A gentle grasp around her elbow stops Minjoo before she enters her dark apartment. “Do you want me to stay?” She hears from behind and Minjoo manages a shake of her head. “Alright. Maybe I’ll come over tomorrow morning?” Chaeyeon asks equally gently and Minjoo turns around. The kind stare her longtime manager is giving does not carry pity but exhibits more of solidarity.

“Sure, unnie.” Minjoo takes the hand that is on her elbow into her palms. “Thank you.” She is not simply referring to the offer for tomorrow but also for tonight and just really, everything Chaeyeon has selflessly given.

“Try to get some sleep.” Chaeyeon advises as Minjoo enters her empty apartment.

Lights seem too much for a night where she wants to be unseen. Minjoo slides down the wall right by the main door and buries her face in her hands. Tears fall down as she finally allows herself to digest the reality of their separation. She let Chaewon go but it does not mean she is devoid of heartbreak, of resignation, of the insane want to be with Chaewon when she is still here. Minjoo scrambles to pull out her phone, a desperate need to see Chaewon’s face in any pathetic form. She just knows where - in a photo folder buried deep in her gallery with a password lock. But she does not get that far as notifications greet her from her social media applications - many in fact.

The celebrity in her is used to seeing these insane numbers of activity on her accounts but she knows for certainty this time came with no prompt from her end. She hasn’t personally spoken out since the news broke. While it was unhealthy for her mental state, Minjoo had read through most on general media sites - news articles and comments under them, forums, etc. - but she hasn’t visited her personal accounts. She knows why she has been avoiding these. It was the fear of disappointment - the general public’s sentiments were discouraging but the possibility of hearing it from her fans on her own platforms, that would hurt. It is the hardest to go to because it is the most intimate. More than 36 hours of avoidance later, in the dark by herself, Minjoo clicks onto the first app.

Tears fall more uncontrollably the moment she enters them because what she reads is not that.

She had forgotten. In being clouded by the instinctive emotions that came forefront as everything hit, Minjoo forgets what she should know of her fans. So many messages of support and love flood her past posts, her tears are falling from being incredibly touched by their act as she doesn’t stop scrolling. How did this slip her mind when she had experienced it during her first dating news and in fact, all through her whole career? The immense, selfless love her fans wholeheartedly offers, Minjoo can’t believe it is this that she avoided. She is not blind to some negativity that still lurked but the ratio of love trumps over hate here on her platforms.

The sheer realisation that her career does not only belong to her - it is every part hers and her fans’. The two part harmony is how the twenty year mark can approach. She rubs her tears off her cheeks. Her fans trust her - their messages are black and white proof of that - and how she has been handling the situation thus far, she was simply squandering by merely settling. It is not fair to people who have been unconditionally stuck by her side. What is happening is as important to her as it is to them.

Just like Chaewon’s passion for her calling in life and the patients she treats, Minjoo’s to her craft and the fans that enjoy watching her.

Admittedly, Minjoo hasn’t been in the right mindset to think straight with everything that fell at once. Like Chaewon must have a good reason for not telling her about the four months but she can’t help to resent not being told. All these situations she has no control of, not given control in, frustrates to no end and precisely why her self-belief and confidence crumbles in the first place. It is sad that she was just beginning to accept herself again… as she should. That is why she is going to make a moment she controls and no more, the controlled.

Minjoo goes to her bedroom and pulls a drawer to find the items she needs. She picks them out with specific selection, gathers them to head to the living room. Pulling over a lamp, she sets it on the coffee table as she settles herself on the floor. The lamp illuminates the coffee table amidst the darkness of the entire apartment. She lines the plain paper on the center and picks up a pink pen.

She begins writing; not because of what happened tonight with Chaewon, not for their lost relationship. This is for herself and for her fans.

“Seems like we did right bringing you coffee.” Yuri hands Minjoo the cup of Iced coffee. Yena swiftly holds the door open when Minjoo’s sole focus shifts to receiving the drink. Minjoo sips on it, looking behind them and Yena answers her silent question. “Chaeyeon and Yujin are getting your favourite bagel. You know how long the queue can get in the morning.” Minjoo nods while continuously sipping on the bitter but comforting liquid. Yena and Yuri familiarise easily in Minjoo’s home, hanging their outerwear on the hooks by the door.

“Gosh did you sleep on the couch last night?” Yuri tosses the blanket Minjoo was in fact, cozying under.

Minjoo chooses not to answer verbally and grouchily takes the blanket to fold it neatly. In that time, Yuri finds her letter which is where Minjoo leaves on the coffee table as the door opens to reveal Chaeyeon and Yujin. Of course her manager knows her passcode. “Bagels bagels~” The youngest chimes happily.

