Sometimes, things just feel right. And today, everything does. The sun is shining, birds are singing and more importantly, my girls are happy. The weather in perfect, and we are enjoying a drink sitting on the warm sand.

- “So yes, it’s been more relax the past few days, it’s getting less uncomfortable.

- That’s good! You seemed a little miserable in the beginning if I’m honest Byulyi-unnie.

- I know Wheeinah, I know.

- So, are you planning to continue working for the newspaper for longer than you said at the beginning?”

Hyejin is looking at me, looking peaceful sipping on her milkshake. I haven’t really thought back on that, actually. I did say I would stay there 6 months maximum; it’s been like what? A bit more than 4 months, I would say.

- “I don’t know… I had a good talk with the editor in chief last week.”

While the kids both chose to order a milkshake, strawberry for Hyejin and chocolate for Wheein, I went with a cappuccino. It’s my to-go coffee order in the afternoon, because the espresso I take after lunch would be too quickly gone.

- “What about?

- He’s happy about my work and wants to give me more responsibilities.

- Which means…?”

Right, they don’t know much about how a newspaper is run… The look on Hyejin’s face couldn’t say it any clearer.

- “Which means he wants me to personally follow the politic matters of a few of Seoul’s districts, and he is thinking of slowly introducing me to a particular position in the newsroom: the person who goes over the other journalist’s papers and who make sure everything is ready for the print the next morning. It’s more of an afternoon and evening job.

- That sounds like it really is more responsibilities. It’s pretty soon after you joined them, right?”

Yongsun opted for iced latte with more sugar than coffee. It’s always been the only way she could intake coffee.

- “I guess so, yes.

- That’s impressive Byul, you can be proud of yourself.

- Well, the level isn’t really high, so…

- Still! Your boss wouldn’t do that if he thought you weren’t good.

- Yongsun-unnie is right! I’m sure you’re constantly blowing their mind. I mean, I remember how good your writing was in school, it used to make that crow of a teacher emotional, right girls? It must be even better now.

- My god Wheeinie, you’re so extra! Anyway, it does feel good to know I’m valuable in the team, for sure. To answer your question Hyejin, I’ll see how it goes. If staying a bit longer give me the opportunity to try different things, then I’ll do that I think.”

It’s still way too early in the year to go swimming in the ocean, so we just decided to spend the afternoon here. Today is Monday, and I arrived at the beach house just after lunch. Wheein, Hyejin and Yongsun have been there since Friday night.

- “Hyejin?

- Hum?

- How are things at the shop?

- It’s going, it’s going. As I was telling the others, I’m thinking of doing some small classes or events to spice things up. Like how to revive a plant that’s almost dead, God knows how many people need to be taught that.

- It’s a nice idea. Do you have time to do that, though?

- Not really, but once my employee will be trained enough, I might.

- Right, I forgot you hired someone. How is he?

- He’s doing a good job, I suppose. He is a bit boring… Can I say that? Let’s say he is quiet.

- I thought you liked quiet people.

- No, I like people that can be calm. I wouldn’t like Wheein if I liked quiet people.

- YAH! I CAN BE QUIET! I just don’t want to.

- Same goes for Yongsun-unnie.

- WHY? Why am I attacked suddenly?

- I see your point, I see your point. They are loud as .”

Time flies when you’re on vacation. It flies by even faster when you’re with people you love. We laughed, they whined, we talked. When Wheein wanted to put her feet in the water and Hyejin couldn’t be bothered to move, Yongsun went with her. Hyejin and I talked about the possibilities of us collaborating if she does go through with her workshop ideas, because she would need a few pictures of the events, all this while being constantly distracted by the sound of laughter that reached our ears each time a wave dared to touch Wheein and Yongsun’s toes.

Then the sun began to set down and we went to eat, because Hyejin asked to. We are in the restaurant we always come to, the great korean barbecue place five minutes away from the house. I ended up sitting next to Yongsun, and the proximity is dragging me back right to that morning a few months back, when things got… intense. I’m trying my best to follow along the conversation, but she smells so good.

- “So, I was preparing the samples to conduct the test, right? And then…”

Then there are her arms. I don’t remember anything specific about her arms back then. But now…

- ”…Tripped and it spilled out everywhere! I was mortified!”

Come on Byul, focus on Wheein’s story. Don’t be rude.

- “What did you do?

- I wanted to die first of all, those samples… we don’t have an infinite number of… But what could I do? I cleaned up and I had to tell my supervisor.

- What did he say?”

Oh, did I speak too loudly? I feel like I almost yelled.

- “He told me to learn how to tie my shoes.

- Oh Wheeinie… poor baby.”

Saying that, Yongsun reached out across the table to take Wheein’s hand. And damn. Her arms are toned toned, no joke. She is definitely working out. Her shoulder is pretty defined too. It’s… God Byul, you’re staring, stop it! I should just… look at my plate. Yup. It’s more interesting anyway… Come on who am I trying to fool? As if my plate was hotter than…

- “…Right, Byul-ah?”

