When Minjoo wakes up the next morning, her calm beats of her heart answers the first thought in her mind: is this peace? With the soft pressure by her side and slightly on top of her, skin to skin, cocooned by thick blankets and pillows, Chaewon in her arms brings inexplicable peace. Their love making last night can be the only moment to rival the feeling of completeness this present moment holds, for Minjoo seeks nothing more than Chaewon safe in her arms. They don’t usually wake up this way; Chaewon has always liked to be big spoon and Minjoo is content to indulge despite being the one with longer limbs. Last night was special. They came together naturally to rest, fitting for all they shared over the night and really, no difference of who hugging who is wrong. As long as they are together, things are right.

Feeling the rise and fall of every breath Chaewon takes in her slumber against her own body, Minjoo focuses on the feeling. Strong and steady heartbeats will be the most precious thing to hold onto, especially in knowing it may not last. No, now is not the moment her demons had returned, discounting what they shared last night. Chaewon is weakening, yes, but Minjoo is not fearing in negativity, she fears simply because it is normal. Minjoo is simply not oblivious to reality and that is balancing the light and dark. Through her actions of love, Chaewon helped assuage Minjoo from not giving in to the darkness and being potentially solely focused on the eventuality of Chaewon not being at her side. Rather, remembering that there is process, a timeline and should the inevitable happen, going through however painful the path is, is what matters more. Balancing the fears - for the uncertainty than the eventuality - is the light and the dark. In fact, Chaewon has been exemplifying it. As aware as she is of her mortality, Chaewon’s actions prove she hasn’t resigned to the sentence. Even with the four months diagnosis, even with all the negative effects pounding into her, Chaewon has still been eating and medicating herself timely. Minjoo does not find wine bottles here which are a common sight where Chaewon lives. She takes care of herself. She embraces the light and the dark. It is not over until it really is and that’s why Minjoo makes precious of the fact Chaewon is breathing against her, treasuring this moment - as should anyone with the one they love. It is that love, a tear rolls down her cheek and Minjoo would have let it fall since it bothers no one but Chaewon seems to sense Minjoo’s emotions and starts stirring.

“What’s wrong?” Chaewon’s low voice is husked with sleep but alertness shines from her eyes as she peers up at Minjoo.

Minjoo cannot find the words. When Chaewon is looking at her with all the tenderness and concern in her eyes, Minjoo is taken in more by the fact that she loves Chaewon so so much. That perhaps the exclusivity of time spent together in the few days, in a bubble of themselves disconnected from the world, has touched Minjoo’s peak that she really does not want anything else. She is content. More importantly, she has committed fully and truly. How this is so hard to put into words that this inner peace is why a tear falls.

“I just- love you so so much.” These are the words that come closest to describing and she shakes her head lightly at the condensation of it. But Chaewon as always, gets her. The older woman smiles knowingly and tries to shift so they can be at eye level. Minjoo helps by adjusting too and soon, they are.

They lie side by side with faces to each other. Silently, they trade deep gazes, none finding anywhere else to put their eyes on. “You know, it’s all biology?” Chaewon breaks their silence with a cryptic sentence but Minjoo can tell from the charming grin working up the surgeon’s face that she can anticipate something. “The part of the brain that forms words, interprets language and the part that controls feelings are not the same. That is why it is hard to speak our feelings, explain the reasons why we feel for someone. Why all I hear is ‘I love you’ but I see so much more.” Chaewon’s eyes sparkle as she speaks and Minjoo’s resting heart as usual picks up pace with Chaewon’s words. Guess all she wants is nerd talk for science to explain the ways of her heart.

“So we reached the point in our relationship the first thing you say in the morning after is a biology lesson. Smooth, Dr Kim.”

“All so I can hear you call me Doctor.” Chaewon winks before she turns away to cough. Minjoo pats Chaewon down on the chest and chuckles when Chaewon resumes her winking like the cough didn’t happen. Chaewon tries to prop herself up but the weakness in her body coupled with the stiffness from spending their entire night on the ground must have taken a toll. She looks to Minjoo sheepishly. “I want to continue flirting but I am afraid Minjoo I need your help to get up so I can take my medication otherwise flirting while coughing and trembling isn’t the most effective.”

