After her mentally exhausting session with Dr. Kim, Hyemi desperately needed something sweet, both for her body and soul, so she’d messaged Jaehyun if he wanted to have a coffee. The male happily agreed, grasping every opportunity to spend time with her. They’ve met in front of the café and entered together. 

“Welcome to Dream Café. I’m Johnny the barista aka Jorista. What would you like to have?” His saccharin smile was sickening as he examined Hyemi and Jaehyun.

Hyemi crossed her arms and sized him up. She was still in a rather bad mood, so didn’t want to deal with Mr. Nonsense Suh. “Jorista?” she raised an eyebrow and snorted. 

“The apron looks good on you.” Jaehyun complimented with a dimpled smile.

“Aww thank you, I knew I could count on you.” he chimed then shot a displeasing glance at the girl. 

Hyemi scoffed. “Whatever. Make me a latte.” she waved her hand, ushering him to start working already. 

“I’d like an iced Americano, please.” Jaehyun added. 

“You should learn some manners from Jaehyun! Nari and Haechan have a bad influence on you. You’re being a jerk today.

“No, I’m being a jerk every day. Today however, you get to experience it in high dosage.” she shot back indignantly. 

Johnny shook his head and turned his attention back on Jaehyun. “Jaehyun-ah, would you like something sweet or is watching Hyemi enough?”

“You’re so embarrassing.” Hyemi groaned and shook her head, leaving the two at the counter as she walked to a table.

Jaehyun shared a look with Johnny, both shrugged then he paid their orders and followed after her. 

Few minutes later, Johnny waltzed to their table with a tray in his hands and put the Americano in front of Jaehyun and the latte in front of Hyemi. He quickly turned tail and went back to clean the counters. Hyemi pulled her mug closer to have a sip but her smile faltered and changed to a frown.

“I can’t believe that jerk. He seriously drew a with the milk on my latte.”

Jaehyun peeked at the mug and burst out laughing. “Gosh, I love Johnny.” he even took out his phone to snap a picture. 

As she looked towards him, Johnny flashed an innocent ear-to-ear grin and showed a heart with his fingers, Jaehyun mimicking him, Hyemi flipping him off. Johnny could be so childish at times, the long years of friendship with Haechan and Nari really rubbed off on him too. At first, Hyemi didn’t think he would fit in the food and beverage industry. Johnny, to simply put, was clumsy, so the idea of him working with fragile cups, hot beverages and jiggly cakes seemed ridiculous. However, he turned out to be the perfect candidate for a barista. He was precise in his work and his friendly aura gravitated people towards him. He was the typical random neighborhood barista that would go viral online for being handsome, nice and funny. 

She peeked at him behind the counter and caught him staring at her. She raised an eyebrow, as if asking what was his problem. He merely shrugged then continued cleaning the counter, the same spot he was cleaning in the las twenty minutes. Hyemi’s suppressed anger dissipated as she was watching Johnny and she felt bad snapping at him out of nowhere. She couldn’t help it though. Therapy always awakens her not so flattering side so she needs time to cool down. She was sure Johnny knew that too but that didn’t answer the look on his face. It was odd, but she brushed it off. All in all, Johnny was odd on a daily basis.

“So, how have you been lately Hyemi? I missed you last week.” Dr. Kim smiled at the girl. 

Hyemi pulled her legs up the couch and hugged her knees to her chest as she spoke up indignantly. “Well, yeah, sorry about that I wasn’t feeling good.”

“How come? What happened?” Dr. Kim started scribbling, making Hyemi even more furious. 

“I… I had a little disagreement with Johnny and I refused to leave the house.”

The psychologist looked at her through her glasses. “Disagreement? About what?”

“He ed about me not going to classes and I told him to go himself.” the girl stated nonchalantly. 

Dr. Kim suppressed a smile. Now she’s finally talking, she thought. Hyemi was a tough cookie to crack but Dr. Kim was adamant too. Her winning The Best Young Psychologist award was not in vain. She knew her ways. “Why do you think you’re neglecting your education?”

Hyemi let out a bitter chuckle. Like if it was a secret. “Why do you think? Because my boyfriend ing died so I can’t really concentrate.”

“You can’t blame Simon for everything.” she challenged and Hyemi gasped in horror. 

Simon? She’s not blaming Simon. She would have never blamed Simon for anything. She put Simon on a pedestal, believing he was perfect. She was building a shrine to their union in her heart and Dr. Kim was aware of that very well. Why the hell this incompetent woman thought she blamed Simon? She had to laugh.

“I’m not blaming him! I’m blaming the world.” she put down her legs and crossed her arms, eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched as she shot daggers at the woman. 

“You’re angry.” Dr. Kim stated with a nod.

The girl rolled her eyes. What a discovery, she thought. “Why no Sherlock.”

“And you’re scared.”

A confused look flashed over Hyemi’s face, she opened as if she wanted to say something but no sounds came out of her. Scared? No. Why would she be scared? She wasn’t. If anything, she was about to feel nothing at this point. No anger, no fear, no love, nothing. She just wanted to dissolve and no longer exist. 

