Finally, home. It’s 6:42 p.m. already, damn. I really took a long time to write today. But! I have the end of the evening completely free, no paperwork, nothing! That means one thing: ramyeon in front of the television. Then a bath. With bubbles? Maybe, if I feel fancy.

First, let me put that of mine on the couch and take off my shoes… Aaah, that feeling! Maybe I should loosen the laces a little. Or maybe I should buy new ones-

Ding-Dong

Aish… It better not be a salesman, I swear to god.

- “I acted like a jerk.”

Not a salesman, just a beautiful Hyejin standing at my door with a long light brown coat and a pair of light blue jeans, looking apologetic.

- “Only a little. Come in!”

I’m guessing she’s talking about her little blow-up from last Friday. It’s true we didn’t really talk about it after, I went straight to bed that evening and we spend the next morning cleaning up the house. Then we just went our separate ways. We were not angry at each other, we just talked about other things.

- “I’m sorry unnie.

- It’s fine Hyejinie. Do you want something to drink?

- Do you have snacks?

- Sure. I only have salty stuff, though.

- Do you have potato chips?

- Yes! If I knew you were coming, I would have other kinds, but you know me, I’m basic. I only have salt ones.”

Should I put them in a bowl? Yes, I should. It’ll be more convenient. And… Voilà! Grabbing two cokes, I’m joining her on the couch where she’s already settled. She looks a little tired. Or is it just because she’s wearing less make-up than usual? Clearly, her appetite is still as strong…

- “Really, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

I won’t lie, it did hurt a little.

- “Well. I did put some effort you know?

- I know.

- Before going, I even thought of cancelling the vacation.

- I’m glad you didn’t.

- The situation… It doesn’t make me happy, you know?

- Yes… I really didn’t mean it, I don’t even know why I blamed you. I… should probably have drank less.

- But you must feel like it’s my fault, even a little bit.

- Unnie…

- Yongsun explained you our situation, right?”

She nods and takes a handful of potato chips again. She looks pensive while munching, her cheeks puffed.

- ”I had no idea, and I feel like a bad friend now.

- You’re not a bad fri-

- I thought a lot about this. What if it was Wheein that left? What if I was you? I would be heartbroken. And Wheein and I, we are not in love, we just love each other. But Wheein told me that you were, right? In love? I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, all these years. And to think we didn’t help you…

- It’s fine!”

Wow, I said that higher than I expected! Why is my throat tight all of a sudden? Oh, no, don’t cry Byulyi, don’t cry…

- “No, no it’s not. And I just constantly talked about her… Did I make it harder for you? I’m sorry for that evening, I’m sorry for all those years. I’m sorry you had to deal with it alone.”

No, I really can’t cry. . Who am I fooling, there is no way I’m stopping this… It’s like she opened a valve somewhere. . Even the pressure of my fingers on my eyes can’t stop my tears. I’m not even hurt! I’m… I’m… relieved? A soft hand pulls me and my head is resting on a part of Hyejin’s body. One arm around my waist and another running through my hair, it’s warm and comforting. And it makes me completely break apart.

I’m not sure how much time I spend sobbing my eyes out on Hyejin, but now I feel equally ed up and so much better. Like my head is throbbing and my nose is running but I feel like I can breathe better.

- “I guess I needed to hear that. Thank you.”

Time to get my dignity back and wipe my face… I should have tissues in my backpack I threw here before taking my shoes off. Yup! When I look up to meet Hyejin’s eyes, all I can see in them is affection.

- “How are you doing, unnie?

- I’m… tired, Hyejinie. But I’m glad we spend time together. When Yongsun vanished, I realised that I had to do everything that I could to keep you and Wheeinie around. You two, you are so important to me. So important. Spending time with you is something I'll always proritize, no matter what...

- We love you too.”

Standing up, I take a few steps away from her.

- “I’ll go wash up in the bathroom really quickly.

- Good idea, you look like a panda.

- And whose fault is it?”

Not letting her respond, I close the door of the bathroom to have a little intimacy. Not that I don’t want her to see me wash my face, it’s more psychological than anything. Crap, she’s right, I do look like a panda. Maybe I should invest in waterproof make up.

***

All freshened up, I feel a thousand times better. Hyejin has finished the bowl of potato chips and her can of coke. She’s looking down at her phone, a big grin on her face.

Folding one leg under me, I sit down, my back resting on the armrest of the couch.

- “Is it Wheeinie?”

She nods, still looking down. It takes only a tug on her sleeve for her to come cuddling while texting an answer away. We spend a few minutes in silence, her laying partly on top of me. It’s peaceful; not the evening I had thought about but I prefer this one. She’s the first one to speak up again:

- “Why didn’t you say anything?

- What do you mean?

- Why didn’t you tell us you liked her back then?

- Before or after our fallout?

- Both.

- Well, before, because I didn’t want to make things awkward and risking us. I mean all of us, not just her. After, because if I talked about it, it would have mean that everything was real.

- But… it was real?

- Yes, it was, but I was a dumb kid, remember? Not good at feelings. Even now, I don’t like to feel things. You are the mature one when it comes to emotions, you know?

- I’m the mature one when it comes to everything.

- Debatable. Highly.

- Do you want to be tickled?

- Are you proving my point?

- You’re lucky I’m too comfortable.

- I’m lucky I have you.

- Unnie, that was gross… Me too.”

Again, silence enveloped us. Me playing with Hyejin’s hair, her fidgeting with the end of my shirt. I can almost hear her brain working. Did she spend the last few days worrying about all of this? I should probably have reached out to her on Sunday. Or Monday. Like Yongsun did with me. What did she send me again? Oh, right, something like…

Hey! How are you? About what happened… Sorry. Are we good? I didn’t mean to make things awkward. I’m not sure where we stand, as we didn’t really talk after… and I wanted to call you but I feel like it would be too much? Anyway, sorry I came on to you, it won’t happen anymore. Friends?

It sounded like she was rambling, I could feel it even through the text message, but at least she was communicating, which I’m still not used too. Not like that. Part of me feels sad, part of me feel relieved. At least we are fine. Well… I’m getting hungry. And sleepy. Crying takes energy, right?

- “Unnie?

- Hm?

- Yongsun-unnie told me you rejected her.

- I guess I did.

- But Wheein told me you still love her.

- I guess I do.

- We’ll respect your decision, whatever it is, you know? But just so you know, if you decide to give it a try and she hurts you again, I’ll make her life a nightmare.

- No, you won’t.

- No, I won’t. But she will hear about it.

- I’m sure. But Hyejinie, I made up my mind.

- Wheeinie tried already, didn’t she?

- Yep.

- Was she better than I am?

- You know her, she said big words.

- Sounds like her, she does know big words.

- Speaking of, when do you want me to take your pictures for her?

- Right! Would you be free next weekend or the one after? Maybe it’s better the one after, I’m not sure I won’t have to buy stuff for the shoot. Oh! That makes me think, I didn’t send you the mood board, did I? I forgot I was too busy thinking about… everything. Anyway, I have it here on my phone…”