08.
UNCHANGEABLE (KRYBER)it settled down after they get past the bridge.
amber can feel how suzy's trying to help by ambling down the trail and encouraging her to take pictures of the forest. it was effective because soon after, amber gets engrossed with getting good shots.
because of that, they stay on the trail longer. they even bought a banana roti from a vendor along the way because it reminded amber of katrien. she knows they won't be able to catch up with krystal and her family as they were way ahead of them.
but boy, she was wrong.
when they reach the end of the trail, what greets her is the sight of troubled-looking jihoon who's pacing back and forth with his hands on his waist. not too far from him is krystal sitting on a log, her palms covering her face like she's crying. jiwon and her mom are trying to comfort her.
amber meets jihoon's eyes. he gestures for her to come over to krystal, which amber does with no hesitation. the moment krystal feels her presence, the woman stands up and grabs her quickly in a tight hug.
"amber..." krystal sobs, burying her face in amber's shoulder.
confused, amber hugs the woman back and taps her back gently. jiwon and krystal's mom both look worried. amber glances around one more time and realises that one person is missing.
"where's katie?" she asks. krystal clutches the back of her shirt.
"she... she went... ran ahead of us..." says jiwon. "we can't find her after that."
amber's eyebrows furrows. "what?"
"maybe she got lost on the track and went the wrong way?" says suzy.
"the rescue team is already looking for her at this moment," says krystal's mom. "they advised us to stay and wait here."
"what if... what if they won't?" krystal asks in between her sobs. "and there are wild animals in the forest... what if something happens to her...?"
"shh..." amber cups the back of krystal's head. "she will be fine... they'll find her..." she shifts her eyes at jihoon who's still looking away with his jaws clenched. she sighs before focusing back on krystal. "maybe you should sit again so you can calm down?"
krystal nods and pulls back. amber guides her to sit back on the log but the woman doesn't have plans of letting her go, wrapping her arms around amber's waist. amber feels awkward, not sure if it's okay for them to be like this in front of the others.
jiwon gives her an assuring nod and mouths, "let her be. she needs you."
amber eyes suzy who looks like she's thinking about her theory earlier. but amber's too busy to mind that. she'll handle suzy later. she crouches on the ground and looks up at krystal.
"hey..." she wipes krystal's tears with her thumbs. "they'll find her. i'm sure of that. i'm sure she hasn't gone that far."
krystal just looks at her, her chest heaves as she struggles to breathe.
amber couldn't stand the sight. she shifts her position and pulls the woman to her chest. krystal's body softens in her embrace. jiwon comes to rub krystal's back.
an unusual flock of birds suddenly flying over them catches amber's attention. she traces back where the flock came from which seems to point in the middle of the forest.
"i think i know where katie is..." she says, pulling away from krystal and standing up.
"where are you going?" krystal asks, grabbing her arm.
"i'm bringing your daughter back." she looks up at the sky. "those birds, they flew off the tree together which means an animal or a person disturbed them. and they came from that direction."
"but you can't go there alone," says krystal.
amber smirked. "guess what, i can..."
"not in that situation of yours, amber. you might encounter something in there that might trig--"
"i'll worry about that later." amber pulls her hand away. "katie is way more urgent than that."
and before krystal can protest further, amber jumps outside the marked trail and strides into the depths of the forest.
---
her instincts is right. it didn't take her long to spot katrien standing in the middle of the trees, holding a banana roti in one hand.
"you shouldn't go out here alone," says the kid who seems to talk to somebody. "don't you know that it's dangerous here in the forest?"
amber closes her distance only to find katrien talking to a small baboon.
"where's your mom? you should be with your mom," katrien adds, concerned. the baboon sits there in silence, eyes focused on the kid.
"you should be with your mom too," says amber, startling katrien. "you're jumpy like your mom, huh?" she chuckles. "what are you doing here? you're supposed to stay on the trail, remember?"
katrien points at the little baboon. "but i found him walking alone earlier and i thought he got lost. that's why i followed him out here."
amber stands beside the kid, placing an arm around katrien's shoulders. "that's a noble act, katie. but your mom is crying now, do you know that? she's worried about you. they even sent men out here to search for you."
katrien pouts. "i'm sorry."
"let's go back now, okay?" she pulls the kid but katrien doesn't budge.
"i don't want to go back yet..." the kid says, her voice cracking.
"why?" amber crouches on the ground. "hey. what's wrong?"
there was a sniff this time. katrien's tears are falling down her nose and dripping onto the ground. "i don't want to be with them... they're... they're fighting again..."
amber's mouth opens but she can't make out a word.
"they're always fighting lately..." katrien sobs. "they're trying to hide it from me... but i know it... i can feel it... i know when they're not okay... and mommy, i sometimes see her crying in her room..."
still not knowing what to say, amber wipes the kid's tears.
"i ran ahead of them because i know daddy's mad at mommy... and i don't want to see them ignoring each other again..."
amber eyes the ground, feeling guilty. it may have something to do with what happened on the bridge.
