your absence is beginning to turn into a life-or-death matter. Please, you have to come soon. The paint on my nails is already ugly and spotty, you have to paint them again, as soon as possible. I require your assistance! And I very selfishly want to kiss you for hours and have you all to myself.

I'm counting the hours to our reunion.

Congratulations to your first album win! The Yongbok showed me a video on his tv. I'm so very proud of you, but seeing you perform those songs only made me miss you more, I'm afraid.

Tell me, how did that one performance go you were so nervous about?

...

 

"Cuddle me," Jeongguk demands upon his arrival at the familiar archipelago.

Seokjin raises an eyebrow at him. "Excuse you? How about, 'hello dad, it's so nice to meet you'?"

The younger mer rolls his eyes. "Hello dad, it's so nice to meet you. Now, cuddle me."

"Brat."

"Not true." Jeongguk pouts. "I only miss my Taehyung. It's been months. I barely remember how he smells," he whines the last part.

The older mer flicks his fin in Jeongguk's face, making him splutter. "Aren't you being a bit dramatic here?"

Jeongguk shoves his own fin all over his dad's upper body. "Says the guy who loses his whenever one of his crystals gets misplaced the slightest bit."

"Yah, that's called a sense of harmony, and interior design!"

"Sure, if that's what helps you sleep better at night..."

"Yah!" Seokjin points a finger at him and turns around to the third mer who has been silently watching them from the side. "Did you hear that, Joonie? This kid does not get any cuddles from me!" With a huff, he adds, "especially not for such a silly reason. Gosh, I'd be happier if you'd fallen for a jellyfish, or even some rock at the bottom of the sea, but a human, out of all things? That's just asking for trouble. They are vile and dangerous."

Jeongguk picks up a  sea urchin and begins to idly throw it up and down in his hand, leaving only a small sheen of water between his palm and the many tiny spikes to not get hurt. He doesn't look at the older mer. "You realise that poisonous jellyfish exist, yeah? That's not exactly the opposite of dangerous."

"It's not nice of you to take the last word from your elders," the pink-tailed mer sniffs.

The youngest meets his gaze, unapologetic. Refuses to back down. "It's also not nice to talk like that about the love of my life."

All colour drains from Seokjin's face, then. His eyes go wide, a shocked little huff leaving his slightly parted lips, entire form rigid. Only the tips of his fins are trembling. "Don't make jokes about those kinds of things, Jeongguk."

"That's Jeon Jeongguk."

Some of the sickening paleness leaves to make space for confusion, Seokjin's brows almost meeting in the middle. "Since when do you stutter?"

"I'm not." Jeongguk watches the black little sea urchin bop up and down in his hand. "It's the name Tae gave me. For the letters. So I have a family name too, like humans, and can receive his mail."

Seokjin gives him a long, hard look. Then he explodes. 

"See? SEE?! See what he is doing to you? Next thing, he tells you when to sleep, where to go, and what you are allowed to think! And once he's had his fun with you, he goads you into a cage and starts to do all kind of things his sick human brain tells him to-"

"You don't even know him!" Jeongguk snaps right back. Almost smashes the poor sea urchin onto the ground. He is done playing nice while his dad comments about the rotten nature of humans. "I get that you had terrible experiences with humans, but he is different! He is so much better than the ones you met. And everything I do, I do because I want to. Not because he makes me do something, he would never."

"But he is human!" The other mer's voice is starting to shift into something desperate.

Jeongguk ignores the new undertone, keeps pushing forward. "So? Namjoonie didn't seem to have any problem with that, when they met a while ago. They had a great time together, didn't you?" He turns to the mentioned mer for confirmation.

Namjoon gives a curt nod, black tail swishing uneasily, his fiery orange fins curling in on themselves.

Jeongguk turns back to his other dad. "See? He doesn't have such a massive problem with my partner. Because he has seen how good Taehyung is for me. But you didn't even bother to come and meet him! You are so stuck up in your head, you refuse to believe that there are humans who could possibly be nice and not want to rip every single one of us to shreds and stuff us into tiny glass vials."

Seokjin is full-body-shaking now. He has both arms tightly wrapped around himself, tail going bonkers and wildly beating in every direction. "And what about those fishermen? What about the humans who had you hanging from the ceiling upside-down, slowly bleeding out?"

That, at last, gets Jeongguk to freeze up. He stares at his dad. "I never said-"

"Oh, please." The eldest huffs. It sounds nothing as relaxed and mocking as usually. This time, it's a nasty scratch in his throat, more than anything else. "I noticed that scar the moment you arrived. It's exactly because I know humans so well that I didn't have to ask what they did."

 "That still doesn't have anything to do with Tae."

"Doesn't it? Can you really look into my face and tell me he was not involved in your capture?"

"I..." Jeongguk his lips. "It wasn't... he didn't know..."

Seokjin laughs into his face. It's the ugliest sound Jeongguk has ever heard him make. "Sure he didn't."

