~ Fall, Current Year ~

“Nabi-ah!” I called out to her when she immediately ran to her room the moment we got back home.

I quickly removed my shoes to chase after her but Yong held my hand and stopped me from moving a step away from the front door. I heard a door being slammed shut before I was turned by Yong to face her. The way her eyebrows furrowed and how her eyes filled with worry was the same exact thing I know she could find on my face as well.

“Yong…” I closed my eyes and gulped, feeling the ache in my heart when our daughter denied our help and touch the moment we arrived in the penthouse building. I wrapped my arms around Yong's waist and pulled her closer to me before I buried my face on her neck. “Yong…” I whispered again, tightly shutting my eyes to stop myself from crying.

She immediately looped her arms around me and held me tightly before she kissed the side of my head. I felt her lean her chin on my shoulder before she whispered, “Let her cry. Let her be mad. Let her feel all the emotions she’s going through right now, but that doesn’t mean we won’t let her understand”

“What if she’ll hate us? What if it would completely break our daughter?” I asked her as I pulled my face away from her neck, releasing the tears from my eyes.

She wiped them away before she cupped my cheek. “She won't,” she said confidently. “She won’t. I trust our baby that she won’t hate us. We’ll just have to be patient and let her understand, okay?”

“How can you be so sure?”

She only smiled at me before she pulled my face closer to her. I closed my eyes before I felt her lips on mine. I fisted her coat as I kissed her back, easing the tension on my shoulders while I tried to grab more strength from her through our kiss. When she pulled back and leaned her forehead on mine, we both sighed at the same time.

“I trust the people who were there when she first cried, smiled, and laughed. I trust the people she was with when she finally knew how to walk and speak.” She slightly pulled her head back and looked at me intently as she rubbed her thumb on my cheek. “I could never believe how you were able to raise her by herself during those times…”

“Now you’re with me and helped her grow into a beautiful girl” I cut her, trying to remind her that I wasn’t alone now.

“That’s right” she whispered and smiled at me, making me smile back at her. “She might be mad now, but you never taught her to hate on others ever since she was still a baby. There’s no way she’d hate us”

I leaned forward and kissed her lips before I rested my lips on her forehead. “I love you. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here with me” I whispered directly on her skin while she chuckled softly.

“I’m not so sure what I’d do without you too” she whispered before she kissed my cheek. “I love you too.” She lightly pinched my cheeks before she broke the hug to remove her shoes. “Do you want to talk to her first while I’ll prepare our dinner?” she asked as she walked towards the kitchen.

I sighed and followed her behind. “I don’t know what I’ll say though. I don’t even know how to explain it” I mumbled before I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it gently from stress. “I shouldn't have slipped earlier. This is all my fault and now I don’t even know how to explain it to her”

How could I even explain to a child about the natural way of creating another human child? How could I even explain to her about death and abandonment? I don’t even know how to answer her series of curious yet simple questions when she was still a baby. There’s no way I could make her understand something as complex as adoption, giving birth, and so much more.

“Whee…” Yong whispered before pulling my hands away from my hair. “Please stop blaming yourself. Sooner or later she’ll know that we adopted her. It’s better now that she knows it, don’t you think?” She glided her thumbs on the back of my hand as she looked at me while I just pouted at her. “Consider it a blessing in disguise”

“Okay… Okay…” I whispered, nodding my head while my gaze unfocused as I thought of how I will be able to approach Nabi later. “Okay…” I repeated again.

Yong laughed softly at me before she cupped my cheek and pulled my face so I’d meet her gaze. “You can do this” she said to me as she stared right into my eyes, trusting me completely.

I gulped before I nodded my head. “I’ll call you if I somehow mess this up”

She kissed my forehead before she pulled away and headed to the kitchen again. “I’ll be right in the kitchen”

I released a nervous breath out before I walked towards Nabi’s room. I raised my knuckles up, ready to knock on her door. I turned to look at Yong again, earning more courage from her before I knocked on Nabi’s door. She was facing our refrigerator, one hand holding the door open while her other hand was holding her head, buried in her hair. Her eyebrows were furrowed while her eyes surveyed the contents in the refrigerator. When she sensed me staring at her, she immediately dropped her hand from her head, motioned for me to get inside, and tipped her chin towards Nabi’s room.

I gulped and nodded my head, feeling both determined and nervous at the same time. I finally knocked on Nabi’s door and turned the door knob. I sighed, relieved that it wasn’t locked, then slowly pushed the door open. I peeked inside her room as I searched for her. Her room was a little bit dim as the sun started to set outside now, but there’s still enough light inside to make sense of everything.

My eyes landed on the lump in the middle of the bed, a few hair strands peeking from the top edge of the blanket. I went inside her room and slowly closed the door behind me. I never bothered to turn on the lights anymore and went straight to her bed. As I got closer to it, I could hear her sniffing, which immediately made me frown.

I sighed silently before I sat down on the floor and leaned back on her bed. I gulped and brought my legs up, hugging them while I propped my chin on my knees. I listened to her still on-going sniffs while I tried to find a way to approach the subject.

“Nabi-ah…” I gently whispered and held my breath as I waited for any response from her.

I heard her sniffing stopped right after I called her name. I waited for any response or movement on the bed but everything went still. I cleared my throat and said, “The questions you asked in the car… Ahh… Mama will try to answer them, so I hope you’ll listen to me, okay?” I waited for her response, but none came. I sighed and sat straight, thinking that at least she’s not pushing me away this time than when we arrived in the penthouse building.

“When Nabi was born, your mother made a huge sacrifice so that you would be able to live” I started with that and struggled to find a simpler explanation and searched for simpler words in order to explain it to her in a way that a four-year-old kid would understand. “Grandpa… Dr. Song was the one who helped your mother when she gave birth to you.” I instantly chewed my cheek and furrowed my eyebrows when I heard shifting on her bed.

Was she able to understand that?

When there was still no response from her, I continued to explain it to her again, feeling my forehead and palms sweating from both my nerves and how I’m having a hard time right now. I’d rather face and understand complex slices of MRI and CT scans than what I’m doing right now. It would be an easier task than trying to answer my daughter’s questions.

“I… Uhmm… She wasn’t…” I sighed and gulped as I struggled to phrase my thoughts. “She wasn’t able to make it, baby” I whispered softly to her. “Even before you were born, your daddy never showed up. When Mommy saw you, she wanted to take care of you because she loved you already. Mama too. We love you, Nabi-ah…” I stopped once again when I heard another movement from the bed and waited to see if I’ll get a response. None came again.

“Adopt… Adoption… It’s like getting married… marriage” I stuttered before I cleared my throat and furrowed my eyebrows from concentration. “Your Mommy and Mama are married to each other, right? Adoption is like that. Mommy and Mama didn’t know each other before. Then we met and we got to know each other. Mommy loves Mama and Mama loves Mommy. Just like what Mommy said to you before, but I don’t know if you remember it though. By being married, we got to love each other, take care of each other, and stay beside each other forever.”

I leaned my head back on the bed and stared at the stars glowing inside her bedroom, noticing how some of the stars have faded already. “Adoption is like that too, baby. Mommy and Mama didn't know Nabi but when we saw you and met you, we ended up loving you. We adopted you because we wanted to love you, take care of you, and stay beside you forever.” I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, thinking if I said the right things or not.

“When you asked if you don’t have a family, that’s not true at all” I whispered to her, feeling my tears starting to build up once again when I remembered how she refused to let us hold her and talk to her. I sniffed once for my broken heart, trying not to let the rest fall from my eyes, before I whispered, “You have Mommy. You have Mama. You have Grandma and Grandpa. You have Auntie Hyejin, Auntie Byulyi, Auntie Irene, Auntie Chorong, and a lot of people who love you so much.

“I’m sorry if you lost your mother and if I don’t know where your daddy is. Mommy and Mama could never answer that question but we would always try to give everything that’s best for you because we love you, Nabi.” I hurriedly wiped a stubborn tear that escaped and leaned my chin on my knees again.

“You know, Mommy doesn’t have a mommy too. She doesn’t have a daddy either. But Mommy is still so happy now because Mommy has Mama and Nabi who she loves so much.” I sighed and gulped, feeling my heart thumping loudly in my chest for what I’m about to confess next. “Mama doesn’t know who her daddy is either, baby” I whispered softly, blinking my eyes rapidly when my vision started to blur.

