13.
UNCHANGEABLE (KRYBER)amber opens her eyes at the sound of her apartment door getting unlocked.
the light footsteps that follow after the door shut tell her it's krystal who came in, and she's alone.
it's probably around six in the morning, amber thinks, as krystal always comes in around this time whenever she comes from working night shift in the hospital.
not wanting to get up yet, amber shifts her eyes to the window, seeing pure greyness outside.
it is raining.
she inhales, getting calmer by the second. krystal would go to her anytime now to wake her up and to help her clean up and change.
she decides to continue her sleep while waiting for that.
---
the rain is still pouring outside the second time she opens her eyes. the time stamp on her phone says it's past ten in the morning.
there was no movement in the apartment.
did krystal leave without waking her up?
amber gets up and went out of her room to check. there's food on the table but krystal's not around. she ventures more around the apartment and smiles when she finally finds krystal sprawled on the couch, asleep, still in her baby pink scrub suit.
poor krystal. she must be tired from work.
the sleeping nurse moves, turning to the side, and curling up into a fetal position.
amber melts at the sight, wondering how this woman can still give her these funny unexplainable feelings up until now.
sighing at how whipped she still is, amber grabs a blanket from her room and covers krystal with it. she plops down on the couch under krystal's feet and stares at the other woman in silence.
amber doesn't want to wake her up yet, knowing krystal would leave by then. it always breaks amber to see the woman leave. yes, she understands now how krystal felt before.
instead, she fixes the blanket to make sure krystal's properly covered. once done, she leans back on the couch and looks up at the ceiling.
she closes her eyes and listens to the rain.
---
she wakes up for the third time that day.
how long has it been? an hour? two? three?
she can still hear the rain outside.
a movement on the couch made amber look, and she's greeted by the sight of krystal who's wide awake now, staring at her with that adorable face of hers.
"morning," says krystal, blinking her sleepiness away and covering her yawn with a hand.
still disoriented, amber tilts her head up and rubs her eyes. "what time is it?"
"it's past noon."
amber internally groans, thinking how she wasted her time sleeping instead of just staring and appreciating krystal in silence.
"what time is your work later?" she asks krystal.
"it's my off today."
"oh."
"why do you ask?"
"nothing. just curious."
krystal examines the blanket over her. "sorry. i didn't notice i dosed off here. a lot happened in the hospital last night. i was running from ward to ward the entire shift."
"you can still sleep," amber suggests. "i won't be noisy."
krystal's body relaxes. she stretches her legs out until they are fully resting on amber's lap. she pulls the blanket over her body. "thank you."
"for?"
"this."
amber says nothing but fixes the blanket so it would cover krystal's entire frame up to her feet. she's happy knowing she can spend more alone time with krystal.
"i'm flattered. amber liu is taking care of me." there's a hint of smile in krystal's voice.
"isn't that the proper thing to do because you're also taking care of me?"
"you mean you would do this to anyone who takes care of you?"
"what do you mean?"
"say for example..." krystal looks up, thinking. "hyuna. would you do the same thing to her? or doctor gyuri?"
amber narrows her eyes at krystal.
"what?" krystal asks.
"you're probably stressed. you're thinking too much." she puts her uncasted hand around krystal's calf. "just lie down there and relax, okay?"
krystal couldn't argue anymore when amber rubs her calf gently, gradually moving her hand up to her knee.
"does that feel better?" amber asks, concerned. "you said you were running the entire shift."
krystal chuckles. "yeah. thank you." she raises her leg a bit for amber's easier access.
"good."
krystal stays silent for a few more moments before she speaks up, "we used to do this before, remember? whenever you spend your vacation at my place and i come home to you tired from work."
amber hums. she wants to ask if jihoon is doing the same thing to relieve krystal's stress but she keeps that at the back of .
"seven years... what happened to us, amber?"
her hand stops. amber raises her head to look at the other woman. "i don't know. life, maybe?"
"maybe my mom?"
"hey. don't say that." amber smiles. "a lot of things happened. we were young. we made decisions--i made a decision. you were right, i was the one who gave up on us."