And. That's enough.

His dad has been crossing lines for a while now. Jeongguk has had enough. He glares at him, then turns to Namjoon for help, or support, anything. But the other mer only watches them with downturned corners of his mouth, clearly unhappy. He always hated conflicts, and more so to become part of one. Jeongguk gets it, he does. Yet a little affirmation would have been nice now.

"I'm leaving," he mutters, turning around to do just that. "I came here because I was seeking some comfort, not to get unjustified accusations about the person I happen to love with every fibre of my being thrown at me."  Already a good distance away from his two dads who are gaping after him, he shouts over his shoulder, "Try to be more civil about this next time, or I won't want to meet you for a good while."

That, at last, has Seokjin slapping a hand over his mouth. Because what does a while even mean for creatures who can hardly die? Jeongguk could avoid them for centuries, if he wanted to. Could plead for the sea to whisper to him whenever one of his dads is nearby, so he can leave before they find him. And he doesn't make idle threats. They all know that.

With a heavy lump in his chest and feeling even worse than before he left, Jeongguk digs his claws into the tides around him and pulls, propelling himself forward as fast as he can. Away from his dads and towards the Korean coast. Maybe there is already a new letter waiting for him. Hopefully. He needs something good to happen now.

 

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"And the winner is... Taehyung, with his new album 'Sea'! Congratulations to your second win, please come onto the stage for your award and the encore, Taehyung-ssi!"

The entire venue erupts in deafening cheers. Taehyung gets up from his seat in a daze, carefully squeezing past other idols who politely clap and bow for him - except for Hoseok, who is cheering loudly and jumping up and down like a little child while yelling "THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND, EVERYBODY!". This time, the smile tugging at his lips is genuine, not like the grimace he'd plastered on his face at his previous comeback. But how couldn't it be, after everything he went through? He put so much more heart, soul, effort, time, thought and care into 'Sea' than into his releases from last year. Back then, it almost felt like a chore. Now, he is happily breathing his new album. The hard work is paying off, he is once again the beacon of the Korean music industry. And proud of it.

The past months have been hard. Despite all the pre-recording Taehyung did in Nakseongdae and Haneul, there was so much to do. It's the price he had to pay for his long absence. After the months of inactivity, the new album had to be perfect and nothing short of record-breaking. So where usually a month was enough to release an album, HYBE took three months before 'Sea' was set to be released.

Convincing the staff of his unusual album concept had been difficult enough already, but once it came to the song selection, Taehyung had to seriously fight for his favourite songs to stay on the track list. Not suited for the radio, his producer kept saying. Not enough of a bop, not the taste of the broad masses. Then, he was sent into the recording booth again and again and again, to a point where he had to ask PDogg what he wanted Taehyung to change for the next take and the producer didn't know either, just that it wasn't quite perfect yet.

Then there was the matter of the choreographies. Taehyung is by no means a terrible dancer. However, he is not near as amazing as Hoseok, or some other idols. He is not a born but a trained dancer. Which ultimately means that he has difficulties with making his movements look fluid and effortless. And that's exactly what his choreographer wanted to see for the comeback. 'If you want to perform about the sea, then you have to become the sea.' Well. That's way easier said than done.

At least the costume fitting and music video shooting have been fun.

He thinks about all that,  about how very different it feels now compared to his previous comebacks. How much more fulfilling, how rewarding. He has the vague sense of holding a speech on stage, not really noting the words leaving his mouth. Except. He makes sure to sprinkle in the terms muse, pearl and treasure. For most people, it will sound like nonsense. And he bets it won't even take an hour before the first wild fan theories start to sprout on the internet. But this isn't meant for his fans' ears anyway. Just for Jeongguk's.

The instrumental for his title track 'Tea:il' fades in and Taehyung gets into position as confetti keeps raining down on him. He smiles at the camera; his secretive little smile, the one that's just for the mer. Tomorrow is Saturday. His first weekend off. Only a few more hours until he'll be on his way to Haneul.

 

"Are you ing kidding me?"

"Mate, I wish I was. Listen, I'm sawry, I know you were stoked to get the weekend off. But HYBE sent me a mail that yer not allowed to go anywhere before they decided what ta do."

Chan sounds as apologetic as one can be, has done so from the very moment he called. Yet Taehyung is still pissed beyond measure. He packed everything for the short trip, his luggage waiting right next to the entrance door of his apartment. Now he can unpack everything again. That's it, no mini vacation, no trip to the east coast. No Jeongguk. He drags a hand over his face and sighs as he tries his best to Not throw anything against the wall. What the . Don't those people have hobbies?

"Is this an attack?," he wonders out loud.

His manager hums. "Seems like it. It's too well-timed to be coincidence. Bloody suspicious is what it is. They clearly planned this. Maybe we can sue them for those furphies."

"Yeah, probably."

