Yong finally sent me the divorce papers…

I placed the paper on my desk as I pushed my chair out. I stood up and buried my fingers in my hair while I paced inside my office. I felt my heart beating so fast while my hands itched to grab a bottle of beer and my lips craved for the taste of alcohol. My body wanted to heat up from that intoxicating feeling before it would go numb to at least lessen the pain on my chest right now.

It was just a couple of hours that I told Dr. Song I’d help myself. It was just a minute ago that I told Dr. Lee that I’m sobering up. I could definitely feel all my hope instantly drained out of me when I read the application form for divorce. Then I read Yong’s name and my name and I went blank for a second before everything hit me all at once.

Yong wanted to divorce me. Yong finally delivered to me the papers. I never processed terminating my legal guardianship over her because I don’t want to cut ties with her. I never wanted to. But now, she doesn’t want me in her life anymore and that instantly ruined my chance. I haven’t even got the opportunity to talk to her, but seeing the papers now, everything felt real. It felt all too real.

“Wheein!”

The urgency in Dr. Lee’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and stopped my pacing as I glanced at her. She was holding the paper while she looked at me worriedly. I shook my head at her, my tears pricking my eyes while my lips started to tremble.

Yong and I are finally separating. Yong wanted to invalidate her marriage with me.

“She didn’t sign the papers” Dr. Lee said, making me rapidly blink my eyes at her.

“What?” I asked. I’ve heard her the first time but I just don’t understand what she said. I couldn’t process it because the only thing that was in my head right now is that Yong finally wanted to invalidate our marriage. My left ring finger twitched from that thought, feeling the emptiness without my rings in there once again.

Dr. Lee turned the paper to me and said, “She didn’t sign it. Yong didn’t sign it. That just means that she wanted you to decide and sign it first because maybe she doesn’t want to, so she was just following your lead”

“Then why did she process it? Why did she send it to me?”

“Maybe because she thinks it’s what you want that’s why she processed it and sent it to you, but she didn’t sign it because she doesn’t want to. I don’t know…” Dr. Lee said helplessly.

“Then she must’ve really wanted to,” I said, feeling so stressed right now.

“There were still two other envelopes, right? Open those things first. Maybe she sent you a letter or something” Dr. Lee insisted while I just stared at her and breathed heavily, feeling totally hopeless already. “Wheein… For as long as the papers aren’t signed, for as long as your marriage is still valid, you have a chance. Let me repeat that again. You have a chance. Do you get me?”

I gulped before I slowly nodded my head. “Okay” I whispered, dropping my hands beside me. “Okay” I repeated once again to convince myself.

“Sit down please. Calm down and drink some water. It’ll help you. Don’t crave for alcohol” Dr. Lee warned me.

“I’m sorry” I whispered as I walked back to my chair and sat back down again. I grabbed my tumbler and took huge gulps of water, feeling my throat really dry.

When I’m done drinking, I placed my tumbler down on my desk again and sighed as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. I pulled my chair closer to my desk as I said, “Thank you for being here Dr. Lee. I would’ve been back drinking alcohol right at that moment after promising to keep myself sober”

“I’m here to help, Wheein” Dr. Lee said, smiling at me.

I breathed deeply as I reached for the brown envelope with some thick content. I unsealed it and pulled the paper out of the envelope before I placed the envelope back on my desk. I scanned my eyes on the first page then flipped on the succeeding pages with my eyebrows furrowed.

The first document made me feel hopeless. This document, however, just made me feel so confused.

“What is it?” Dr. Lee asked.

“I don’t understand…” I whispered. I flipped to the first page again and scanned my eyes in there. “I don’t know why I even got this one”

“What is it?” Dr. Lee asked again, waiting patiently for me to finally answer her.

“It says Presentence Investigation Report. What am I going to do about it? Maybe this was wrongly sent to me? I don’t know…” I mumbled as I scanned my eyes again. The overwhelming number of words on paper made me miss whom the document was about. “It says the offender’s name is Do Yujun. I don’t even know who… Wait…”

My eyes trailed on the A/K/A’s section, which was right below the offender’s legal name. There are several names in there, including several Korean names, an English name, and other foreign names I couldn’t quite distinguish. But more of like I didn’t bother to do so because a familiar Korean name struck me.

My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced at Dr. Lee again. “I don’t understand”

“What about?” Dr. Lee asked, starting to get confused as well.

I glanced down at the document again and checked the legal name and aliases of the offender one last time before I said, “It’s a Presentence Investigation Report on Do Yujun. That’s the offenders legal name and one of his aliases is my biological father’s name, Lee Juwon.” I shook my head and glanced at Dr. Lee as I said, “I don’t understand”

I don’t know who Do Yujun is. I know Lee Juwon but maybe this is referring to a different Lee Juwon. Or maybe Lee Juwon, Do Yujun, and my biological father is one. Or probably this is someone different at all. That maybe this document was really sent wrongly to me.

This is confusing me. The alcohol must’ve affected my thinking capacity already. I placed the paper on my desk and immediately glanced down at my hands as I raised them in front of me. I stared intently for a long time just to see if they’re still steady or not.

I dropped my hands down and leaned back on my seat as I sighed heavily in relief. I’m really lucky the alcohol hasn’t affected my hands. I might really lose my career due to my carelessness if they’d be shaking so badly.

“Check the other envelope.” I saw Dr. Lee was already reading the Presentence Investigation Report, her eyebrows furrowed from concentration while her eyes ran sideways to read the document. “Maybe something in there explains all of this” she whispered, her eyes never leaving the paper.

I sighed and sat straight again as I reached for the last envelope. The third envelope is the smallest among the previous ones I’ve opened. I unsealed the envelope before I pulled out a folded paper inside.