"i never blamed it on you. i know i mentioned before how i wish you were stronger. but i never blamed it on you. it was my fault."
"look. there's no point trying to figure out who's to blame. it's long over now."
there's a tinge of disappointment in krystal's face. "you're right. it's long over now."
amber silently resumes massaging krystal's other calf.
"i've been thinking..." krystal starts. "that day you saved katrien two years ago, i was in the control room the entire operation while you and yuri tell others about our past."
"hmm. what about it?"
"i'm curious. after your training in brazil, did you have any intentions of coming back here for me before you found out i was already married?"
amber doesn't need to lie about it. "i did."
"oh."
"i was assigned in the northern lands after the training in brazil. yuri was assigned back here," amber continues. "there was a special force they were building which i heard will get deployed here in your town. i thought of volunteering for that post so i could come to you and talk to you, or kneel and beg in front of you." she chuckles. "but two days after yuri got back here, she called me and said you are already married."
"i see. did you still join the special force after that?"
amber shakes her head. "i don't see the reason anymore. then i thought, yeah, you getting married can be a good thing. it leaves me no choice but to stay away from you instead of asking you to take me back into your life and then disappear for a few months again. it will be so unfair for you. you'll just regret dating an aef personnel again."
"again? i never regret being with you, amber. ever. please remember that."
amber looks at krystal and lets out a slight smile. "thank you."
"how about you, did you ever regret dating me?"
"well, honestly i did at first, but that was during the first few weeks after our breakup," amber admits. "but i still couldn't hate you, you know. after everything settles down, and after hearing your side from our last talk two years ago, it made more sense why those things happened." she pauses, eyes looking around. "i never regret anything i've done with you. those were the happiest days of my life."
krystal smiles warmly. "thank you."
the two settles in silence as they both listen to the pitter-patter of the rain outside.
melancholy rushes into amber, how she and krystal usually spend rainy days before whenever they are together.
well, it's a bit blur now, to be honest. but amber's sure there's a lot of love-making before.
and she's sure, if it weren't for her injury, given how close and comfy they are now, she might have already done something to the other woman.
now she's asking if krystal could be thinking of the same thing.
"what do you think would happen to us after this?" krystal asks, snapping amber out of her thoughts. "once you go back to your usual life, do you think we'll still see each other? i mean, katie would surely look for you."
"i don't know." amber purses her lips. "i would love to spend time with katie but i don't think it's safe for us to keep seeing each other."
"why?"
"you know why. you know the exact reason why. honestly, i don't know how you do it, staying civil around me," amber adds, glancing at krystal. "it's admirable, really. but i'm not like you, krystal. i don't trust myself around you. the only reason i still haven't done anything to you, given our current situation, is this." she lifts her casted arm. "i can't move that much."
krystal smirks. "and what exactly you would do to me?"
"something we shouldn't be talking about." amber smirks back.
krystal covers her laugh with a hand. "i know you better. you wouldn't do anything like that."
amber slouches on the couch. yeah, maybe krystal knows her better.
"isn't it funny how we can be still like this around each other even after everything?" krystal asks. "i thought you don't care about me anymore."
"what makes you think so?"
"i don't know. you just seem mad at me for forcing you to go here. i mean, you haven't been talking to me in case you didn't notice."
"i'm sorry. there's a lot to take in when i had my last episode. but thank you for sticking with me. thank you for your patience."
"what i've done is nothing to what you've done for me and my family. you saved us a couple of times now."
"no, krystal. you're wrong." amber turns to krystal. "it may not seem like it, but you're the one who saved me this time. if you weren't persistent that night you went to my apartment, i don't know what could have happened to me. and whenever i look back at my life before, when we were together, you saved me even before i saved you. you gave me friendship. you gave me life. you gave me home. you gave me love. and i think that's the reason i still can't get over that past."
krystal pulls her legs out and sits up on the couch. "amber, please remember, even that happened to us, you're not alone. i'm here for you. yuri, jessica, and seungwan too. and even katie. we're all here for you."
amber nods. "thank you."
krystal smiles and taps amber's arm. "join me for lunch?"
amber smiles back. "sure."