“Oh wow.” Yuri mumbles to herself.

Yena is now conflicted whether to approach the incoming food or feed her curiosity of what her girlfriend is reading. “What’s that?” She asks while her hands reach out for the paper bag - multitasking is a thing but Yujin refuses to hand over just yet. Yena narrows her eyes at the betrayal which Yujin dutifully ignores while she digs through the contents to pull out one and passes it to Minjoo.

“This is yours, unnie.” Minjoo smiles softly and takes it from Yujin.

Chaeyeon who was intending to help clear the table is distracted by Yuri who is just standing beside with a paper in hand. “For real, what are you reading?” She asks as she tidies the many pens laid out.

“I wrote a letter to my fans.” Minjoo answers on Yuri’s behalf, speaking for the first time since they all entered her apartment. “I want to post it. Can you guys read it too to see if it’s okay before I do?” That sufficiently gets Chaeyeon to stop her tidying and stands up to take the paper from Yuri.

First to finish the letter, Yuri is pleased she can find her bagel with no distraction. “It’s beautiful. It’s very ‘you’.” Yuri says while unraveling her bagel.

Chaeyeon raises her brows and nods. “I agree.” She mutters but she can see in her peripheral vision Yena indicating with her arm out to hand it over. Chaeyeon takes another quick glance before Yena and Yujin have their turn. “It’s good to post as it is.” Yuri and Minjoo are already seated around the coffee table so she joins them on the floor.

“You really think so?” Minjoo wants to be doubly sure because it is important.

Chaeyeon, noticing that Minjoo hasn’t started on her bagel, nudges it closer to the woman. “Yes, I definitely think so.”

“‘Too much of my career, I have let gossips and rumors cloud what I do. I know this time will be the last where that happens. For the love and support I have been continuously given, I need to stand tall in what I believe in, in the work I do, to let people who love me be proud of supporting me. To not only keep it in my heart but to wear the love with pride and confidence, I’ll not succumb to casual media hype in the name of views, hits, ratings and noise. I do what I do, not for anybody but for myself and for my fans. This letter is for them, my precious fans, to let you guys know I am okay, we will be okay.’” The letter ends off with beautifully written thanks which Yena omits reading out because the above section is what really impressed her.

“Now I see why Yuri unnie said it’s beautiful and very ‘you’.” Yujin adds and goes over to give Minjoo a hug. “Post it.” She assures and Minjoo pats her on the arm, a gesture of thanks. Yena passes the paper back to Minjoo and she pushes her bagel away to make space. She stares at her written words one last time. She regrets nothing in them because she isn’t doing what anyone wants - she didn’t even need to write this. This is not the denial Chaewon was trying to get her to go with because she isn’t changing her mind on that - she would never deny being with Chaewon. In essence, her words are her and to assure her fans that she is her, empowered by the confidence from them and from within herself.

Capturing a photo of her letter, Minjoo takes a deep breath and posts the image on her account. Yujin gives her a final rub of her shoulders before scooting over to the other side of the table where there’s space. With the four of them around her coffee table, longtime friends’ presence an unspoken show of solidarity, Minjoo feels assured. Decisions she made over the last 24 hours were painful and not easy but they were right. Her eyes catch a glimpse of the frog plushie that permanently sits on the end of her couch. Minjoo unravels the packaging on the bagel, hoping that a bite of the bagel can help swallow the ache away.

“Also I should inform you guys that she wouldn't be coming to dinner tomorrow.”

Yujin looks to Yena who turns to Yuri who has no one left but to Chaeyeon. Unwillingly, the manager fills in the blanks. “Chaewon, erm Minjoo’s-”

“My ex.” Minjoo has her eyes down to the table as she munches on her food. “Chaewon unnie wouldn’t be joining us for dinner. I don't know if you guys still want to have it. My mood may be a downer and I don't want Yujin's girlfriend to be uncomfortable-”

Yena puts her bagel down, first to get over the shock. “You guys broke up? Why? I mean, there’s nothing concrete. You guys can lay low.”

“What happened?” Yuri places her hand over Minjoo’s.

“It’s a long story.” Minjoo raises her eyes to meet Chaeyeon before the rest. “And it’s not mine to tell but it is a mutual decision.”

Nobody knows what to say. Minjoo is evidently hurting and they can’t find the words. Yujin, who hasn’t spoken at all, picks up her phone. The others watch her confusedly and she answers them by turning her screen over. “Dinner party happens now for lunch.” The supermarket delivery app reveals a long list of premium meat options. “Most of us are here anyway. My girlfriend, she’ll understand. There will be a next time.”

