April 2021

“So if I can have the blessings from both of you?”

Minjoo and Eunbi share the same look before returning to the video call in front of them. Fred patiently waiting for a response.

He has specially arranged this call between the three of them to explain Chaewon’s autopsy. It reveals, when she passed, the tumor had changed so much the original odds of success weren't applicable. If Dr Cooper cut her open then, it was out of his reach. This autopsy really is the closing piece to the puzzle so they then move on to what Fred is going to go with all his work on Chaewon’s tumor. Two months since his friend’s death, he explores the idea of kickstarting it again. He wishes that their hard work can save a life, even if it couldn’t be Chaewon’s.

There is no other answer Minjoo and Eunbi can imagine giving. They know Chaewon would have wanted the same - an opportunity to save someone. “Of course, Dr Cooper. It’s your research as much as Chaewon had a part in it.”

“I know but Chaewon was why it started, the catalyst to all the findings we had and to me, it wouldn’t be right if I continued working on it without speaking to the two people Chaewon trusted the most. I promise you guys I’ll make sure this does not go to waste, that my friend’s death is not where it ends.”

Eunbi nods with a pleased smile. “Chaewon wouldn’t have made your efforts go to waste. She was going to go under your scalpel. She trusted you too. Time didn’t give her the chance to show that.”

As Minjoo translated that, she can tell the slow wrap of nostalgia over Fred’s face. It is obvious the two months haven't been easy for him too. The assurance is surely settling on him as he replies, “I’ll never forget her trust.”

They share smiles and polite promises to visit either countries and decidedly end their call. Eunbi leans back against the sofa as Minjoo puts her iPad away.

“Her time was meant to be huh?” Eunbi suddenly says. Minjoo understands where this is coming from so they share a look of understanding before Eunbi continues. “Nothing would’ve changed. No matter what Chaewon had picked, Chaewon was meant to go and hearing this now… in some way, I think it’s beautiful.”

Minjoo gets what Eunbi means. Not that Chaewon passing away is a good thing but ‘beautiful’, that’s different. “She had her choices and she made them. She never lost herself even to the very end. She...” Minjoo vividly remembers the words Chaewon used in their last moment. “She made her decision from a place of strength, not fear.”

Her first decision to not pursue chemotherapy, Chaewon feared the degeneration of herself so she avoided it. On the contrary, Chaewon didn’t focus on fear in her last decision. Sure she knew the tough odds weren’t on her side but she relied more on the strength to try, regardless of the result. It’s the attempt.

“Exactly.”

Eunbi’s eyes are taken across the living room to the newly added glass shelf that displays Chaewon’s awards, patients memorabilia, her last stethoscope and scrubs caps and right at the bottom, her ‘Minjoo’ collection.

May 2021

Minjoo watches the airline advertisement play between segments of the live music programme as her makeup artist touches up the already flawless look on her face. She then senses an approaching presence and her suspicions are right when an iced coffee comes into view. “Perhaps it really is time for you to buy a ticket.”

Minjoo receives the coffee from Yuri and she sips on it delicately to not ruin her lipstick, deliberately thinking how she should respond. Her friends know how much she’s been wanting to go back to the house in New York. It is likely her coping mechanism, her need to be anywhere with ‘Chaewon’ in it. If so, work may be another. The one work that can really distract her, one she would never put aside even as she grieves - Angel’s twentieth anniversary. When they were deciding what they should put out, the members were concerned as Chaewon’s death was fresh and they didn’t want Minjoo to have to take on so much. However, she reassured them that perhaps work was good, more might be better. She’s coping and the twentieth anniversary celebration is more than her grief, her fans and her members matter; this is important. Better than she can possibly be with these unwavering support, Minjoo is determined to do well.

She just imagines how excited Chaewon would be today and that is how everything comes together. Coping mechanism, distraction, avoidance or acceptance, working through, understanding reality? It’s all up to the mindset of oneself and Minjoo really hopes hers is the latter.

