noun| Danish/Norwegian

♦the feeling of euphoria and infatuation when first falling in love

 

---

Taehyung wipes his clammy hands on the blanket for the third time.

Jeongguk wants to hear him sing. Holy .

He's sitting on his bed, a few hours after they've parted ways begrudgingly, with the sky already having darkened and signalled him it's time to hurry back home. Right before he'd left, Jeongguk had gripped his wrist and made him promise to sing to him when they get back to the beach. He's been serious about it. Somehow, singing seems to be a really important topic to the mer.

Which doesn't help Taehyung's newfound case of The Nerves at all.

It's bad enough with him having to sing to the person he coincidentally happens to be head over heels for. But with Jeongguk now turning it into a weighty affair, it makes things even worse.

He needs to practice.

...Dammit.

Taehyung wipes his palms again where he is sitting on his bed.

This is so... well, not stupid, really, because nervosity is a thing, especially when it comes to your crush, and-

Yeah, no, it is stupid.

He is Kim Taehyung, famous idol, top of the charts for several weeks with every new release, winner of multiple awards. Music is his business, it's his life. Singing should not be an issue for him, ever. Even if it is a solo performance for Jeongguk.

He is Kim Taehyung... and he's gotta practice!

"Hyu-huuung~"

"I'm not your hyung," Yoongi drawls from the room next-door. "You may address me with Mister, Sir, or Min Suga Genius."

Taehyung snorts.

"Yah, I heard that!"

"So? Whatcha gonna do about it?"

There is some muffled stomping, some grumbling and a cheeky cackle from Jimin, then Yoongi stands in the open door. "First of all, I'm gonna whoop your for disrespecting your landlord and elder," he announces.

Taehyung grins. "I pay you."

"...Crap. Capitalism is a trap and I am a willing prisoner."

"Amen."

Yoongi squints at him before relaxing and leaning against the door frame as if that's the single reason he came over. "Anyway. You've been calling?"

"Uh, yeah." Taehyung looks down at his hands, watches them fiddle with the blanket as he gnaws on his lip. "How good can the neighbours hear what happens in this house?"

"No, we do not own a Hi-Fi system. And the soundbar is mine," Yoongi deadpans.

"That's not what I-" Taehyung groans. Drags a hand through his hair. "Listen. I am a singer."

"On vacation, incognito, yes," his landlord affirms with crossed arms, nodding along.

"I still gotta practice."

"What for?"

"What f- I can't get out of shape completely, you know."

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "No? I thought that's the single purpose of your stay here."

Yes.

"No!"

He needs a space to practice his high notes, and he needs that place to be out of Jeongguk's hearing range.

Jimin's voice cuts in from their shared bedroom, then. "Babe, stop teasing and just tell him he can be as loud as he wants because the old Miss Woo can't hear a thing anyway."

Yoongi grunts and toes the floor. "Yeah, whatever. But." He looks back up, gives Taehyung a warning glare. "If I find just one cracked glass, you gotta pay up."

Taehyung snorts. "You really think my voice is high enough to do like that?"

The older doesn't reply, just makes an 'I see everything' gesture and then goes back to Jimin's and his room.

Taehyung shakes his head. His two landlords sure are something else.

 

The second Yoongi leaves the house next morning, Taehyung begins to go through his warm-up exercises for the first time ever since he got to Nakseongdae.

And, wow.

"Wow," he croaks, "I sound like ."

Figures. That's what he gets for neglecting his voice for weeks and months.

He's got a lot to catch up on, if he wants to have any chance of impressing Jeongguk.

 

With every day Taehyung flaunts a new reason to stay away from the beach, the mer gets more restless. And maybe a little irritated. But Taehyung really needs the time to get back in shape with his voice, he swears. The high notes just aren't coming nice and clean yet. So he keeps bringing his laptop to watch movies in the abandoned hut, brings some wool and shows Jeongguk how to make friendship bracelets while claiming it is something you have to do inside, asks him to go on hikes through the forest with its colour-changing trees, and brings a bunch of clothes for Jeongguk to try on. Just so the mer knows the different feel of a tailored suit and a cashmere pullover on his skin.

It keeps them occupied and most of the time they have loads of fun, but with every passing day it becomes more obvious that Taehyung is stalling. So when he finally hits each tone during his now mandatory morning warm-up, he gives in. Packs a blanket, stuffs everything in his bag in plastic and prepares to go to the beach.

He kept Jeongguk waiting long enough.

Of course as soon as Taehyung slips out of his shoes and puts them in his bag too before slipping into the water, Jeongguk is elated.

"Really? Are we, are we going? Does that mean you're going to sing for me today?"

Taehyung chuckles fondly as he confirms that yes, yes, they are going to the beach today, he is ready.

It's a beautiful autumn day, with the sun high up and not a single cloud crowding the sky. The golden sunlight catches in the mer's wide eyes and has them twinkling like the most precious gems. Taehyung stares. Before they can dive under and be on their way to the secret beach, he thumbs under Jeongguk's eyes. At the tiny stars hidden there. Ah, he thinks with a tender smile, the stars that couldn't fit in Jeongguk's eyes were scattered on his cheeks. Like fairy dust. What a beautiful sight. What a most wonderful kind of poetry.

They make their way to the beach with Taehyung clinging onto Jeongguk as tightly as he always does and experiencing the beginning of something that feels an awful lot like stage fright. Gosh. He doesn't even know what to sing to Jeongguk. Hopefully he won't sing horrible. (Hopefully Jeongguk will like it.)

This is already worse than all school recitals put together. Because with Jeongguk, it matters what he thinks of Taehyung's singing. A lot. He doesn't want to screw up. Jeongguk deserves a stellar performance and nothing less.

 

Taehyung blanks.

He knows that he must be singing, feels his mouth moving and has a distinct sense of sounds coming out. But. He's not tethered to the earth, and most importantly, his own body. He's floating somewhere high above, somewhere over the open sea where problems are not a thing.

And he has no damn clue what he is singing. At all.

The entirety of him is functioning on autopilot, from breathing pattern to the words escaping him, to the intonation and volume. It makes dealing with the fright of not being good enough easier.