Everyone, including Minjoo, cracks a smile at the unexpectedness of that. Of course it is their thoughtful youngest who manages to make everything better. Once the order is sent in, everybody picks up on the bagel they stopped having earlier. As Minjoo takes a bite of hers, she looks at the friends around her. She is thankful that they don’t press her to talk about it; their support is unspoken.

They lounge and chat like old times, which never failed to divert into reminiscing about the actual old times. If anything were to help take her focus off her break up, these friends are surely the closest to a cure. Precisely because of their long friendship, certain tells are plain obvious even when they are being subtle. Minjoo has noticed it but Yena is the first to articulate. “Chaeyeon, who’s making you stressed? You are doing the whole flipping the phone so it lies on the screen side but you still flip it back to check the reply.” Given Chaeyeon primarily manages Minjoo these recent years, it is pretty obvious it can’t deviate much from the matters of her.

“Is it the press?” Minjoo asks but Chaeyeon shakes her head assuringly at that. There are many possibilities these days yet somehow one stands obvious. “It’s the drama, isn't it?” When Chaeyeon shifts her gaze awkwardly away but back at her again with forced nonchalance, Minjoo knows she got it.

“It’s a non-issue. The company is sorting it out.”

“So what is it to sort? Do they want to fire me?” At this point, it’s not ludicrous for Minjoo to think the worst.

“No, they don’t.” Chaeyeon immediately assures. She sighs. “They are asking for a pay reduction. Twenty per cent cut per episode.”

“What!” Yuri huffs out in annoyance. They worked long enough in the industry to gain some level of seniority where even in cases of pay cuts, never something as steep as twenty per cent after the price is set because in those situations, most production cuts are mitigated amongst everyone. This is clearly intentional.

“What is the official reason they gave?” Yujin asks since the unofficial reason is very clear.

“They said they need to find funds to do extra promotions and marketing so the focus will be more on the production. But of course it’s unreasonable, every production has its respective marketing budget and there is contingency and we told them the news will pass by the time the drama airs so Minjoo, it’s a non-issue. You don’t have to think much of it.”

Can she really not? While she never regarded her worth from her paycheck, the symbolism and its impact is clear - Minjoo’s value is easily watered down. She gets up with the paper bag full of trash, “anybody need anything from the fridge? I am going to put the trash in the bin.” She barely waits for anybody’s response before she leaves.

Yujin meets eyes with her older friends. “I’ll check on her.”

One thing Yujin remembers from being with Minjoo is that the woman never likes being directly confronted of her feelings, especially if they are uncomfortable ones. So Yujin goes with a diversion tactic. “Minjoo unnie, do you think I can borrow something comfy to change out of since we are going to chill? This sweater I am wearing is new and unexpectedly scratchy.” Her request, while not particularly urgent, is somewhat true and natural too since debut the four of them have been very used to sharing clothes.

“Oh, sure.” Minjoo throws the trash in the bin and guides Yujin to her bedroom. Bringing them into her walk-in closet, Minjoo gestures. “Go ahead, take whatever you prefer. I’ll go wash my hands first.” Minjoo disappears into her bathroom while Yujin looks around. In terms of scale, their closets are all similar - racks and racks of clothes surrounding are entirely common for people with jobs like them. The scratchy threads are indeed making her feel itchy so she looks around while waiting for Minjoo to be back. She moves to what she identifies as the casuals and flips through, not thinking much of it until she hears Minjoo’s sudden shout. “Wait! Not those!”

Minjoo zips in front of Yujin to reach for Chaewon’s hoodies, including and especially her/their favourite. The pieces she has of Chaewon’s only showed how they have stayed over at each other’s places far too often; Chaewon still has some of her clothes too, she notes bittersweetly. Yujin moves back with her hands up at Minjoo out-of-character behavior. Once Minjoo is done sorting away, she gulps, immediately guilty at her overreaction.

“I am sorry Yujin. I shouldn’t have shouted. These are-”

“Hers right?” Yujin bears an understanding smile. “Don’t worry unnie, your behavior is entirely reasonable. She means a lot to you.” Yujin’s last line is said in a way of an irrefutable statement - which to Minjoo, it is. Sensing that this moment is as good a lead in as ever to her original intent to check on Minjoo, Yujin wisely chooses her next words. “I’ll listen if you wanna talk, unnie.” She lowers her hands but keeps her space from Minjoo. “We always could talk well.”

Hearing Yujin’s soft admission takes the tension away from Minjoo’s shoulders she had unwittingly put on. She is fully aware of the past tense Yujin chose to speak with. Fifteen years since they broke up, two decades since first meeting each other as trainees, Minjoo is as familiar with Yujin as Yujin is with her - Yujin is being cautious because Minjoo is unknowingly giving off vibes the younger woman had to do so. Minjoo never intended that.