Whatever furphies are.

Taehyung trudges over to his couch and sits down. He can't help but stare at the luggage that has become useless within minutes. Not even half an hour ago he's been skipping around the apartment while getting ready. And now this. A panicked call from his manager, together with a mail from HYBE with a string of articles linked to it.

Plagiarism, pre-recorded vocals for the live performances, and cultural appropriation. Those are the accusations going haywire since this morning, written from different sites. What a ing joke. As consequence, he is not allowed to go anywhere. Because he has to keep face. Has to humour some guys who must be spouting bull for a living and apparently are out to ruin him. Or at least knock him down a few pegs. Probably haters who don't like to see him topping all the relevant charts right now. ing idiots.

The nails dig into his palms as Taehyung keeps clenching his hands to fists. 

"Any news from the headquarter yet?"

Deep breaths. Stay calm. Don't shout. It's not Chan's fault.

"Gimme a sec, I just got a mail."

Taehyung slowly counts to ten.

"Okay, so." Chan clears his throat. "They'll release a statement of denial within the hour. Also, if ya could send pictures from yer notebook with all the lyrics, that would be heaps appreciated."

The idol hums. He'll have to pick pages where he did not scribble Jeongguk's name in several variations into the corners. Shouldn't be an impossible task though. "And?" Because no way is that all.

"And," his manager confirms the suspicion, "Yer boutta have an unplugged performance. Tonight. I'll send ya the address."

Taehyung groans. "Of course." Sure, no biggie. Having a performance scheduled with a warning of less than twelve hours is fine.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. We'll get this mess cleared as soon as possible though, no worries. Yer image will be back to pristine within the day."

"I know, it's just... it ."

"I know, mate, I know."

 

Five minutes later, he gets a message from Hoseok in caps lock that starts with 'HEY MY BESTEST BEST FRIENDS WHO LOVES TO ABIDE BY THE LAW, GUESS WHAT I JUST HEARD...'

Another twenty minutes later  - which is the minimum of how long it takes to calm down one agitated Jung Hoseok - he has written a quick message to Yongbok, explaining the situation and very much begging him to console Jeongguk in whatever way once he realises that Taehyung can't come this weekend. Or the next. Because no matter how quickly the situation is officially cleared, once the hyenas have tasted blood, they will be hot on his heels for quite a while. Those trolls have put a target on Taehyung's back now. He'll have to be very careful for a while. It wouldn't be surprising if he got a restriction from HYBE to not go anywhere on his own, and not with valid reason too. 

The entire day, Taehyung is fuming. How dare they? Who does things like that just for the kicks? Three months. It's been three months already since he last saw Jeongguk. And if things proceed the way he predicts them, it'll be four months soon. Just because some arseholes thought it would be funny to spout nonsense and drag his name through the mud.

On the entire car ride to the venue for his sudden concert - some high-class restaurant in one of the tallest buildings in Seoul - he stays silent. Next to him, Chan keeps giving him worried glances but thankfully doesn't try to pressure him into a conversation. Instead, he hands Taehyung a new stack of letter paper. With a curt nod, the idol accepts it. He leans his forehead against the cool glass of the window and watches the water droplets running down, each raindrop catching other lights of the capital at night.

My dear Jeonggukkie,

by now you surely know that I won't be able to come this weekend. I'm so so sorry, you have no idea. And I hate the people responsible for this. It is a strong word, I know, and you shouldn't use it lightly. But it's true. I. Hate. Them. They keep me from you, and frankly I can't think of a greater offence right now. Whoever is responsible for this entire mess, I hope they have a terrible month, at least.

Baby, I wish I could be there and hug you. I miss you, I miss you so much I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll have to sneak out, get past the guards that surely will be appointed to me starting tonight. Except, I'm writing this while sitting right next to Chan. And maybe I wasn't so subtle with throwing guilty glances in his direction. If he cranes his neck just a little, he can read what I'm writing there, and come up with measures against me running away. Ugh. Should I gamble, or not? I also don't want him to get in trouble.

But then again, if I behave it could mean I won't be allowed to come to Haneul for weeks.

Weeks, Gguk! How am I supposed to cope? Especially knowing how you are waiting for me.

This is the worst. 

At least it's raining. Lately, I've come to think differently about rain. I like to imagine that the rain over here is from water in the Nakseongdae bay. That all those little raindrops travelled the far way to come visit me in your name. Like a thousand tiny kisses from the sea on my skin. From you. Gosh, I miss you. Gguk. This is torture. 

 

 

"We're there," Chan announces with an only barely-there nudge against Taehyung's foot as to not startle him and have him ruin the meticulously written letter.

The idol sighs, squares his shoulders, and lifts his chin. He neatly folds the letter and puts it in the pocket of his suit jacket. It's a perfect metaphor for his current situation, he thinks. Because in both cases he has to put Jeongguk on hold. 

"Alright, then. Showtime."