Chapter Fifteen

There’s something about the smell of graphite on paper that gives you a different sense of peace, you honestly don’t understand why. It’s past lunch, you already missed it but you don’t really mind. You are still busy reviewing your designs and drawings, today is the only day you had the chance to do it because you’ve been busy clinging to Yujin. For the past week, after she told you that you are better as friends well you kind of acted as a friend to her, a clingy friend to be exact. Or maybe annoying because it seems like Yujin is starting to get annoyed at you.

Actually, she has been aloof, subtly trying to avoid you but you are not that dense not to notice it. You were just about to approach her earlier and when she saw you, she immediately dragged Wonyoung with her, walking away from you. Yujin said that you two would act like what normal friends do, but she is the one who’s acting indifferent toward you. It annoys you, so instead of sulking you decided to just spend your time checking your drawings, letting the smell of paper and graphite calm your nerves.

If you are being honest with yourself, being friends actually isn't that bad. The campers see you and Yujin as extremely close friends even before things become complicated. Though there are some who think that you are together, well how you wish they are right but no, what you and Yujin have is considered as almost together. Not until she asks you to be her friend. Your other friends knew that something was up between the two of you, especially those who are really close to you.

But they never said anything, even when Yujin started avoiding you when Chaewon returned they just gave you those knowing looks but they kept their mouth shut. That is why now you're wondering why Yena suddenly barged into your room. Disturbing your alone time on your bed with your drawing scattered around you.

"We need to talk," she said when she arrived, standing in front of your bed.

"What is it, that you want Yena?" You ask, standing up from your bed and walking towards the table full of blueprints that are mostly your designs.

"What in Hades are you doing Minjoo?" She asks, her voice serious.

"Checking my designs," you replied in a matter-of-fact tone without looking at her. You are searching for a certain drawing you did last week, you honestly forgot where you put it.

"I'm serious, Minjoo" You heard Yena say from behind you.

"What?" you ask looking up and turning at her, your brows furrowed "Do I look like I'm joking to you?" you added, a little bit irritated.

Yena took a deep breath and looked away from you. You have a hunch about what she really meant but you're not going to start this conversation unless she asks the right question. You have kind of already expected that this talk will happen. You are not that dumb for you to not notice the looks Yena has been giving you this past week. It's been a week since Yujin told you that she wants you to be her friend. And well, you somehow did your part as her friend.

“You know what I mean, Minjoo,” Yena said with a sigh.

“I have no idea what you are on about,” you replied, turning your back to her again, as you busy yourself organizing your drawings.

"You are making her uncomfortable, Minjoo" Yena finally said "Give her space" she added.

"Why won't she tell that to me personally?" you countered, not looking at her “Are you her messenger now?”

"You know why," Yena replied, softly "Yujin might not say it but you're making it hard for her"

“She’s the one who wants us to be friends and to act like how we were when we were still friends” you replied, turning around to face Yena, your jaw clenched.

“And by acting like friends, you mean hugging her whenever you had a chance? Clingy into her like a Koala? Winking at her whenever your eyes met? Trying to hold hands with her? Insisting on breaking rules by sharing the table with Cabin 10 just so you can sit beside her?” Yena answered raising her voice “That is not how a friend acts Minjoo, you are flirting with her when she already told you that she wants you to be her friend and you are making her uncomfortable” she added exasperatedly. You looked away from her and bit the inside of your cheeks to control your emotions.

“That’s how we act around each other in the past Yena,” you reasoned out, you turned to her before continuing “I can’t see what’s wrong with going back into that”

Clearly, she didn’t like what you just said, Yena took an exhausted sigh and rubbed her palms to her face, clearly frustrated with how you’re acting right now.

“What you and Yujin had in the past isn’t the same as what you and she have right now,” she said, frustration evident in her voice “It isn’t like that, Minjoo”

This conversation makes you angry and upset, with everything but most of all with yourself. Yena is giving you that look, her eyes almost pleading for you to just listen to her, but you are stubborn, and you are not in the mood right now for this conversation.

“I don't know what you're talking about, Yena,” you simply replied walking past her, you are done with this conversation.

“Just stop it, Minjoo,” Yena said in her stern voice “Stop being selfish and stubborn” she added.

Her words caused you to immediately stopped in your tracks. Yes, you are aware that you're being selfish but still, hearing those words coming out of your friend’s mouth, stings. You can’t help but be hurt by it which you undeniably deserve. You took a deep breath and answered her without turning to face her.

"If she wanted space," you replied, swallowing the lump in your throat "Then she should have asked me to give her space, instead of asking me to be her goddamn friend" you replied, your voice cracking.