Minjoo shakes her head now for the ridiculous statement Chaewon made. “Sure sure Dr Flirt.” She helps Chaewon up before they paused midway, noticing the view outside. “The first snow.” Minjoo whispers in awe at the falling white specks. Chaewon smiles too at the sight.

“How timely.”

Minjoo turns to meet Chaewon’s amused gaze. “Your romantic bone is activated right?”

“Along with my-” Chaewon coughs. “Trembling body.”

Again, shaking her head, Minjoo resumes what they are doing then grabbing clothes that are all over the living room so they can decently start their romantic day.

Minjoo brings water for Chaewon who has started on those medications that don’t require food in her stomach. “I’ll heat up the fish porridge for breakfast?” She asks and receives a grotesque expression in return. “Geez, thanks for the enthusiasm. Brutally honest is also a new checkpoint in the relationship.”

“Minjoo my darling, it is my default expression to all food now. But you know no matter what, I’ll eat whatever you make.” Chaewon changes her face to one with pure mischief, popping the pill with dramatics before grimacing when the water goes down uncomfortably.

Minjoo playfully rolls her eyes but she still leans to peck Chaewon on the forehead to pacify the woman of any discomfort. She will do everything to take care of this woman as Chaewon does for herself and for them.

--

“Aunty Minjoo!”

Minjoo has to hold herself steady with the force of Nako burrowing straight into her stomach the moment she opens the door. “Hello dear.” Minjoo peers down happily at the girl excited to see her.

“We are in New York!” Nako exclaims like it is breaking news leading the two adults to laugh.

“She has been like this the moment we left Seoul. Please take her from me.” Eunbi drawls dramatically and her daughter pouts.

“Aunty Chae would want me. Where is she!”

“She’s sleeping-”

“I am going to wake her because we are in New York!” The girl runs off to where she knows Chaewon would be. Kids do really have good memories and don’t need much repetitiveness to imprint something like her familiarity of a house in New York.

Eunbi would have grabbed Nako before she ran off but she is too tired from the long flight. “Guess Chae has to deal with a shorter afternoon nap today.” She concludes as they make their way into the house.

“She has one hour at this point so I think she’ll be fine.” Minjoo helps Eunbi with their luggages, putting the duffel bag down next to the roller bags.

“Usually yes but judging from what’s on your neck, I highly suspect that she needs more this afternoon.” Eunbi raises her brows cheekily, staring unabashedly at the bruise briefly making an appearance if Minjoo hadn’t bent down causing her turtleneck to slip. “Timely season to wear turtlenecks.” Minjoo blushes even more at Eunbi’s added (filled with subtext, not) assurance and while her reaction is as rewarding as her younger sister’s, Eunbi will not be as savage in pursuing the teasing any further. She is just really pleased to witness them back together again and Minjoo is becoming more and more like family. The mark on Minjoo’s neck is more than just two adults having a night. To Eunbi, seeing something normal as what two people in love can have, it assures her that her sister is okay. She is, and having Minjoo in her life contributed to that. Eunbi pulls Minjoo in a side hug and rubs the younger woman’s arm up and down. “Thank you for being here for her.” Sincerity takes the place of playfulness and Eunbi’s words weigh heavy with meaning, all of which Minjoo receives. When Minjoo returns with a knowing smile, Eunbi pats and the momentary deep gaze shifts to a relaxed one. “Now let’s go save Chae from my hyperenergetic daughter.”

They walk in on Nako listening to Chaewon’s heartbeat using the stethoscope. Chaewon glances over at their appearance, obviously amused and resigned to her niece’s doing. “Nako, what are you-” Eunbi asks but Nako interrupts her with a “Shh Mom I am listening” before Eunbi can finish. The young girl clearly wants no disruption with how focused she is with her task. Sitting legs crossed on the bed beside Chaewon’s resting body, the girl’s small hand presses firmly over Chaewon’s heart. “She woke me up and I probably don’t look as handsome as I usually do,” Chaewon chances a cheeky gaze at Minjoo and Minjoo’s blush returns now thanks to the younger sister’s doing. “And decides she needs to find out how sick I am.”

“Aunty Chae, I can’t hear if you keep talking.” Nako whines and Chaewon purses her lips dramatically. Chaewon shifts the placement of Nako’s hand slightly, knowing where Nako is listening in wouldn’t get a clear hearing and indeed, Nako gasps when she catches the sound of Chaewon’s heartbeats. “You are healthy Aunty Chae. You will be alright! More sleep and you will be fine.” Nako concludes proudly to the amused smiles of the adults.

