I've always found myself in situations where I have to be generous. I have to give whatever I have to others. Being the eldest child, I sometimes have to shoulder the responsibilities of what was meant to be my parents' into mine. 

   "Joohyun, ibigay mo muna sa kapatid mo" I found myself handing the last piece of my favorite figurine to the excited hands of my five-year-old sister. A few weeks later, she broke it.

   "Joohyun hayaan mo na kapatid mo naman yan" What about me?

   "Joohyun ikaw ang matanda intindihin mo na lang kapatid mo' Why do i always have to be responsible for their mistakes?

   "Joohyun ikaw muna ang bahala. Kailangan ako ng kapatid mo sa school" I still have schoolworks too. 

I wanted to say that but I couldn't.

   "Sige, sayo na lang" as I handed it to her. As long as she's happy, I'll try and be okay with it.

     I cried as I tried to reassemble my project in school. Out of all the toys that Katarina has, she still chose to play with the project I kept on working on."Joohyun, hayaan mo na kapatid mo naman yan" She said as she saw me crying.

   "Ako po ang may gawa"When I announced that, I heard a disappointed scoff from my step-father. I looked at the toddler that my mother was holding. Her eyes were expressive for a toddler. I wish I still had that. 

     I just wish it hadn't ended up like this.

   I found myself alone once again. They've left me here again. I stayed for a few years with my mother since my father was almost never at home as his job required him to be on call 24/7.

   My father's work is in the line of aircraft. When I asked him what he does, he just said that he's the Pilot in Command and he flies the plane. Meanwhile, my mom was a lawyer. Yet she retired when she gave birth to me. We were comfortable. Maybe I just wasn't seeing things clearly.

     Can you blame me? I was a child. 

   My parents got divorced and I found myself sitting with two people in a suit explaining how my parents would have "custody" as well as "divorced" at the tender age of 5. They asked me whom I wanted to stay with more. 

   Can't I stay with both of them? I asked. They smiled sadly and said, "You couldn't." I remember not being able to give my answer as I went on a bawling spree.

   There were a lot of trials to make the divorce legal and effective. They both agreed that they would have joint custody of me. When I asked my father, he explained it to me thoroughly and simply in a way that a 5 year old would understand. Joint custody means that you would spend time with both mommy and daddy. The only difference is that you're going to spend time with us separately.