"they'll make up soon, don't worry," she says, holding the kid in her arms, disregarding how painful it is to say something like that herself. "every marriage goes through a struggle from time to time. i'm sure they'll fix it soon, for you."
katrien shakes her head. "they've been like that for a long time now... dad is always out late working in the hospital... mom always sleeps in my room..."
amber ruffles the kid's hair, trying to comfort her.
"can... can you take me with you instead...?" katrien asks.
the sight breaks amber. she hugs the kid towards her. "hey... it'll be okay. trust me. they're going to--" her eyes widens when she sees an adult baboon now standing tall beside the baby baboon earlier, flashing its menacing canines at them.
she hides katrien behind her right away.
the adult baboon barks once, startling them. katrien screams.
"don't make eye contact with it!" a male staff with a tranquilliser gun appears from one tree. "stand up straight but not threateningly..."
amber nods. she stands up, her eyes on the ground.
another male staff appears. he is clapping his hands. "now, back away slowly, but don't turn your back against it. i'm clapping to encourage them to go away."
"you heard him, katrien? let's back away slowly..."
katrien nods, and they slowly step backwards.
but the baboon seems not affected. it's slowly charging towards them. katrien screams again.
". . ." amber turns around and carries katrien.
"i said don't turn your back against it!"
"it's attacking us. dammit!" says amber, running now.
"the food!" says the guy. "throw the food away!"
"huh?" amber remembers the banana roti katrien is holding. she snatches it from the kid and throws it to the attacking baboon. this seems to have distracted the little baboon but the adult one continues chasing them.
the baboon eventually slams into them. amber and katrien rolls down the hill a few yards. amber hugs katrien to her chest to protect the kid while she digs her shoes in the ground to stop them from tumbling further.
but instead of stopping or slowing down, their speed increases because of the steep landscape. amber slides down the hill with katrien in her arms. the momentum makes it hard for her to control the direction they would go.
she knows this isn't good. amber knows it's a dangerous fall. they are sliding down in a haste.
so she covers the katrien's head with her arms hoping to protect the kid, hoping for something to stop them now before it's too late, before it gets more dangerous for them.
the next thing she knew is their bodies ramming hard into a pine tree.
---
amber feels like she's dreaming.
she hears voices: worrying, arguing, instructing; but isn't sure why she feels sleepy. she wants to keep her eyes closed.
she feels people lifting her body up and putting her into a stretcher. she's getting carried. a little later she saw a glimpse of jihoon who's flashing a light into one of her eyes.
"brain functions seem normal," he says, checking the other eye this time. "but we need to bring her to the nearest hospital to undergo several tests."
she lost consciousness again after that.
---
she can hear the motorboat engine and the waves of the sea.
she can feel the boat shaking as it glides on the water.
she opens her eyes and glimpses krystal who's sleeping with katrien in her arms.
amber feels relieved. at least katrien is safe.
she falls asleep again.
---
she opens her eyes and this time she's in a room--a very much familiar room.
for a moment she thought she was imagining things, that she's seeing it from her memory again because she can't be in krystal's room.
why would she be in krystal's room?
but the wedding picture of jihoon and krystal hanged on the wall proves that she isn't dreaming. and seeing the cast from her shoulder down to her left arm after she sits up tells her she's in the present world, in the reality.
'then why did you leave me...? why...?'
amber closes her eyes and massages her temples, hoping to get away from that memory which happened in this very room two years ago.
'why did you leave me, amber...? why did you leave me...?'
she can hear krystal's voice and she can feel the pain in it. she looks back up at the wedding photo, and she shakes her head. they look happy. as what amber expects, krystal looked beautiful in her white dress. and jihoon looked dashing in his coat and tie.
there's no point still lingering on what krystal told her two years ago. even if they want to be together, they can't. they shouldn't. and katrien, she's already in pain because of what's happening between her parents.
amber stands up to collect her wallet and phone from the bedside table. she doesn't want to go out in bear pyjamas but she doesn't want to stay longer either.
she needs to get out from this house now.
"would you like to eat something first?"
amber jumps at the voice, spinning around to find krystal's mom sitting on the couch just outside krystal's room.
amber bows. "i... i'm sorry. but i've already caused you too much trouble. i need to go now."
"why are you such in a hurry to leave?"
amber can't answer. she tightens her grip on her wallet and phone.
the older lady stands up. "why don't you sit here first so i can get you something?"
"but, ma'am, i'm--"
"krystal's at work and won't be back until afternoon. jihoon's out for a few days to attend a conference. katrien's in school," says krystal's mom. "now, would you relax over here?"
knowing there are no other choices left, amber obeys.
---
"the staff said you and katrien rolled down the steep and rammed into a tree," says krystal's mom. "the impact broke your shoulder because you were protecting katrien in your arms. jihoon did the first aid, but we still had to rush you to the nearest hospital in the port. you were still out after that so they've brought you here since it's nearer the hospital, and for you to get more rest."
amber sips the coffee. "and katie?"
"just a few scratches. nothing serious. thanks to you. i'm not sure how my family can even repay you for what you've done to my daughter and granddaughter."
