The weight of the blanket is perfect. There is no sound coming from outside. What time is it? Around 4 a.m.? I should probably sleep more… This bed is way too comfortable to get out of it anyway. I wish we could stay here forever, in this very house. Far away from the world, just us. I wonder if Wheein and Hyejin love me as much as I love them. Do they know how much I love them? I don't even have words for it. I didn't think I was able to love that much.

…

It seems like the sun is slowly rising up. That means it’s around 7 a.m., I think. I wonder if the girls are awake? Well, girls… We were four girls, now we are four women. We have matured, we have learned about ourselves, we have grown. But our bond… Our bond is still going so strong. If I turn around, with my back to the window, then I won’t see the light as much.

…

The white numbers on the screen of my phone say it’s 9:28 a.m. Today is Saturday, a week of our vacation has passed. I let the curtains open before going to bed yesterday and the sun woke me up. The light slowly increasing, the rays of sun gently heating the room through the window… The room is tinted a warm shade of orange. It’s always been the best way to wake up.

I didn't realise how much I needed those vacation. It's not just relaxing, it is resourcing. Wheein’s family house is very comfortable, as it always is. And it’s quality time with quality people. No matter how much people I meet, no group of friends can compare to what those three make me feel.

Those friends… they will be in my life forever, no matter what happens. We don’t rely on each other as much anymore, because we don’t see each other every day like we use too. Even the kids, I think, don’t share their problems as much between them. Yongsun too will be forever in my life. It took me time with her to realise it, but… I don’t think it will happen but even if we lose sight of each other again, she’ll still be there, in my head, in my heart.  

I don’t remember her being this attentive. Even towards the kids. It’s the little things. Like when we were at the grocery store on Wednesday, she automatically picked up the ice cream Hyejin was craving the day before. And she brought enough to last until the next shopping session. Or when we were on our way to the aquarium, she let Wheein sit next to me in the passenger’s seat so she could enjoy the scenic route fully. Or even last night, when we were eating, and she passed me the bottle of water when I was thirsty while I didn’t ask for anything yet.

I also realise she’ll still be a part of our group by how quickly it felt normal to have her around again. Thinking of it, it’s probably partly thanks to how Hyejin shower her with love. How could someone feel and appear unwanted when they are being hugged all the time? And her reaction to a clingy Hyejin is very… motherly? I’m not sure it’s the right word to describe how it feels. Between that and the absolute banters she and Wheein go into every now and then… Again, it’s like she never left. And if, IF she leaves again, then I know it will be as easy for her to come back. Knowing that we would welcome her that easily used to make me mad. Frustrated. I felt it was unfair. But it’s just how it is. I hope it would be as easy for me, if I had to grow apart the group at some point.

Anyway. Today is going to be such a good one. I promised Wheein to take her go see an art exhibit, a little further back in the country. Hyejin didn't care about it until she found out one of the best-rated bakeries of the region was close by the gallery, and it had a tearoom. So, I had no choice then to promise her I would buy her a pastry, because "it's unfair!"

We have what, an hour and a half, two hours to get there? It depends on the traffic. I'm the assigned driver as usual but driving with the girls is never a chore. Except when they get in a real fight, then it's the absolute worst. They would shout and scream, then everything would get silent. Like too silent. I can't deal with that amount of silence! But it's very rare, they bicker often but it usually doesn't escalate.

Today is going to be a great day, I can just feel it. But maybe I should get up so it can actually start... Come on Byul, one leg at the time, feet on the ground, you can do it!

***

She is there, in the kitchen. She's always the first to rise up it seems. She's busy cutting fruits for breakfast, her back turned to me. The sharp and regular noise of the knife hitting the cutting board is almost putting me back to sleep. It takes me a good amount of effort to pull myself off of the doorframe, where I was leaning on.

- “Goomonin'

- Oh my gosh, you scared me! I didn't hear you.

- Sorry, din’t meanit.”

My eyes are hard to keep open… Rubbing them is so satisfying somehow. Maybe I should have closed those curtains in the end, I wouldn’t have woken up as much.

- “Here.”

Yongsun is handing me a cup. Oh, it does smell like coffee in here. Why didn't I notice it before? Wait a minute, Yong doesn't drink coffee.

- “Hum… You take it black, right? No sugar no milk?”

Snap out of it and take the damn cup, Byul.

- “Yes, yes… No sugar no milk… Thank you…”

The sound of cutting starts up again. I'm sipping on my clearly freshly made coffee while leaning on the counter next to Yongsun, the fog in my head slowly going away.