Just... plans tend to be fickle things when Taehyung is the one making them. And so, just when he feels safe and thinks that yes, this is not all too bad, the wind turns. Literally. It's been a steady breeze all day - duh, Taehyung thinks, they are at the sea, of course there is wind - but for most of the time he could ignore it with the stone arch shielding him conveniently. Until now. Until the wind decided to be a little and turn so it's blowing straight through the big arch and doing a great job of finding its way under Taehyung's garments.

Did he already mention that it's autumn, and the wind is now biting cold? Because it is. Which is why Taehyung, entire body shuddering, has no choice but to turn around and try to get away from the nasty wind. To turn and look where to set his feet on the slippery stone as he readjusts himself on the ledge - and come face-to-face with Jeongguk at last.

No, no, no!

He's been doing such a great job not looking at the mer, stifling his nerves successfully. But of course, it would be just his kind of luck that with one single look at Jeongguk his serene detachment is passé and he's coming back to his senses - meaning he loses concentration, stumbles over the next words and ultimately chokes on his own spit.

.

He squints his eyes shut.

That's not...

Great.

He ed up.

Of course he did.

Except, when he dares to peek at Jeongguk who's sitting next to him on the ledge, with his tail elegantly curled over the rock before dipping into the sea, the mer's mouth hangs open slightly.

"Whoa," Jeongguk breathes. "I had no idea."

Taehyung clears his throat and awkwardly wipes his mouth. He blinks. "Huh?"

"You are..." Jeongguk stretches out a hand, fingers opening and closing around nothing as he fumbles for words, "like a siren. I mean, I knew you have a beautiful voice, obviously, but I didn't think..." He shakes his head as if in disbelief and barks out a laugh, then turns to face Taehyung properly. "You have one of the most beautiful singing voices I ever heard. And I heard some."

Still caught up on the fact Jeongguk did not mock him for his hideous fauxpas that had him stop in the middle of the song, Taehyung's mind has difficulties comprehending what's going on. Processing that for one, Jeongguk did not find his little performance funny or bad at all. And two, that he called him-

"A siren?"

Jeongguk hums. Doesn't elaborate, as if it's self-explanatory. Well. It probably is for him. But very much not so for Taehyung.

So he nudges a foot against the mer's tail and pries,

"What does that mean? Are you a siren?"

Jeongguk hums again, then slouches down until he's moulding himself against Taehyung's frame. Head coming to rest on his shoulder, arm winding around Taehyung's, sharp nails slipping between Taehyung's fingers, side pressing into his hip.

"I can be, if I want," he says with low voice before losing a deep breath that has his gills fluttering against Taehyung's shoulder, tickling him. "Sirens aren't a separate thing. Just mers who happen to have an exceptionally beautiful and entrancing singing voice. Some say you can train it but in my opinion that's wrong. You are either born with that certain additional trait, or you are not."

"And you are?"

Jeongguk hums another tickle into Taehyung's shoulder.

"Yes. Which is good, considering how dear singing is to me. So when other mers were around and called me a siren for the first time back when I used to sing a lot, it meant that while I loved doing so it just happened to sound pretty nice too. It's a big compliment for a mer when they get called a siren."

Taehyung gently nudges his side. "Can you sing for me too, please? I don't think I've ever heard a siren before."

"Oh, certainly not," Jeongguk mumbles.

"What?"

"It's nothing." The mer runs a wet thumb over Taehyung's knuckles. "I can sing for you. However, I don't know songs like yours."

"Oh, that's fine, that's. Totally fine. Just show me." Taehyung already feels ready to burst out of the seams from the sheer anticipation. What does a siren song sound like?

Then he gulps. "Ah, but, wait." He gives Jeongguk a sheepish look from under his lashes. "Am I in danger?"

A justified question, he reasons with himself, considering what the stories tell about sirens and the demise of men at sea.

But Jeongguk merely laughs, leans in and gives a little peck to the tip of his nose.

"No, never. Not as long as I'm with you. Don't you worry about it, Taehyung.

Taehyung feels his cheeks heating up.

"...Okay," he mutters before burying his face with those annoyingly traitorous cheeks in the crook of Jeongguk's neck. They both shudder slightly when the mer keeps rumbling a soft, low laugh.

They calm down eventually, shifting around each other a couple of times until finding a comfortable position from which Jeongguk can also sing without problem. Taehyung's breath slows down to an even, silent thing as he tries to make himself as quiet as possible. As he tries to not miss a single thing of Jeongguk singing.

He shouldn't have even worried.

As soon as the mer opens his mouth, the very sea itself hushes. Everything goes still to a point where the endless sea before them is so impossibly calm it looks like a giant silver plate. Not even a tiniest wave is up the stones anymore. The sea birds have stopped their shrieking, the rustling trees at the cliffs high above are standing with bated breath.

Everything waits for Jeongguk's song.

And when he finally sings, oh, sweet world. Taehyung has never heard anything like it. Doubts he could make it up in his wildest dreams or with the most talented composers and producers at his side.

Jeongguk's voice is so pretty, so high and crystal-clear. It wraps around Taehyung like warm honey milk and seeps into his every pore as the embodiment of comfort and gentle purity.

The waves come back then, moving in patterns that are way too much in tune to the mer's singing to be deliberate. Taehyung can't tell if Jeongguk controls the waves, or if the waves give the rhythm to his singing. The only thing he knows is, they are one. So, so beautiful.

They are one, and-

He belongs to them, too!

With the biggest smile stretching over his face without him even noticing, Taehyung reaches out a hand for the sea where it bubbles higher and higher at his feet. Leans forward more, just a little more. He wants- needs to be closer to this miracle. Wants to join in on that wonder, stay with the sea and that breathtaking voice til the end of time. This is where he belongs.

Strong arms wrap around his waist and pull him back onto the ledge.

They stay there, circling around his hips securely as Jeongguk continues singing into his ear and the foreign urge to become one with the sea crashes against the inside of Taehyung's ribcage.

The wordless song goes on and on and Taehyung sits there, entranced, as he listens to the most beautiful melody he ever heard.

Minutes - or maybe hours, or days - later he manages to pry his own mouth open. To push out sounds and words, his ears straining to try and guess where the mer's melody carries next. And then they are singing together, Jeongguk slowing down the tiniest bit to wait for Taehyung and join him, his wonderful, sweet, otherworldly voice mixing with Taehyung's deeper one and melting together beautifully whenever Taehyung dares to climb up to his highest registers and strike perfect harmonies in the third octave or higher.

They sing and sing and sing and around them the world listens as if it's the finest performance since the dawn of time.

