Simon was nervously sitting on a chair, waiting for his doctor to come in with his results. His mother was sitting on her right, grasping his hand, his father on his left, examining the room he’s seen so many times by now. Simon would need a new set of chemotherapy again, since the radiotherapy didn’t seem like working anymore, so here they were to discuss the possibilities. He’s been openly battling his disease for nine months. He’d had two surgeries and sessions of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He’s been consuming more medication than food and his newfound hobby seemed to be sleeping in the past months.

Dr. Hwang finally stepped in the room, the Suh family stood up and bowed. He placed the files in his hands on the table and cleared his throat. 

“We’re listening, doctor.” Mrs. Suh nodded as she sat down and peeked at her husband.

The doctor’s face fell the moment he looked at Simon and the younger felt his stomach flip. That’s it, he thought. He’s done for. 

“Well, I don’t want to sugarcoat anything since you always tell me to tell you the truth, Simon.” Dr. Hwang started. “I have your results and I’m afraid to say that we noticed that since your last treatment it has spread from the colon to distant parts of the peritoneum, distant lymph nodes and organs. Right now, your body doesn’t respond to radiotherapy anymore.”

Simon felt like the world started spinning. 

“It has already reached most parts of your liver. In addition to a surgical resection and chemotherapy, you need surgery to remove other affected parts of your body.” he continued. “After that, we can try with the radiation therapy again.”

“Chances?” Simon asked, Dr. Hwang raising an eyebrow. “How high my survival rate at the moment Dr. Hwang?”

The male cleared his throat nervously as Simon was staring at him with piercing eyes. 

“Right now, I’d say it’s about 25 percent.”

Mrs. Suh choked on her tears.

Simon’s eyes flickered with curiosity. “What about after the new surgeries, the new set of chemo, the new set of radio therapy, the new meds, the new weeks of constant throwing up and misery? The new waves of pain, the new side effects? What are my chances after all that?” his voice wasn’t mocking or indignant, more like desperate and pleading. He wanted to hear that after all that torment he would survive. He would be okay. He would be healthy. He could live. 

Dr. Hwang lowered his head. “If the surgeries go well and the therapies are working I’d say about 45 percent. We can plan a new treatm-”

Simon let out a bitter chuckle, stopping Dr. Hwang finishing his sentence. He his dry lips and set his eyes at the male. “All that for an additional 20 percent and I can’t even reach a splendid fifty-fifty, you say? What a damn bull.”

“Simon!” his father warned.

“It’s your call, Simon.” Dr. Hwang nodded slightly at the younger male.

Simon knew exactly what he meant. He didn’t want to do it again, he was sick of it. He had enough. It was just too hard for him. The endless pain, the fatigue, the guilt every time he’s seen his friends and Hyemi. If not the cancer, then the mental breakdown would eat him up. “I see.” was all he said and a weak smile crept on his face. 

Dr. Hwang understood him without words, he nodded and mimicked Simon’s smile.

“What do you mean?” Mrs. Suh tightened the grip on Simon’s hand as she asked Dr. Hwang, panic overtaking her upon witnessing the wordless exchange between her son and Dr. Hwang. “What’s the next step then?”

“Mrs. Suh.” the man called her softly, mustering his most supportive gaze. “The best would be for Simon to go home where he can be with his loved ones, not in the hospital. All alone.”

“But then how can we…” Mr. Suh started but his words were caught in his throat as he comprehended what Dr. Hwang really meant behind his words. “You’re saying he’ll…” he looked at his son then back at the doctor.

“Oh my God! No!” Mrs. Suh cried out hysterically, covering her face with her trembling hands.

Simon was sitting silently, with a frozen smile on his face. This was his breaking point. He stood up, reached out his hand to Dr. Hwang for him to shake it. He accepted the handshake as Simon spoke up. “Thank you for your hard work. I know you did your best Dr. Hwang.”

“I’m so sorry, I hoped this would never happen. You were a tough fighter and you’re an amazingly strong-willed man. I really look up to you, Simon.”

Mrs. Suh was uncontrollably crying by then, begging that Dr. Hwang must do something. She begged him to save his eldest son, there was no way this was the end. They cannot give up. She refused to give up on his son. Simon cleared his throat and turned to his father.

