I stared at my own reflection in front of me. My eyes have sunken a little bit and heavy bags weigh down right below my eyes. My eyes are unfocused and my reflection kept on blurring and clearing from that unfocused vision.

Yup! The perfect picture of someone going through divorce.

The only thing I need right now is alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been craving to intoxicate my body but Mom has been watching me like a hawk. I didn’t tell her what happened but when she held my hand and stared at my left ring finger, I knew she knew what happened. She never asked about it though. Just like when we got into an accident. Just like when I ran back home when Yong recovered her memories. Just like when Yong had an aneurysm. She never asked and just waited for me to tell her. And just like every single one of those moments, I didn’t tell her.

I’m away from Mom now. She’s worried, but she still let me fly here in Australia to attend Chorong and Bomi’s wedding. I’ve been itching to drink, but I’ll be seeing Nabi later and I don’t think it’s a good idea for my daughter to see her Mama in her drunk state.

I sighed before I started concealing the state of my tired eyes while practicing to smile in front of the mirror. I’m imagining Nabi in front of me, but then I realized Yong would be there too. My smiles never reached my eyes though.

Will Nabi notice it?
… This is going to be a long day.

After finishing my makeup, I stood up in front of the mirror inside my hotel room. I scanned my eyes all over my body and thought that I looked pretty decent. I mean for someone who has lack of sleep and is so tired to even carry herself, I looked pretty decent.

My eyes landed on my right bicep and I stared at it for a good full minute. I hummed before I headed to my suitcase. I bent down and picked up my beige plaid suit and white long-sleeve silk dress shirt. Luckily, I packed another outfit for later.

I took off my beige strap dress and wore my suit instead. I wore my white ankle boots again and pocketed my wallet and phone inside my coat pocket. I grabbed the paper bag sitting beside my suitcase that contains my gift for the upcoming newlywed couple. I checked my face and hair one last time in the mirror before I went out of my hotel room and headed out to the wedding venue.

Ugh… hope I survive the rest of the day so I could go back home right away.
Why did I promise to come here anyways? Vows could even be broken, then why couldn’t I break a promise?
Right, I’m doing this for my daughter. This is for Nabi.

When I reached the venue, I just bowed my head and directed myself to where the brides are. I don’t know a single one of these people. I sighed deeply, regretting coming here early. I should just come here in the middle of the ceremony so I don’t have to stand awkwardly by myself.

But then again, a certain someone doesn’t want to come late always and I somehow picked it up.

I saw a glimpse of Irene and I hurriedly walked towards her. I almost tripped when I wasn’t watching my step as I never allowed my eyes to leave Irene’s figure. She went inside a particular hallway and I ran to her so I couldn’t lose her. I reached a hand as I jogged to her and held her arm while I breathed heavily from all the rushing I did.

“Ahh!” she exclaimed when my hand touched her arm, making me open my eyes when I got startled from her scream.

I gulped before I mumbled, “Sorry”

“Oh my goodness, Wheein. Why did you do that?” she asked, holding a hand on her chest while she tried to regain her composure.

“I’m sorry” I whispered again, feeling myself blush from embarrassment.

“That’s fine. What can I help you with?”

“I don’t know anyone around here” I said to her and paused, thinking whether they already know about me and Yong divorcing or not. I haven’t received the documents yet, and the separation wasn’t official, but we’re getting there already. I guess, technically, I’m back to being single.

“I…” I stuttered as I looked down and noticed the paper bag I was holding. I lifted it up and said, “Do you know where I could place my gift for the couple? I’m sorry for startling you again, but you’re the only one I knew around her”

She offered a gentle smile at me before she tipped her head further into the hallway and said, “Follow me”

I sighed once again before I whispered, “Thank you”

“It’s good to see you, Wheein. You look great, by the way”

I’m not. I looked halfway decent, but not as decent as the people around me. Probably because I’m the only one who couldn’t smile so brightly. A smile that could reach my eyes. I couldn’t do that. I don’t know how to do that anymore.

“Thank you. You too” I cleared my throat before I asked, “Is Seulgi coming?”

“Yup, but she’ll be late since her flight got delayed,” she said cheerfully. Or probably in her normal voice, but still way too cheerful for my gloomy mood.

“Oh… Okay” I said, nodding my head absentmindedly.

“I’ll lead you first to Bomi’s room where you can place your gift. Then we’ll go to Chorong’s room so you can see Nabi. They’re staying with Chorong right now”

They knew.

“You don’t have to guide me. You can just give me directions” I mumbled.

“It’s fine. I’m not that busy yet since we’re only waiting for the ceremony to start. Don’t worry”

“Thank you” I whispered once again.

We reached a room and heard muffled and frantic voices from the other side of the room. I raised my eyebrows at Irene but she just chuckled, knocked on the door, and opened it before she motioned for me to get in. When I stayed in the hallway, she grabbed my arm and pushed me inside before she followed behind me. I wanted her to get in first because I don’t know what I’m going to expect inside the room.

“Wheein’s here!” Irene announced, making everyone inside the room look at me.

