16.
UNCHANGEABLE (KRYBER)the sound of lips meeting and heavy breathing fills the room.
amber and krystal were exchanging kisses, their lips playing an old symphony only the two of them knew. they were kissing like nothing has changed between them, kissing like they never broke up.
amber thinks she should pull back, or that krystal should pull back, but the latter is kissing her over and over, ravishing and her lips like those are the only thing she wanted all this time.
and amber loves the feeling of krystal's lips against hers. she knows this isn't right but she can't stop herself from kissing the other woman back.
rationality is long gone by the time krystal moves above to straddle amber. they kissed and kissed more as amber wraps an arm around krystal's waist, hugging the woman closer.
this prompts krystal to place her arms around amber's shoulder, pushing the latter to lean further against the couch.
that's when amber groans due to her injury.
"gosh. i'm sorry!" krystal pulls back quickly in shock. "i'm sorry. i forgot!"
"i'm fine," says amber, wincing, massaging her shoulder. "don't worry. it doesn't hurt that much now like before."
"i'm sorry. i got carried awa--"
"one more sorry and i'll kiss you again."
krystal stops and blushes. she presses her lips together and opts for tenderly amber's shoulder with her hand instead.
amber silently takes in their position: how krystal is still sitting on her lap, legs folded on either side of her legs. she touches krystal's waist, making the latter look at her.
"do you have to go home tonight?"
krystal's hand on amber's shoulder stops. she looks at amber and shakes her head.
"i'm supposed to be at work now."
"oh..." amber nods. "then, will you sleep with me tonight?"
krystal blinks twice, her expression softening. she smiles and nods.
---
there are a lot of questions sitting at the back of her head now, waiting to be voiced out.
'what happened to you and jihoon last night? did you had ? or were you not in the mood cos you're worrying about me?'
'does your husband know you didn't go to work tonight? will you tell him what happened to us?'
'what will happen to us after this? did we just cheat on him? are we back together now?'
but amber knows asking those questions would either make or break them. she's not ready for any of it yet, not sure of what to do about it yet. whichever path they take someone will surely get hurt--and amber knows she'll always be on the losing side.
so, she kept shut all throughout the night. krystal's silence tells her the other woman is thinking of the same thing--trying to avoid the elephant in the room.
they hugged each other that night, basking into each other's warmth. there were no kisses, no sensual touches, not even flirty talks. they were just simply hugging each other--their mouths kept shut.
the night went deep and krystal eventually fell asleep. amber is krystal's hair, listening to her breathing. she noticed the black eye bags under the other woman's eyes. krystal must be tired.
amber protectively holds krystal in her arms. the absence of the voices in her head puts her to sleep in minutes.
tomorrow it'll be different. tomorrow they will go back to their normal lives--they will go back to how they treat each other.
whatever happened tonight is just a slip in the crack, a crack the two of them should never fall into again.
---
panic seethe through her veins when amber wakes up alone on the bed. she gets up in a hurry, almost running out of the room, only to find krystal outside, setting the table for them.
"morning!" krystal greets. but she noticed the worried look on amber's face. "hey. you okay?"
amber finally breathes. "yeah... i... i just didn't see you..." she points at the bedroom.
"oh. well, i woke up early and prepared these." krystal gestures to the food. "were you worried i already left?"
amber feels shy about getting caught. she looks down and pouts, eventually admitting it with a hesitant nod.
krystal smirks. "don't worry. i won't leave without letting you know. besides, i need to clean your wound first. but i'd have to leave after a little while."
"yeah. of course..."
krystal smiles. "c'mon. eat with me."
amber nods again.
---
"it was around seven in the morning when she came knocking on my door," says hyuna, eyes focused on the road as she drives herself and amber to the shelter. "i was ready to cover up for you until i found out you left without telling me. she asked me a lot of things, even showed me the broken glass she found in your trash bin. she was worried as and i felt sorry for her so i ended up blurting out what happened the night before."
amber grimaces as she looks out the car window. krystal must have really panicked yesterday.