"So, you're punishing her for wanting to remain friends with you? That she chose to step aside and preserve whatever the two of you had instead of pressuring you to choose?" Yena continuously asked, “You want something more than friendship with Yujin but you can't even let go of Chaewon. I can't believe you are that selfish" She added her words hitting hard on the right spots.

You turned around to face her and her eyes are fixed on you, there was no hate or anger in her eyes but instead, disappointment. It is written all over her face and it hurts you, it hurts more to see her disappointment than to hear her call you selfish. You didn't say anything, instead, you wiped the tears that rolled down your cheeks and look away from her, swallowing hard.

"Do you think that's fair, Minjoo?" Yena said with a sigh, "You are my friend, but Yujin and Chaewon are also my friends. I'm not picking sides Minjoo and I'm not angry at you," She added, her voice softening at the last sentence.

"No, just disappointed,” You weakly replied, her being angry at you is much better than her being disappointed in you. “What do you want me to do, then?" You asked, with a defeated sigh because everything she said was right.

Yena was damn right you're being selfish, and you are the sole reason why you are all in this position, the worst part is you are aware of it but chose to overlook those facts just because you cannot bear to let any of them go.

"Make up your mind, Minjoo" Yena answered, softly. "You need to or else you'll just continue to hurt yourself and both of them. You guys don’t deserve that," She added.

You bit your lip as you look at her, your tears continuously rolling down your cheeks. Yena took a sigh and walked closer to your position.

"You are the wisest camper here," she said as she pulled you into a hug "But you are so stupid when it comes to love" she added, rubbing your back.

"I don't know what to do," you said as you wiped your tears. “I can’t choose. It isn’t that easy.”

"You'll figure it out," she answered rubbing circles on your back. "But for now, give Yujin space. Give yourself space, you both need it," she added, as she pulled away from the hug.

You wiped your tears that just won’t stop from falling and just nodded even though you don't know how you are going to give Yujin space if every waking moment all you want to do is to spend time with her and be with her. When all you want is just to be close to her.

It was hard, and you don’t really like it but the next morning you did what Yena ask you, giving Yujin space. In the past week, you've been doing things that you usually did in the past with her. Like winking at her whenever she enters the Dining Pavilion, then acting as if nothing happened. That morning, you decided to stop doing those things.

The moment you arrived at the Dining Pavilion you exchanged seats with one of your siblings, sitting with your back against the direction of the entrance and against the direction of the Cabin 10 table. You were busy eating your food when your sibling, sitting across from you, nudges your plate. You looked up at her with your brows furrowed.

"In case you are not aware," she said, with a teasing smile "A certain Aphrodite girl has been staring at the back of your head ever since she entered this Pavilion"

"And?" you answered raising your brow acting as if you were unaffected but deep inside you wanted to turn around and confirm if your half-sibling was saying the truth.

"Nothing," She said, smiling widely "I thought you ought to know," she added, before turning back to her meal.

You just shook your head and returned to eating your meal. Trying your best to refrain yourself from turning around towards the direction of cabin 10's table. You spent your time busying yourself with all your Head Counselor duties, attending meetings with the Counselor of each cabin. Training and teaching the younger campers how to properly use their weapons.

You also find yourself spending most of your time with Chaewon, not that you planned it. It just so happens that whenever you are alone minding your own business she just suddenly shows up. Talking to you like she wasn’t gone for months, cracking corny jokes and just keeping you company. It has been two weeks since your conversation on the cliffside since she declared that she will fight for you.

That was also the last time that she mentioned it to you, during those times when she accompanies you not a single time, she mentioned about winning you over. Not that you wish she would, on the contrary, grateful that she’s keeping that topic out because you enjoy spending time with her, and once she brings up that topic you are sure it will spoil everything.

Chaewon is your best friend before you even became a couple and that’s when everything started to crumble. You have to admit you miss her, you miss spending time with her. But spending time with her made you miss Yujin more, and your random talks and bickering at the cliffside. You miss talking about nonsensical things with her, you miss watching her intently listening to everything you’re saying. How her brows scrunch when you say something weird. How she would give you suspicious looks when you’re giving her random facts about your parents. And you miss seeing her bright smile. You miss her.

There are times when you would catch her staring at you and when you give her a small smile, she would immediately looks away without returning the smile back. Her reactions made you think about whether you should approach her or not, whether the space you gave her is already enough or maybe she needed more. In the end, you just watch her from the distance watching her have fun and bond with the other campers.

"You really have this habit of watching your friend, huh?" a familiar voice said from behind you that caused you to snap out of your thoughts.

You turned your head and saw Hyewon looking familiar yet also very unfamiliar. Instead of the standard orange camp shirt, she's wearing the Hunters' outfit. There's this annoying smirk plastered on her face while looking at you. You just rolled your eyes and turned your head back toward the direction of the Archery Range.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hye" you simply said.

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