 

•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•

 

Jeongguk sighs dreamily.

Singing together with Taehyung is easily the best thing that ever happened to him. It's right there, with meeting Taehyung for the first time, training his first sea otter, and going with his parents to that one lagoon full of bright pink corals that had Seokjin turning giddy to no end.

Jeongguk smiles around the music, around the magic effortlessly slipping out of him while he keeps his arms around Taehyung. He promised him it would be perfectly safe to listen to Jeongguk's siren song. And it is, for Taehyung.

And for Taehyung only.

Because what he does not know, what Jeongguk does not tell him is this: a few miles down south, a little ship caught bits and pieces of Jeongguk's singing, of the melody drifting through the air and carrying abnormally wide. A few minutes later it violently crashes against a rock.

Jeongguk doesn't even flinch as he feels the ripples in the water telling him of the sinking ship far away. Doesn't say a single word. Just chalks it up as one more of the many unforgivable things he has done while they continue singing together. Because here is the thing: Jeongguk can sing. Loves it, even. So much is true. But he can't do it just for fun with no consequences, no strings attached.

When a mer sings, the world around them falls into an awed trance. And it always demands a prize for the attention it gives to the singers. The longer a siren sings, the higher the cost, the higher the number of lives that shall be paid.

In between two breaths a picture flashes in front of Jeongguk's inner eye, of back when he didn't know about those laws yet and sang without a bother in the world. Of when Namjoon took him to the nearest coast and showed him a disastrous pile of not one but several ships that were crushed against the rocky coast with a force that still had splinters of the impact floating in the air. Jeongguk had only shrugged and said, 'But it was fun', back then.

Taehyung doesn't need to know that.

Neither about his past nor about the doom of the unlucky trawler right now.

So Jeongguk keeps singing as if nothing happened - maybe flicks his wrist in the water, fingertips tingling as he sends a big wave to collect the fishermen and carry them ashore.

Taehyung is ruining his bad reputation.

The human has his eyes closed where his head is tilted back on Jeongguk's shoulder, giving himself to their music entirely. Jeongguk smiles and lifts a hand to run a thumb over Taehyung's cheek.

Oh, my poor love, Jeongguk thinks as the waves lap against his tail and bring word of the fishermen reaching land, laying on the beach and heaving for breath after having been submerged in the unnaturally big wave for too long. You wouldn't be alive if you ever heard another siren before.

Scarce is the siren who saves humans from their certain deaths after being unfortunate enough to listen to their singing. And even scarcer one who actively cares for a human and protects them from their very own siren nature.

Taehyung's eyes crack open to meet his, a warm smile tugging up the corners of Taehyung's mouth.

Jeongguk melts.

 

It becomes their new thing, singing together in their bay.

It adds a whole new layer to their relationship and the time spent together. Music has always been special to Jeongguk and was in his opinion the most honest form of expressing oneself. So with the two of them singing together regularly now - Jeongguk subtly steering all the approaching boats and ships off-course so they get far, far away and can't end up as annoying collaterals - he feels like he is experiencing a part of Taehyung that usually stays hidden. Like they converse with each other so much more sincere than they ever could with idle talk.

Besides, it is just such a great joy to sing together. To bask in Taehyung's singing voice that is much more unique and diverse than he'd thought. Taehyung, Jeongguk comes to realise, has an incredibly large vocal range for a human. His voice goes deep like an underwater cave that's never seen the light of day and only hosts beings like morays, but sometimes it also rises up high like a geyser shooting into the air and gleaming in sunlight as small droplets spray everywhere and it keeps rising still. Taehyung's voice goes very high and very low and everywhere in between.

And with that, he can do so many things. Can play around with his timbre and sing slow, heartfelt ballads just as good as aggressive songs where he keeps spitting out words like weapons.

Jeongguk asks him about it - so Taehyung tries to teach him a few things. Explains the different music genres to him, and the basics of how to manipulate your voice to achieve certain effects. He shows Jeongguk how a vibrato and a falsetto sounds, tells him about head voice, tells him about key modulations and octaves and so much more.

Some of those things, Jeongguk already knew. He just couldn't put a name on it. Others are completely new to him.

With a hand constantly splayed across Jeongguk's stomach, Taehyung then guides him through a few breathing exercises for a steadier voice or for carrying a tune longer. Jeongguk doesn't necessarily need to practice these things. But he'd never tell Taehyung that, and risk losing the contact, the soothing touch to his skin.

After a little while Taehyung notices he doesn't require lessons on those very things, though.

"Wait." He squints at him, and - Jeongguk called it - retracts his hand. "If you can breathe through both your mouth and nose, and your gills, then you don't have to do breathing exercises at all, do you?"

Jeongguk shrugs with a little grin. "Probably not."

Taehyung swats his chest. Jeongguk just lets him, too happy about the touch to even feel the slight sting.

"Yah, you little trickster! Wait. So, could you, like, carry a tune forever because you can breathe through your gills?"

Another shrug. "It'd get boring eventually."

"But have you ever tried to see how long you can sing without taking a breath?"

"I have."

And the result were thirty-one dead bodies, a throbbing bump on his head and a greatly displeased Namjoon.

Taehyung's sparkling eyes are a stark contrast to the memories Jeongguk's mind is drifting off to. "Could you show me? Just long enough to impress me."

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow and nudges a finger under Taehyung's chin. "How long would it take to impress you, then?"

Taehyung blinks, and Jeongguk watches in unfiltered delight as a faint blush colours the other's cheeks the longer he keeps his hand there. "Uhm. I'll show you how long I can do it, and then you best me, okay?"

"Very well."

Taking a few deep breaths that have his chest swelling, Taehyung prepares. Then, when he deems himself good to go, he in one more breath and opens his mouth to belt out a tone so loud, rich and powerful it feels like it is whipping through the air and instantly filling the entire bay.

Jeongguk forgets to count the heartbeats or take some other kind of measure, too busy staring. Taehyung is magnificent. Even though it is not a word, just a single sound the human keeps going for several moments, it is still fascinating. His voice is just... so pretty. Reaches so deep into Jeongguk's chest, he doesn't know what to do about it. How is it possible for that much voice to come out of a lithe body like this? Out of a fragile thing like a human? It is mind-boggling. Jeongguk could listen to him for hours.