“I guess I’m discharged then.” he shrugged and pointed at his hospital gown. “I’ll change into something fancy and I’ll go for a walk. Dad, as my guardian, please take care of the paper work for me?” he looked at his father who nodded, eyes welled up with tears, his lips trembling. Simon couldn’t look at his parents any longer, he couldn’t bear seeing their pain, so he cleared his throat and struggled to muster a smile. “See you at dinner.” 

His father nodded again as Simon bowed to his doctor then left the room. He wanted to be alone so he could process the information.   

Hanyang University was thirty minutes from Seoul National University Hospital’s Cancer Center by bus. Simon was waiting at the Business Administration Building, watching the students leaving campus. He felt a ting in his heart. By now he would have been studying for his finals and graduate if not for his illness. A few students nodded at him as they recognized him and he nodded back. He didn’t have many friends, because he was mostly hanging out with his little brother and Hyemi though his group of friends consisted the always reliable Moon Taeil, the cocky playboy Song Shiwoo, and the spoilt princess Moon Soyi. A smile crept on his face as he remembered all the shenanigans they have done. The four of them were so different but their chemistry worked just fine. It was similar how, despite their different personalities, Johnny and his clique of friends worked too.

“Oppa?” he heard Hyemi’s worried voice. “What are you doing here? Where’s your mask?” she pointed at his mouth. 

“Mimi!” he chirped. “Let’s go on a date!” 

Hyemi walked closer, her suspicion was visible. “What date? Are you allowed to go out? I thought you’re talking with Dr. Hwang about your next treatment and you have to spend the week at the hospital?”

“He let me out on a date. Come on.” He grabbed Hyemi’s hand and started pulling her along with him.

“Si-simon!” she stuttered as her boyfriend basically pushed her on a bus then made her sit down. “Where the hell are you taking me? I’m not finished with my classes.”

“Just skip your classes today. It’s November anyway, no one cares at the end of semesters since everyone’s skipping class to study to their finals.” he brushed her worries off and sat beside her. 

He didn’t exactly have a plan, he just wanted to go as far as he could, he just wanted to clear his mind and be with Hyemi. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and his stomach tightened. No, he wasn’t going to answer any of the calls. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but Hyemi, so he lazily fished out his phone and turned it off. Before his mother could bother Hyemi, he swiftly took her phone, and despite her whining, he turned her phone off too. 

“Let’s just enjoy our date without the disturbance of electrical devices. Okay?” he flashed a smile and gave Hyemi’s phone back. 

She knew something was wrong, Simon was acting weird, but she was afraid to ask what was it. Deep down in her heart, she knew it. She knew he might have heard bad news and this was his coping mechanism. She buried her thoughts back in her mind and let out a defeated sigh.

“Okay. Let’s enjoy this date without phones.”

Simon’s smile reached his eyes. He seemed tired but his eyes sparkled with happiness. Hyemi carefully examined his features. Since he’s lost his hair, he was wearing a simple black beanie all the time. His eyebrows were no longer his piercing eyes. He was paler than a few weeks ago, with dark circles under his eyes. He’s lost so much weight, it was showing on his cheeks too. His lips were cracked and lost its cherry color. Nevertheless, he was still the most handsome man in her eyes.

Simon reached out and gently took her hand in his as he looked out the window. Hyemi averted her attention on his hand. His nails became darkened and cracked. Even his cuticles became dry. Simon always had nice hands and nails. He’d never bit his nails, he’d used hand cream and regularly cut and shaped his nails. Johnny always made fun of him, saying he was being a girl for taking care of his manicure, but Hyemi loved his hands.

“Mimi,” he called her nickname. “Let’s go to Namsan Tower. I’ve never been there.”

It was a relatively bad idea. Namsan Tower was located on the top of Namsan Mountain. It was a long and tiring journey for someone who’s been having chemo and radiotherapy for weeks. There would be too many people around, a higher risk to infections. He wasn’t even wearing his damn mask, not to mention the freezing weather. 

She let out a defeated sigh and forced a smile. “Okay, let’s go to Namsan Tower.”

At the base of the mountain they took the cable car to minimalize the distance they had to walk. The people around gave them their most pitiful looks, but Simon didn’t seem to notice it since his eyes were glued to the window, inspecting the sight. He was mesmerized by the breathtaking views of Namsan Mountain and downtown Seoul. After the ride they had to walk up a few stairs and it was already draining Simon’s energy.