Great… Now I have everyone’s attention.

Thankfully, it’s just Bomi and one other person inside the room. They’re probably in the middle of bickering but when we got in, it stopped them.

“Hi” I said awkwardly. I raised the paper bag I was carrying and asked, “Uhm… Where can I place this?”

“What’s that?” Bomi asked curiously.

Irene pushed me further into the room as I said, “You and Chorong mentioned one time that you adopted a dog, right? So I bought stuff for dogs like leashes, collars, clothes, and toys. Is that okay?”

“Oh, really? Let me see” Bomi said excitedly as she walked towards me.

“Sure.” I shrugged my shoulders as I handed her the paper bag.

“Wheein, thank you for that, but no. Not yet, Bomi. You need to change first” Bomi’s friend said exasperatedly.

“Later!” Bomi countered as she excitedly grabbed the paper bag from me while her friend grabbed it from her and placed it in the corner of the room where other gifts are stored as well.

Irene only sighed behind me while I watched Bomi and her friend bicker once again. Bomi paced in the middle of the room while her friend was trying to convince her to change. They reminded me of how Hyejin and I were during my own wedding.

“That’s Eunji. I think Bomi forgot to introduce her to you since she’s too nervous for the wedding”

I smiled as I said, “Totally relatable. Definitely understandable”

“Yeah…” Irene chuckled as she said, “Reminded me of you and Hyejin during your wedding”

“Yes, but Eunji could knock Bomi down any second with her fist. Hyejin could knock me out with her eyes. Scares me sometimes”

Irene turned to look at me before she said, “Maybe you could give her a word of advice from experience? Just to calm her down”

“I might, but she’ll be nervous all over again when she walked down the aisle later”

She chuckled again as she whispered, “I see…”

I nodded my head at Irene before I looked at Bomi and Eunji bickering, oblivious that we are still inside the room.

“Should we go see Nabi now?” Irene asked, pulling my attention back to her again.

“Yeah…” I sighed deeply before I gulped hard from nervousness. “I think that would be wonderful”

“Bomi, Eunji!” Irene called out to the two friends. “We’ll go to Chorong now. And you better change Bomi. Don’t give Eunji a hard time”

“But I’m nervous…” Bomi whined, making me smile at her. I could definitely relate to that familiar nervousness.

“What are you nervous about?” I asked, gathering all the attention towards me again.

Bomi sighed as she dropped herself on the chair in front of the vanity mirror. “I guess I’m scared that maybe she’ll back out? Or she’ll leave me? I don’t know… I’m just nervous and I don’t understand myself. I couldn’t even stay still”

“Are you scared that Chorong might leave you because you won’t be enough or you might not be enough for her? That you want to promise a lot of things to her but you’re not sure that you could fulfill those promises?” I asked her the same questions I’ve been asking myself the night before our wedding.

“Was that what you felt too?” Bomi asked curiously, confirming what I thought.

“The night before, yes” I said honestly. “You can ask yourself that a million times and you would never get your answers. So instead of wondering about it, try to give your best to not let it happen”

I uttered the words my Mom said to me that night, realizing that even when I gave my best, I was still not enough. I was still not doing enough. I couldn’t accomplish my promises to make them happy and keep us together. My efforts were not appreciated.

“That’s what my Mom told me,” I added, breaking eye contact with Bomi when she smiled sadly.

I walked towards Bomi and reached a hand for her to shake. She accepted it and shook my hand before we leaned forward and kissed each other’s cheek. “Congratulations” I whispered and tried to smile at her.

“Thank you for coming here and for what you said,” she said, eyeing me worriedly.

They definitely knew.

I nodded my head at Eunji and smiled at Bomi again before I turned around and headed towards the door where Irene was waiting for me. We headed to Chorong’s room next, engulfed in total silence now. Only the noise our shoes produced and the buzzing from the guests that reached the hallways were the only ones we could hear.

I could sense questions running inside Irene’s mind but I’m glad she never verbalized those questions. She stopped at another door, which I assumed to be Chorong’s room, but didn’t knock and open the door this time right away. She stood in front of the door and faced me, eyeing me intently while I held her gaze this time.

“We’re here” she said while I just nodded my head, still nervous to see a particular person inside.

I pointed at the ring on her left hand, noticing it when she held her chest when she got startled by me earlier. “Who proposed?”

“You noticed…” she mumbled, looking at her ring and unconsciously smiled while she stared at the ring. “Seulgi” she said, her smile never faltering as she fidgeted with her ring.

“I hope you have a lovely wedding like this one, but an even lovelier marriage life in the future” I said as I smiled at her.

“Wheein…” she whispered, looking at me worriedly once again.

By now, I’m sure all of them knew already that Yong and I are divorcing.

I smiled at her and said, “I should better see Nabi now”

“Yes. I think you should” Irene mumbled nervously while still looking worriedly at me. She suddenly opened the door and motioned for me to get in.

I could feel my chest pounding from nervousness now. Judging from what Irene said earlier, I think Yong will be here in this room too. I don’t know how I would feel if I see her again. It’s been three weeks since