Yongsun squeezed my upper arm all of a sudden, and it startled me big time.

- “You’re ok, unnie?”

Hyejinie still has a look of surprise on her face. Thank god, Yongsun removed her hand already.

- “Yes! Yes, sorry, I was thinking of… something. Hum, I’ll go to the bathroom, but don’t eat everything while I’m gone, ok?”

Was that smooth enough? I do need to use the toilet, actually. You are such a , Byulyi. Why do I have to act like that? Reminder for later: never let myself that close to Yongsun again.

It’s crazy how time is relative and seems to stretch sometimes. I thought that dinner would never end. But it did, we came home, I’ve finished unpacking, took a shower and I’m now laying in my bed, wide awake. What time is it? Almost half past midnight. I should be sleeping.

I can stop my brain from overworking, though. It doesn’t matter through how many point of view I look at things, I need to be honest with myself: I still have feelings for Yongsun. And it makes me feel so, so dumb. Why have I not moved on after 6 years of being treated like I was not important? I can believe I’m one of those people who always run back to the person that hurt them the most.

I mean she wasn’t even able to give me a decent explanation, come on. “I loved you”. My . Who disappears when they love someone? She can go to hell, honestly. Well, that’s not true. She still deserves the world… That’s just not fair. What time is it? 1:08? The hell? Time really has a thing against me today. Maybe I should make myself a cup of tea. Of just a glass of water.

The light in the kitchen is on, someone must be having insomnia too. It’s probably Hyejin, considering… Crap. It’s not.

- “Ah, sorry. I’ll…”

Great, no excuse comes to mind. I very awkwardly point my thumbs up signalling I’ll go back upstairs, and I turn back around.

- “The kitchen’s not mine, Byulyi.

- I know…

- Why are you here?

- I was gonna have a glass of water

- Then come in and take one…?”

Yongsun’s eyebrow is arched, I must look like a crazy person. She is sitting on one of the high stools, her body slightly twisted to face me. Her laptop’s screen is casting a blueish light on her face. By reflex, I adjust my glasses up my nose, a habit I somehow took lately. Great, now I must look like a nerd.

- “Ok, I will, then.”

And I waste no time. The quicker I get that glass of water the quicker I’m out of here. But I’m quite thirsty actually, I should shug one down and refill it for later.

- “Can’t sleep?

- Nope. And you?”

One glass down…

- “Leftover work.

- Oh.”

And the second one is poured. Time to go back up.

- “What are you afraid of?

- What?

- Byul-ah, it's me. It's ok.

- Exactly, it's you.

- What?

- Forget it, I don't know what I'm saying, I’m tired.

- I don't want you to be uncomfortable for the next two weeks.

- I'm not uncomfortable.

- I barely touched you earlier and you jumped. Now you are practically running out.

- I’m n… Sorry.

- Is it because I told you how I feel about you? If you need your space, I can-

- I'm just…

- Yes?”

God, there are so many things to say. I’m afraid of you. Because you hurt me. So much. And I’m not going to be able to go through that again. So, for once, can you think about someone other than yourself? Maybe we should just be acquaintances with mutual friends, who hang out and go along once in a while. That’s what I should say. But it doesn’t want to come out of my mouth.

- “You still haven’t been honest with me.

- About what.

- About why you left.

- But…

- You don’t leave someone because you love them. Give me the real reason.

- Alright, that’s fair enough, I guess. I can… try to explain myself more. So I wasn’t exactly… happy with myself. I was lost. And seeing you take the steps to do exactly what you wanted to do, well, it kind of reminded me of how lost I was. I did think at some point that putting some space between us would ease the… Would make the sight of you with someone else less, but then I was just ashamed. Ashamed that so much time had passed. Ashamed of where I was in my life. That’s when I cut ties with the girls as well.”

Well, that . I find myself shaking my head in disapproval.

- “Byul-ah?

- The thing I wanted the more with you was being able to support you. You never let me do that. You never let me in. I had no idea.

- I understood that long after, I’m sorry.

- Well. Thank you for… telling me this.

- I’ll be more careful about your boundaries from now on. You should be able to enjoy your vacation too.”

She closes her laptop and gets up.

- “Are you done?

- With my work? No, but I still need my beauty sleep.”

She steps around the counter.

- “You know, Byul, it doesn't matter what we become. As long as there is a “we”, I’m ok with it. But I won't give up.”

She reaches the door.

- “Yong?

- Hum?

- Are you happy now? I mean, in your life and all?

- I’m not exactly where I want to be. Or with whom I want to be… But I learned to be ok with it. Like I said before, I won’t make the same mistake. I’m here to stay… Goodnight?

- Goodnight.”

My body suddenly feels completely drained of its energy. I heard a door closing almost silently upstairs. I should do the same. I won’t be able to completely process what happens now anyway. I guess I won’t need that second glass of water, in the end.