The moment my fingers touched the paper, I knew immediately this one would be different. The first two papers were documents, in which the content was printed on the paper. This one however, was handwritten based from the creases and the protrusions I could feel on the paper. I have to unfold this one as well to see what’s inside.

My Butterfly,

I in a huge amount of breath when I recognized the handwriting. I gulped hard when my eyes landed on the first words I’ve read.

This is definitely Yong’s handwriting. This definitely came from Yong. And she addressed me as her Butterfly!

I instantly folded it again and placed the letter on my desk before I pushed my chair away from my table. I pushed back until I hit the wall behind me while my eyes never left the letter on the table. My breaths started to turn shallow as I stared at the letter intently. Never blinking and never moving.

“What’s wrong?” Dr. Lee asked frantically when I suddenly scrambled away from my table as if the letter hurt or burned my hands. “What’s wrong?” she asked me again when all I could do was just look at the letter. “Is there something wrong with the last document?”

“It’s Yong’s letter,” I whispered, still dazed.

“Oh” Dr. Lee whispered dumbfoundedly as she relaxed on her seat. “What’s wrong about Yong’s letter? You don’t want to read it?”

“I’m nervous about what she said in there”

Dr. Lee suddenly burst out laughing, which made me remove my eyes from staring at the letter as I looked at her now. Her laugh wasn’t mocking me or something. She just found it funny and I don’t know why so I just pouted at her as I leaned back on my seat. I sighed heavily as I stared at the letter again.

“Open it!” Dr. Lee said while still trying to recover from laughing.

“I’m nervous,” I said exasperatedly. “And why are you laughing at me?”

“Your similarities with my adoptive daughter is quite uncanny and amusing.” She pointed at the letter and said, “Now, open it or else I’m throwing it out if you’ll just have to stare at it”

“Fine…” I grumbled as I timidly moved back to my desk again while Dr. Lee was just chuckling at me. I picked up the letter before I sat up straight, too nervous to sit comfortably on my chair. I unfolded the letter once again as I breathed deeply with the hopes to calm myself.

My Butterfly,

I placed the letter back on the desk and mumbled, “I need to drink water first”

I reached for my tumbler and heard Dr. Lee sigh heavily. “You’re just delaying this, you know?”

I gulped huge amounts of water then wiped my chin with the back of my arm before I placed my tumbler on my desk again. I kicked off my black pumps and raised my legs on my chair before I picked up the letter for the nth time.Then I finally started reading Yong’s letter for me.

My Butterfly,

Hi, I guess

I don’t know how to start this. I don’t even know if I have the guts to send this to you. If I could find the strength to do so, then I hope this paper would reach your hands. If it would reach your hands, I hope you would read this til the very end. I’m already thankful if you wouldn’t throw this the first moment you realize it came from me.

Accompanying this letter are two brown envelopes. If by chance this letter reached you without those documents, please don’t continue reading this letter without those documents with you. Did they reach you?

I looked away from the letter and reached for the documents I read earlier, but more like scanned through them only. I placed them near me while Dr. Lee just watched me patiently. “Got them” I whispered under my breath, answering Yong even though she couldn’t hear me.

I hope they do. The first one is a copy of the Presentence Investigation Report (PSIR) and the other one is a Divorce Application Form (DAF). I’ll start explaining with PSIR first.

Two weeks after I was released from the hospital, I found out from Dr. Song that your biological father was released from prison even after what he did to Nabi.

I instantly sat up from my seat, startling Dr. Lee who was sitting across from me.

“What happened?” she asked as she watched me reach for the PSIR document.

“I don’t know yet” I mumbled as I placed the paper on my lap. Judging from that statement alone, I could deduce that this document is related to my biological father. If Do Yujun and my biological is just one, I think I’m going to find out soon. This just made me think how Yong found this out.

Dr. Song told me that there was no evidence that would convict Lee Juwon for abuse or blackmail. What happened was more like we couldn’t present evidence to imprison him. It’s not that we couldn’t. We just weren’t able to. Everyone’s mind was focused on Nabi, me, and you that the matter about Lee Juwon was left behind. Dr. Song heard from the police that Lee Juwon was free because he somehow proved himself not guilty of the charges since he proved to be Nabi’s biological father. Abuse was ruled out. The police who helped us that day couldn’t provide enough evidence as well, so he was set free.

I placed both papers on my desk before I instantly sat up from my chair. I moved around my desk and started pacing once again. After what I just read, I needed a moment to move and to breathe while running my fingers through my hair.

This is frustrating. How did I forget about Lee Juwon? He kept on haunting me in my dreams during those times. I could see his evil face all the time, yet I forgot about him at all. I got so complacent when we already got Nabi back. I got so caught up about my own issues. I wrapped my mind around myself that I totally forgot about him and in giving justice to what he did to Nabi.

“What happened this time?” Dr. Lee asked from her seat while she watched me pace again. “Have you finished the letter already?” she asked worriedly.

“No… no… no…” I mumbled repeatedly. I walked back to my desk again and grabbed my tumbler to drink water. When I was done, I closed my eyes and sigh as I rubbed my palms on my face.

“Is there anything I could help you, Wheein?”

“No” I said again as I shook my head. “I just need a moment to move. That’s all”

“Don’t hesitate to tell me if there’s anything I could help you with”

I sat back down again and nodded my head at Dr. Lee. “Thank you” I said to her while she just smiled and nodded her head at me.

I picked Yong’s letter and searched for where I stopped earlier. When I found it, I leaned back on my seat again and went back to reading.

After hearing this from Dr. Song, I took the case with me since I won’t be having a lot of things to do while you’re at work. I spent time investigating, but I never overworked myself. However, I frustratingly got stuck at a dead end a lot of times. So I went to By