Minjoo stares at her silent phone the whole ride through. She wasn’t fearing the tidal wave to hit when the news broke. She is waiting for Chaewon to respond to the two words she sent, Call me. But the silence on her end must mean her girlfriend is in surgery or in equivalent medical emergency which in anything, is life and death. Minjoo’s anxiousness will have to be dealt with alone for now.

She does not even realise where Chaeyeon has driven them to. Frankly, it does not matter. She feels the car stopping but she is reluctant to lift her head up. Chaeyeon has shut the car off, climbing over from the driver’s seat to join Minjoo in the middle row.

“I hate how it makes so much sense that you didn’t tell me.”

Minjoo gulps and now her eyes are held down for a different reason. Because of her, her friend has got to endure another round of hardship. What’s more the onslaught of this will only be worse than the last.

“I am sorry.”

“You idiot.”

Chaeyeon’s tone is harsh and Minjoo closes her eyes shut. Her mind is not in the right frame to digest the possible textual nature behind Chaeyeon’s words. She takes it at face value until Chaeyeon harshly continues, “Kim Minjoo, why are you apologising.”

“Why are you apologising for something that isn’t wrong? Because I know the two of you enough to know I don’t even need to ask if it’s worth it. I trust that if you both choose to be in a relationship together, it’s for a reason.”

Minjoo listens.

“And I believe in that so don’t apologise for being happy because if you ask me- As the person who has been by your side for the last two decades, I have never seen you glow like in the last few months and it has been getting brighter and brighter, Min.”

Tears fall from Minjoo’s closed eyes as the anxiousness that has been brewing inside her spills out. Chaeyeon immediately pulls her friend into a hug, holding onto Minjoo who on her own, is bracing the weight of what’s to come. Chaeyeon does not agree with Minjoo’s self imposed nature, so she would not stop reminding her that support is always an arm’s length away. Chaeyeon rubs Minjoo’s back up and down.

“I-it’s going to be so bad, unnie.” Minjoo speaks with gasps between every breath. “The fall out is g-going to be so terrible, I don’t want her to be anywhere near it. B-but I don't see how it can work. I don’t see how we can stop this right to have a life from being t-trampled on.” Minjoo pulls out of Chaeyeon’s arms and rubs her tears away furiously.

“Unnie, I am really sorry you are dragged into this again. But be truthful too, unnie. Say you didn’t know so it’s easier for you to step aside. This is exactly why we didn’t want to tell you. I can’t let more people that matter to me get hurt.”

“Minjoo ah, don’t worry about me now-”

Minjoo grabs onto Chaeyeon’s shoulders. “No, unnie I have to. Promise me you will say that you didn’t know.”

“Minjoo-”

The younger woman’s eyes are relentless. “Promise.”

Chaeyeon shifts and tightly holds onto Minjoo’s right arm. “Then you promise me too that you will not let me step aside. I am your manager, this is what I am supposed to manage. To be there with you every step of the way because it has nothing to do about whether I knew or not. You protect me as a friend, I’ll protect you as your manager.” Her affirmative gaze is not far off Minjoo’s and she doubly hopes through her equally firm hold, Minjoo can physically feel that Chaeyeon is here to stay.

The loosening grip on her shoulders indicates just that. With her big brown eyes relaxing back into more of the ones the owner normally has, Minjoo mutters. “Okay. I promise.”

“I promise too.” Chaeyeon traces her palm up Minjoo’s forearm, taking her friend’s hand into hers. It is enough.

After a moment, Chaeyeon releases Minjoo so she can check on her phone. There is nothing to see. “My source hasn’t said anything more after telling me the news is going to break.” She sighs in frustration at the unnerving waitful tension. “She actually just got recruited by The Daily, I really shouldn’t be expecting more since I am already surprised she got tipped off enough to be able to give me a heads up.”

Minjoo does not give much of a response because she has gone back to being focused on her dark screen. “I am guessing Chaewon hasn’t contacted you?” Chaeyeon asks.

Her lock screen only shows the time with no notifications. “She’s probably in surgery or something.” Minjoo sighs. Hers isn’t over frustration but more so, an unwanted thought of possible regret. “If it’s really going to come, I just- I just really want to speak to Chae first. Because once this hits-”

Her phone lights up. So does Chaeyeon’s.

--

Wonyoung helms the surgery with confidence Chaewon groomed her to possess. “Evacuating the hematoma,” she announces.

Chaewon observes intently from the opposite; her again stable left hand holding onto a forcep. She assists Wonyoung every step of the way, everything but making contact with the patient.

Her mentee’s delicate craft is the cumulation of the young surgeon’s hard work and it is beautiful to watch. Wonyoung’s skills capture the attention of the entire surgical team, amazed at the talented young surgeon becoming a copy of the senior surgeon watching over.

