21

       “Unnie…” That’s how she usually addresses her – an older sister, viewing her as a respectful senior even back in their university years.

But for the past few weeks, it was rough for , to even her the name – “Kim Chaewon…”

“Chaewon.”

Yujin slowly sat on the grass completely covering the ground, eyes remained still on the gravestone where letters and numbers are written:

In Loving Memory of Kim Chaewon

XXXX – XXXX

Her fingers traced the carvings on the dark, glossy stone and her muscles began to quake as her skin felt the coldness of it, even her lips quivered as she tries to suppress the building guilt and grudge towards self.

This is the first time she saw the older after the night of the incident (sins), and it took her so much time earlier to actually lay her eyes on the grave of the older as she herself, can’t even walk closer, until this moment.

What happened keeps on flashing back, messing up with her mind and firm composure.

She feels guilty all over.

She feels sorry for her, them.

She feels livid for not being able to grip on herself that night.

But she also wants to blame them together, with her own wife, on why do they even have to commit adultery in the first place.

It’s not like she’s oblivious, but the fact that they can no longer bring back the best of their friendship and life is shattering her soul, together with it, is the reality that they can’t look at each other eye to eye anymore.

Yujin, at least, at the very least… wants for Chaewon to live a life, even if it comes with guilt from what she and Minjoo did, and loneliness from breaking Hitomi’s heart, because it would at least take away the part where she was killed, the part where one of them had the thought of taking her life and the chances of her being a better woman.

And in spite of no words can make things possible for them now, Yujin still mumbles, “Unnie…”

“I’m sorry.”

Putting down her pride, stained honor, anger and hatred – letting her humbleness swallow her, she apologized – full of veracity, poured along with the tears falling on the grassed soil and cold stone. There was no response, of course, and as Yujin hears only the whisper of the cold wind, sobs from her lungs came even harder.

Her fists clenched above the stone, her head bowed down, her teeth gritted, her eyes squeezed shut yet tears just streamed effortlessly. Her painful whimpers which were always followed by hiccups can be heard. If Chaewon is to see this, she’ll probably scold the younger for showing such weakness in front of her enemy.

One thing Yujin can vividly remember, that one time she asked Chaewon to help her for her first practical examination, the older taught her a very important lesson.

“You’re shaking, really?” Chaewon scoffed, doing her best to scare the freshman and their friends could only watch what’s happening, just as intimidated as Yujin.

“A lawyer is shaking?” Chaewon more, even giving her insulting looks.

They were practicing Yujin, her logicality and rationality while trying to defend a defendant, may be it the criminal or not. It was Chaewon who volunteered to help her, while Sakura and Eunbi monitors them, giving out some important details along the way.

But, given that it’s Yujin’s practical exam, she doesn’t know what to do and what not to, what to show and what to hide.

“That’s enough, Yujin really can’t answer.” Eunbi softly said, flipping back the papers of criteria on how to grade a law student and all of them sighed from the quickly subsiding tension.

“That was intense.” Chaeyeon commented, “I thought Chaewon was actually mad.” Followed by Yena, while the mentioned woman chuckled before looking at the one who still looks terrified.

“Hey.” Now, the senior approached the junior, patting the taller on her arm.

“It’s okay, we still have more time to practice, don’t worry.” Comforting and encouraging her, just like how a real senior or a friend should.

“I’m sorry.” Yujin mumbled, pouting in embarrassment and disappointment while plopping her body on the couch of their dormitory lounge.

Chaewon once again, gave out small laughs, “There’s nothing to be sorry about, it’s fine, this is your first time so it’s expected, but there’s one thing you should know and apply…”

Here it goes, a few of the most important things they should acquire as professionals, “Confidence and pride.”

“I know you’re already confident, but when it gets a little scary in the battle, don’t let your fright show. Hold your pride up and continue arguing your point as if your life depends on it. After all, you shouLdn’t really show to your opponent that you’re scared, that’ll humiliate you if you did so.”

“So, just take a deep breath, chin up and stand with resilience.”

Yujin lifted her gaze up, looked at the name written on the stone and nodded. Breathing in an amount of air, she straightened her back, still sitting yet now, with certainty…

“You should be able to fight, especially if you’re on the right side.”

“I should at least take what you’ve given to me, the lessons, and apply it, right?” Not only from what they’ve practiced when they were still students, but including the lessons from what happened now, “I can no longer repay you with anything, all I can serve you is my apology, justice for your death and forgiveness. To accompany my will to fight confidently, especially that I’m on the right side.”

She stood up, and one last glance at the name of the senior, imagining it as the older’s eyes, she mumbled, “Thank you, sorry and lastly…”

“I forgive you. Please, rest in peace.”

It’s acceptance, as always. The key to move on, the first step to happiness is to accept whatever it is that has been the reason for your grudge to swallow you. Yes, it is sometimes fun to be petty, it seems pleasurable to take vengeance, yet when it’s Fate, who made it all fair for every point of view, and you survived then…

Maybe just be grateful and take steps to move further, away from the past and its pain.

After all, life is not about hatred or anger, to fulfill the desire of revenge and such, but to live it to the fullest, with only happiness or seeking for it fairly and accordingly.

What we all do, mistakes or choosing sins to commit, are either just a part of it, destined to happen, or mayhaps us, finding something thrilling or trying to satisfy a part of us that induces evilness. It’s just all up to us, to you, on how to prevent temptation from chewing your logical reasoning.

Yujin later on found herself blankly sitting in her car, parked outside the law firm. Eyes up on the building, it made her stomach churn to remember some events that had happened from there. Them working together, still calling each other, friends and yet the holes got bigger and things just started to break.