Maybe Taehyung has a little bit of a siren in himself. Maybe he just doesn't know.

Either way Jeongguk is amazed.

Eventually however - too soon, Jeongguk's mind complains - Taehyung reaches his limits and the sound stops, bay falling into silence as he takes in some sharp breaths.

"Now you," he says, and seems to almost vibrate with anticipation.

Who is Jeongguk to deny him?

So without breaking eye contact or so much as taking a breath, Jeongguk begins to sing. Anchors himself in Taehyung's wide brown eyes that look at him in wonder as he sings a song he knows from Seokjin's archipelago, a light, joyful tune the waves have murmured there. He turns a little inward to concentrate on the flow of the air, mindful of breathing through his gills only despite being on the dry. He sings and sings, several minutes passing without the sound breaking off.

It doesn't take long for Taehyung's eyes to go comically wide as he gapes at him. A bit more time passes, and his flabbergasted look turns into a pout.

That - not the need for air - is what has Jeongguk stopping. He tilts his head.

"What?"

"Cheater," Taehyung mutters.

Jeongguk keeps looking at him, waiting for an explanation.

It doesn't take long.

"Well," Taehyung splutters, hands flailing adorably, "I mean, technically you don't need to breathe. So for you to take part in a competition of who has the longest breath is not fair."

"It was your idea."

Taehyung pouts some more. "Yeah, I know. I'm stupid like that."

Jeongguk laughs, cradles Taehyung's precious face in both hands, thumbs over his cheeks. "Silly Taehyung. You could never be stupid." To make a point, he leans in and puts a gentle kiss on Taehyung's forehead. Stays there a bit longer when Taehyung's hands come up to wrap around Jeongguk's wrists and keep him close.

"I've been plenty stupid in this life already."

Jeongguk draws back enough to lock eyes and catch the hesitation there. Still smiling, he shakes his head slowly so their noses rub together. Taehyung sniffs, then giggles.

For the first time he plays his age card on the human.

"Don't you know, Taehyung? I'm a very old, wise being. If I say you are not stupid, then you are not."

It's enough to make him chuckle. "You are such an idiot." Grinning, Taehyung playfully pushes at Jeongguk's shoulder. And shouts out in alarm when Jeongguk just... keeps falling.

It's been by no means a heavy push. Barely more than a puny nudge, really. But if Taehyung calls him an idiot, then, well. Jeongguk will behave like one. Or maybe he's just feeling playful. Either way, it's worth the look of confusion on Taehyung's face when he leans further and further away until he's falling on his back, now laying on the stone ledge.

"What are you-"

Jeongguk smirks. Doesn't let Taehyung finish his sentence before he is wrapping both hands around his waist, hoisting up a squeaking Taehyung and setting him down right where skin meets scales.

Something shifts in Taehyung's expression then, as he's straddling Jeongguk. Turns into a different kind of playful as he leans down until their faces are close enough to feel each other's breath again. Taehyung's hands are curious things, slipping under his silver chains and wandering up his chest, one of them skimming a very sensitive part of Jeongguk as they keep trailing higher, over his collarbones and around his shoulders. Wherever he touches, Jeongguk's skin erupts in goosebumps.

He watches in rapt attention how Taehyung's eyes fill out until they are almost as dark as his own. Barely notices one hand gliding up further and burying in his long hair when he is too busy watching Taehyung's tongue dart out for the shortest moment.

"Now?"

Taehyung's voice comes low and a little rough. A quality Jeongguk only recently got to know from him. He understands why. Knows what Taehyung is referring to. And it's so, so tempting. But.

"I've been singing not too long ago, Taehyung."

Taehyung nods. "Yeah. Sounded really pretty. Like always."

"No, that's not..." Jeongguk huffs fondly and tilts his head to bury further into Taehyung's large hand. "Thank you. But that's not what I mean. When a siren sings, you see, it puts humans under a spell. Like... a trance."

"I'm perfectly fine though?"

Jeongguk nods. "Yes. Of course you are. I'm keeping an eye on you. It's all good, you are fine. But, you might not be... entirely you."

The human frowns. "I'm pretty sure I'm sober."

Ignoring the foreign word - Jeongguk figures Taehyung understood him correctly and 'sober' is just human slang - he shakes his head. "Pretty sure is not sure enough."

The hand in his hair stills. Then all the air rushes out of Taehyung as he lets himself slump onto Jeongguk.

"You are so mean for this," he says, chin propped up where he's crossed his arms on Jeongguk's chest. "That's the second time you are denying me my kisses, you know."

Jeongguk gives him a wistful smile and tugs a wet strand behind Taehyung's ear. "I just don't want you to have any reason of second-guessing yourself later."

"That's annoyingly gentleman of you," Taehyung grunts, then turns his head to the side so it's resting right under Jeongguk's chin.

"Sorry," Jeongguk mutters. Marvels at how naturally his arms have come up to wrap around Taehyung's body and secure him, as if that's their most important purpose whenever the human is close.

"No, no, don't be. I'm gonna be thankful for your mindfulness in five minutes. Just. Not know. Right now I just feel hella blue-balled."

Jeongguk comes to the silent conclusion with himself that it's probably better he doesn't know what that means.

He begins to talk about one of his favourite lagoons to Taehyung, smoothing his hands up and down the human's pullover-clad back, calming down the both of them. Taehyung listens. Lets himself be guided away from his former mindset, eyes slipping close soon enough as Jeongguk continues talking with hushed voice. Half a thought of him has the waves quietening down to faint gurgles.

Like this, Taehyung falls asleep on him. With his cheek smooched under his collarbone, nose digging slightly into Jeongguk's skin, Taehyung's entire weight warm and heavy on him.

Jeongguk smiles fondly. Keeps threading a careful hand through Taehyung's damp hair, untangling the strands and collecting the wetness on his fingers until it forms little droplets that run down his arm and back into the sea, leaving fluffy dry hair behind. Just to be sure. He is not certain yet how human sicknesses work but if Taehyung can't stay in cold water for long, then water in his hair probably is not such a great idea either.

Taehyung huffs, smacks his lips together and buries himself more into Jeongguk's embrace. A wet patch tingles Jeongguk's skin where the other is drooling on him.

"Messy Taehyung," he whispers with the faint tremor of a chuckle in his voice as he wipes the drool away.

Taehyung merely grunts and curls one of his hands into a loose fist.