Chaewon didn’t have a doubt about Wonyoung’s abilities before they entered the operation theatre, before her hands shook and took her out of commission. Yet Chaewon is consciously aware of how selfish she is because she has Wonyoung’s immense focus on the surgery as well as the entire team’s amazement that keeps Chaewon’s crisis unnoticed. Heck, even she is selfishly letting herself deceive her own thoughts by willing her attention to focus on Wonyoung’s achievement rather than on her just shaking hands - an intentional obliviousness to the truth of the countdown starting.

She grips the forcep when Wonyoung is beginning the steps to the end of the surgery. The young surgeon did everything right and the patient is well on his way to recovery because of her. Chaewon puts the tools onto the surgical tray and takes a step back. “Congratulations, Dr Jang. Good job.” She snaps the surgical gloves off. “On always being ready.”

The look on Wonyoung’s face is an indication that the younger gets the words’ allusion; Chaewon had said it before surgery but it is also more than that. Chaewon had always shown what readiness is by working Wonyoung to it through all her teaching. Being in the center of the open brain, one that is now all fixed up, this is the result. “Thank you, Dr Kim. For teaching me to be ready.” Wonyoung watches as Chaewon responds with a possible smile under her mask. Chaewon’s hands go behind her back as she steps even further away.

“Enjoy your close. It only happens once.” Chaewon’s last advice before she takes off her surgical gown and passes it to the waiting nurse. She thanks the nurse before approaching another who sits near the exit beside the supplies.

“As always, here you go Dr Kim. Though this time your phone vibrated a lot with notifications.” The nurse hands Chaewon’s phone to her.

“Not calls?” Chaewon takes the phone while maintaining eye contact with the nurse. The nurse did not once look down at their handover.

“No, Dr Kim. Just short vibrations.”

Chaewon’s grip on her phone tightens so she nods and then hurriedly leaves the operating theatre. There is a small room that separates the main corridor from the operating theatre and Chaewon drops herself on the chairs. She finally properly sees it - her shaking hands.

Chaewon chokes immediately. She rips off her scrub cap and watches as it falls to the ground. That isn’t intentional. But when the sight of her reality is in her face. The denial is unavoidable about what is happening to something that matters honestly to Chaewon more than her heart or her brain. Like a pianist, a surgeon is nothing without their hands. The brightest brains in the medical field will be great doctors but only those with the most adept set of hands can proudly adorn the title of being a surgeon.

Her two hands had the most control - making the neatest sutures, pulling perfectly pressed cuts - now not even holding a scrub cap properly.

Her chest feels constricted, eyes blurry. Her shaking hands remain a constant when the sheer will to keep still dissipates now out of surgery. Her bodily reactions make her unaware of the person who enters the room.

“You’ve seen it?”

Chaewon forces herself to look up. The senior nurse comes to sit beside, noticing the scrub cap on the ground and Chaewon’s bended posture. “What?” Chaewon asks breathlessly. She does not have the will to mask what she is going through right now in front of a close colleague.

“He came to ask us too, you know. We didn’t think much about why but thank goodness we didn’t say anything. But damn, that ER nurse. Where is their professionalism confirming a patient’s identity like that. It is absolutely uncalled for. Chaewon, are you alright?” Gowon was worried already when she first stepped in, but the out of sorts behavior from Chaewon is making her more concerned. Chaewon is wearing a puzzled expression.

“You don’t have to deny or confirm it. You are my friend. Right now, I am more focused on being angry for you that we were betrayed by our own hospital staff than whether it is true you are in a relationship with Kim Minjoo.”

Chaewon’s head now hurts in addition to all the other problems. She is really trying to understand if she heard Gowon right because… what? She finally catches the buzz from her phone that she neglected since she received it back. Chaewon haphazardly grabs onto the device with two hands. There are so many messages. Her heart stops.

“Breaking: Angel’s Kim Minjoo is reportedly dating a female neurosurgeon, Seoul Hospital’s Dr Kim Chaewon.”

 

--

Her eyes are burned onto the article’s cover picture. It was in her apartment building’s carpark, from far away because hoods of the many parked cars are blurrily in the foreground of the photo. But it was what was focused on, through the window of the back seat, the back of Chaewon’s head as Minjoo leaned into her for a kiss. It didn’t capture an explicit view of their lips touching but the implications were obvious. After their whirlwind Jeju trip where Chaewon sent her back right to her lift lobby, they were caught.

The accompanying pictures were of Minjoo walking into the lobby, unmasked and identifiable. Chaewon’s is equally clear when the surgeon’s car turned around to the exit, the front view of the driver laid obvious to the camera.

