“Jeon Jungkook? “

 

Jungkook wokes up with a heavy heart as soon as he realized that he saw Yeri in his dream. This is different from the nightmare they usually have, it doesn't feels as real as usual, it does feels like a total imagination that isn't happening, but she was there. Standing in a wide green grass, not saying anything, only stares at him and disappears when he is coming closer to her.

 

“Are you seriously falling asleep?”

 

Jimin can’t believe what he saw when Jungkook basically put his head down after eating his dinner at his own wedding party. Sleeping. 

 

Even though he can understand because he went through so many things today. The wedding went out smoothly, and since it was private, not many people showed up this morning. The bad part was when he received all kinds of insults from Yeri’s family, they basically diggin his past and things about his sister. Jimin thought Jungkook would lash out and pick up a fight here but it seems like he was already prepared for that. He answered and handled everything very well, even when the family is definitely not happy with things he told them.

 

So.. getting tired after a few hours of doing that actually makes sense.

 

“I can’t believe this thing is still going on.”

 

He watched Jungkook take another shot of his drink, probably a strong vodka and got up from his seat. Well, what’s happening right now is just a small little party held by people from Sky and a few old friends of his from his college days and also a few young businessmen and heir from Mr. Kim’s connections. They’re all having fun by themselves and none of them actually care about Yeri and Jungkook. This is just a simple public stunt celebration for his or Mr. Kim’s image. Yeri has already been gone for one or two hours before because she is actually worse at pretending than her husband. She totally hates this party.

 

“You should take a rest, these people will be gone by their own will anyway.”

 

Jimin is right, telling everybody to leave him alone won’t do any good. So he just nodded his head, saying thank you to him and left. 

 

Jungkook grabbed another bottle of drink he wasn't even familiar with before he got out from the luxurious roof and went down. He remembers this place, Mrs. Kim always used this hotel to celebrate everything including the launching of her franchise restaurant before. 

 

He knows there is an empty abandoned park behind this luxurious building and he went there before. He decided to go there, since he doesn’t really feel good about what just happened. The dream.

 

He walks fast while taking off his suit, dragging it on his arms and looking around. Today has been really tough. He barely has time to interact with Yeri because she hates him for being nice to her family so she’s avoiding him all day. She did say sorry though after the party ended. She told him that she should’ve been there to support him but it’s actually hard to start and she promised him to do better the next time they need to deal with this. He understands because he barely survived dealing with her family all day. They asked about Jeon Sooyoung, about what he knows regarding her and Seokjin. They are basically trying to wake up all his pain and his memories about them. It’s harder for Yeri so he told her to rest when she asked earlier. 

 

“Why am I not surprised that you are here?”

 

He stopped his walk when a pair of hands was holding him on his waist. He just reached the front gate of the park when Kim Yeri showed up. She’s still wearing her dress from earlier, a mid dress that is a little bit tight and revealing to wear at your own wedding after party.

 

“We met here before.”

 

He takes her hands from his waist as he's talking, he holds it tight while they take a bench in front of the pool to sit on.

 

“You’re right.”

 

Yeri only responds to what he says shortly before staring at the ground and playing with dirt with her sneakers.

 

“I told you that I don't want to hurt you anymore and decided to leave you, but here we are..”

 

That’s what she told him when she took his coat and wore it by herself. Jungkook is still staring at the pool contemplating whether he needs to talk about his dream or not.

 

“I’m pulling you deeper, I made you my husband..”

 

“You were in my dream.”

 

Yeri wishes that what she heard is a lie, but seeing Jungkook’s eyes getting bigger and his grip on her hands getting tighter, she knows he tells no lie. She doesn't have one, she does have dreams for a few times but it feels like a normal dream now, even if it is a nightmare, it was never about Jungkook chasing her to kill her. She is sure it's already done for both of them to experience this thing.

 

“A..nightmare? Did you kill me again?”

 

She tried to make her voice sound calm but it came out awkward, worry and fears are heard clearly.

