Shuhua hadn’t spoken much after they got home, and Soojin didn’t do anything to try and make her. She held the younger woman in her arms, as they laid on the couch, looking out at the city lights illuminated against the tall glass windows. Soojin placed constant kisses against tense skin, and tried to hold in her emotions as much as she could. 

Soojin wanted to cry. She wanted to scream at the world. 

Shuhua let out a quiet sigh, and that prompted Soojin to place another kiss behind the younger woman’s ear to soothe her. 

Shuhua shifts, and Soojin loosens her arms, so that Shuhua could turn in her arms. She closes her eyes when Shuhua rests their forehead together, noses nuzzling, and lips ghosting over each other. 

“I want to do something about this, Shuhua. I can’t just not do anything. Please let me.” Soojin whispers, and the strain of her voice shows just how painful it was for Soojin to feel so helpless about everything that had happened. 

“I’m okay,” Shuhua simply says. 

Soojin clenches her teeth, biting back a retort and an outburst, because she knew damn well Shuhua was not okay. 

“You are not.” Her voice came out low and calm, but it made Shuhua’s body shiver at how scary Soojin sounded despite the older woman maintaining her anger. 

“I’m tired,” Shuhua tries to change the subject, nuzzling her face in the crook of Soojin’s neck. 

Soojin sighs, “baby…” 

“I haven’t had a good night's sleep in a long time.” Shuhua let’s out another sigh, content in being in Soojin’s arms again. “This is my favorite place to fall asleep.” 

Soojin’s heart melted from its rage, and her tense body softened, arms tightening around Shuhua. 

“It’s okay to cry, my love. You don’t have to pretend like you’re fine when you’re not.” Soojin wanted to reassure her, not wanting her to forget that she was there to wipe her tears away. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Shuhua says sternly. 

“This isn’t healthy, Shuhua. Please, let me—,” Soojin doesn’t even finish her sentence, words pausing when Shuhua moves to sit at the opposite end of the couch.

 “Shuhua?” 

“I don’t want to be pampered.” Shuhua’s arms are crossed, eyes glaring in her reflection against the glass walls in front of them. 

Soojin scoots towards her, “I’m trying to take care of you. I’m trying to be here for you.” 

Shuhua closes her eyes in frustration, “we’re fighting again. We’re always fighting.” 

“I—, no.” Soojin lets out a laugh of disbelief, “we’re not fighting. This isn’t…” Soojin runs her hand over her face, collecting herself so she didn’t say anything to make things worse. 

“This proves that we’re not ready to be together yet. We still need a break.” Shuhua stands up to try and retrieve her jacket from behind Soojin, but the older woman takes a hold of her hand, sitting her back down in front of her. 

“No,” Soojin shakes her head, “we don’t need a break. We just need to talk it out.” 

Shuhua sighs, “we just end up arguing. I don’t want us to keep fighting, and end up hating each other.” She raises her hand to cup Soojin’s cheek, “I don’t want you to hate me.” 

“I love you.” Soojin doesn't even skip a beat. 

Shuhua's smile is sad, “I know you do. I love you too, but… you’re not happy. And it’s because of me.” 

Soojin’s eyebrows furrow, “your pain is my pain. Whatever you’re going through, I’m with you. You just have to let me.” 

“That’s the point.” Shuhua stresses, “I can’t. Not yet.” 

Soojin doesn’t stop her this time when Shuhua stands up again, “but why? I-Is it something I did? Something I’m not doing? Shuhua, please just tell me.” 

Soojin wanted to just pull on every strand of her hair in frustration. She’s surprised just how she’s maintained her emotions for this long. The old Soojin, the one that hadn’t met Shuhua yet, would have probably exploded and created havoc. 

“No, it’s not you. You’re perfect. You’re so good to me.” Shuhua’s heart clenches, “I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. I’m being unfair to you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who isn’t so broken.” 

Soojin jumps onto her feet, alert and anxious. “Stop that. Don’t do that.” 

She reaches for Shuhua’s hand, opening her palm and placing it against her beating heart. “Do you feel that? You pieced it back together. I was broken…. I am… broken too, but you’ve mended me. You fixed me. You make me better. Let me do the same as you have for me.” 

Shuhua let’s her tears flow, biting her lip to suppress her whimpers. “I want to. I’m trying.” 

“I know.” Soojin raises the same hand on her heart, to her lips. “I know you are. I see it.” 