Jeongguk doesn't have the words to say how much he loves moments like those with Taehyung. Shortly he mourns that Seokjin is not here to witness this wonderfully calm and domestic picture of Jeongguk, with a sleeping human atop of him. The other mer's jaw would drop lower than the grounds of the Mariana trench.

But maybe it's better like this. He is not sure how well Seokjin would actually take to Taehyung. To him being a human and all. After everything he's been through, Jeongguk doubts their first encounter would be a pleasant one. Seokjin would probably either drag Jeongguk away from Taehyung or see him as a threat and try to kill him. 

...Yeah, maybe it's better he is not here, after all.

 

•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•

 

Taehyung is very happy to say that time continuously flowing turns out not to be the biggest disappointment of the year.

At first he'd been a little disgruntled at the thought of summer coming to an end and thus the lavish days spent swimming in their secret bay and goofing around no longer being a thing. However! Turns out, even with the weather gradually getting more chilly, he can still have loads of fun with Jeongguk. And be in constant awe of him.

They are singing duets every day now, to his huge delight. He never had a singing partner like Jeongguk before. It's such a unique experience, so different to anything else. In some ways, it feels like it goes so much deeper than any other duet or collaboration he ever did. Taehyung even has the distinct feeling that his own singing is changing slowly. He can't pinpoint it yet, but he knows that singing together with Jeongguk for such a long time is doing things to him.

And it's just so much fun. Jeongguk's voice on its own is already ethereal, would have scouts from the music industry lining up to knock down his door with printed contract in their hands. Yet combined, they sound even better than alone. It's the way their singing voices are so different by nature, with only a small overlap when Taehyung goes for his head voice, complementing each other perfectly. Taehyung doesn't use that word often. Perfect. It's justified for this situation, though. For them. It's a perfect match and nobody can convince him otherwise.

In the evenings, after he had to part ways with Jeongguk for the night - he is doing so with a kiss on Jeongguk's cheek now, because he can, because it feels right, and because he just loves showing his affection - he spends hours with his notebook in his lap. By now he has to sharpen the pencil almost everyday with how many snippets and ideas for lyrics he's jotting down. And all the while, Jeongguk's pretty, pretty voice keeps playing in his head.

It's gotten to a point where he even dreams of Jeongguk's singing. And of Jeongguk in general.

Where in the first weeks Taehyung had only vague dreams of glittering silver underwater or huge fish shadows circling around him, the mer is with him every night now, in full HD. And more often than not he's singing sweet lullabies to Taehyung while guiding him through the endlessly dark sea, one hand always holding Taehyung's.

Yoongi and Jimin kindly leave him alone whenever they notice he is in the zone, filling page after page with his scribbles and mouthing the words along, sometimes humming a melody. Then some musical notations join in with single words or complete verses, and the whole thing becomes even messier.

Cat Yoongi, however, doesn't have the good sense to stay away like his landlords do. Which has lead to the little guy slinking into Taehyung's room and deciding that right now is a great time to ram his little claws into Taehyung's leg and climb up, Taehyung letting out a startled cry or at least flinching hard. And then he promptly forgets what he's just been about to write down. It happened twice now, already.

So this evening, when cat Yoongi waddles up to him with twitching whiskers, Taehyung lifts up the little menace, tells him a stern 'No' and sets him back into the hallway. He likes the small guy but when his creative juices are flowing Taehyung simply can't stand to get interrupted.

Now here is the thing. When Taehyung is not either writing about, thinking or dreaming of Jeongguk, then he is seeing him. Which gives Jeongguk many opportunities to talk to him. Or more specifically, to call him things.

Over the past days - ever since their starry night camp-out, really, if not even longer - Taehyung has come to find that Jeongguk is a sweet-talker. He just has a way with words. And, Taehyung doesn't know if there is any connection to Jeongguk still reading through all of his books at an alarming speed or not, but what he does know is that the mer has started to call him by all kind of beautiful names. 

Where every second sentence directed at him used to include at least one 'Taehyung', now it seems Jeongguk has made it his new sport to call him anything else. Some variations are outright silly but most of the time they are really sweet and capable of turning Taehyung's insides to mush within seconds. He almost likes all of them, but the most lethal ones, the names that render him absolutely useless whenever Jeongguk says them, the ones Taehyung likes best to be called, are Treasure and Pearl. (Siren is a close second. Jeongguk had called him like that once after they'd sung an especially heartfelt slow piece together. Taehyung had been a puddle for the rest of the day.) Whenever Jeongguk calls him these things with that shimmer of awe in his eyes, Taehyung is a goner.

And of course, of course Jeongguk knows. Notices which pet names have him stuttering and blushing until he is a complete mess. So naturally, he mixes those in more often than the others. Sprinkles little 'my treasure's or 'sweet pearl's into their conversations like seasoning and watches Taehyung implode with a secretive little smile on his lips.

It's not fair. And also very bad for his poor heart.

The worst thing is, Taehyung has no idea what to do about it in return. He is powerless like that. No pet names come to his mind because Jeongguk is just too much. Too much of everything. Too bright, too astounding, too unreal. Nothing could compare.

(Except maybe one thing. There is one thing Taehyung wants to call him but hadn't dared yet. It's his secret for now.)

 

The autumn sea, Taehyung noticed maybe a little late, is a rough and unruly being. With steel-grey clouds hanging above their heads most of the time, wind whipping over the water and whipping up the surface into many waves, some of them growing impressively before dulling down again under Jeongguk's influence. Like the eye of a storm, their bay is always calm whenever they are there.

Taehyung mentioned his observation about the changing character of the sea once and Jeongguk had laughed in his face.

"Oh Taehyung, my precious pearl, you haven't seen winter yet."

Taehyung couldn't even be mad at him for being laughed at, too busy blushing himself into next year.

Over time he got used to the wildness of the sea. Now he doesn't even flinch at the hard bangs of tall waves crashing against stone in the distance with probably enough force to crush a car. They don't go on hikes in the wood that often anymore, however. Not with how the trees keep groaning and bending dangerously in the wind. He doesn't trust them. So they stay in their bay, mostly under the lee of that stone arch, and sing, talk and read to their heart's content most of the days.

There are a few rare exceptions though. Like, when Jeongguk has taken him back to that bioluminescent beach a few more times. It's easier now to go and watch the spectacle, simply because the days are shorter, nightfall earlier and thus the glowing little shrimp do their thing well before midnight. Taehyung needn't worry about being late for dinner like that.