 

“I didn’t. It was just a dream, I can clearlu and easily tell it wasn't real but still .. You were there and I wanted you badly but when I came to you, you disappeared without a trace.”

 

She let out a sigh of relief when she heard that it wasn’t a nightmare he usually hates.

 

“It does make me feel bad though.”

 

“At least it wasn’t the nightmare you usually had.”

 

“One thing I know about this. It happened because of something.”

She takes her hands off Jungkook's grip because it does feel like she’s being accused right now.

 

 

"I don't know. Maybe you were just tired or not really enjoying our party, like me.."

 

“Why? Are you regretting your decision? Being my wife is not what you wanted?”

 

 

She was going to deny everything and argue with him about his conclusion but stopped when she realized that his question was actually serious. She can’t believe what she heard, even though Jungkook said it in a childish and joking manner, it does not feel good to hear this. 

 

“Convince me.”

 

Yeri’s eyes are getting sharper when she finally turns her face to Jungkook and talks while staring at him closely. 

 

“For what?”

 

He avoids her stare and goes back to watch the pool in front of him because he doesn’t know what Yeri wanted.

 

“Convince me like how you did to others about me who’s no longer wicked and messy.”

 

He doesn’t say anything because he thought Yeri was joking about this, but when he realized that she didn’t, he stops staring at her, opens his drink and shakes his head before taking another drink even though he already has a headache from what he drank earlier.

 

“Convince me.”

 

She said it once again and it was enough to make him turn to her again.

 

“That’s what I've been doing since forever.”

 

“It wasn’t work, it never worked.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I pretended it worked when it’s not. I can not find any answer to why you trust me that much and I always think it’s just because you wanted to convince yourself about me being nice so I took it that way..”

 

Yeri is not saying anything further when the only response she gets from Jungkook is him who’s started to drink more and gave her a glare. She takes a deep breath because she knows that this thing shouldn’t have happened right now. When they are basically married now. She should have told him sooner.

 

“I heard about what you told Bona today. And she believed you, she is sure that you actually see me as something that isn’t wicked or messed up now. But I didn't.. So convince me.”

 

She waits for him to stop from drinking and gets up from where he sits, he’s glancing at her before giving her a smile. He doesn’t seem as annoyed as before but frustration is clearly shown on his face.

 

"You know that we had this conversation before, right? When you learned about me as a monster from people around me, all the bad things i've done to others before you. You told me that you would stay with me if your existence is changing me to the better."

 

 

"Well.. i know, but you are never worse than me. Even my parents could see that you tried to changed for their sake, while I..."

 

 

Jungkook is actually aware about how Yeri sees herself, even after she pretends that she was fine, he knows that deep down she still has fears regarding what kind of person she is. Things he showed her doesn’t seem to be enough for her to realize how important she is in his life, on his journey to turn his life around.

 

“I was so much worse than how you were, Yeri-ya.”

 

“Did you ever put a gun on someone’s head?”

 

“I had those thoughts, do you know how much I wanted all those incapable people who work for me disappear just for how bad they’re at doing their job?”

 

Jungkook hates everyone. He thinks everyone else is never good or better than him. They always think everyone is doing things for him because they need to, because they’re getting paid, they never see others as human who actually genuinely care for him. 

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I changed a lot because of you, I think that should be enough to convince you.”

 

Yeri is no longer looking at him as she tightens her grip on the bence she’s sitting and staring at the ground. He keeps watching her for a while until she lifts her face to him and gives him a smile.

 

“I failed to see how much you changed, You were never that bad..”

 

“Your father won’t be scared of me if I weren't bad, Mr. Lee and Jihoon wouldn't do that crazy antics if i were nice, You heard about how i was from Jimin Hyung, Lea and people arounds me. If anything.. I was messier than you ever were.”

 

Yeri actually never thinks about this since a long time ago, she’s always so busy hating herself for not being good enough in front of Jungkook and her family that she ignored what she saw and heard about Jungkook from before.

