12.
UNCHANGEABLE (KRYBER)as time goes by, amber's days were filled with visits from krystal, jiwon, katrien, and occasional talks with hyuna whenever they see each other in the hallway.
it still amazes amber that this is happening to her now. after her painful talk with krystal two years ago, it never occurred to her she'll get the chance to see the woman again, especially not regularly.
and it's not just simply seeing each other. krystal is actually making an effort to visit, bring food, and help amber clean up and change. and whenever krystal's shift is in the morning, her afternoon visits will always include the ever bubbly katrien. they would usually end the day with the three of them sharing dinner together before the mother-and-child goes home.
amber's not sure if jihoon's absence during these times is good or not. because the longer this is happening, the closer katrien gets to her. and krystal, well, she is slowly letting her guard down.
it started during their first movie together one friday evening. since there are no classes on weekends, and jihoon was called for a surgical procedure in another town, krystal and katrien stays for the night for some movies--as requested by the latter.
of course, katrien sits in between the adults. although no rule was established between them, amber feels this is the safest position for the three of them. and she thinks krystal feels the same as the latter always calls katrien to sit back in the middle whenever the kid stands up or gets off the couch.
the movie's already halfway done when katrien's arm, who's lying on amber's lap while watching, slides down. that's when she and krystal realise the kid has fallen asleep and is already drooling on amber's pyjamas.
not wanting to wake up the sleeping kid, krystal places a pillow in between katrien's head and amber's leg. krystal scoots closer so katrien's legs were on her lap.
it was awkward at first, but as soon as the tension settles down--with the help of the comedy movie--amber feels comfortable, contented, and satisfied.
amber katrien's side and she's loving the feeling this simple setting brings her.
having krystal and katrien in this way makes her feel like she's having her own family. and to be honest, if she has the power to choose, if she has the power to control the situation and circumstances, she'd love for it to be them.
but they don't belong to her. at the end of the day, they are still jihoon's family and not hers.
and now she can't stop the what ifs from conquering her mind again.
this could have been her family if she just hadn't given up before, if she hadn't chosen sau over krystal.
this would have been hers if she just fought a little for krystal, if she had just stayed that night in that hotel room.
it took her time to admit it to herself, but the reality is, as much as she loves krystal, her burning desire to be part of sau was much greater. and finding out that krystal is enjoying the company of another person is an opportunity amber took to choose the path she'd always planned to take.
that decision led her broken until now.
"you're having that faraway look again. you're thinking of something, aren't you?" krystal places a hand over amber's. "if it's in any way related to the past, or your regrets, please drop it now. it won't help. it may cause you another attack."
amber's eyes stays on the sleeping kid.
"focus on the present, amber. live in the moment. that's the only way for you to have a better future."
amber looks ahead without saying a word. she wonders what the universe has in store for her future because the only thing she wants is the woman beside her and the kid on her lap.
live in the moment. that's what krystal said.
live in the moment.
she hopes this moment won't end.
the movie continues to play, and krystal's hand stays on top of hers.
---
the strong wind blows and amber jerks when she hears her front door latch shut.
she groans.
it was one of those afternoons when amber's out alone in the hallway, looking down and staring at the parking lot.
she feels the need to step out of her room from time to time, just to see other people aside from krystal's family, jiwon, doctor gyuri, and her occasional hallway chats with hyuna. this has been her daily hobby before she goes back inside the apartment to do other stuff like drawing, listening to audiobooks, or just watching television.
problem is she can't go back inside now.
krystal's constant reminder of making sure her front door is always locked seemed to have made its way into amber's subconscious mind. without thinking about it, she locked the door before stepping out.
and now, she's locked out and doesn't have a key with her. she's expecting krystal to arrive in about two hours. what is she supposed to do in the hallway for two hours?
she groans again until her eyes lands on hyuna's door. she's recalls hyuna's invitation of knocking if she needs help with something. and since it's been days now since she'd last seen the woman, amber thinks it may be a good idea for a visit.
amber stands in front of the door and knocks.
she hears movements inside the room. it was followed by a presence of someone behind the door pressing an eye against the peephole. a few seconds later, she hears the sound of a chain being removed, deadbolt lock getting unlocked, and finally the door opens, revealing a sleepy-looking hyuna who's in her red nightdress.
and she freaking looks hot in that red night dress.
"amber." the woman smiles weakly.
"hey..." amber tries her best not to gawk and stare. "is this a bad time?"
"no. no." hyuna shakes her head and rubs her eyes. "everything okay with you?"