---
"mommy!"
amber smiles as she watches from inside the car how the seven-year-old ran towards her mother, hugging the older woman like they haven't seen each other in decades.
she and krystal drove to katrien's school that afternoon to pick the kid. according to krystal, amber needs to go out of her apartment from time to time to see other people and get exposed to other places aside from the walls of her apartment. this leads krystal in deciding to take amber out for a drive whenever she's on her day off.
krystal bends down and whispers something in katrien's ear. the kid's face brightens, her eyes landing on her mom's car where amber is waiting in the shotgun seat.
amber waves, not sure if the kid can make out her movement from the tinted window.
katrien then runs, her purple backpack bouncing as she drags her mom along with her.
knowing where katrien is aiming, amber opens the door on her side to greet the kid.
"amber!" katrien leans over for a hug. "you're here!"
"yup. i'm here to pick up the little princess." amber rubs katrien's back.
"careful, sweetie," krystal reminds. "not too tight. amber's still recovering."
katrien pulls back and turns to krystal. "mommy, can we treat amber to ice cream?"
krystal glances at her wristwatch. "it's getting late, baby. we still have to cook dinner and eat with her before we go home."
"then why don't we eat dinner outside instead?" katrien asks, and her mom just looks at amber, asking for approval. "please, please, please, mommy. let's take amber to dinner..."
krystal raises her brows, asking amber if it's okay.
"i'm okay with that," says amber. "as long as it's okay with you."
"i don't mind. i'm just worried you're not in the mood to go out."
"i'm always in the mood for this kid." amber lightly pinches katrien's cheek. "where do you want to eat, little princess?"
"mall!" katrien jumps. "in chicken mania!"
amber and krystal laughs. chicken mania is one brand amber is endorsing.
"you just want to brag to people you're with amber," krystal tells her daughter. "and we just ate there last week, sweetie. plus, amber being there would surely attract attention. do you want people to keep disturbing us to ask for a picture or an autograph while we eat?"
amber chuckles. "i'm not that famous."
"you are that famous. you just don't acknowledge it yet." krystal looks back at her daughter. "what do you think, baby?"
"umm..." katrien glances at amber, cutely placing a finger in between her teeth. "how about fran's burger diner?"
"hmm. good choice. not in a mall. serves nice burgers. they also have ice cream and chicken there. i agree." krystal looks at amber. "sounds good to you?"
"yeah. sure."
"all right. it's fran's burger diner then."
---
although amber's in her camouflage outfit (oversized hoodie and a cap), krystal still wants to make sure they can eat in peace so she picks the table in the corner where they can enjoy food alone.
and so, the three of them eat and talk until krystal decides it's time for them to go home as it's close to katrien's bedtime.
"oh my gosh! krystal? amber?" as they were about to approach krystal's car in the open parking lot, a female voice calls them.
the trio turns and sees a tall woman approaching them.
"hey, seohyun! it's been a long time!" krystal exclaims in excitement, reaching out to hug the taller woman. "wow! how have you been? i didn't know you're back here."
seohyun pulls away from the hug. "doing great! you're looking prettier, huh? i came back here just last week for vacation. i'm flying off next week."
krystal turns to amber. "you remember seohyun, right?"
"of course. she's yuri's former roommate." amber offers her hand for a shake. "i heard you transferred to canada right after we graduated."
"i did. and i've been living there since then." seohyun shakes amber's hand back. "this is the first time i came back to the country after i left. how's yuri?"
"she's doing well. she got married a month ago."
"really? wow. that's nice." seohyun points at amber and krystal. "and you two are still together? are you guys married now?"
both krystal and amber couldn't answer.
seohyun's eyes dart towards the little person who's hiding behind amber's back. "oh my gosh! is this princess your daughter? she looks just like krystal!"
krystal smiles and calls her daughter. "come here, baby. i'll introduce you to my friend."
katrien steps hesitantly and looks up at the tall woman. "hello."