So here they are in the waiting room of a music show, some of them have never been here in years, ready for their first comeback performance of this era. For my fans and... Minjoo’s eyes drift up to the ceiling, my number one.

She turns to Yuri and smiles. “Perhaps so.”

Promotions are as hectic as she remembers but doing it again after so many years for a special celebration is a whole experience. The coverage around them is intense, they barely get any break and the whole gang - her members, Chaeyeon and their staff - are together almost every minute of the day. It is like old times. Thankfully, the one thing that has evolved since their rookie days is the seniority card they can pull to take out reporters they don’t want - but all reporters are still reporters.

“Congratulations on your comeback! We prepared some healthy drinks because you guys must be exhausted from all the schedules you had. Please please have some.” The reporter gestures to the drinks on the table once the cameras start rolling. The members accept the drinks gratefully, having really eaten nothing since they all were sleeping throughout the time they were doing hair and makeup.

“Yena, Angel’s leader. Let’s start with you, how has it been meeting your fans, hearing the cheers, meeting them again up close?”

“It is amazing! I mean, to see all the fans again, some I haven’t seen for years since fans too took a break with us and moved on with their own lives. Now we are all gathered specially together. I miss them as much as they miss us.”

“Well for you it must not be too unfamiliar since you just had your solo comeback last year. And really, all four of you have ventured very successfully to different areas. Yena, you also have your variety shows, Yuri with albums too and OSTs, Yujin with your widely popular Youtube channel-” The reporter purposely stops and smiles at Yujin. “I watch it religiously.”

“Thank you thank you.” Yujin returns with her famous dimpled smile.

“Last but definitely not the least though,” The reporter turns her attention to Minjoo. “The actress of the group. Minjoo, hi again. The last time we met was the interview for your previous drama wasn’t it? Turned out to be a huge success with the general public.”

Flashing her professional smile, Minjoo answers with an intentional hint of bashfulness since they are in front of the cameras after all. “I am very thankful to all the attention given to the project. I thought it was a good script and it was so nice to see everybody feeling the same way.”

“I was crazy over every episode as it aired.” The reporter chuckles and the members join in. “But of course there’s attention. You guys are the Angels, so naturally there’s the pull but you guys have really done so well in your individual activities, it is hard to find anybody who doesn’t know you guys even in this new era. So here’s the real question, why are you guys all single? Like how is this possible!” The reporter exaggerates her dramatic reaction for the camera and by now, it is almost automatic to play along.

“We ask ourselves the same thing and conclude that we will be old hags together, standing on stage with walking sticks then sharing a huge house as our retirement home.” Yena answers wittily and this clearly pleases the reporter to receive such fun answers that she replies with her own.

“I look at you guys then I look at myself and forgive myself for not being able to date.”

The reporter’s self-deprecating joke genuinely gets the members enthused response with a lot of shoulder slapping amongst themselves. They have to take sips from their drinks to calm down and the reporter, clearly on a roll with her interview, daringly moves in with the next question when something catches her eye.

“But is it really or are you guys accustomed to hiding? I mean, I can’t look at that without commenting.” The reporter has her eye on the ring sitting on Minjoo’s left ring finger. Already expecting to be questioned in some point in time and also already accustomed since people outside her close friend group - staff members, music producers, or simply anybody she comes across in the production of their comeback since that is the only thing she has been doing aside from being at home - have been asking her, Minjoo is able to easily pull out her prepared expression. It is one of lighthearted nonchalance, like it really is nothing to read into but a ring she wears.

“I am not in a relationship as far as I am aware.” There is no lie. The meaning of the ring is avoided but it is easy to answer all the probing curiosity about the ring that is perpetually on her because she does not have to lie. In fact, she is now so comfortable with answering she can casually throw in a joke.”I do hope I know if I am.”

Evidently, the reporter really likes the wittiness and another round of laughter is drawn out. “Sorry, I just can’t believe you guys are single.”

