Ryeowook was proud of himself. He was able to follow his plan. He was able to dodge Kyuhyun when they went back to the dorm last Friday saying he was tired, he went home to the province during the weekend, and he’s been successful the past days in avoiding Kyuhyun. It’s now Wednesday, the day of the concert, the last day of the semester. Just a few hours left and he will be free of Kyuhyun for a month. Just a few hours left of clinging to his self-control, then he can freely wallow in his heart break. It definitely will be his worst Christmas. He can already foresee himself shut in his room for the entire winter break, crying his heart out and thinking of Kyuhyun, and most probably be stalking him in social media and through their common friends.

The worst part is not the want – no, the craving – to spend time with Kyuhyun especially now that he had a taste of being free to express his feelings a bit with him for a few hours last Friday. It is seeing Kyuhyun’s disappointment and the sadness in his eyes. Every time he sees that, he can feel his heart being crushed. But he must hold on. For Kyuhyun. This is what’s best for Kyuhyun. He’s been repeating that to himself for the past few days like a mantra.

He watches Kyuhyun from behind the stage like the coward that he is. The program will be starting in a few minutes and Kyuhyun is being briefed by Yesung, since the former will be singing one song to step in for a performer that advised will be arriving late. It’s actually Ryeowook’s idea to make him sing, but of course he begged Yesung to voice out that suggestion and ask Kyuhyun instead. After all, this exposure would be a great help for his run for presidency next year. Although he’s certain that it will also make many girls and boys swoon over Kyuhyun’s vocals. He sighed at that, pained and a bit angry as well. He notices Kyuhyun about to turn his head to his direction and immediately looked away.

The day went on like that, like the past few days they were working together. Ryeowook tries his best to focus with his tasks and steals glances at Kyuhyun when the latter is not looking. He wonders time and again what Kyuhyun must be thinking as the reason for his actions.

It’s now almost time for Kyuhyun’s performance and Ryeowook feels nervous for Kyuhyun. He wanted so badly to wish Kyuhyun luck, although he very well knows Kyuhyun does not need luck to perform well and wow the audience. But still, his heart is beating so fast. From the corner of his eye, he can see Kyuhyun stomping his feet a little, probably trying to dispel the nerves. Against his better judgement, instead of at the side of the stage, he walked to the tech booth at the other end of the stadium, pretending to need to discuss something with the people assigned there. In truth, he just wanted to be able to watch Kyuhyun properly, although from afar. Shindong was already introducing Kyuhyun when he arrived at the tech booth.

Kyuhyun entered the stage and smiled nervously at the audience. But the moment that he started singing, he looked straight at Ryeowook, zeroing in on his eyes as if Kyuhyun had known exactly where he is from the very start. Kyuhyun probably followed him with his eyes when he walked towards the tech booth. Ryeowook felt frozen, captured by those eyes he adores so much, held in place by that soothing voice that he loves.

Blah blah blah blah

What am I saying?

Nervously, standing in front of you

All the words I prepared

Days only filled with fluttering feelings

My first encounter with you

Passed like that

Dugeun dugeun, todag todag

Everyone wished me good luck

I liked you so much

So nervous

All the words I prepared for you

Got tangled with my flowing sweat and time

This…this feels so much like a confession. Ryeowook’s emotions are all over the place. He can’t understand if he’s happy or sad, touched or hurt. At that moment all that matters is Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun singing to him. Kyuhyun looking at him.

Now I’m talking to myself

Saying how much I really loved you

Sorry for starting first

But the moment I first saw you

Your smile made my heart stop

You made me freeze

The street I used to walk on with you

Do you know how dream-like that was to me?

I thought and thought about it

With a quickened breath

I foolishly spent this night

So I’m talking to you again

Kyuhyun smiled at him sadly. Lovingly, but sadly. As if Kyuhyun is apologizing to him. He can feel the tears threatening to spill, clouding his vision of that man on stage, singing his heart out to him.

Each moment, I looked at you closely

How your lips touched the cup before you sipped

You were beautiful, each part that I closely looked at

Sometimes, when you smiled, I felt like my heart would explode

Now I’m talking to myself

Saying how much I really loved you

Sorry for starting first

But the moment I first saw you

Your smile made my heart stopped

You made me freeze

At that moment Ryeowook realized that Heechul was right. Even without the song, Kyuhyun’s eyes speak a thousand words. It speaks of love and yearning, of pain and apology. Ryeowook blinked and looked away breaking the connection, and then ran away. He heard Kyuhyun’s breath hitch a little. The audio in the open stadium was too loud that even running away, he was able to hear Kyuhyun continue with the song faintly.

He has reached the university park and was thankfully far away now not to hear the concert anymore. He needed silence for a while and a little time to breathe. As much as he wants to really run away, he cannot leave the event. He was walking aimlessly trying to calm himself when he heard running footsteps and a shout from a distance.

“Ryeonggu!”

He looked back and saw Kyuhyun running towards him. He looked away and quickened his pace.

“Ryeonggu wait!”

“What do you want?!” He shouted back, now brisk walking.

“I’m sorry!”

Ryeowook stopped walking. There goes Kyuhyun again, apolo