"hi," says seohyun, waving a little.
"katrien, this is seohyun, my classmate when i was still in college. she's a nurse too, but she works abroad," says krystal.
"it's nice to meet you," says katrien, waving back.
"she's so cute!" seohyun giggles.
out of nowhere, the rain pours over their heads, leaving them with no choice but to cut their conversation.
"guess we'd have to go now." seohyun chuckles as she covers her head with a hand. "it's nice to see you both! take care!"
"likewise! take care!" says krystal who went back to her car and unlocks it.
amber assisted katrien at the back first before settling in the shotgun seat where krystal helped her with her seatbelt.
"baby, are you okay?" krystal asks, turning to her daughter at the back.
katrien shakes her head. "i'm okay, mommy."
krystal nods and turns to amber. "you?"
"good. it's just rain," says amber.
they let the suv beside--seohyun's car--back away first. she honks at them before leaving.
"okay. good. let's go home now." krystal starts the engine and slowly backs out of the parking lot.
"mommy, can i ask you something?"
"anything, baby." krystal's upper body twisted around, her arm resting on top of amber's seat.
"did you want to marry amber before?"
krystal steps on the brake hard that their bodies jerk. out of instinct, her arm stretches out to shield katrien from falling off the seat.
"oh my gosh! i'm sorry! are you all right, baby?" krystal leans forward to check her kid.
"yes, mommy."
"are you okay?" amber asks krystal.
"yeah. yeah." krystal nods and continues driving away from the diner. she clears . "why do you ask, baby?"
"it's because your friend seohyun asked if you two are married. doesn't she know you're married to daddy?"
amber looks over her shoulder, trying her best to have a glance of katrien even in her current state. "seohyun hasn't met your daddy yet, sweetie, that's why she's asking."
"ahh. she should meet daddy then."
"yup. she definitely should."
katrien hums and thinks. "maybe amber should get married too so other people won't think you're married to mommy."
amber chuckles. "well. umm. maybe i really should." she glances at krystal who's driving seriously. "but i haven't found the right person for that yet..."
"right person?"
"yeah. someone you'd want to be married to and live with someday."
"like mommy to daddy?"
"y-yeah. you could say that," says amber. "you'd find one soon when you grow older, sweetie."
"what if..." katrien thinks before leaning over to her mom. "mommy, would you allow me to marry amber someday?"
amber burst laughing while krystal had a horrified look on her face.
"katrien, what are you saying?" krystal asks. "amber is older than you."
"but i want her to live with us," the kid says, pouting. "if she marries another person then i won't be able to see her again, right, because they will live together in their own house?"
"i will still visit you, princess." amber ruffles the kid's hair. "besides, you don't need to worry about me getting married. i don't think it'll happen anytime soon."
krystal glances at her and amber pretends she didn't notice it.
"you can marry granny too," suggests katrien. "maybe you can help lessen her grumpiness."
amber laughs again, louder this time, to the point her injury is hurting a bit.
krystal couldn't be more horrified. "katrien, where are you getting those ideas?"
"let her be. she's just a kid," says amber. "sure, kiddo. maybe once i'm okay i'll try asking your grandma to marry me."
"yey! i'll tell her later to say yes to you!"
"i can't wait to hear what her reaction will be."
krystal chuckles. "enough of trying to get amber to marry someone. go back to your seat, baby."
katrien obeys and sits back on her seat. "i always pray for all us to live together as a happy family: with daddy, mommy, granny, me, and amber."
amber turns to the window and stays silent. she knows that set up will involve a lot of complication and will never happen.
"just keep praying, baby," says krystal softly. "who knows, maybe it'll happen someday."
amber look at krystal whose eyes stay glued to the road ahead.
maybe it'll happen someday? what does she mean by that?
"do you want that to happen too, mommy?" katrien asks.
a small smile grazes krystal's lips as she taps her fingers lightly on the steering wheel.
and amber feels light-headed the moment those beautiful words leaves krystal's mouth.
"i do, baby. i do."
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