"well, i've got a bit of a situation here." she hesitates, but hyuna gives her an encouraging look. "i kind of locked myself out. krystal has a spare key but she won't be arriving soon."
hyuna laughs. "tough luck, huh?"
"yeah. i was wondering if you want some company?"
hyuna bends her head to the side and smiles sweetly at amber. "i think i need a company just about now." she opens the door and invites amber in. "pardon the mess here. i was indoor the whole day. as you can see, i'm still in my sleepwear."
amber doesn't mind the mess--it's not even messy. especially, she doesn't mind the sleepwear.
hyuna's apartment looked exactly like amber's except for the red-coloured couch and the floral curtains on the windows.
"can i get you something? water? juice?" hyuna stops, thinking. "hold that thought. i think i only have water and beer available here."
amber smiles. "i'm fine with water for now."
"you don't drink?"
"occasionally. i take beer if i'm in for long talks," says amber. "i need to take meds once krystal arrives."
hyuna smiles and opens the fridge. "okay. let's do the beer talk some other time."
"meow!"
"whoa!" amber jumps at the sound and shifts into a defence position (with the best that she can despite her condition). relief washes over when she sees the little four-legged creature at her feet. "geez. i didn't know you have a kitten here."
hyuna laughs as she closes her fridge. "i'm sorry. did my mango startle you?"
"your p-? mango?"
"that's her name." hyuna walks over to the couch and puts down a glass of cold water and a can of beer on the table. "i found the last week on the street on my way back here. she seemed lost and hungry so i took her in."
amber stares at the cat, getting awkward at how hyuna addresses. "wow. she's lucky you found her."
"i'm lucky to find her too." hyuna picks up the cat and gestures for them to sit on the couch. "i'm all alone here and mango's a great company of mine since then."
amber sits down. "can i hold her?"
"sure." hyuna hands over the kitten and places it on amber's lap.
"she's so small and so cute," says amber, thinking of katrien would love to have cats too.
"never had a pet before?"
amber shrugs. "my dad didn't allow me to have one when he was still alive because we travel a lot. never got the chance to get one too when i was in aef."
"pets can sometimes help in therapy," says hyuna, opening the can of beer for herself. "there are lots of abandoned animals on the street. most of them are just out there left to die. but since evens are instinct now, i hope the government would do something about them, like create a foundation of some sort and have them adopted."
that idea sinks into amber's head. "create a foundation?"
"yeah. i can't take seeing these animals on the street anymore, barely living and scavenging for food and water."
amber's face totally lights up. "you know what, that's actually a great idea--ow!"
too engrossed with what she came up with, amber didn't notice the kitten already climbed up on her chest to nuzzle on her neck, leaving a scratch on her collar area.
"ooh! i'm sorry!" hyuna puts the beer down and pulls the kitten away. "mango loves nuzzling. i think she already likes you." she stands up. "let me just put her back to her bed, okay?"
"sure." there's a stinging pain on amber's chest just below her collarbones and she's touching it to see if there's blood.
"does it hurt?" hyuna comes back. "i'm really sorry. let me clean that up for you." she disappears again and comes back with a first-aid kit.
"hey. i'm fine." amber feels shy while hyuna cleans up her chest, because hyuna's too y in that view.
"no. let me clean that up for you. your friend nurse will be mad at me if we leave this unsanitised."
amber chuckles, remembering how krystal scolds her before whenever she has wounds and she's to careless to clean it up.
"there you go. all good now." hyuna pulls back. "don't worry, mango's got her complete shots a few days ago. the 's safe. you're totally fine. it will sting for a little while tho."
"i can handle the sting. i've experienced worse." amber gestures to her casted shoulder.
"yeah. i can see that." hyuna chuckles. "if i may ask, what exactly happened to you?"
"accident." amber drinks from the glass of water. "katrien, krystal's daughter, and i were getting chased by an adult baboon. we fell and rolled down the steep and rammed into a tree."
"wow." hyuna's eyes widen. she puts a hand on her chest. "i hope the kid didn't get any injury."
amber shakes her head. "i was protecting her in my arms."
"that's a relief. but why is a baboon chasing you?"
amber chuckles at how that sounds absurd.
"well, long story short, we attended a friend's wedding in handong island. we stayed for another night after the ceremony to try some activities the island offers. then there was this jungle adventure. katrien ran ahead of her parents. she lost her way. i found her and we got chased."
hyuna slants back on the couch. "wow. you seem to be very close with their family. are you relatives?"
"no. krystal and i knew each other back way back college. we're roommates."