“I’m not scared.” uncontrollable rage welled up in her eyes as she was scowling at the woman in front of her. 

“Why do you refuse to go to your classes? Why don’t you want to do something that occupies you? Sitting in your room all day, alone, is that better?”

Hyemi narrowed her eyes at the woman’s challenging tone. “I… Why should I go to my classes? I can’t focus anyway. Every time I’m there, I feel like I’m in a dream. Lost in somewhere my mind. I don’t know what’s happening around me. I don’t hear the people, don’t see, don’t feel. I’m in my head, living in made up scenarios, and when I’m back I don’t want to be there. I feel tied down and out of control. When they drag me out of my daze I feel nauseous and irritated. Then I feel like I can’t breathe and my chest is tight like someone’s pressing on it. I feel the eyes on me, they judging me and I just want the ground to swallow me up.”

“So, you don’t want to go to school because you dissociate and daydream? Why go to school when even if you’re there, you aren’t? You make up scenarios and live in them because it’s more comfortable than being in the real world without Simon, right? Because when you realize you have to live your life without Simon, it seems pointless. Am I right?” Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow and Hyemi was speechless. 

Pointless. It is. It feels pointless. She knew she had family and friends but… It was just too hard. 

“What do your friends think about this situation?”

She pondered on that question. Her dear friends. The ones who have been with her all her life. “It takes a toll on them, I guess. They’re walking on eggshells around me. I know I’m hurting them and I hate myself for that. Johnny is…” her voice trailed off, the tears were burning her eyes. 

“What about Johnny?” the woman pressed on. 

“He’s holding his back for me and I think the professors are starting to have enough of our bull.” Hyemi confessed in a soft voice.  

“So,” Dr. Kim put down her folder and crossed her legs, summarizing everything she’s heard. “On one hand, you know this situation is bad for you and it’s making your friends worried. You don’t want to be a burden for them but you refuse to accept their help. Johnny is even making attempts to save your at college but you still refuse to go to your classes, making his efforts pointless?”

“Well… I mean… No?” she looked around the room nervously, feeling her hands getting sweaty. 

“Is it better when you’re at home? In your room? Do you not dissociate when you’re there? If I remember well, two weeks ago you were telling me about those nasty nightmares you have all the time.”

“I… Yeah I still have nightmares and I dissociate but I feel safer at home.”

“Do you think your friends feel at ease when you’re home? You told me that Nari went home to have lunch with you. Haechan was spending his free time at your apartment between his classes and please don’t get me started about Johnny.”

“Well I didn’t ask them to do so.” she raised her voice defensively. 

Dr. Kim took off her glasses and put it on the coffee table, massaging the bridge of her nose while she spoke. “But they’re still doing it without you asking them, because they care for you.”

Hyemi rolled her eyes, heaving a sigh. “Can’t you just prescribe something for depression and we can call it a day?”

“Hyemi, I think you don’t quite understand the point of therapy yet. I don’t want to pump you with antidepressants and watch you walk and talk like a zombie all day.”

“Well, talking about my so called feelings doesn’t do much help either. I’m still a mess. I’m still a horrible person who makes her family’s and friends’ life miserable and all of this talking won’t bring Simon back so most probably I’ll be a ing mess for the rest of my life!” she spat the words out in rage.

“We have to free this hidden rage from you.”

“I don’t have hidden rage!”

“Yeah, like right now you’re not really making it a secret, you’re right.” the psychologist nodded. 

“What the is your problem, Dr. Kim?” Hyemi raised her voice. “I bet you got your degree because you smiled prettily all day and had connections, like what the are we even doing right now? There’s like no point talking about all this , it won’t bring back Simon!”

Dr. Kim watched Hyemi with a triumphant glint in her eyes. “Okay, that’s enough for today. You can leave.”

“What?” she let out an indignant chuckle. “You’re kicking me out?”

“No Hyemi, I’m not kicking you out but our session ended ten minutes ago and I have another session in twenty minutes.” she checked her phone. “I think we have emerged enough emotion for the day. Nari is waiting for you outside.”

Hyemi snorted and shook her head in disbelief. “Did you call her?”

“Yes, with my invisible third arm I called her when you were angry ranting and in my magical inaudible voice I told her to come pick you up.” upon seeing Hyemi’s frown she elaborated. “My secretary texted me.” she waved her phone as if it was obvious. 

“Are you picking a fight with me?” Hyemi scowled at the psychologist.

“Do you think I am?” she smiled. “Have some rest Hyemi and I’ll see you next week.”

The couple exited the café after a few hours of talking. Jaehyun was already on his way while Hyemi looked back at the café, locking eyes with Johnny. Hyemi slightly gasped. Johnny looked… sad? She knew that expression, that’s the expression he puts on when he tries to ing mask his emotions. Her sudden surprise turned into anger. Johnny should not bottle up his feelings, it was more than enough that Hyemi was a mess. Not Johnny too. 

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter