It hurts more than any physical wound I ever had..

 

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Jungkook has already gone through so many things, Yeri has always despised people who tried to hurt him, Jihoon and his family, that one criminal who stabbed him. She hates them so much for what they did. It is hurt to actually hear what he just said, to learn that she basically missed the one person who actually hurt him the most, herself.

 

“My wish..was for you to stop crying in front of me, like how you did when i tried to kill you because..i feel like a monster who never deserved you, it makes me feel like letting go of you is the only way for you to be happy..”

 

She gets up and forces the door open once again, but she fails to do that, she is still locked in it.

 

“Open this door!”

 

She cuts off the phone call right away and uses both of her hands to hit the door.

 

“If you won’t open this, I'll just use the window, I'll walk on the wall so I can get to you.”

 

That’s totally crazy and almost impossible, but she doesn’t care, she would probably do it. She hit the door once again to make sure that she could be heard clearly.

 

Yeri is yeri for a reason, that’s why Jungkook opened the door when she threatened him.  He’s doing nothing when she finally turns to him and runs to him, throwing herself to his embrace and burying her face on his chest. 

 

He takes her shoulder and tries to let himself go from her arms, but she refuses to do so, she’s holding his waist tighter and hides her face even more when he tries to look at her. 

 

“I’ll make something for you to eat.”

 

That’s what she said while letting go of her right hands from his waist and using it to wipe her tears. He stays at his position for a while until Yeri finally pulls herself away from him and walks away. She walked fast and pushed him from blocking her way.

 

He said nothing but followed her right after she left. And finds her rummaging around his fridge while sometimes stopping to fix her messy hair. He walked back to his room and took out something from a drawer near his bed. 

 

“You left this.”

 

He takes her shoulder, makes her turn to him and ties her hair. Yeri left lots of things in his place, but he only remembered keeping this one. Her hairband. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

She said thanks with a smile, while her eyes focused on a package of sandwich on her hands.

 

“We don’t need to pretend like I didn't just say what I said earlier.”

 

He finished styling her hair in a high ponytail awkwardly and talked to her while trying to search for her eyes. She stopped what she was doing and lifted her face to him, she gave him a smile again before putting the sandwiches she opened to the microwave and heating it up.

 

“I’m not pretending.”

 

She’s leaning her back and shaking her head while putting her hands on his arms.

 

“Aren’t you scared of me?”

 

“I am. I’ve told you this for so many times, you are intimidating, crazy, smart…”

 

“That’s not what i meant”

 

He became so frustrated because Yeri is reacting like what he just said is not hurting her. He unintentionally raises his voice to her and he feels bad immediately.

 

“I told you that I’m chasing you and killing you in my nightmare for my own satisfaction.”

 

“That’s not even the worst thing from what i just heard.”

 

She takes a deep breath before bringing herself one step closer to him and hitting his stomach lightly. 

 

“It hurts more than any physical wound I ever had. That’s what you really felt when I showed up on your nightmare? I hurt you more than anyone, but you never told me to stop.”

 

He talked to her about what he felt regarding their nightmare before, but never really detailed just like how she told him. She was brave enough to do that, but he’s not. 

 

“Do I get scared over what you felt in that nightmare? I don’t. Whatever controls those aren’t wrong, you planned revenge on me and my family your whole life, it makes sense.”

 

“Kim Yeri..”

 

“But I do get scared over what you feel when you see me in your reality.. Me who was behaving like a wounded deer who can’t do anything, who was weak and confused… I keep showing you that because I can't show it to anyone else, I showed you that over and over again without knowing that it takes a toll on you…”

 

Yeri talked without too much emotion, she didn't cry at all.

 

“See what i did tonight? I’m whining, I asked you to hug me, crying like a little kid, on the road where I showed up in your nightmare. “

 

He doesn’t respond to what she said when she turned off the microwave’s alarm and took out their heated sandwich. She grabbed the food and told him to eat while shoving it into his hands.

 

“I was never behaving like that to anyone else in my whole life.”

 

She takes a seat in his dining room and starts to eat her sandwich.

 

“I never whined to my parents since I was a teenager, I never cried and asked them to love me or to not leave me alone..”

 

Of course, Jungkook knows it better than anyone, Yeri who never cared about others or her own feelings, even though the image of that Yeri slowly faded away from his perspective, replaced by warm, caring, and kind Yeri. He still remembers how she was.

 

He chose to stand next to her instead of sitting in a chair where she provided. She looked confused at first, but continued munching her sandwich.. 

And his heart does feel better to see her in this state, so much better than when he saw her earlier tonight.

 

“You said you’re hungry.”

 

Yeri is done with her sandwich, she took the smaller one because she just ate to distract her minds from complicated thoughts. She knows Jungkook is pretty much in a similar state with her, because he doesn’t eat at all, the only thing he does is watching her without any words.

 

“I’m really sorry.”

 

That’s what he said when she got up from her seat and cleaned up the table. She takes a stand next to him while leaning her back to the edge of the dining table, staring at the floor because she basically doesn’t know how to act right now.

 

“Should we take a break? No matter how I see it right now, I don’t think our relationship is normal.”

 

Yeri can not believe what she actually just said, because it was never a way out she thought before tonight. She’s trying so hard to act like it wasn’t a big decision she made in front of Jungkook, she is a fine actress, and this is not hard for her. 

 

“I want to stop seeing you for awhile, just like how i planned before.”

 

Jungkook finally looked at her when she said that. There is a smirk on his face before he’s back to focusing his eyes to somewhere else.

 

“This is why i didn’t say anything before.”

 

He looks at her with his sharp eyes after those words, there is no smile on his face anymore and she knows that he demanded for her to say something more. She totally feels defeated.

 

“We’re such a mess, Jeon Jungkook.. You and me, we’re a complete wreckage.”

 

Jungkook thought that he already heard enough from Yeri, but turns out that she still has so many things to say, even more than what he has. She turned her face to him and put her hands on his hair, she fixed his messy hair while smiling.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

He stopped her from touching him and she did stop. Like an obedient little kid.

 

“You got hurt because I refuse to acknowledge your feelings, and now you’re doing the same thing...”

 

“What…”

 

“What do you think about my feelings right now? After all the things you told me earlier..”

 

Yeri started to stutter her words but her intonation is still firm. She holds the edge of their table where they leaned on tightly. Her fingers started to get red because of it.

 

“You won’t be cruel enough to think that i don’t care about what you said, right?”

 

She finally moves from her position and starts walking away from him, her head is down. 

 

“Everytime the nightmare happened, I ran to you, I cried to you, I asked you to stay with me, I got mad when you didn’t comply with what I wanted, I've been behaving like that for more than a year. I tortured you for that long.”

 

“You didn’t know.”

 

“When you got sick after the nightmare happened, all the pain I watched after you woke up, how you never felt better after those nightmares even when I was with you. It is already more than enough for me to know that my existence is ruining you even more. But I refuse to acknowledge it.”

 

She ended up screaming at him and he slowly can understand what she meant. Yeri probably got the notice of what happened to him a long time ago, but she refused to deal with it, for the sake of her needs. And right now he does the exact same thing, he wants Yeri to feel guilty again and again even after she knows about what is going on because he can not afford to not have her around when he wants her to.

 

“A selfish jerk. That’s what we are, then and now.”

 

Yeri stopped talking and the only thing she does is look at him, from afar. She took off her hair band and tried to hide her face with her long hair, probably trying to hide her tears too. 

 

“What’s the point of me treating my parents, my friends, and others well, when i still act like a ruthless jerk to you?”

 

“You talked like I didn't do anything similar.”

 

That’s what Jungkook said when he walked in her direction and put his hands in his hoodie pocket, he looked really tired.

 

“What you did is better than me. I am the worse one.”

 

She talked while chuckling because at the end of the day, it all went into this again, Yeri and her messed up life trying to drag others into her problems. Ridiculous, but she believes that this is a karma she needs to put up for the rest of her life over something she’s been doing in her past. 

 

She was so close to shed tears before, but now she is already feeling better after she finally accepts the situation. Her relationship with Jungkook is not something built in a fantasy base of story, it will never be perfect and she needs to cope with it.

 

“Are you still leaving?”

 

Yeri is still wearing his shirt, an oversized see through one. Jungkook could basically see her underwear with his bare eyes, her hair is a total mess but still looked very endearing and pretty, he doesn’t want to let her go in this state and let other people see her.

 

“I actually have schedules tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll drop you off.”

 

“Aren’t you working?”

 

He gave her a smile when she asked, he brought himself closer to her and put his hands on her neck, caressing it lightly and bringing her face closer to him so he could give a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Not until 8.”

 

“Just lent me some appropriate clothes, and i’ll leave.”

 

“I will, after I eat my sandwich.”

 

“Right, food. You need that.”

 

She had her hands on his waist but took it off right away while walking away from him. She takes his uneaten sandwich that she made for him earlier and shoves it to his mouth.

 

“You didn’t eat anything tonight.”

 

She told him to sit at the dining table as she’s back to rummaging his fridge to find something for him to drink. Her face kinda looked nervous and worried. Well.. his health had been deteriorating non stop for the past few months, fair or not, Yeri is responsible for that and she knew it.

 

“I’ll talk to my mom to provide you food while i’m not here.”

 

“It’s not like you provided anything before.”

 

Yeri is taking a seat in front of Jungkook after pouring a cup of milk for him. What he said is right, the only thing she ever does here is playing and bothering him.

 

“I cooked. A few times.”

 

Everything was a failure and she knows she doesn’t deserve to take any credit from that, but being called out bluntly like that is a little bit hurting her pride.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I'm dating you because of the food you made.”

 

“I should’ve taken care of you though.”

 

“You’ve done a good job.”

 

She doesn’t know if Jungkook just said it or actually meant it, but it does feel good to hear something like this, especially after she only ever gets called as cruel and evil for years. She answered nothing but only gave him a smile before back to watch him eat.

 

“You do know that you almost never picked up my call when you are working, right?”

 

“Just when i’m busy.”

 

“And you are busy almost everyday.”

 

She told him to eat slowly when he actually eats one whole sandwich in less than 3 minutes or something.

 

“Even when you hate seeing me, can you please pick up my call and talk to me, so my heart will feel at ease..”

 

Jungkook seems taken aback with what she just said, his face is showing a surprised expression, probably because he never realized that little details like this are actually bothering her. There are so many huge problems in their relationship..that he doesn’t even have time to realize a little kind of obstacles which sometimes was hard for her to deal with.

 

“You don’t have to do this.”

 

“I need to. That way I will feel less sorry. Just like how you see me after our nightmare, seeing you going through this makes me feel like letting you go is the only way to make you happy. That i ruined you enough and this is time for me to stop.”

 

Yeri’s eyes are teary when she is talking, she’s trying so hard to distract Jungkook from watching her by pouring another glass of milk for him to drink but he’s following every move she made. She is able to contain herself from excessive crying though. 

 

“Alright, then.”’

 

She watched him get up and follow him when he took the stairs to reach the first floor, turning on the light and taking something from under a sofa at the center of the living room. Something she’s been looking for. Her dress.

 

“You knew it was here?”

 

“I left it here.”

 

Yeri is a little bit annoyed by how lightly and arrogant Jungkook talked about this, he is the one who took it off yes, but he should’ve known that she was looking for it before. He should’ve told her.

 

“I’ll change my clothes then leave.”

 

She reached out to take it from Jungkook’s hands but he hid it behind his back and in a matter of seconds, she heard a tearing sound. He basically ripped her clothes with one hand, it wasn’t a thick one to begin with.

 

She finds everything ridiculous but not very surprising, like this is the least unexpected action that Jungkook will be doing in her imagination. She talked while holding her laugh because this is just so dumbfounding.

 

“You don’t have your clothes, I won't let you wear mine, and someone needs to kill me first if they want to see you walking around looking like this.”

 

“Try to see some of my movies. I looked like this very often and you are overreacting.”

 

“I meant you and your bright eyes, your genuine smile, your happy laugh because your life is worthy to live on...you are so much prettier like this, i never saw you like this, not even in your movies. You in minimal clothes is just an additional reason.”

 

Yeri and her laugh is something that Jungkook doesn’t see very often these days, so when he heard that giggly voice, that awkward stare she gave him because she really wanted to laughs at him but also feels bad for him is totally something he really want to see for a long time, a different kind of Yeri and not her who is similar with someone he chased on his nightmare.

 

“I’ll drop you off on my way to work.”

 

Yeri is staring at Jungkook who’s basically desperate to hold her from leaving, he looked cute but she also knows that staying with him longer will definitely make her doubt her decision, she’ll just go back to her old self who doesn’t know he is hurting by what she did and forced him to stay with her in every situation.

 

“I need to get ready at 7.”

 

But arguing with Jungkook is not her choice, she knows really well that even though he told her how much he hates seeing her after his nightmare, he can barely part ways with her too.

 

“We still have 3 hours.”

 

“I did basically everything with you tonight, what do you want me to do now?”

Yeri is right, they did everything already.

 

“Sleep. We don’t need to take turns.”

 

He holds her hands and drag her back to the second floor and his room, Yeri seems a little bit unsure about this so he stops and makes her sit on his bed while he is kneeling in front of her.

 

“I know I can't promise you about not having the nightmare again but I promise you that I'll stay with you after it happens. I won’t run away.”

 

“You should be though, that’s what a normal human being does when they get hurt by others. They should run away from the one who hurt them.”

 

He knows what Yeri said is true, but he does feel annoyed that she actually said it.

 

“I just hate having too much empty space on my bed while i’m sleeping..”

 

“What a baby.”

 

Yeri is laughing and ruffling his hair before she takes his face closer and gives him a kiss. He responded with a smile and forced him to lay down next to him, he used his arms to hug her waist and bury his head on her chest. If only the nightmare stopped from happening.

 

“Do you want me to sing too?”

 

“No, don’t.”

 

She hit his back after what he said but gave him another kiss before he closed his eyes.

 

“Sleep well.”

 

“Hmm..”

 

It doesn’t take long for Jungkook to actually fall asleep because he’s been staying up for hours, a plenty cans of coffee doesn’t seem to work since he has so many things that makes him tired, Yeri included.

 

She never has a plan to actually sleep just like how Jungkook asked her to do. She can’t afford to deal with the after effect if the nightmare ever happened. Not after she learnt how he hates seeing her because of it.

 

“Why does he look so young when he’s sleeping?”

 

It is almost like she is watching someone else and not Jeon Jungkook. Maybe because of his look. He only looked matured because of things he said and his life experiences,  judging from his look only he was basically a standard of a rich, young, and handsome man. Like the only thing he does is earn money and spend it as much as he wants. He looked like a spoiled young heir. Just like her, back in the days before Seokjin died.

 

She leans forward to steal a kiss from him but stopped when he moves, what she did is bother him. She kissed his forehead instead and got down from the bed while trying to not wake him up. She takes her phone and starts to take a picture of Jungkook.

 

“Since i can’t see him after today.”

 

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