"really? you must be best friends, huh?"
amber chuckles, thinks for a moment and decides it won't hurt to tell the truth. having a friend not related to krystal would be an excellent idea.
"you know what, krystal's actually my ex."
"your what!" hyuna's eyes almost popped out. she shifts on the couch to fully face amber. "how--when--t-tell me about it!"
amber laughs. "it's a long story."
"would love to hear it!"
"fine." amber gestures to the can or beer. "can i please have one of that?"
---
"i ran away because my stepdad sees me as a tool for his business," explains hyuna, chuckling. "imagine, he wants me to marry off to the son of one of his business partners to strengthen their relationship. bull!"
"and you said no?" amber asks.
"of course! it's my life, and he's got nothing to do with it!" hyuna flails her arms in the air. "then he shouts, telling how ungrateful i am for going against him even after he took me in, fed me, and paid for my school." she scoffs. "yes, i owe him those and i'm thankful for those. but despite that, he was never a father to me. he always favoured my two younger brothers who are his biological children. i always need to be at my best for him to even notice me. if he doesn't have plans of accepting me in the family, then he shouldn't have married my mother in the first place!"
amber laughs harder and picks her beer, realising it's now empty. she puts it back down.
"so, that was the reason you ran away and told him you'll pay for everything he spent on you?" amber asks and hyuna gives her an exaggerated nod. "is that the reason you're taking private massage sessions on top of your current work as a physical therapist?"
"yup!"
"what about your mom and brothers?"
"we still talk. i love my brothers." hyuna sips from her newly opened can. "i am still in contact with them regularly but i make sure not to see that douchebag's face."
amber was about to speak but there was a hurried knock on the door.
"i'll get that." hyuna stands up and opens the door.
"hi!" amber immediately recognises it as krystal's voice. "umm. i just... i'm just wondering if you've seen amber?"
"she's here," hyuna says, turning to look.
amber stands up from the couch and skips to the door. "hey. i got locked out so i went here."
krystal darts her eyes from hyuna who's still wearing a red nightdress to amber who's got a red scratch on her collarbone.
"sorry about that," says hyuna, noticing where krystal is looking at. "amber held my , and she got a scratch."
"i--what!" amber glances at krystal whose eyes widens in horror. "no! it's a pussycat! a kitten!"
"yeah. a kitten!" hyuna laughs, massaging her head. "i'm sorry. i'm a bit drunk now. but don't worry. my 's... i meant, my kitten's safe and has complete shots. we also cleaned up the wound earlier."
krystal's eyes returned to normal but her face is still rigid.
amber takes it as a sign to leave. she turns to hyuna and bows. "thank you for letting me into your apartment."
"anytime." hyuna smiles. "let's talk some other time, okay?"
"i look forward to it."
krystal mumbles a low "thanks" to hyuna before she leaves without waiting for amber.
hyuna raises an eyebrow. "was that jealousy i just saw?"
amber chuckles and shakes her head. "doesn't matter. she's married." she steps out. "thank you. i'll see you soon."
---
"doctor park, amber's here now."
amber enters the apartment and finds the pretty doctor already sitting on the couch.
"oh. hey, doc. have you been waiting long? i'm sorry. i got locked out earlier and stayed in my neighbour's place instead while waiting." amber sits on the couch across krystal. "i, uh. is it my check up schedule again?"
the doctor shakes her head. "please just call me gyuri. and i happen to be nearby so i decided to visit my favourite patient."
amber chuckles.
"is she allowed to drink beer, doc, while recovering?" krystal asks.
amber shots krystal a surprised look. she tilts her head aside to smell herself.
yeah. she smells like beer.
"no. beer or any alcohol intake can impair the healing process," says gyuri.
"i'm sorry, doc--gyuri." amber clears . "i had a few cans over the neighbour earlier. i didn't know."
"how many cans?"
amber hesitates. "three."
she sees krystal shaking her head from her peripheral view.
gyuri bends forward closer to amber. "it won't harm if it's just once. but please don't do it again, okay? it'll take you about three to four weeks to recover. we wouldn't want that to happen, do we? unless you want me to keep visiting you?"
amber lets out an awkward chuckle, and krystal releases a small noise of dissent through her nose.
"i promise i won't drink for now," says amber, glancing at krystal whose head is turned away from the doctor.
"good." gyuri reaches out to squeeze amber's arm. "don't worry, once you recover, you can drink again. we can even go out together for a drink."
amber smiles. "would love that."
krystal releases a loud exhale before she stands and excuses herself to leave gyuri and amber talk.
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