 

Jimin told her about how crazy he was, how manipulative and hateful he was to people around him. Not to mention Lea who called him a monster, her dad who was scared of him, and even her who was having a hard time because of him, in their first encounters.

 

“It is surprising for me too, because at one point i was kneeling in front of people for you, i almost died multiple times from saving your life, i see no value from my revenge on your parents or people around me because of you.. I want to treat you better, I want to treat others better for you..”

 

She finds him stopping his words while sweeping his hair and chuckling. He seems to be having a hard time talking about this and it shows on his face, not to mention that he started to get drunk as he stuttered his words here and there.

 

“You said you love me because I made you want to become a good person. It’s already happened to me a long time ago so I failed to see why I need to convince you more, you are an angel who’s change the evilest demon into something better. I have no reason to not trust you.”

 

There is a strong disappointment in the way Jungkook talks and Yeri realizes that he actually doesn’t want to tell her this but gets forced at the end. He probably doesn’t want to keep reminded about how he was back then, it must be hard for him to remember all the wrong, injustice things he did to people, just like her. And hearing from others about how he was, Yeri is fairly sure that Jungkook did so much worse in his life compared to her. She was filled with guilt and regrets because of Seokjin’s death but he was fueled by hatred over his sister’s death.

 

He shakes his head when he realizes that the conversation is hard to carry on. He has tears in his eyes but still manages to give her a quick smile before he turns his back, puts his hands on his pocket and walks away.

 

“This isn’t the first night of marriage I was expecting.”

 

Jungkook stops his steps when a pair of hands is holding his arms from walking further. It’s Yeri who’s making a way to block him and her eyes are searching for him and it is obvious that she knows about his tears. It is embarrassing.

 

“Hey..”

 

He ignores her and that is enough for her to reach for his chin, forcing him to looks into her eyes and she stares at him for quite a while, there is a little smile on her face as she’s doing it.

 

“No one ever called me an angel.”

 

“I just did.”

 

Yeri moves her hands from his chin to his collar and holds it tight before she throws her forehead to his chest and sighs. He can’t see her face because she hides it quite well.

 

“You should’ve told me this sooner so I won't spend my time thinking that you are the angel whilst I'm still struggling to become a decent human.”

 

That’s what she said, still with her face hidden and a tighter grips on his collar. 

 

“It is not easy for me to get back and pick up memories about what kind of person I was, just to convince you that you are not raising a monster, you are scraping all my edge, erasing my hatred, healing my wound, and take me back to a life i never thought i gained a back..instead.”

 

 

Yeri is not saying anything when she realized that she actually very selfish to actually do this, she never knew that what her family said about Jungkook wasn't completely wrong at all. He was a monster, and he is aware of it.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

Yeri said sorry as she let his collar loose and put her hands on his waist, she lifted her face to him and her eyes were red, there were tears in there and this sight is not exactly Jungkook's favorite, he always gets so weak seeing her like this. 

 

“I’m not crying because I'm upset.”

 

She seems to be aware of that and wipe her tears almost immediately when their eyes meet. She lets him go while looking around and trying so hard to stop her tears. He finds her funny so he laughs at her and takes her for a quick kiss before continuing his walk.

 

---

***

 

“We’re worried about him, that’s all.”

 

Yeri is on the phone with her mom who asked about Jungkook’s condition after a long day. They know how the family is treating him today and they seem bothered by it. Well, she also talked with him about this, but she thinks Jungkook is doing a much better job than her. His endurance to bulls and the talks about his sister is higher than her in any way and he holds everything in until the end. He does look tired though, especially after she added his burden regarding her own feelings.

 

“You can talk to him tomorrow and ask what he thinks. I don’t want to wake him up.”

 

She talks while watching Jungkook who’s been laying around for an hour. He gets drunk and falls asleep as soon as they get back. She doesn’t want to speak for him even though she thinks he is fine, so she told her mom to call again later.

 

“Alright, then.”

 

She ended the phone call and took one chair to use so she can sit beside the bed and watch Jungkook closely. So many things happened in her life after she met him, good and bad, everything is tangled into one long story that is hard for others to understand. 