“Let’s take a short break.” Hyemi suggested softly but her boyfriend was adamant.

“No, let’s just continue walking.” he smiled but his eyes gave away how tired he was.

She noticed the sweat trailing down his forehead, under his beanie, his breathing came in short gasps and Hyemi just couldn’t take his suffering anymore. She sat down the stairs and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m tired. I’m not used to physical exercises like this. Let me have a breath of air.”

Simon chuckled and sat beside her. “Okay, sorry.”

A few minutes later they continued their way and reached the peak of the mountain. Hyemi had to admit that the sight was indeed beautiful. It worth the hassle. Simon disappeared into a gift shop and came back with a huge grin plastered on his face.

“I have a surprise for you but it takes a little time, why don’t we have a coffee and snacks?” 

“Sure.”

Simon seemed more energetic than a few minutes before. Maybe the fresh air did good, maybe the fact that he felt like before his illness. They ate hotteok, drank coffee, joked around and examined every little corner of the Namsan Tower, inspecting the padlocks on the railings, then Simon excused himself and disappeared again.

Hyemi fought the urge to turn on her phone. There was a little voice in the back of her mind, telling her that she should at least write a message to Johnny to let him know his brother was with her, but then Simon jumped in front of her, with the brightest smile on his face. 

“Give me your hand.” he instructed and she obliged, reaching out her hand. “And close your eyes.” he added.

She groaned but closed them anyway. “If you put some bug on my palm, I’ll push you down the mountain.” 

“Easy Mimi.” he chuckled and dropped the small gift into her palm. 

Hyemi slowly opened her eyes and inspected the foreign object. It was a golden padlock, with small hearts around their names, Hyemi and Simon. He told her to turn it around and she did. Her eyes widened at the quote.

“Love transcends time, distance, even space and universes. It can’t be confined to memories or photos; it’s forever there, forever alive.” she read it softly. Tears gathered in her eyes as her fingers closed around the padlock. She hung her head, her hair covering her face. She couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t let him see her cry. 

“I love you, Mimi.”

But it was him. It was him, whose tears gave up the fight and ran down his face without mercy. It was him, whose voice cracked at the end of that short sentence. It was him, who first threw his arms around her body and hugged her so tightly like his life depended on it. 

And it was her who mimicked his every motion as they collapsed to the ground, grasping each other. It was her, whose heart felt like ripping out of her chest while she inhaled his scent as much as she could. It was her, who couldn’t imagine her life after he leaves. Life after him, seemed black, and she hated it.

Simon had his head resting on Hyemi’s shoulder on their way back to Hanam. He was sleeping soundless when Hyemi finally her phone. The device started buzzing at that instant, signaling missed calls and desperate messages from Mrs. Suh and a few even from Johnny and her mother. She felt her heart beating in her ears as she called Johnny.

“Hey.” 

“Johnny… Your mom called me like twenty times.”

He was silent for a moment. “I know. I figured Simon must’ve been with you since both your phones were off. I tried to calm mom but… you know her.”

“Yeah.” she nodded, even though Johnny couldn’t see it. “We’re on our way back home.”

Johnny merely hummed and was quiet again. He gathered his strength and spoke up. “Has he told you?”

Hyemi felt her tears burning her eyes and tried to gulp down the cries before answering. “Not exactly. But…” she choked on her words and peeked at the sleeping Simon on her shoulder. “I think I know.”

She didn’t know for how long was the line ear-splittingly silent. For a few seconds? For over 5 minutes? Who knows. Then Johnny let out the most regretful sigh. 

“Come home safely.” and he hung up.

Despite dating only for a month, Hyemi and Jaehyun have been arguing way too many times already. It wasn’t even arguing, more like Hyemi freaking out and running away, shutting Jaehyun out all of the sudden. Yesterday they did it again, she couldn’t even remember what triggered her not so flattering side, the only thing she remembers that she’d stormed out of the café they’d been at and had ignored all fifteen calls from Jaehyun. 

Out of her friends, Nari was the only one with the balls, ironically, who dared to confront her. Even Song Shiwoo, who was mostly a distant spectator of the events, had said that Nari had been too harsh on Hyemi. But Nari had enough of Hyemi acting like a victim all the time so after screaming Hyemi’s head off, Nari had called Jaehyun to meet up, in hopes of knocking some sense in him too. 

“I