Minjoo’s thumb does not move past the photos because the rest of the article, she basically memorised its content by now. Chaewon’s identity is broken down like her resume is on show; her achievements, where she had worked at, everything on her career is covered and while they are all good stuff, it felt exposed to the wrong crowd. Naturally the article led to Chaewon’s current employment and now-confirmed rumors of Minjoo’s visit to the hospital’s emergency room. That Minjoo did indeed visit the ER during time of filming, Chaewon attended to her, she was sent to be admitted, all confirmed by a not-to-be-named ER nurse. “But it seems like they all knew each other, surely Kim Minjoo’s manager did when she asked a surgeon of Dr Kim’s stature to treat a mere concussion. On a regular basis, Dr Kim would never be paged for something like this.”

Their visits to each other’s houses are mentioned too - not documented with stalker photos but the details are disturbing to read with the striking notes of when Minjoo is spotted going in and out of an apartment building that is not where she stays. Thankfully, Chaewon’s black Audi visiting hers is a harder spot thanks to the many similar car owners in their residential area. Last but not least, the article pointed to evidence of their Jeju trip. A link to Han Sol’s Instagram where the paragliding instructor uploaded the picture of them with their tandem partners. Report by Oh Eungyu, it signs off.

“Minjoo, you don’t have to keep reading it.” Chaeyeon is close to her as they enter the building of her entertainment company. She can hear the murmurs coming through from the rooms on both sides of the corridor; phones are ringing and the staff must be on ‘we are looking into it’ mode. Well, Minjoo is here, about to face the CEO to be ‘looked into’.

“Reading it well enough will help me know how to deal with it.” Minjoo says before Chaeyeon grabs her by the elbow.

“We are denying it right? ‘Just close friends’ is the statement right?” Chaeyeon wants to be sure.

“O-of course.” Minjoo stutters but really, nothing can be processed right now. She needs to hear Chaewon. While the logical decision may be obvious, nothing is decided until she speaks to Chaewon. Then her phone rings. Minjoo and Chaeyeon both look at the screen that shows Chaewon’s name and without waiting, Chaeyeon crosses her to a door Minjoo recognises will lead to a meeting room.

“In here.” Chaeyeon instructs after ensuring the room is empty. Minjoo does as told and the door closes behind her. Chaeyeon leaves her alone and so Minjoo picks up the call. There is silence on the other side of the line.

“Unnie.” Minjoo greets first and she hears a sigh which has more undertone of relief. Chaewon must have chosen not to speak just in case Minjoo wasn’t with her phone.

“Minjoo.” Now Minjoo understands how the sigh of relief came about. She just felt it herself too, how an articulation of a name is comfort amidst the mayhem. “Are you alright?” Chaewon asks and Minjoo frowns. It was three words spoken but Minjoo thinks she catches a quiver in Chaewon’s voice.

“As much as I can be. Chaeyeon unnie got me out before the news came out and since then, I have only been with her. Now we just arrived at the company and I was going to meet with CEO when you called. I know you were busy but I was waiting for you, unnie. I-”

“Yeah, I was in s-surgery.” The quiver she suspected is now clearer with Chaewon’s stutter.

“Unnie.” Minjoo worriedly calls. Her girlfriend whose confidence shines through everything she does from her work, to her family life, her relationship with Minjoo and even the way she handles her terminal brain cancer, speaks with a trembling voice unheard of before today. Before being in this completely foreign situation - ousted in public, a whole life laid out plain, center of attention. “I’ll handle this. Don’t worry, I will. I’ve done this before, I’ll be alright. You lay low alright, unnie? Don’t worry about this.”

“Min…”

Minjoo knows Chaewon wants to say more about Minjoo taking it all on like this but this situation is hard for them both. For all that Chaewon has given her - her precious time that could’ve gone elsewhere more deserving - now Minjoo wants to take the mantle. To protect them.

“I’ll deny it. I’ll say we are just close friends. The picture isn’t clear so it can just be a bad angle.” Minjoo in a deep breath, the situation is catching up to her. “I’ll make it okay, unnie.”

Chaewon hums and there is a moment taken before Chaewon speaks. “I know you will.”

Minjoo does not realise she is crying until she senses a drop of tear landing on the ground. She rubs her tears away but does not clear her nose. She notices the door with a silhouette of Chaeyeon guarding it and Minjoo wills her attention into place. “Then I got to go, unnie.” She is already preparing herself to leave when the tone of Chaewon’s voice stops her in place.

“Min-”

Minjoo waits but then, “Go. You can do it.”

