It's been forever since the last time Yeri visited Jungkook's home. For someone who comes and goes as she pleases, she actually feels awkward to be here again, especially when she knows that she isn't completely welcomed here, at least that's what she thought because the owner doesn't seem delighted with her existence.

 

"Do you want to eat something?"

 

"I already ate with  my mom."

 

Yeri's voice sounds dark and gloomy, Jungkook is staring at her as she walks to put her bag on one of his sofas and sit on it carefully. If he is being honest, he really doesn't want her to be here. He needs more time to deal with what was going on, the nightmare, why it is still happening and how if this continues and he can not stop it.

 

"Then, i'll just go out for a while and grab a meal."

 

He knows he sounds so ridiculous, he never eats out, he mostly bought food through delivery and take away, especially when Yeri here.

 

"I don't want you to do that."

 

Yeri is serious, that's what she wants, obviously. He really wants to argue with her but he doesn't have a heart to do it, not after what happened today. He stopped from his walk because she came closer to him now, her eyes started to get teary and he feels weak in front of this Yeri.

 

"Don't leave."

 

She grabs his shirt while staring at the floor, and a few seconds later, cries. It is so selfish of her, but he knows she can not be blamed. She was the one who got chased and killed in their nightmare.

 

He stayed in his position, doing nothing for a while before he finally lost. Yeri who is crying because of him is always something he can not ignore. It is almost like a curse.

 

"Alright, I won't."

 

He held her closer, putting his arms on her neck and giving her a hug, she basically held him tighter than before while still crying.

 

"Please don't leave me or chase me away after those nightmares. I was afraid.."

 

Yeri is stopping her words when he lets her go from his embrace because he gets scared that she will say something that is not making any sense.

 

"of Me?"

 

He talked to her while cupping her face, wiping her tears and staring straight into her eyes so she would know that she just said something he hates.

 

"of you hurting or crying because that's what happened to me after the nightmare, i got hurt, i cried, i was so confused.."

 

"What you felt and what I felt is different, I was the one who chased you..."

 

Yeri once again, pretending to not hear what Jungkook said and stopped him from talking by forcing a kiss on him. He is definitely taken aback and surprised but as always this part of their relationship is too easy to predict.

 

She feels totally embarassed and stupid for doing this right now, the fact that she is the one who told him to stop using as a way to avoid problems in their relationship, and now she's the one who's doing it. She is afraid of conversation, she is afraid to hear what Jungkook wants. She doesn't want to deal with it, at all.

 

---

---

 

 

Yeri is woken up by a strong breeze on her face, it is so cold that she wakes up right away. Her surroundings are still dark but also familiar.. Jungkook's bed, his closet, his desk, his expensive furniture.

 

She remembers swearing for her life to not fall asleep a few hours ago. She gets scared that the nightmare would happen again so she was trying so hard to stay up. But then she failed. 

 

She glances at her watch and it is already 3 in the morning, she fell asleep for two hours or so. She's leaning her back while trying to sit on the bed and finding the source of the cold wind that struck her earlier. She found it in less than 10 seconds. The balcony. 

 

The door is open and Jungkook is outside. She gets up after so many struggles because of the cold. She stopped when she realized there are 3 empty cans of coffee on Jungkook's desk. It looks like someone is also trying hard to not fall asleep, obviously because of the same reason as her.

 

"Aren't you cold?"

 

Jungkook almost drops his can of coffee when a pair of hands is suddenly on his waist, he turns around to find Yeri on his see through white shirt, the only thing she ever wears if she spent her night here without any preparation.

She looked pretty, she always does.

 

He doesn't answer her because even though he is glad to have her here, there is something bothering him from what was going on.

 

"Thank you for trying so hard to be awake. I'll take my turn now."

 

He is actually surprised that Yeri notices what he did for her, she lets her hands go from his waist and tries to leave him. He stopped her by taking her back to his embrace and holding her so she can't get away. She doesn't seem bothered with what he is doing.

 

"Do you think you can do this forever?"

 

"I told you I don't care about what you did to me in that nightmare..the real you is more important to me.."

 

Her voice is thin, she is definitely saying it very carefully, her eyes are so out of focus.

 

She finally lifts her face to him and her lips are shaking because the wind is cold and also because she is trying to hold her tears. She wipes a few drops of her tears which she can not hold after a while and takes his hands off from her slowly.

 

"You should get some sleep, too much coffee is not good for you."

 

She takes his half-empty 4th can of coffee from his hand and leaves him.

 

***

 

Yeri is slightly relieved when she leaves Jungkook's room and no one is following her. She takes a deep breath and leans her whole body to a wall. Close her eyes and stay in that position for quite a long time.

 

She's standing still in front of the room and opens the door once again only to find Jungkook is already sleeping on his bed. He's hugging his pillow and lying on his stomach, it seems like he already fell asleep deeply, judging from how messy his hair is or how tired his face is.

 

She takes a few steps closer and seeing him like this is definitely bothering her, she's kneeling down next to his bed, watching him. His wound from a few weeks ago is still visible, even the one from a few months ago is still not healed properly. Reminds her to how much he got hurt because of her both physically and mentally.

 

"You told me to sleep."

 

She gets up right away when Jungkook slowly opens his eyes and talks with such a heavy and husky voice means he is bothered by her existence. She feels sorry for that and not responding with any word but with a pat on his head so he could go back to sleep.

 

Her heart is feeling so much better when instead of telling her to go away, he opens his eyes and holds her hands, moving it from his head to his cold cheeks.

 

"I can't sleep because someone told me to not eat my dinner."

 

He calls her out and Yeri is definitely embarrassed for that, for all the bad things she does, the big and even the little things like this.

 

"And she was distracting me so much that I forgot about food. Now i’m starving"

 

Well, what they did before is definitely distracting.

 

"Do you want something? I can do the corn soup."

 

He laughed at her when she's trying to free herself from his grip and offered to cook some food for him. Well, she's been feeding him the exact same thing for the past year, it must be ridiculous.

 

"That. or you could just distract me again."

 

She has no time to go somewhere else when Jungkook is pulling her to lay down next to him, holding her in his arms, looking straight into her eyes before caressing her face. He holds her for a long minute before starting to talk again.

 

"Can you grant one wish for me?"

 

"What is it?"

 

Yeri is definitely nervous with the way he talks, it feels like he's going to say something that is impossible for her to fulfill, she's staring at his eyes for a while but Jungkook doesn't continue his words. The only thing he does is holding her and letting out a long sigh.

 

"Can you make me one edible portion of instant noodles? Even a kid would be able to do that."

 

It is definitely not what he intended to say, but Yeri decided to take it as it is. She nods her head fast.

 

***

 

Lying is never a good choice, Jungkook hates people who lied, ever since he was young, he rather talked about everything truthfully, bad or good. That’s why he is successful at his business, he is ambitious, crazy, cruel, but always trying hard to be honest. 

 

It changed after she met Yeri though. He lied to her almost about everything, from pretending to date her for revenge and all the other things, including what he is doing right now.

 

He is trying to get some sleep again while burying his head to his bed but fails miserably when the view of Yeri from their nightmare suddenly pops up in his head. There is not much different with how she looked right now.

 

It has completely ruined him, since day one the nightmare happening until yesterday, it is probably getting worse because right now Yeri is not a stranger anymore, she's basically the only thing worthy of his life yet he keeps repeating on trying to get her killed. No matter if that is just a dream, because he can feel everything like it happens for real.

 

He ended up having a bad headache and trying so hard to hold the pain by hiding it. He can't go out there, showing Yeri that seeing her is such a torture for him.

 

"Do you need help?"

 

He asked Yeri from afar when he saw her stand in front of the kitchen table with the sound of water boiling heard. He walks closer to check how she is doing but completely dumbfounded when the thing he saw is an almost burned pot, the water is no longer seen, only the sounds of it were heard. 

 

He stares at Yeri but she seems unaware about what is going on, she doesn't even realize that he is next to her right now, her eyes are empty. He turns off the stove right away and there she finally comes back to her senses and learns about what's going on.

 

"I'm really sorry."

 

She is trying to hold the pot with her bare hand but he stopped her immediately. She seems surprised with how fast he grabs her hand, her waist and lifts her from the messy scene and puts her to sit at the other side of the kitchen table. 

He always heard about how Yeri’s life and her behaviour was a complete mess, but this is the first time he ever watched this. Her being lost to the point that he got scared of her.

 

He said nothing to her when she covered her face with both of her hands and looked at him while being guilty. He used both of his hands to caress his shoulder and patted her back simultaneously, but she’s shaking her head while making him stop.

 

“I’m such a bad person.”

 

“For being a bad cook?”

 

Yeri sees a bright red mark on Jungkook’s arms when he laughs at her while ruffling her hair. He gets hurt again in the end.

 

“Your wish…”

 

“It’s ok, i could eat a sandwich or something..”

 

She takes his wounded hands, and he seems to finally feel the pain, she’s caressing it slowly and seeing how he gets hurt, Yeri is finally able to be honest with herself.

 

"your real wish, let me hear it."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I know you don't want me here."

 

Jungkook was going to argue with what she said so she shut him up with a kiss, a tender one so he is aware that she knows what she did wrong, she knows it all a long but she pretended not to.

 

“ I am aware how much of a jerk I am for always putting all my needs as the first priority of everyone who cares about me, especially you.”

 

He said nothing and instead of bending over to see her face closely like before, he stood up straight and avoided her eyes.

 

“ Are you trying to make me feel guilty by your tears?”

 

“ You are guilty of nothing. I cried because I didn't want to leave, I cried because unlike you, I just wanted to keep seeing you even when you killed me in our nightmare..”

 

Yeri is saying it fast because she doesn’t want Jungkook to think that he is at fault for something he can not control.

 

“I am aware that you hate seeing me..”

 

Not gonna lie, Jungkook is surprised to learn that Yeri is actually aware about how he felt regarding the situation. And he actually felt relieved that he doesn’t need to explain to her about it from the scratch.

 

“Then why are you here if you knew?”

 

He was relieved but also annoyed at Yeri who was pretending and acting to the point that he doesn’t have a heart to tell her the truth. It feels like what he wants doesn’t matter in front of her eyes. He’s back to staring at her whose eyes are somehow nervous, she fixes her hair and she looks so much prettier like this, without tears or sadness on her face.

 

“Because that’s what i’ve been doing my whole life, being selfish.”

 

She takes a deep breath and finally looks up to him while showing a forced smile on her face.

 

“I need you to be with me, I don't care about anything else, I just want you.. And I'm sorry for behaving like that.”

 

She reached for his hands, holding it tight, caressing it and planting a kiss on it, before hugging it tight and mouthing sorry to him once again. 

 

Kim Yeri is always has her own way to apologize, but this one is something he never dared to imagine, her being genuinely sweet and endearing, almost makes him forget about the weight of torture she need to went through on their relationship before this, makes him think that she really is at fault and he deserved that apology when he actually not.

 

“Do you want me to leave?”

 

She received no answer and it is totally bothering her, she rather received insults or lectures from him instead of a silent treatment like this. And it is enough for Yeri to think that he’s actually angry at her for behaving such a jerk because she knew he got hurt but didn’t do anything about it. 

 

“I’ll take my stuff first.”

 

She gets down and pushes Jungkook away lightly because he’s still standing in front of her. He didn’t stop her when she took her purse and her car keys, she stopped in front of the mirror to stare at her appearance and she is such a mess. She turns her head to him again, and bite her lips while taking a deep breath before talking.

 

“Can i use one of your clothes? Anything is fine, I can't go out like this.”

 

It’s not like she can not use her own, it’s just she doesn’t remember where she can find it, it’s probably in the living room or somewhere else, looking around for it needs more time, and Jungkook will just get even more annoyed.

 

“Nevermind, i’ll just take my shoes and leave.”

 

Receiving no answer once again makes her heart completely scattered, she gets inside Jungkook’s room only to find her heels and decides to leave. It’s 3 AM in the morning, no one will be bothered if she comes out like this, everyone knows she has a boyfriend.

 

She finds her shoes laying beside Jungkook’s chair and the other one near his bed, she grabs it fast and ready to find a way out when he comes to her, she thought he was going to come inside but he doesn’t. He closed the door and locked her in. It is ridiculous, confusing, and dumbfounding.

 

She runs to the door and tries to open it but it is completely locked. She has no energy to scream or get angry so she takes her phone from her purse and calls Jungkook’s phone immediately, she knows he left it outside before they came in here earlier.

 

He can hear footsteps from the outside and a few seconds later, Jungkook picked up her call.

 

“What is it?” She knows her voice already sounds weak, but she’s still trying to show off her frustration on her tone.

 

“My real wish, i’ll let you hear it.”

 

Jungkook’s voice is even weaker than her, it is surprising because he wasn’t like this when he helped her earlier. She said nothing because she didn't know what to say to him. She just knew that she’s going to hear something that she never heard before from him.

 

“I didn’t say it before because I know I will become a bigger jerk than what I am right now for asking you this.”

 

“Why?”

 

She ended up leaning her head to the door while kneeling down because the sounds of Jungkook’s voice made her hate herself, she rather have him talk while she can see his face, his eyes.

 

“Last night.”

 

She already had a bad feeling when he started talking about it.

 

“It wasn’t your fault.”

 

She talked to him with a firm intonation, to make sure that he knows she doesn’t care about their nightmare and she never blamed him for any of it. She can hear a little giggle from him and she really wanted to cut the phone call and asked him to just talk in front of her face.

 

“When I tried to kill you in my nightmare, when I threatened you, when I chased you and you begged me to leave. I don’t feel bad at all. I feel like I reached my only purpose when I got you on my hands..”

 

Jungkook is aware that he is supposed to have told Yeri this since the beginning of their encounter, back then it doesn’t seem to make sense to tell about something like this with a person he just met. And when she becomes part of his life, he feels like telling her about this is even more cruel.

 

“I feel like my hatred finally finds its object.. And that’s what i’ve been looking for. An object to hurt, to torture..”

 

He stares at the door, he really needs to talk about it to Yeri but he can not do it, in front of her. That’s why he does this. He really needs her to spare him from guilt, because no matter how hard she tries to ignore their nightmare, it is affecting him in such a horrible way.

 

There is no response from Yeri after he said that. It took her long enough before she cleared and he knows right away that she’s crying.

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“When I woke up, I felt so much regret for why the nightmare happened, for why I made you cry, why I wanted you to die.. The change of feeling that I need to go through every time we had the nightmare is killing me, It is ruining me, it hurts more than any physical wound i ever had.”

 

He sighs when he finally says it, he feels so much pain both on his head and his heart over telling Yeri this. He is reminded of how he deals with this everytime the nightmare happens.

 

“I am sorry for telling you this so late. I can’t do that when I see you in front of me.”

 

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