"it's always my pleasure, ma'am. and there's no need to repay me. i'm always happy to help."
the older lady bites the inside of her cheek, thinking. "she's worried sick, you know... she's worried about you."
amber smiles a bit. "katrien's a sweet child. she was even helping the baby baboon when i saw her."
"no... i... i didn't mean katrien. i was talking about krystal."
"oh."
"i guess some things are unchangeable, huh?" the woman asks, her eyes looking far away out the window. "because even after all that happened, it's still you, isn't it? and is it still her to you, isn't she?"
amber doesn't answer.
"i'm not mad." the older woman sighs. "it's just that i'm worried about katie."
"me too, ma'am. that's why i don't want to stay here any longer. i don't want to keep reappearing in your lives. i am hoping krystal can fix any issues she's having with her husband," says amber. "katie... she knows her parents are fighting. she knows they aren't okay, and it's hurting her."
the older woman's shoulders fall. "tsk. i was right. my granddaughter is noticing it now..."
"she ran ahead of you because she doesn't want to see her dad ignoring her mom again. may i know what happened before me and suzy arrived?"
the older woman props her elbows on her knees and brushes her fingers through her hair.
"they had another fight along the road. although they are trying to keep it low-key, my granddaughter seems to have caught up with it and got mad at them."
"is that because of what happened on the bridge, when krystal rescued me?"
"it's not your fault," says the older woman. "but yes, it's because of that. jihoon, he's jealous of the attention krystal and katie is giving you. can't blame him. being one of the best surgeons in this district eats up a lot of his time. he rarely gets quality time with his family. he usually goes home after katrien's bedtime and leaves even before his daughter wakes up. and the little free time he got for himself is spent seeing his wife worry about you and listening to his daughter talking non-stop about you. i mean, i don't blame it on you but you understand where he's coming from, right?"
amber nods. "i'm sorry."
"don't be. and again, it's not your fault. i just don't know what to do with those two, honestly."
"maybe they'll work on it once they found out that katie's already getting hurt? please tell them to make it work out, for katie."
krystal's mom stares at amber for a few seconds. "and what about you?"
"this isn't about me and krystal anymore, ma'am. it's about katie. i know krystal would do anything for her daughter's happiness."
the older woman takes a sharp breath in, couldn't think of anything to say.
amber stands up. "i should go now. thank you for taking care of me. please extend my gratitude to krystal and her husband."
"can you just at least wait for krystal so she can drive you back to the city?"
amber shakes her head. "it's an hour drive to the city, ma'am. and another hour to get back here. that's too far. i'll just call someone to pick me up."
"will you be okay?"
"i have doctor friends whom i can talk to about this cast on my shoulder."
krystal's mom nods. "will. you. be. okay?"
amber's mouth is hanging opened when she realises what it meant. she forces a smile.
"i need to. i will be."
---
"so, here are all your things from the island. the camera is here too."
"thanks, suzy."
"so, how are you feeling? does it still hurt?"
"it's just hard to move but i'll be fine. i've experienced worse during sau days."
suzy smiles. "i'm sorry i wasn't around after they brought you to the hospital. my manager called me for an urgent schedule."
amber shrugs, careful not to hurt her injured arm. "don't worry."
"besides, i don't feel needed there because your ex-roommate never left your side." suzy stares at amber. "it makes me think, were you just plain roommates before?"
amber looks down, not planning to answer the question.
"you know what, that's not important." suzy waves a hand, then comes in closer to hold amber's hands. "i... uh... i want to tell you something..."
"mmm?"
"please don't think it's because of you." guilt is clear on suzy's face. "it's just that, after what happened this weekend, seeing you having attacks and stuff... i... i felt scared..."
"scared... like scared of my condition...?"
suzy shakes her head. "no. not that..."
amber says nothing and encourages the other woman to continue.
"i... you know how bad my reputation is with relationships, right?" suzy sighs. "it's because i don't want to commit myself in a serious relationship for now. it's a distraction for me... to my career..." she looks away, tucking a hair behind her ear. "and after what happened this weekend, i realised that what you need is someone who will be committed to you, to help you and understand you... i am not ready for that with you yet. i can't be that person for you, amber..."
"i'm not asking you to do that," says amber.
"i know, but, let's admit it or not, eventually we need to put a label into this relationship of ours, right? we can't just be buddies for a long time."
that made amber chuckle. "i understand. thank you for being honest with me."
"but i don't want you to feel bad about yourself. it's just me, you know. i'm the one with issues here, not you. i just... i won't be as caring as how your friends--or that krystal--are to you. it's not just who i am, amber. i'm sorry, but i don't think i can still do this with you."
there was a slight pinch in her chest which amber covers with a warm smile.
"it's fine. as i've said, i understand. thank you for trying."
"thank you for understanding." suzy smiles back. "would you still want me to be the face of your hotel even after i chickened out on you?"
"if it still pleases you to do that, i don't see any problems."
"just call me whenever." suzy steps back and heads to the door. she looks around the room first, as if trying to memorise how the place looks. then she smiles. "take care, amber."
amber nods. "take care."
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