“Thank you Doctor.” Chaewon asks for the stethoscope back. “How about my turn to hear yours?”

Nako nods excitedly and shuffles closer to Chaewon who sits up. Much more professional, Chaewon listens to Nako’s heart before going under her shirt to other parts of her chest. “Cough, Nako.” The girl obliges easily and Chaewon nods. “Okay turn around.” Nako follows and Chaewon listens from the center of her back to its left and right. “Cough again.”

Minjoo is actually amazed that Chaewon is conducting an actual examination. Eunbi leans over to whisper. “Chae actually checks her for real under the pretense of playing. Nako has gotten used to it over the years so she easily follows these instructions.”

“Lungs and heart are good, Miss Nako.” Chaewon declares, pulling the stethoscope out from under Nako’s shirt.

Nako suddenly screams in excitement and jumps off Chaewon’s bed to Eunbi. The adults flinch at the screeching scream. “I am good, mommy!” Eunbi tries her very best to pull up an amazed expression to entertain her daughter but switches to an exhausted one when the girl looks away. Chaewon states, “If I heard that I didn’t need to check her lungs at all. What did you feed her?”

Eunbi narrows her eyes at her unhelpful sister. “Let’s just say the kid had a good nap and the mother did not enjoy the flight as much.”

“Mummy doesn’t like planes.” Nako very helpfully supplies the additional information to Minjoo who always ends up as a thoroughly amused bystander in the presence of this family of three. She isn’t complaining with the smile on her face.

“You know what else I don’t like? Feeling all dirty after the long flight.”

“Go bathe, mommy.”

Eunbi blinks at Nako’s nonchalant comment. “Well, you too little monster.”

“But you feel dirty. I am clean!”

“Says who.”

“Me.”

“Even after you dropped orange juice on yourself in the plane and I had to wipe you down with wet tissues and change you out to another t-shirt?”

“Yes.”

Eunbi is tired and she is not going to continue cajoling her daughter. Time to pull out the serious mothering voice. “No. Now come with me, we are going upstairs to freshen up.” At Eunbi’s change in tone, Nako is trained to know that is the limitation to getting out of bathing. She pouts but obediently follows her mother out, leaving a sad wave to the two remaining.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying she’s so cute.” Minjoo puts her hand down after waving and leans over to peck Chaewon on the cheek, a little affection despite being only ‘separated’ for an hour during Chaewon’s nap. She sits down on the edge of the bed and Chaewon reaches out to rest her palm on Minjoo’s thigh. Clearly Minjoo is not alone in missing affections. They really are behaving more like teenagers in love without all the adult responsibilities that came with their daily lives. Being in New York gives them a bubble of escapism with nothing else to focus on but themselves.

“Lucky I remembered that I kept my old stethoscope here. Else I wouldn’t know how else to ease her worries seeing me like this if not for playing doctor.” Chaewon passes the said item when Minjoo gestures to express her interest.

The younger woman holds the stethoscope with care, finger tracing bumps and dents spotted around the device, evidently showing its well-served use. She always liked seeing something in Chaewon’s professional life because it is Chaewon’s passion. When she is done, Chaewon points to the opened bedside drawer next to them and Minjoo understands enough to return the stethoscope where it was. She shuts the drawer and looks back up to find Chaewon appearing coy. She her brows up, waiting because the cheeky doctor will spill whatever is in her mind.

“We are not alone anymore.” There it is. Minjoo responds with a continued slight raise of one brow. Chaewon adds, mildly annoyed at Minjoo not pacifying her. “I am just saying. Making an observation is all.”

“Not when you are implying something so explicitly and still not saying.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes to fake her displeasure at Minjoo playing nonchalant. Chaewon resigns to their games, she can’t hold out long against her lover these days. She sighs for dramatic effect as if the smile she is trying to suppress will not ruin it. “I love unnie and Nako but I do enjoy a lot of the fact of simply two of us here.”