“Believe it because we put a ring on it too.” Yuri diverts her attention to the simple silver gold band on her right ring finger that is matching on the hands of all the members. “Our fans really like to see us wearing it.” Yuri gets the members to flash their rings at the cameras and the reporter coos at their action. Easily, the topic has moved on with the cameras framing good shots with them.

There are those unspoken momentary eye contact between the members and that is where they really do find cause of celebrating their twentieth debut anniversary.

July 2021

She sits still in the car. Not even moving her gear stick to park, Minjoo has her foot pressed on the brake to keep the car still because in front of her is something she hasn’t visited in a long while.

The home in New York.

Angel’s twentieth anniversary promotions have wrapped for a while now and just yesterday she waved goodbye to her friends, Eunbi and Nako and boarded the plane herself; she has been feeling off sorts. Now right before the house she hasn’t been to since… her, those off-sorts feelings seem to ease away. It is like she was worried to come back but once here, she realises her worries are for naught. Minjoo finally shifts the gearstick to park and turns off the engine. The car door opens to fresh air - summer, one year ago she was just brought here for the first time. Well, memories are inexplicably bound to come to her when she’s here and Minjoo is more than ready to succumb to nostalgia until she is interrupted.

“Miss Kim?”

Minjoo immediately bows, a habit regardless of nationality, when she recognises Mr Evans, Chaewon’s neighbour. “Mr Evans, hi.”

“I was concerned when I saw a car I didn’t recognise at Chaewon’s property. I am relieved to see that it is you.” He comes close with a relaxed smile before something clicks in his head and his eyes regard her carefully. “How have you been?”

It is pretty obvious what he is referring too and Minjoo vaguely remembers in the whirlwind of Chaewon passing away, repatriating her back to Korea and preparing her funeral, that Eunbi said that she would be sending a message to the Evans to inform them since they didn’t manage to while rushing out of New York. There probably was an offer to assist with the translation but things were so hectic then, Eunbi likely managed the simple message herself with the help of the Internet. Minjoo shifts her mind back to the present as she faces the older man who she knows is very much aware of her relationship with Chaewon. His eyes, she is grateful, do not carry pity but more like empathy.

“It hasn’t been easy but I am coping.” Her eyes drift to the house, believing that the owner is always watching over her. The ends of her lips lift a little. “I can proudly say I am in a much better place than I was a few months ago.” She would be proud.

“And it is so nice to see you here.” Mr Evans answers and Minjoo brings her eyes back to him. He starts searching his pockets and pulls out a large bunch of keys. With much familiarity, he picks one out and removes it from the bunch. “Also means I have someone to return this to.”

Minjoo receives in her hand a key same as the one she was given by Eunbi before she came. Mr Evans adds, “I believe you are here because Chaewon gave the house to you so since Chaewon is no longer the owner of this place it is only right that the key is returned to the new owner.”

From the outside, Minjoo can already tell that the few months of absence did create a house in bad shape because it has people watching over it. Even when they know that the person they made the agreement with is no longer alive, the exterior of the house remains as beautiful as the first time she was introduced. The green grass around it, not a fortress but a pleasant carpet all around. She remembers Chaewon saying that she did provide the Evans family with a yearly monetary token but they were never doing it for the money and the continuous care for the place in the last few months are the clearest proof of that.

“Thank you for taking care of it.” Minjoo says wholeheartedly.

“It is what neighbours do.” Is all Mr Evans simply answers at first. Then he turns to the house, moving deep in thoughts. “The first time she came to town… she’s meant to be part of our community so it is really no doubt that we’ll help her watch over this place.”

Mr Evans seems to be insinuating something that Minjoo is missing out on, and with her puzzled expression he understands the gaping information. “She didn’t tell you how we got acquainted?”

“Isn’t it because she moved in?” Minjoo thinks the obvious and also racking her memories if Chaewon had told her before.