Like she’s a new employee, taking a step through the entrance, logging in to that biometric fingerprint system she had never touched ever since the case started, it feels unfamiliar, odd enough that even the breeze from the air-conditioning is giving her goose bumps when it’s usually a bit hot for her liking.

She walked through the corridors, employees under her title had their heads bow as she passes by, while some did try to avoid getting a glance of her appearance, yet that didn’t bother the protagonist, she didn’t come to be respected, her purpose today is not to be a professional lawyer.

Heading straight to the Chairman’s office, a secretary greeted her.

“Is he busy? I know I haven’t filed an appointment, but maybe you could let me pass, I won’t take long, I’ll just ask something.” The Secretary bowed as well, just like the others before eyeing the said Chairman through the clear, transparent glass wall and the man just nodded, putting a folder aside.

Yujin then thanked the secretary as the employee signaled her to go come in and went inside the, a bit larger, and a lot cleaner office than hers.

“Good afternoon, Sir.” Yujin bowed and the man motioned her to take the mini couch in the small living area.

She obeyed and the man followed soon after, sitting across her, letting out a heavy breath before greeting her back, “I hope you’re having an actual good afternoon, Attorney Ahn.”

With an unusual greeting, very unique and it pokes some parts of her being.

“So, what is it, the reason why you’re here?” The man asked before thanking his secretary for immediately serving them two cups of tea.

Yujin swallowed, taking half of all the courage she has to request for this, “May I… take at least two months of break?” Very unlikely of her, for the eyes of the Chairman, even for the eyes of anyone. One of the most workaholic employees is asking for an almost maximum break.

The man’s eyes squinted a bit, not surprised actually, yet there’s this ‘how is this supposed to be’ question as he forms an answer. Of course, he can just say yes or no, and Yujin will surely not go against his orders, knowing this kid… but also, as the leader of their workplace, one of those who had witnessed who Yujin is and how her life had been in years of professionalism, he knew, he shouldn’t just answer a word, but also give the young one some assurance and motivation.

“You know, Yujin…” Now calling her by her first name, disregarding formality, Yujin almost flinched, “You’re one of my, or not my, let’s say, one of the finest lawyers in the industry. You contributed a lot to this law firm, and in the whole justice system, and to be honest, I’m beyond grateful for you, staying in here for the past years.”

“You never had absences, even when you’re sick, you barely get late to work, but those are just basic things, right? You’ve been not just the finest, but also the toughest. You are strong willed, a woman of commitment, you never stop until a whole case concludes with a lawful sentence. You’re competitive, but fair. Confident, but also humble.”

Personally, he’s talking to her personally, not professionally and Yujin felt the need to bow her head, avoid the eyes of the man as different emotions began to quake her thick mask, which even her peaceful outsides started to crack.

“I always wanted you to take a break, if you can remember, I had offered you a lot of times to take a vacation, a week or two, to have some fresh air, to take a space away from the toxic cases you’ve held.”

“Giving you two months now…”

“Is just rightful.”

The serious expression of the man changed…

“If two months are enough to fix whatever should be fixed, then go on. It’s okay. The law firm will not give away your position, I heard you stayed so much to keep your place in, and I can assure you, two months are nothing, you can come back anytime and we won’t complain, you’ve given us more than enough, this time…”

His eyes softened, watching the young one sit silently in front of him.

“Give yourself some too.”

“And please, I have a favor to ask,” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, while Yujin had to look at him as she waited for him to continue, “When you come back, don’t take overtimes when it’s not necessary, okay?”

That hit something, it definitely did.

And Yujin felt like crying upon hearing the chuckle and seeing the genuine smile of their Chairman, but preventing herself to, she stood up, bowed and said, “Thank you, Sir.”

The man only nodded and thanked her as well, but oh wait, something else has been left…

“I’ll sign your vacation immediately, you can go anytime, but for now…” The sudden change of expression was seen, nerves stiffened once more, “Before going, you have to talk to your Nako-unnie, she approached me the other day about a very important case, a case I believe you should know and take first.”

“Okay, Sir, I’ll head th-…”

“Yujin…” Cutting her off, the man heaved once and uttered, “I hope you’ll win on this one too.”

–

Yujin then drove home after her agendas in the law firm, she was granted with two months of vacation and was given with assurance that her position will remain as it is, for her. Now standing in their living room, she can’t sense a single living thing anywhere, her brows had to furrow a bit.

Looking around, nothing was moved. Walking towards the room, no door is open. Now it scares her, to be alone.

She felt the need to hurry and search for her, and upon seeing no Minjoo in any parts of the house, Yujin picked her phone up from her pocket and immediately dialed a number, a few rings and for Yujin, it’s already, “Why are you taking so long to answer?”

Her face distorted, her jaw clenched and her fingers fidgeted. She went outside and as soon as she felt the cold wind passing through, a voice answered, then, “Hello, Yujin?” Yujin can’t help, but release a sigh of relief.

“Where are you? I went to the hospital, you weren’t there anymore.” She asked, has the urge to know the answer. She did go to the hospital first, given that she drove Minjoo there days ago and they never met again after that, she thought, her wife stayed to monitor her said patients, yet she wasn’t there earlier.

“Clinic…”

“What time will you be out? It’s already late.” Yujin walks back to her car as she asks, and even if she sounds like a manipulative wife, of course, she has reasons to it, and it’s not what you’re thinking. No, it’s not solely because of the memory of Minjoo cheating on her, but something… that follows that.

“I… don’t know. I’m still studying something, I might just sleep here. I still have more patient cases to review.” She explained, and that’s when…

[Switch POV – Yujin’s]

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