Well Minjoo is certainly not hiding her smile at finally getting Chaewon to spill words. Knowing what Chaewon is thinking is one thing, nothing beats actually hearing it. “It is for your health and support by them being here and all…” Minjoo rationalises as she moves closer to Chaewon. Chaewon hums playfully, hand leaving Minjoo’s thigh to around her waist, also knowing what Minjoo is really thinking and confident her rational words are only the tip of the iceberg. “But yes, being alone with you only is quite a dream I’d wish lasted longer.”

Beaming brightly, Minjoo cannot resist not kissing Chaewon again, this time on the lips. She makes sure they go slow since Chaewon has just woken up. They pull away and Minjoo lets her palms trace down Chaewon’s arms coming around her waist. “Do you need any medication?”

Chaewon shakes her head. “I feel fine now.”

Minjoo nods and decides to rest her upper body into Chaewon, adjusting Chaewon’s arms so she embraces her properly. The younger Kim nuzzles into Chaewon’s neck and closes her eyes. She automatically releases a blissful sigh. “Okay so we’ll stay here for a while.” Chaewon agrees too, judging by the kiss Minjoo feels planted on the top of her head. Only sitting together and it is already more than enough.

--

Living together in one space makes them more a family. Mornings are livened up with Nako’s adorable antics and time shared can vary across the four. Nako can be taking naps with Chaewon so Eunbi and Minjoo find time to bond more by talking or endeavouring on activities. They share similar tastes in television shows and Minjoo has decided that her pathetic cooking skills should be here no more, wanting more than ever to feed Chaewon well when the older woman’s appetite is waning, so Eunbi has agreed to teach her. Minjoo finds learning from Eunbi to be as easy as it can be considering how cooking has been such a hurdle for her. Perhaps it is Eunbi’s naturally patient trait that her professional teaching career honed, making Minjoo not deterred to learn… and fail. The ever-honest kid, Nako doesn’t hide her grimace when Minjoo waits too long to flip the egg omelette causing one side to be burnt. Her mother provides a much more accepting expression, nicely reminding Minjoo that the stove burner didn’t need to be to its maximum, a medium heat would suffice. Chaewon, as naughty as she can be, never once teases Minjoo for her cooking. In fact, when the surgeon wakes up from naps to find Minjoo working in the kitchen, Chaewon unabashedly watches with heart-eyes resulting in many times, herself becoming the subject of Eunbi’s teases.

Minjoo and Nako too have found time to get closer; the younger Kim would take on babysitting duties and bring the little girl out to explore the area around the house while her mother gets some alone time and also moments with Chaewon. Minjoo is aware that the two sisters need their time together given the tight relationship they have and it is even more precious now.

They spend time as four too, getting into the city on days where Chaewon feels good. Christmas is approaching and also with four people living in a house, supplies run out fast or rather new things also need to be bought like extra towels, sheets and those regular house supplies that tend to be overlooked when there are more occupants. A trip to Macy’s will yield fruitfully.

Unlike before, Minjoo has found an ally in having a good eye for designs and colors in general and she does not have to be alone in dealing with Chaewon’s bad choices. Eunbi orders Chaewon to bring Nako to the children’s department to pick out what she’ll like for Christmas. Chaewon gladly agrees; she much prefers being with her niece than being in the presence of the duo who finds making fun of her lack of taste entertaining. Even though after about an hour or so, Chaewon still returns to snide remarks when Eunbi and Minjoo see them making their slow approach. Chaewon’s physical movements have been deteriorating so she is more cautious when moving around. Being a good girl, Nako walks with no complaints of the speed, hand in hand with Chaewon.

“These are not too much right?” Minjoo is looking through the stacks of towels which Chaewon observes consists of different colors, textures and sizes. Her eyes widen at the amount they have.

“Nah most at home are old anyways because my little sister has no concept of what is worn out and still uses them as is. So we may as well buy more to throw the old ones out.” Eunbi says that all while looking straight at Chaewon. Minjoo nicely enough only giggles.

“Sure sure what would I do without the two of you to make sure the towels in the house are nice and fluffy and usable and not at all worn out?” Chaewon makes a light gesture and the two women choose not to comment on the paper bag in her hand. Eunbi would have come up with many equally sarcastic retorts to Chaewon’s statement but her eyebrows raise upon seeing what Nako also has in her hands. She had explicitly texted Chaewon to observe what the girl likes and they would buy it secretly to surprise Nako on Christmas day. Clearly, Chaewon didn’t want