“Well that is true but when she first came to explore the town, before she even thought of buying the place, my wife had an accident with our farming equipment and there was a gashing wound on her leg. Blood was spilling everywhere and Chaewon heard her cries and ran over. She treated her with the surgical kit she had in her bag and because of that, the deep laceration that could’ve left a big scar on my wife’s leg is now nothing more than a fading mark.”

To hear of Chaewon’s heroics brings so much warmth to Minjoo. “Now I know why she never told me.” It makes so much sense Chaewon left this out. As cocky as she was, Chaewon never flaunted her heroics, only her skills. She might have been the top neurosurgeon who did the impossible, yet Chaewon had always been humble, putting patients’ care over everything.

“She’s a good person.” Mr Evans replies only with that. A non-refutable statement shared between many who would agree.

Minjoo looks at the key in her palm. “She is and she trusts you and your family and I trust her so…” She raises it. “If your family can welcome me into the neighbourhood too…” Minjoo is unsure if she is in the same position as Chaewon was then to ask but there’s something in her gut that assures her it is alright to be brave.

“You want us to watch over the place too?”

“If it’s not too much to ask.” Minjoo hurriedly adds. “I’ll be here as often as Chaewon was, which is to say, not very often at all. I can keep the same arrangement as Chaewon did. But feel free to reject me if your family isn’t comfortable, I understand that I am not Chaewon. I can hire someone to come by occasionally to check on the place when I am not around.” Minjoo’s bravery wavers in the end and her palm lowers instinctively till Mr Evans suddenly reaches out.

“You are not Chaewon but you are someone important to her. That is more than enough to welcome you to the neighbourhood.” His palm lays open for her to put the keys back in his hand. “We’ll be glad to continue. As long as you are comfortable with it too.”

Minjoo transfers the key back to the coarser palm. She looks into his eyes and says, “Thank you.”

“This is what neighbours do for each other.”

People fill spaces and she knows right there, why Chaewon chose to give this to her. This can be her home too, her neighbourhood.

“I should not hold you up any longer.”

She gathers from Mr Evans’ outfit he was probably midway in his farming work for the day. The wrinkles around his face crinkles deep when he smiles with his pearly whites. Mr Evans slots the key back into his bunch and pulls out a loose piece of paper from his pocket and scribbles on it with the pen he has perched on his collar.

“Our number if you need help with anything.” Mr Evans hands the small paper over to her.

“I’ll leave you a missed call later so you have mine too.”

“Lovely.” He tucks his hands back in his pockets. “It is nice to meet you again, Miss Kim.”

“You can call me Minjoo.”

“Minjoo.” He lets it roll off his tongue. “Alright then, Minjoo. I hope you settle back in well. My missus and I welcome you to our place anytime if you need dinner.”

She waves politely as he heads back and Minjoo is now all alone again. She faces the house and takes a deep breath.

August 2021

“It was really tough at the start. It was like the grieving all again when she first passed, like those months coping with Angel twentieth activities and trying to surround myself with normalcy again just went poof.” Minjoo gestures with the last word. “The first day I was there, I spent the whole day in the veranda. Doing nothing but sitting on the daybed where she left. I was full-on mourning.”

Minjoo reaches out to take a leaf between her fingers. She feels its texture, careful not to break the tiny plant.

“But I recovered faster. I didn’t grieve as hard as long, by the end of the first week in New York, I felt comfortable and possibly even… happy because I was there in our special place. A place that even though took up a small part in our time together, was significant because of how exclusive it was.”

Joyous screams come from far away as Nako runs excitedly to chase the butterfly that probably calls this plants-filled cemetery its home. The automatic smile runs up Minjoo’s face much easier these days, well Nako always had more power than others to bring it out, but Minjoo finds she can keep it up longer. Her smile follows her to Eunbi who is beside as they sit on the picnic mat next to Chaewon’s tiny plant. Today is Chaewon’s birthday and they are here to be with her.

“Seems like the month spent in New York did good for you.” Eunbi pops in a piece of kimbap. “To think we were worried about you being alone for so long.”