"i felt pity for her, you know. how can you stomach making her worry like that?" hyuna asks. "she's trying her best to hold her tears in front of me. i wanted to help her but i don't have any clue of your whereabouts. we couldn't reach you either. i think she waited in your apartment until around lunchtime? she left and went back after dinner. doesn't she have work to attend to?"
"she's on night shift schedule yesterday," says amber, sighing. "she probably went home to pick katrien from school and prepared for work before going back to the apartment to check."
"wow. you know her schedule, huh?" hyuna playfully glances at amber. "and all of those efforts, just for amber liu? tsk. tsk. tsk." she shakes her head. "you know, if you weren't injured, i've already beaten you up for hurting her like that."
amber smiles a little. "yeah. jiwon and yuri scolded me for the same thing this morning. i accepted everything. no protests. i know it's my fault."
hyuna hums. "so, how's you and krystal? have you two talked about it? she went to you after her work, right? i saw her leave your apartment this morning."
hyuna doesn't have any idea about what happened last night, and amber wants to keep it at that.
"yeah. we talked and said our sorry's." amber turns to the side, propping an elbow on the window and touching her lips. "we're okay now."
---
days went by. amber and krystal never talked about what happened between them. it never happened again, either--or anything close to that.
they stayed as 'friends' and would talk and share ideas like normal friends do. weekly day outs with katrien is a thing now whenever krystal's on her day off.
amber's mornings got busier as they finally found the perfect lot for their shelter. as expected, hyuna has been a great help. they began the construction and amber feels more fulfilled this time around.
---
"mommy, were you daddy's first love?"
amber lifts her head from her sketchpad to look at the little girl sitting across her on the table.
"hmm? what was that, baby?" krystal asks from the kitchen.
"first love," katrien reiterates. "like his first girlfriend?"
amber then turns to the kitchen, looking at krystal who's busy transferring the food in a bowl.
"ah. no. your daddy had a lot of relationships before me. he said he used to be a player when he was younger."
"a lot?" katrien frowns. "like how many?"
"i don't know. never thought of asking him the details."
katrien folds her arms over her chest. "hmp! i don't like that daddy had other girlfriends aside from you!"
krystal chuckles, removing her apron. she joins them and puts the food on the table. "why?"
"i just don't like it! it should be you, mommy!"
amber is secretly chuckling as well by now.
"hey. what's important is i'm the one he married, right?" says krystal.
"but i still don't like it!"
and amber doesn't like it either. how she wishes jihoon could have married one of his previous girlfriends instead of krystal.
anyway, that's something not in her control so she went back to whatever she's sketching, trying to continue where she left at.
"why are you asking me that, baby? did you learn that from school?" krystal stands beside amber and places a hand on her shoulder.
the small fit of jealousy amber's feeling earlier vanishes when krystal starts lightly massaging her shoulder. it lightens up amber's mood but she pretends she's busy with her sketching.
"it's because a boy from my class says i'm his first love and he wants me to be his girlfriend," says katrien.
"wow. isn't he bold?" krystal sounded shocked. her fingers travels up, amber's nape. "and how can he say he's in love? you guys are too young to be in love."
"i don't know." katrien shrugs. "i just told him i'm too young to date. daddy says i should stay away from boys while i'm studying."
"and your daddy's right. study first, baby."
krystal's fingers now move to amber's ear, lightly pinching her earlobe. amber shudders when her skin felt tickled. she bends her neck to the side to stop krystal from teasing her.
this elicits a small chuckle from the other woman.
"what about you, mommy? is daddy your first love?"
krystal's hand stops. it slides back down to amber's shoulder.
"no. it's not him."
katrien's eyes widen. "how come? did you had many boyfriends too before him?"
"no, baby." krystal sits down on the chair and starts putting food on katrien's plate. "i only had one relationship before your daddy. and it's... with a girl."
amber's eyes moved back and forth the mother and child, observing their reactions.