This is the first time I openly talked about not having a father. I mentioned to Yong that my father got Mom pregnant and never showed up, but that’s it. Never talked about what I felt about it other than being teased and bullied in school. I never discussed and admitted to her that I don’t have a father. Everything I said to her was indirectly telling her about my family's situation. Even to Hyejin and Dr. Song too. They just somehow knew that I didn't know my father without telling them.

“You don’t?”

I immediately turned around when I heard her voice for the first time since I was inside her bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, hugging her stuffed puppy, while she pouted at me. I smiled at her and moved aside as I patted the carpeted floor beside me. “Come sit here beside me” I said to her and smiled as I watched her climb out of her bed then sat beside me. She raised her legs up and hugged her puppy before she looked at me expectantly.

I smiled at her before I looked ahead of me as I sighed deeply. “Mama doesn’t know who her daddy is, just like you, Nabi. I thought my daddy doesn’t like me. I thought that I wasn’t enough for him to stay with us” I confirmed, whispering it to her while I smiled sadly. I never knew I would say these words out loud ever in my life. It’s a bit sad, having to finally admit my self-loathing, but if this is the only way my daughter would understand, then so be it. “It’s why Mommy and Mama were so nervous when Nabi went to school. We don’t want you to experience being teased because I was teased in school too”

“You do?”

I glanced at her and nodded my head. “I do. I would cry in school a lot of times, but then I met your Auntie Hyejin just like when you met Ara. Auntie Hyejin is Mama’s closest and best friend in school. We went to the same school always so we could play a lot together. Mama and Auntie Hyejin would protect each other just like what Ara and Nabi do. I really wanted to know who my daddy is before but I don’t anymore”

“You don’t?”

I smiled at her and shook my head before I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, sighing in relief when she allowed me to touch her again. I placed my arm around her shoulders and made her lean close to me before I kissed the top of her head. “I don’t anymore because I have Mom, Hyejin and Grandpa who loves me so much. And now, I got Mommy and Nabi with me too. I feel complete with having all of you. It feels more than enough already”

I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes before I sighed deeply. “We love you, baby. We love you so much. Please don’t think that you don’t have a family when you have us.” I pulled away from her and cupped her cheek before I asked, “Did Mommy and Mama fail to love you, baby?”

She blinked her eyes at me and I held my breath as I waited for her to answer me. “No. Mommy and Mama always love me”

“That’s right” I said, nodding my head triumphantly as I smiled at her. “Do you hate Mommy and Mama for adopting you, baby?”

“No” she answered, shaking her head at me.

“Do you still love Mommy and Mama?”

“Yes”

“Can I hear you say it, Nabi?”

She moved to hug me before she whispered, “I love you, Mama”

I squeezed her tightly and sighed in relief as I kissed the top of her head. “I love you too, baby”

“What about Mommy, Nabi-ah?”

I turned around and saw Yong pouting as she leaned on the door frame. I raised my eyebrows and wondered how long she was standing there. She only smiled at us and the lights inside the bedroom before she walked towards us. She sat on the floor beside me and pouted at Nabi while I just silently chuckled at her.

“You only love Mama, baby? What about Mommy?” she whined at our daughter.

I helped Nabi when she suddenly moved to sit on my lap. I held her as she moved forward and hugged her Mommy. “I love you, Mommy”

Yong kissed the top of Nabi’s head repeatedly before she hugged her back and whispered, “I love you too, baby. Mommy and Mama love you so much. Please don’t push us away anymore”

Nabi shook her head vigorously before she moved and included me in the hug. I kissed her cheek before I leaned my forehead on her shoulder and closed my eyes as I held her and Yong close to me.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do that again. I promise” she whispered softly.

“It’s okay, Nabi. We understand” Yong whispered to her.

I gave ourselves a couple of seconds of holding each other in silence, glad that the hard part was over. I do really hope that she understands what I said to her. By the right time, we’ll be able to thoroughly explain everything to her.

I broke the hug first before I started tickling Nabi. Her giggles immediately filled the silence in the room as she started to kick