“Probably for the best too since I did the whole nostalgic thing. I went to places we been together, did everything we did then, thought of how we had it. If I had any of y’all with me, despite your good intentions, I wouldn’t have been able to do it in a way that I could come out of it better if I wasn’t there just letting myself be. Just accepting that this time I was there without Chaewon.”

“I get it.” Eunbi dusts her hands. “I get it better now because last week, I did something similar.” Her eyes shift to look at nothing in particular.

“I had been avoiding driving past her hospital. Suddenly one day last week, I drove there, parked opposite and-” Eunbi hesitated for a moment. “Cried my heart out in the car. It was as painful as I knew it was going to be but after that day... I was at least able to plan my route without thinking if I would go past Seoul Hospital. Avoiding my sister’s hospital is no longer my first consideration when doing the simple task of driving from point A to B and so maybe after multiple drive-bys, I would not have tears in my eyes midway for my daughter to question why.”

There is an unspoken agreement that they both need a moment but when Nako waves at them, they reciprocate immediately. How wonderful is the girl’s wave that can infuse a tiny bit of joy? Her aunt would surely be proud of her.

This time, Minjoo wraps her arm across Eunbi’s shoulder, getting them closer together. “I couldn’t stay more than a month in New York anyways. I just knew I was so excited to come back, to be here to tell her all about it. She must be having a good time listening to us miss her right?”

When Eunbi turns to her with eyes less forlorn and much more amused, they both chuckle at the truth of it. Chaewon would indeed be doing that. Their cocky neurosurgeon.

Eunbi chimes in. “She would tease you. Then I would . Then she would sulk and come to you.”

This really draws the laugh out of Minjoo and she is surprised at how uninhibited it sounds. It even draws the attention of Nako who runs back to them in a sprint, slowing down just a little bit before she crashes into their arms.

Chaewon’s birthday isn’t the only notable date in the month of August.

She wakes up in the morning staring into space. Minjoo decides she can forgive herself to stay in bed longer today but that is until her doorbell rings and her plan is ruined immediately. She is sure she has nothing on and she would know if anybody planned to come, so she is both grumpy and confused.

“Miss Kim Minjoo?”

A delivery man stands in front of her door not bothering to take his helmet off. Only the visor is lifted so Minjoo can see his eyes.

“That is me.”

He retrieves a flower stalk from his bag and Minjoo holds her breath in when she recognises the flower. A white camellia.

She tries to keep her hands from trembling as she receives it and robotically does as she is told to sign on delivery. Minjoo remains frozen outside her door even after the delivery man leaves because she can’t do anything but stare. Today of all days, it must not be a coincidence. She unfolds the card attached to the stalk.

Happy anniversary.

(on behalf of Chaewon)

Tears form in her eyes as she holds in her hand the thing that is so significant in their relationship. It is hard to describe how much it is to receive this flower on the day important to them, especially when she thought she would never receive it ever again. She brings the flower to her chest and walks back into her apartment. She has an inkling who may be the real sender of it but the gesture, that is what she is more curious about. Minjoo crawls back into bed with the flower and reaches for her phone.

Eunbi

Hope that didn’t scare you too much. I didn’t think it was a good idea but I promised her I would do it so...

Here’s the white camellia for your anniversary.

There is the reason - her forever romantic other half even in death not letting the gesture go. Being given this flower is so bittersweet so even with the ache in her chest, Minjoo still smiles like an idiot shaking her head. “Chaewon unnie, you are really something.”

She clicks dial on her phone and waits for the call to get through. “Do I have to prepare for any more surprises that Chaewon unnie asked you to do?”

Eunbi chuckles from the other side of the line. “Thankfully no more. One diamond ring, then a flower every anniversary, that’s her directive.”

“Every anniversary?” She is surprised by how crazy Chaewon’s request is. Minjoo honestly thought this would be a one and done. For Chaewon to request her sister to do this yearly is a big ask. “Eunbi unnie, that’s a lot-”

“I promised her Minjoo so don’t feel guilty on her behalf. I’ll scold her in m