It feels odd. Chaewon’s words surely do. Minjoo clutches the phone closer to her ear as if trying to hear from more of the unsaid. But none comes and Minjoo decides to not overthink; she already hears the trembles. Therefore, that is that and so Minjoo gives a response for both of them to believe in. “We can do it.”

“Okay.” Chaewon’s answer speaks finality and they end their call. Minjoo grasps on the door handle, inhales to clear her nose and steps out. “Let’s go.”

Once the call is over, Chaewon locks her phone and watches as the device trembles in her hands. She is in her office alone processing everything that has happened at once. Minjoo told her not to worry and she trusts Minjoo. Chaewon meant it when she said she knows Minjoo will. However her shaking hands… she was this close to telling Minjoo about it but somehow she didn’t manage to. Chaewon wasn’t even hiding anything intentionally, her shaking voice was obvious to her own ears, she knows Minjoo surely caught it. Yet she didn’t manage to tell Minjoo that the surgery wasn’t hers; that her hands failed to work. She clutches the phone tighter.

And is still failing to work.

Slowly, Chaewon gets her thumbs to maneuver the phone to the calling app. She clicks on her sister’s contact and turns on the speaker.

“Chaewon!” Eunbi’s voice rings loudly and Chaewon closes her eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you were in surgery. I knew you would call when you heard-”

She feels the creases on her forehead tightening and she shuts her eyes more. “Unnie.” It comes out as a hush whisper but it does stop Eunbi.

“My hands… are shaking.”

Then Chaewon does not hear anything else when she jumps forward to the bin by her table and pukes.

When Chaewon comes to, there is Eunbi’s familiar scent beside her. The grip on her hand strengthens her suspicions. “Chae! Wonyoung, she’s awake.” Her eyes are still calibrating to the room’s white lights when she tries to look around. She doesn’t get to much when she senses Wonyoung’s presence by her bed.

“Unnie.” Her mentee’s calm voice soothes her. “I’ll shine a light to your eyes. You know what I am doing.” Chaewon does indeed; she does not answer when Wonyoung does for both eyes and then gets Chaewon to follow as her light moves. “You are good, Chaewon unnie. Do you remember what happened?”

Chaewon shifts her head so she finds Eunbi. Her sister appears stressed, hair looking like she has raked through multiple times and the eyes that brightened a little when Chaewon looks at her are obviously tired. “H-her.” Chaewon’s first word is hoarse. She gulps the little bit of saliva that is in . “I called unnie.”

Even if Chaewon’s words slur a little, Eunbi is very relieved as she reaches out for a glass of water. “I’ll prop the bed up.” Wonyoung says in perfect unison, pressing the button to lift the back and assists Chaewon to shift slightly to accommodate the change in posture. When Eunbi brings the straw right to , Chaewon sips cool water in and immediately feels much better. Vomiting always takes too much out of her.

“Unnie, you fainted in your office.”

Chaewon looks up at Wonyoung. The younger surgeon bore a seriousness to an extent Chaewon doesn’t think she has seen before. “I know.” She replies, her voice sounding better than when she first woke and also before she fainted. Chaewon looks down at her hands. They are still until - a tremble - then stillness again. Chaewon meets Eunbi from the corner of her eyes.

She hears Wonyoung pulling over something and that prompts her to look up. The laptop screen reveals a brain scan and Chaewon already dreads it. “I did an MRI and a CT scan on you.” Wonyoung watches as Chaewon only briefly glances at the screen and the quick-witted young surgeon puts things together. “You already knew from that time with Dr Cooper.” Wonyoung realises.

“Changes since then don’t change a thing.” Chaewon huffs out, not bringing herself to make eye contact with Wonyoung. She closes her eyes and hears Eunbi interjecting.

“Please still forward these to Dr Cooper. He would love to know every change.”

“I will, Eunbi unnie.”

Silence takes over the room and the tension resting in the room is hard for Chaewon to ignore. Probably because she started it. The responsibility rests on her, as a senior surgeon and a colleague. Chaewon opens her eyes and Wonyoung isn’t meeting hers, eyes on her tablet presumably doing what Eunbi asked.

“We are in a hospital.” Chaewon begins and she notices Wonyoung stopping her actions. Her eyes never leave the screen though but Chaewon takes the sign to continue. “Right outside the operating theatre, we could easily find another neurosurgeon. I didn’t ask you to lead the surgery only because I was incapitated. The patient at that point, by the efforts of our teamwork, was on track. He wasn’t in any immediate danger that cannot wait for another replacement. But- there was a capable one right there so I asked you to step up. I knew you could do it and no replacement would be better than the doctor who treated from the start.”

“And as for my own tumor,” Chaewon stares at the laptop screen that faces her. “You can see there is really no point talking about it. And maybe…” Chaewon brings her eyes back down to her hands, “I ju