Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know that my reasoning was quite dumb, but I still had to get every chance I should get. I could feel her heartbeat and warmth during the spontaneous hug in her home's bathroom. When I told her that our friends were waiting for us, she rebutted with a "please". Why should she do that? I just couldn't say no, even though I needed to say no. I just couldn't. And at that moment, it was the last draw. I like Seulgi. I really do, but I need to fix whatever issue I have.

   I've found myself in certain situations where I always give way to others. I've always prioritized them before me. Katarina was the prime example of that. I would give everything to that bundle of joy. But why couldn't I give it to Jennie? She had already made it clear that she liked Seulgi first. But why do I find myself wanting more? I wanted to put myself first. I wanted to be selfish even if it cost me something dearly. My first impressions of Jennie weren't all that good, especially considering the fact that there were rumors about her. I was afraid that Seulgi might get involved. I wanted to protect her.

     I don't want to hurt anybody.

  Seulgi is just someone I adore dearly and that's that.

    Ilang beses ko pa ba dapat paulit-ulitin yon sa sarili ko.

  Now I'm in front of Jennie, whose face was swollen from suppressing her rage.

  "You already have Bogum! Why the hell would you still like Seulgi? I already told you guys that I like her! " She angrily spat the words at me. Her voice was trembling.

"It's because I like her, Jennie. You can't stop your feelings for someone," she scoffed, apparently trying to keep her cool.

"What about you and Bogum!?"  mangiyak iyak na banggit niya. I clenched my fist.

"I do like Bogum but not as much as I feel for Seulgi."  It's true that I like Bogum but not as much as I feel for Seulgi. I'm planning on confronting Bogum about it.

"So parang pag ayaw mo na sa isa doon ka naman sa kabila!? What the hell is wrong with you?" she commented this time her voice now louder than earlier.

     I should have worded it more correctly.

  I didn't bother to tell her my side. I got used to letting them decide what they wanted. 

  I don't like to explain myself.

     I'm sorry, Jennie. 

I said and walked away. "Think whatever you want to think, Jennie."

     I'm really sorry.

  "Please, Joohyun, not Seulgi. I like her so much", I heard her say.

     I've tried i really tried, Jennie. 

  "I'm sorry, Jennie." Afraid that I might breakdown, I apologized without looking at her. 

  "You're mesed up in the head! You know that!?Playing with two people! "You selfish witch" She screamed. I came to a halt, allowing her words to sink in.

     I deserve all of it. I deserve it.

  As I continued on walking, I felt sick and disgusted with myself. I just hurt one of my friends because I was selfish.really sorry, Jennie.

  I just wanted to put myself first.

     It was never my intention, Jennie.

     I'm really sorry.

---------------------------

   I am thinking about our confrontation. I knew I had to fix whatever issue I had. Jennie was accurate about what she said. She was right. It was unfair to both Bogum and me, but most importantly, it's going to be unfair to Seulgi. 

     Seulgi doesn't deserve whatever b