One day, after an off remark from Yoongi who against all his gruff demeanour addressed Jimin as 'marshmallow', Taehyung has a realisation. Something they haven't done yet, despite it being the perfect time. It's a crime, really. Next evening, he has to show Jeongguk what a good campfire is.

So he begins to plan it out. Subtly asks a preening Jimin if marshmallows are available here - in some regards Nakseongdae feels like the end of the world, with how it is simply not possible to buy things like some good sheet masks, lip tints, character socks or phone cases here. The landlord gives him a funny look, gets up from his place at the table, trudges over and wordlessly opens one of the corner cabinets.

It is filled to the brim with sweets, more than half of them sugary goodies that look a lot like what Taehyung requested.

"Will that be enough?" Jimin asks drily, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Taehyung nods. "Uh, yeah. I think so."

(What the ? How did he not know of that huge stash of yummy stuff?)

"Cool. Help yourself, then."

"Uhm. Thank you?"

"Mhm."

Despite having gotten permission, Taehyung still waits the next day for both landlords to leave before stuffing his bag full of marshmallows and chocolate. (He might have whooped upon spotting a package of cookies and sacked that one too.) An additional blanket and his bluetooth speaker also make it into his bag, then he is on his way to the only other shop in town that is not Yoongi's workplace. It's not that the thing he wants to buy is anything suspicious, but the less his landlord knows, the better. Yoongi has a tendency to be scarily accurate when it comes to observations. Better be safe than sorry.

The old lady gives him a funny look when he asks for some sausages, muttering something under her breath that very much does not sound like sausages at all. When she comes waddling back to the front of the store, the thing she gruffly presents him is a pack of sundaes. 

Taehyung grimaces.

"Uh, no, I wanted sausages. Sau-sa-ges. You know, long, thin, for cooking, frying or eating raw."

She nods, then points at the blood sausages in her hand.

"No. Different." Taehyung whines and tries to mimic it with hand movements. Somehow it feels wrong and dirty when he attempts to show the woman that he's looking for something long and thin. The judging look he gets in return tells Taehyung he is not only imagining it - his gestures are easily inappropriate.

A few minutes later he gives up and shows her a picture on the phone instead.

The granny's face lightens up. She turns around to trudge back to the storage room, shaking her head and grumbles something that Taehyung swears includes the word 'idiot' at least twice.

He ends up getting his sausages. And, as so often, is running late. Luckily Jeongguk doesn't hold it against him. Just gives Taehyung a broad smile when he finally makes it around the corner of the hut and stretches out both arms for him. Taehyung doesn't think twice about it before merrily jumping off the pier. Leaves it to Jeongguk to figure out how to make his landing quiet.

And startles, when in the next moment he finds himself inside a huge water bubble that's slowly floating down, dipping into the water, into Jeongguk's arms before trickling down around him.

"Well." Taehyung tongues his cheek. "That was new."

Jeongguk shrugs and gives him a mischievous smirk. "Gotta keep you entertained somehow."

"Yah, you brat," Taehyung laughs, swatting at the mer's chest. Then leans down to smooch a purposefully wet kiss on Jeongguk's cheek. Preens at the way Jeongguk is not wiping it away, just smiling back at him. "Hi."

The mer nudges their noses together. "Hi. Any plans for today?"

"Yep." Taehyung pops the 'p', earning him a chuckle and a little flick against his ear. He furrows his eyebrows, momentarily lost. Why was that gesture so hot just now? ...Anyway! "We are going on an adventure," he announces proudly. "Kinda."

Jeongguk really laughs then.

"Alright. With the starting point being where, mister expedition leader sir?"

Taehyung wiggles around until he can pull free one of his arms out of their tight embrace. He pumps his fist in the air. "To the beach!"

Still laughing, Jeongguk watches him until he takes a deep breath, then pulls the two of them under.

 

They goof around all day until Taehyung begrudgingly has to admit they need to get their hands on actual wood to make a campfire. And to find wood...

He glances up the cliffs, to the old forest growing there, remaining leaves rustling. Sometimes a gust of wind blows down some dead leaves and they slowly sail down to the beach or directly land in the sea.

A look under furrowed brows at Jeongguk and then back up the cliffs has the mer springing to action.

"You wanna go up?"

There is a barely noticeable tremor to his voice. It's only fair, Taehyung thinks, seeing how long it's been since the last time they went up to the forest. And he still has no clue how the shift works, what Jeongguk must endure or do to ensure he is sprouting a pair of human legs.

But. He already brought all the stuff for the campfire here. And it would be a shame for autumn to pass without them using the opportunity.

So after gnawing on his lip for a while, Taehyung nods.

"I, yeah. But, I mean, actually... you can only do things when water is nearby, right?"

Jeongguk chuckles at his wording. "Yes."

"Do you think you could..." Taehyung glances at the clouds. It's not too bad today and.the wind is bearable but still. "Could you maybe, like, take a glob of water up with you? Just to be safe?"

"A... glob." The mer raises both eyebrows.

"Yeah, you know..." Taehyung gestures for a vaguely round shape the size of a big pumpkin.

Jeongguk shrugs, then. "Sure. Wanna go right now?"

"Uh, yeah."

So they do. They ride that huge water pillar wave thingy until it spews them out on top of the cliff. And sure enough, it doesn't plummet back down into the sea. Instead, the water masses stay where they are, then trail after them into the forest like a giant worm. It's equal parts weird, funny and reassuring.

Taehyung creeps through the woods with his eyes downcast, collecting dead wood in his arms until Jeongguk takes it from him and nonchalantly tosses it into the water worm where it floats behind them.

Once Taehyung deems it enough and also found some good sticks for roasting stuff, he lets out a relieved sigh. Rubbing his hurting neck, he looks up to the sky and rolls his shoulders.

"Nice. That should do the trick."

Jeongguk has long since given up pestering him about his plans for the day and just nods.

"Everybody get on board, please~" With grand movement and a silly grin that looks way too cute on him, he gestures for the water masses.

Giggling, Taehyung steps forward and lets himself be engulfed by the wetness, Jeongguk right at his side. Around them the wood is floating in the water like fish in an aquarium.