 

She holds his hand and caresses it as he whines in his sleep, probably because of the cold weather, she holds it even tighter when the thought of him having a nightmare arises.

 

“That can’t be happening, we’re done with this a long time ago.”

She hypnotized herself and sighs of relief came out when he stopped whining and went back to sleep peacefully.

 

***

---

 

Yeri wakes up by the noise from raindrops outside her window. There are sounds of water being boiled and a fresh scent from coffee that is enough to erase all her fatigue. It reminds her of how her childhood was when she woke up at the pension her parents owned and she went there for a winter vacation. The coffee smells came from her father and sounds of water boiling from her mother. Everything was so peaceful that the only thing she remembers was her brother who visits her room to bring a cup of milk. She stares at the window because it’s been a while since beautiful memories like this are being called back by her brain. She closes her eyes but opens it again when someone is giving her a kiss.

 

“Good morning.”

 

It’s Jungkook, she ended up laughing because how can she forget that he is here right now. She was so deep into her memories that he somehow slipped from her thoughts. 

 

“Right, I have you now.”

 

She reaches out her arms to caress his damp hair and his cheeks. He looks a little bit confused with what she just said but does nothing and stares at her, waiting for her to talk again.

 

“Are you still drunk?”

 

That one question is enough to change his doe eyes into something which is so full with regrets. She purposefully says it just in case he doesn’t remember what he did but judging from how worried he looks, it seems like he is aware about what happened.

 

“I washed your dress.”

 

She ended up laughing because of his confession about washing her dress. He said it with a very thin voice, it is either he felt guilty or just simply embarrassed. He usually doesn’t care about ripping her dress off and ruining it.

 

Last night, maybe around dawn, she’s sleeping on the chair when Jungkook woke up and told her to help him walk to the bathroom. He was completely drunk so she helped him. She was tired too and he is so much bigger than her so the walk only worsened his hangover. She sat on the bathroom floor when they arrived but he vomited on her dress instead of the sink. She remembers crying really loud because she thought something bad happened to him but he thought she was crying for her dress.. He said sorry multiple times and suddenly gained all his consciousness to help her change her clothes. It was a very busy and ridiculous night, totally not what she expected but also very endearing and she knows she will remember it for a long time.

 

“I don’t know what I will say to people when they ask about my first night as a wife.”

 

She talked to him to and it seems to work because Jungkook’s face is getting red.

 

“No one will ask.”

 

“My mom will.”

 

“She called earlier.”

 

Yeri gets up and sits on her bed when Jungkook brings the talk about her mother.

 

“I told you I'll help you better than yesterday. I was so surprised with the sudden change of the need to interact with my family...”

 

“It doesn’t matter to me.  I'll do anything to stay with you and fight for you.”

 

She can not find a way to respond to what he said properly because it does feel a little bit overwhelming. So she stares down while playing with her blanket, doesn't know what to say.

 

“You should get used to listening to this, after what I just said last night.”

 

She ended up smiling when Jungkook shrugged her shoulders and she actually should. He loves her so much and it just makes sense for him to do all of this.

 

“I really wanted to tell you something, but promise me that you won’t get angry or offended by it.”

 

Jungkook glued his eyes to Yeri when she held his hands tight and brought herself closer to him. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, enough to make him nervous about what she was going to say.

 

“What is it?”

 

So he pestered her to talk faster. 

 

“To have you here, to be able to meet you, to love you, and spend the rest of my life with you. This is the first time that I don’t hate the fact my brother died.. “

 

It is a selfish thought, but that's what he felt too, the fact his sister needed to suffer so he could meet Yeri and be with her like right now,

There were times that he didn't feel sorry for Sooyoung at all . He was grateful instead.

It actually makes him feel less evil that Yeri is having the same thoughts as him.

 

He gives her a smile and brings her closer for a kiss, so she could know whatever she has for him.

He is always ready to give her more than what she gave him.

 

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