“I’m not going to ask you to wait for me. That wouldn’t be fair.” Shuhua pulls her closer, and she tries to smile, wanting to assure Soojin that everything will be okay, but the tears in her eyes were very contradictory. 

“No…” Soojin connects their forehead, “I want you to tell me to wait. Because I will. I love you so much. I’ve never—,” she holds Shuhua, scared where this was leading to, “I’ve never loved someone so much.” 

Shuhua blinks her tears away, eyes heavy, as she tries to look into Soojin’s eyes. “I love you.” She wipes under Soojin’s eyes, ridding the tears that continue to coarse down her cheeks. 

Tilting her head up, Shuhua connects their lips in a soft kiss. It was filled with passion, heartbreak, and so much love. 

Shuhua pulls away first, “I have to go now, okay?” She tries her best to smile at Soojin, standing on her tiptoes to place a kiss onto the corner of Soojin’s lips. 

Soojin doesn’t let go of her hand, “w-wha—,” she tilts her head up to the ceiling, in a state of disbelief. “Shuhua, please. Don’t do this to us.” 

“You’ll understand everything soon.” Shuhua lets go of her hand, “soon, my love.” 

Leaving Soojin’s apartment, Shuhua covers from sobbing, roughly wiping at her eyes to force herself to stop crying. 

“Shuhua?” 

She turns away, fixing her appearance at the sound of the familiar voice. When Shuhua decides she was the most presentable, she turns around and greets Yoon who was midway from entering the code to enter their penthouse. She still had her school uniform on, one strap of her blue backpack slung on her shoulder. 

“H-Hi Yoon!” Shuhua grins at her. 

Yoon frowns, walking towards her, eyes soft and curious. Shuhua is surprised when she’s enveloped into a tight hug. 

“I’m here too, Shuhua.” Yoon mumbled into her shoulder, “I might be young, a-and still in high school, but you can rely on me. You can talk to me about your adult problems too. I can give you hugs to make you feel better.” 

Shuhua melts into the hug, wrapping her arms around the younger girl. “I know, Yoon.” 

Yoon pulls away and her eyes turn sad. “Please don’t leave my sister. Soojin tells me how much she loves you all the time, and she smiles so big when you’re around…. She’ll be crushed… Please don’t hurt my sister.” 

Shuhua let’s out a shaky breath, forcing a smile, as she pats Yoon’s head. “I love your sister, Yoon.” 

“I know, but Soojin says that sometimes love isn’t enough to make each other happy.” Yoon pouts, “but you make her so happy. I see it all the time. The way she smiles. Does.. does my sister not make you happy? Is that why?” 

Shuhua doesn’t hesitate to deny the claim, “no, Yoon. She makes me so happy. The problem… it’s… complicated…” 

“I can handle complicated problems. Maybe I can help. I’m good at complex thinking, Shu. I got an award for it in fifth grade.” Yoon looks at her with big and round eyes, nodding her head encouragingly. 

Shuhua sighs, “I think Soojin needs a hug right now. Can you go give her a hug for me? Please?” 

Yoon deflated, a frown on her lips, but she nodded nonetheless. “Okay… but your hugs make her feel much better than mine ever could.” 

“That’s not true. Soojin loves your hugs the most. Told me herself.” Shuhua pinches Yoon’s cheek. 

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Shuhua hugs her one more time. 

“Bye, Shuhua.” 

//

“What are you doing? What’s this?” Soyeon motions to Yoon’s grin. She blinks her eyes away from her phone, looking up at her older cousin who was giving her a weird look. 

“What?” Yoon asks, dumbfounded. 

“You’re being weird. What are you smiling at, hm? Who are you texting?” Soyeon an eyebrow, eyes suspicious, as her arms cross over her chest. 

“How do you know I’m texting someone? Maybe I saw something funny on Instagram or something.” Yoon pockets her phone, avoiding Soyeon’s eyes. 

“No, see, you’re forgetting who you’re talking to. You can’t lie to me.” Soyeon points at her, wagging her finger knowingly. 

“C’mon, fess up. Or I will tell your sister. Which, frankly, is worse than me knowing about your secret boyfriend.” Soyeon chuckles, when Yoon stomps her foot. 

“Yeon! You can’t. Soojin will freak.” 

“Ah, so you do have a boyfriend.” Soyeon smirks, nodding her head in understanding. 

“No, not—, he’s not my boyfriend…” Yoon pouts, voice getting smaller. 

“Why is she all pouty?” Yuqi pipes up right when