They ride their mighty water vehicle back through the forest and down the cliff, Taehyung snickering the whole way and Jeongguk grinning along where he has an arm wrapped securely around Taehyung's waist. They make it back to the beach with no issue. As soon as they land, the water seeps back into the sea, dropping wood around them in a loose circle.

"That was sooo cool," Taehyung says with the broadest grin.

Jeongguk mocks a bow. "Always glad to serve."

"Ah, we should have stayed clear of the regency romance novels," Taehyung laments. Clutches his chest dramatically. "This is not good for my heart." 

The mer just laughs.

 

It takes Taehyung exactly fourteen tries and three Youtube tutorials to set up their fire. In the meanwhile, he provides Jeongguk with the task of prepping the sticks for them, peeling off the bark and sharpening the ends enough so they can spear the sausages on them.

Maybe part of the reason Taehyung needs so many tries with the fire is because Jeongguk uses his bare claws to sharpen the sticks, cutting away on the wood with his razor-sharp nails. It's the first time Taehyung sees him using them and gets first-hand proof of how sharp, how dangerous they actually are. Maybe it distracts him a great deal. (Maybe Jeongguk notices and throws him a cheeky smirk.)

They do get everything set up, eventually. By the time the fire is going, it's already dark and the icy coldness setting in quickly, proving the timing to be perfect. Somewhere in the sand behind them, the bluetooth box is resting against a few stones and playing a generic playlist of campfire guitar music Taehyung downloaded the prior evening.

"Alright." Taehyung nods to himself. Gets up and pulls out the other blanket. "Very good."

They sit huddled together in front of their now brightly burning fire, one blanket beneath them and the other thrown over their laps.

"Welcome to your very first campfire night," Taehyung announces with great bravado, belting ou the words in full chest voice with his arms stretched out. The mer flinches. Taehyung cackles then makes grabby hands. "Stick, please."

A stick he requests, a stick he gets. He prods at the sharp tip and whistles. "Wow! Just like with a pencil sharpener. Or a really good jack knife." With a fat grin he turns around to Jeongguk. "In other words, you are a tool."

The mer squints at him. "Should I be offended? I feel like I should."

Taehyung laughs and pinches his cheek. Then he rummages through his bag to get out the goodies. The sausages are vacuum-sealed and yes, okay, he forgot to bring scissors or a knife. No problem.

"Hand, please."

With a confused grunt, Jeongguk offers his right hand. Taehyung takes it and guides one finger to the package. Once Jeongguk catches on, he slightly bends his finger and then presses down. His nail cuts through the plastic like butter. Taehyung is definitely impressed.

(How did he never get hurt by Jeongguk as much as touching him? What the ?!)

He takes out half of the sausages and spears them onto the stick, then gestures for Jeongguk to give him the second one and repeats the whole thing.

"Okay. You take this one-" Taehyung hands one of the prepped sticks back to the mer- "and I take this one. And now we both hold it into the fire like this and wait a while."

"And that's... it?"

"Well, it's a start." Taehyung huffs. "After we had our roasted sausages I also brought marshmallows and stuff. And while we sit here at the campfire it is mandatory that we cuddle all the time and tell each other cheesy and funny and interesting things. The law demands it. Also you have to..." he ponders for a bit, "you have to give me at least ten kisses during this time."

Jeongguk chuckles from deep within his chest. Taehyung can feel the vibration travel through his body. He loves it.

"Also usually it's mandatory that at least one good-looking dude with long hair plays the guitar and sings self-written songs or old classics. But I can't play the guitar for and my hair is not long enough, so. We have to limit ourselves to humming, I guess. This is so sad, Alexa play Despacito."

Nothing happens. Belatedly Taehyung remembers his bluetooth speaker is not an Alexa thing. Which is a good thing. He prefers it this way around.

Jeongguk gives him a questioning look that has Taehyung snorting.

"Forget it, it's nothing. It's a meme. You wouldn't know."

"Then maybe you gotta explain it to me."

"I'm not sure the world is ready for you to learn about memes," he mutters to himself.

Jeongguk is about to retort something, when he pulls his stick out of the flames and his eyes go round. "Oh-oh. My thing is burning, is- is that bad?"

"Yes!," Taehyung shrieks. "Quick, quick, blow it out, you can't eat burnt food."

"I probably could-"

"No no no, you'll get cancer!"

Jeongguk gives him a funny look then. "Taehyung. You can't 'get' cancers. They like to be left alone. Everybody knows it's stupid to pick up a cancer."

"No, not cancer as in, the flat snip-snip crabs, but the disease."

"Why would you name a disease after an animal? Sounds dumb to me. Also, that's bullying."

Taehyung throws his head back and groans. "No. Yes, I know. I mean. That's really not the point right now! Your entire stick is burning, will you please do something about it, I don't want you to get burnt!" 

Jeongguk has the audacity to roll his eyes. But, with a flick of his wrist, a bucket-worth of water floats over to them from the shore and goes down on not only Jeongguk's but both of their sticks in a loud splash, completely soaking the blanket too.

Taehyung splutters. "Great. Thanks. Uh, that is one way to do it, I guess. Seems like we'll have wet salty sea sausages for dinner."

He gingerly pulls off one of his sausages and nibbles on it. "Huh." He blinks. "It's not even that bad?"

They snack away on their almost-but-not-really roasted sausages. When it's time for the marshmallows - for Taehyung's version of s'mores - he gives Jeongguk an in-depth instruction on what not to do when roasting things. The mer listens with an amused little smile but nods anyway.

Turns out Jeongguk has a sweet tooth. He's inhaling the marshmallows faster than Taehyung can refill them. Taehyung can't even look as quick as they are gone, the mer holding out an empty stick, blinking at him with big innocent eyes and jutting out his lower lip again. Taehyung doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Settles for the first, simply because Jeongguk is too damn cute.

"Hey, can mer people get sick? Like, from eating too much?"

Jeongguk shakes his head, mouth already stuffed with the next serving. His fingers are coated with sticky sugar from how he keeps shoving more into his mouth than should be allowed to fit. "Nah." 

There is a little trail of marshmallow spit sauce running down his chin. Taehyung thinks he really must be madly in love with the mer if he finds the sight cute instead of disgusting. But alas, he just stretches out a hand to wipe the mess off Jeongguk's face with an endeared smile.

"That's so mean," he says, still smiling. "You can stuff yourself with so much unhealthy crap and not even feel the consequences. Well, at least I don't need to worry about you laying awake and puking your guts out tonight, I guess."