- “Can you get me some lemons out of the fridge?

- Hum? Oh yes sure. Is it for the fruits? Do you want me to press it?

- If you don't mind, that would be great.”

Come on now, where are those lemons…

- “They are in the door.

- Right!”

I guess the atmosphere is no longer awkward with her. I'm not completely relaxed either, but I think it's on me now. It’s become easier anyway.

- “Done.

- Thanks!”

The fruits are already starting to turn brown, so we shouldn’t wait to pour the lemon juice on them. I take the few steps separating me from Yongsun and stand right beside her, on her right. As the bowl is in front of her, I have to lean a little to reach it. My free hand seems to have a mind of its own, or maybe it's just muscle memory, but it flies right on Yongsun's left hip.

So… I just did that. And it was natural, it’s not a big deal. Yongsun didn’t react, so I guess it’s not a big deal for her either. It lasted only for a few seconds, maybe even less. I’m back to where I was before, my resting on the edge of the kitchen counter. We used to be all over each other, Yongsun and I. Well, I was all over her. She just accepted it. On some rare occasions, when I wasn’t, she would initiate the touch. That was the hardest thing to get over off, the habit of just having to extend a hand to have physical contact with her. It took me like 2 years to get rid of the reflex of turning around to find her.

Have I been making the same amount of effort as she is? This coffee... I don't remember the last time someone else than my mom made me one. And this is a good one.

- “Hello unnies!

- Good morning girls! I made breakfast!”

I didn’t even register Yong had dressed the table up before she put the big bowl in the centre of it.

- “You are in an awfully good mood...

- Well, there is no reason not to be, Hyejin! Now sit down and eat.

Hyejin and Wheein do as they are told, and Hyejin is not wasting any time before she serves herself.

- It’s suspicious when you’re smiling like that. Are you high? What did you put in those fruits?

- Why? Am I not allowed to smile anymore? It’s going to be a great day, I can feel it. And the only thing I put in the fruits is… love!

- YUK! Gross!”

Wheein immediately dropped the spoon she was about to put in and the laughter that resulted out of her reaction pulled me out of my head. Yongsun smile is blinding, for real. How can someone be so beautiful?

- “Don’t say that unnie, itsh shonds disgushting!”

I can’t hold it anymore, not when Hyejin said that full already, frowning and whining. I join them in their laughter and at the table. Today is really going to be amazing.

- “See, the blue is often used to represent sadness or nostalgia. It’s so well done here…

- It’s the sea, Wheein-ah. Of course it’s going to be blue.

- Hyejin! Don’t you see it?

- No, this one makes me feel sad.

- …It’s a pear, Hyejin.

- Exactly. Untouched. Look at it…”

Hyejin is such a clown, come on. As I’m approaching the seascape painting Wheein was admiring seconds earlier, the latter is dragged further away by Hyejin, eager to get to the bakery.

- “Nostalgia… I’m not sure I understand art. Do you?

- There is nothing to understand in art, Yong. It’s all about how it makes you react, the emotions you feel looking at it.

- I don’t feel nostalgic or sad, though, looking at this. But Wheein said I'm supposed to.

- She said blue is a way to express those feelings, but it’s not absolute. What do you feel?

- Hum… Peace? It’s very still, it’s…yes, it’s peaceful.

- Well, it seems that you’re better at that than you think.

- What do you mean?

- Blue, because it’s often associated with nature like the sky and here, the sea, is also the colour of peace.

- Oooh…”

We are silent for a few seconds, taking in the brush , the variation of colours, the details.

- “Maybe I see it like that because I’m happy.

- You are?

- Of course, I’m with you three.

- Are you trying to out grease me?

- I could never! Anyway, what does the painting make you feel?

- Warmth. Joy. It’s the orange of the sky. The painter didn’t invent anything really, those are natural colours, but they work in harmony, they are opposite. It’s partly why the scenery is striking.”

She hums, squinting her eyes as she’s registering my words. She isn’t that interested in the exhibition, but she still listened patiently to Wheein’s rants throughout the entire thing and genuinely tried to understand her.

- “Yong?

- Hum?

- Thank you.

- What for?

- For being here, for all the things you've been doing. I see them. So yeah... Thanks. Please don’t stop.

- Byul-ah, I will never stop. This is not temporary. Even if we never happen, you deserve it.”

Am I still breathing? I can’t take my eyes off the painting, and I can’t utter a word. I feel a squeeze on my shoulder, and Yongsun is looking at me with more warmth than the painting could ever hold.

- “We should catch up with the girls or Hyejin is going to kill us.”