I didn't know that watching white balloons flying high above the sky is a satisfying view. I feel at ease  because it felt like finally letting go of the past and starting a new life.

When I was young, they'll always ask how would I feel when I lost this and that. How would I feel when things don't go in my way. How would I feel if I lose someone I care the most like a precious stone.

How does it feel though? To lose someone you're not even ready to let go or you don't ever want to let her go.

There's only one person I know what would I feel if I ever lose her. There's only one person who made me realize what would I feel if things won't go in my way. There's only one person who let me know how does it feel to feel things.

That's because I love her. A lot.

Flashback

I Woke up and i'm already in a hospital bed. I don't know what happened after I saw Seulgi's flatline. Seulgi. . My girlfriend. I need to see her.

"What's with the rush, princess?", i'm about to sit from my bed when I heard my dad sitting in the sofa.

"Where's Seulgi, dad?", I asked and my dad's emotion doesn't sit well in me so I started to tense.

I'm so afraid of the answer. Never in my life I would be this afraid to feel things and to know things. I've never know how does it feel to feel these kind of emotions.

"Please. Dad. Tell me she's not gone. Daddy, tell me she's still there lying on her bed and waiting for me. Waiting to fix us. Daddy. I can't promise to stay alive at the end of the day if she won't be back to me anymore. Daddy", and like a waterfall, my tears fell from my eyes and run down through my cheeks.

I can't lose her.

My Seulgi.

"She's waiting for you, princess"

And then I feel my heart skip a bit. My baby is waiting for me. She's alive. She made it. She didn't leave me.

I didn't even wait for my dad's next words. I run as fast as I can to her room.

Right there and then. I saw my baby's chubby cheeks and alluring eyes. I miss her.

"Hi", I bit my lips after I said this. I suddenly feel shy.

"Hi", she said. And I stand there a while longer staring at each other. Saying through our eyes how we miss each other's presence. Gosh. I miss her so much.

"Uhm. Have you eaten?", I asked shyly.

"Not yet. I'm not hungry", I frown but then I saw her pout i'm whipped.

"But you need to atleast eat. Then take your meds. Did the nurse already came here to make you drink your meds? Or?"

"She came here to change my clothes"

And with that answer I suddenly want to know who's that stupid nurse to even dare to touch my girlfriend.

But before I could even let my angry jealous I heard her giggle. Damn it. Just how much I am whipped with this woman.

"Kidding", geez. She's so cute.

"Can we talk?", I finally have the courage to insert this.

"Are we not talking already?", she raised her right eyebrow.

"I mean. You know. About that. About. You know"

"I need to say something too. About it", she became serious all of a sudden. Why does it feel like breakup talk.

"Tell me you're not breaking up with me. If so then I won't talk about it. We will not talk about it", I want to runaway now from here. If it's just a breakup I won't let it happen.

"Just come here and sit here", she pats the side of her bed.

It really feels like a farewell now. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying.

I sit on her bed side which is beside her waist. The amount of self control I have not to wrap my arms on her waist and just cuddle her.

Damn it.

​​​​​​I love her.

To my surprise I felt a hand in my cheeks caressing me with her thumb. That's when I finally let out my tears and I quickly buried my face on the crook of her neck for her not to see how ugly I am when I cry.

"I'm sorry", she said then I feel her hand running through my hair.

Damn it.

I love her.

"No. I should be the one saying sorry", I sob.

"Why. Why did you kiss her?", I can't see her face but I can feel her voice cracks. I hurt her. All the blame is on that .

"I didn't. I swear. I'm just shocked that's why I closed my eyes. But I swear. I pushed her hard after. She took me by surprise. I didn't know she will do it. I promise, baby. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to kiss anyone unless it's you. Trust me, baby", I stopped crying for her to understand and to hear how sincere I am. How serious I am in this relationship.

"She touched your lips", I sense jealousy. She's not the type of a jealous girlfriend.