Jeongguk nods enthusiastically and shoves another marshmallow in his mouth. Taehyung sighs and shakes his head.

 

Taehyung is running very late for dinner with his landlords but he swears it's not his fault.

Not at all, not when after Jeongguk finally stopped gorging himself on sweets and cleaned his face and hands, all it took was one swipe of his still sugar-coated tongue to have his lips glistening enticingly. Especially with the glow of the flames sparkling on them. And. It's been half a year since they met. Taehyung came here in spring and now it's the middle of autumn. He is officially done waiting. 

And. He warned Jeongguk that he wants lots of kisses tonight. So it's not even a surprise attack by definition, really.

He pounces.

There is no plan to his actions, he doesn't know what he's doing. Just. He really wants to know how sweet Jeongguk's lips taste now. So when the mer turns to him with the most happy and excited look on his face, opening his mouth to say something, Taehyung's hand darts out to grab the back of his head and pull him in instead.

"Wh-"

Jeongguk doesn't get to finish a single word before Taehyung is pressing their mouths together. He swipes his tongue over Jeongguk's lip, hungry after being denied for so long. Gosh, those lips. And that stupid, stupid mole sitting right below them. Taehyung had been staring at it all night. With the flickering light of their fire it seemed like the cute little dot was dancing, mocking him.

He is about to deepen the kiss when he notices that Jeongguk has stopped moving completely. T

aehyung reluctantly pulls away.

"Sorry, I, uh." He clears his throat. "I should have just... that was kinda, yeah, well."

He doesn't even know what he wants to say, but Jeongguk hasn't kissed back and that's never a good sign. He should probably apologise some more for coming at him like this. 

Except.

Jeongguk is shaking his head now, features all soft and pretty in the warm light of the fire, eyes sparkling like there are fireworks going off in their depths.

"No, it's. It's okay. I was just surprised."

Taehyung's grip on the mer's hair subconsciously tightens, mouth hanging slightly open. He blinks furiously. "It's... it's okay?"

"Yeah." Their voices have dwindled down to a hush so low it's easily overpowered by the crackling fire. Jeongguk lifts his hand and cradles Taehyung's face in it, thumb slowly swiping over his lip, nail digging into the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, of course it's okay. And this time I know it's all you."

Taehyung huffs. Gives a timid to the pad of Jeongguk's thumb then places a feather-light kiss there. The fireworks in the mer's eyes wink out one after another until an alluring darkness takes their place. Taehyung can't look away. Jeongguk always had the most expressive eyes. So, so beautiful. "It's always been all me, ," he mutters.

The mer's mouth lifts into a tender smile. "I had to be sure. A siren's song can mess with human heads a lot."

"Yeah, well. There is nothing messing with my head now except for your general gorgeous presence, so. Are you going to finally kiss me now?"

Jeongguk hums. And Taehyung can't help himself, he stretches out his other hand to rest his palm right on top of the mer's fluttering gills. 

"You really like them, don't you," the mer asks while leaning in and nosing up Taehyung's exposed collarbone. "You keep touching all the time."

Taehyung runs a finger over the delicate tissue. "Yeah. They are so cute. And I just love feeling you against me in any way."

Jeongguk peppers kisses up Taehyung's neck that barely touch the skin yet scorch him in the best way, climbing up to his jaw, nipping at one of the studs in Taehyung's ear, then stays there, humming again. His gills scratch against Taehyung's neck on one side and flutter under his still cupped hand on the other side of Jeongguk's neck.

"You know, I'm not exactly experienced in this," he murmurs right into Taehyung's ear.

Taehyung loosens his grip on the mer's hair to card a gentle hand through the long strands in what he hopes to be a calming gesture.

"You are doing pretty well, actually," he promises. "Besides, there is not much you could do wrong. Just go with what feels right. But if you want, I can guide you a little bit."

"Hmm."

Taehyung takes his other hand off Jeongguk's neck to run a finger up his chin and turn his head until their noses are almost touching. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, okay. Show me."

Taehyung smiles. Pecks one corner of Jeongguk's mouth, then the other, then brings both hands up to carefully grasp his face and places kisses on the mer's fluttering eyelashes. With a sigh, Jeongguk melts into him.

Taehyung keeps smiling while he kisses the stars etched into the skin under Jeongguk's eyes. While he trails back down and presses their lips together in a languid kiss, the mer soon copying the movement until they are caressing each other like lazy summer waves in the afternoon splashing around a rock. He can't help it, not when Jeongguk is so soft with him, so open and vulnerable. The smile stays on his face and doesn't leave.

It's a first kiss unlike anything he experienced before.

Granted, there haven't been many first kisses before Jeongguk, with the dating ban of the company, his always tight schedule and everything. But with Jeongguk it's just so different. Everything is more intense, every emotion runs deeper with the mer. Taehyung didn't know he could feel that much at once. He takes it all, greedily it up to the last drop, even when his heart feels so full it might burst already.

They get lost in each other, the campfire under the now black clouds their only witness. Jeongguk is quick to grow more confident, hand sliding into Taehyung's hair and tilting his head. With each tentative and the answering push of Taehyung's tongue against his he becomes bolder, and soon he is laying down on his back, pulling Taehyung on top of him.

Taehyung loves it. Eagerly mirrors every passionate and bite, hands roaming all over the mer's body until one of them gets entangled in his lovely body chains.

The fire was a great idea. Especially now, when Taehyung can still see Jeongguk despite the darkness that has fallen all around them. And what a sight he is. Jeongguk looks so, so pretty. With his lips kissed swollen, face and chest flushed all beautifully, black hair splayed out around his head like a dark halo, the silver adorning his body twinkling with each heave of his chest. The stars both under and in his eyes are dancing to a song only the both of them know. 

The iest thing however, is the way Jeongguk furrows his brows every time before surging up to kiss Taehyung some more, kiss him deeper still than before.

Taehyung loves it all. And he has zero remorse about missing dinner with his landlords.

Because this, having Jeongguk finally yield everything to him, having him unravel right beneath his hands - and alongside all the passion bearing witness to the never-ending adoration the mer has for him in the way his grip never gets too tight, touch always remaining gentle with him and in the way all the lovely names keep tumbling from his lips - it feels like two souls coming home to each other.

Taehyung doesn't want to ever let go.