"a girl? your first love was with a girl?" katrien asks, slightly shocked. but amber can tell she's taking it positively. "does daddy knows about it?"
"yeah. he knows."
"then how old were you when you had your first love?"
"eighteen? nineteen?" she's looking at amber, like asking her, before she turns back to katrien. "somewhere around that. i was in college."
katrien's lips formed 'o'. "i see. will i have my first love too around that age?"
"maybe, or maybe not." krystal puts food on amber's plate this time. "it depends, baby. things like that, we don't have control of when they will happen to us."
"hmm. did you two break up because of daddy?"
krystal and amber look awkwardly at each other. amber clears .
"baby, you're watching too many dramas with your granny." krystal covers her awkwardness with a chuckle.
"also, granny says grandpa wasn't her first love either. does that mean people rarely end up with their first love?"
"well, that happens most of the time..." krystal puts food on her plate now. "but there are still some people who end up marrying their first love."
"why? shouldn't first love be extra special? why are people breaking up?"
"i don't know. maybe a lot of things happened..." krystal glances at amber. "but breaking up doesn't mean they don't love each other anymore. maybe it's the circumstances that didn't allow them to be on the same page like before."
katrien frowns. "that's sad."
"you'll understand more of it once you're more grown-up," says krystal.
"i wish my first love would be magical and that it would be the person i will marry someday."
"i wish the same for you, baby. but for now, focus on your studies, okay?"
"okay!" katrien smiles.
krystal looks at amber, giving her a small smile.
---
"everything's set?"
amber nods as she pulls the door and locks it with her keys. she turns to krystal. "yup."
"can't you wait for katrien to come home from school first? i'm sure she'll be looking for you," krystal asks.
amber glances at her wristwatch. "as much as i want to, i can't. i have a scheduled meeting with my manager later tonight."
krystal looks down, disappointed. "is there any chance you'll visit here again, maybe regularly?"
"yeah. i'm planning to do that." amber pockets the keys and glances at the wooden door, touching it. "i'm keeping this apartment for myself." she looks back at krystal. "but this time i'm paying the rent."
"you're keeping this? for what?"
"so i can have a place to stay whenever i visit the foundation office here."
"but i thought hyuna is the one handling that?"
"i still have to visit the place regularly, to check if everything is going according to the plan," explains amber. "my accountant says this is a cheaper route than staying in hotels whenever i visit here."
krystal's eyebrows rose, her face lightening up.
"i can see katie whenever i visit here," says amber. "i hope that will lessen her grumpiness."
"yeah. for sure she'll be grumpy once she finds out you're back in the city." krystal sighs. "and you promised a lot of things you'll do with her once you're better so you better keep that."
"surely, i would. i don't want my future bride to be mad at me."
"yah!" krystal slaps her playfully. "if you try anything i'll injure you again myself."
amber laughs. "i know... okay?"
the laughter eventually dies down. the ambience turns serious. amber looks at krystal, taking in her appearance and appreciating it. the woman is wearing a simple blouse and jeans combo, yet still looking ethereal in the shadow of the afternoon sky.
"you take care, okay?" she tells krystal.
"shouldn't i be the one telling you that?" krystal jokes. "call me when something happens, okay? i'm just here." she reaches out to touch amber's hand. "we're here for you."
"yes, ma'am. thank you."
krystal looks away, taking in a deep breath. "it's weird. i feel nostalgic. it feels like you're going away again for a new assignment."
"same." amber looks down and smirks. "i guess some things don't really go away, huh?"
"yeah..." krystal turns to her. "some things are just..." she pauses to tap her heart three times, "... untouchable."
amber says nothing but mimics the other woman. they stare at each other, and even if they say nothing, they both know what each other want to say.
amber clears . "shall we?"
krystal drives her to the city that afternoon. amber offered her apartment so krystal can rest for a few hours while amber's in a meeting.
krystal says she can't stay. amber didn't ask why but she knows it's best for the two of them.
they gave each other a light hug before they parted ways that night.
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