Hongjoong 's

So what's I am going to do?

Mum died maybe the relationship as well.

I just stand there and look at every person who honoured and thanked everyone who attend the funeral. 

Is this what people said empty feeling?

"Are you okay, Joong- ah?" a soft spoken voice asked me. "Yes, I think I am so far" I looked at the owner of the voice, Lee Seol and Jongho who stand beside her. Jongho look at me and gave some space for me and Lee Seol to have word. I brought Lee Seol at the back. She just looked at me and look at our foot.

Awkward and discomefort with this situation. 

"I am stilll cannot proceed that Ma already gone. I walked home this morning to get some stuff and its weird because it only silence and I. It's too quite" I looked at Seol's black shoes. 

"Seol" I looked at her. She looked at me "Yes" I looked away from her and again back to her shoes.

"Am I weird if I do not cried when my mum died?" 

Silence. An empty silence. There is no a word from Seol.

I looked at her shoes as an eviedence that she still her. Suddenly I feel a warmth in hand, I looked at my hand. She hold my hand. Tight.

I looked at her and she looked at me and hugged me. Warmth and calmness are the right word to discribe the word of her action. 

With her small and calm voice she said

" I am sorry for your lose, HongJoong"  

I replied the hugged and I could feel my eyes burst the tears and I officially cry.

" You know Seol. My dad still did not speak a word with me"

"HongJoong, i think he need time" said Lee Seol.

"I guess so, I think I will tried again later" I said.

"Joong, I will be going first, see you inside." she said. She walk inside and closed the door. 

I think this going to be hard to start conversation with dad. Does he still hate me?

What should I do if he still hate me? 

Should I just do what does he asked me to? 

To work witj dad's friend? Then I had to start over everything. I had to love the new me. The workplace, office things and not to mention leaving the music behind.

After that, will he finally accept me? And if it does, what happen next? 

but I want to know, do I will going to regret? 

Are we going to be the same? 

"Jong? What are you thinking? " a voiced asked me.  I looked at the person. 

"Its nothing, Seol. " She hold the door knob halfly and continued say 

"I think you need to come in"

"It is a time already " She signed and said "No it just your dad,  he's here"

Anxious came through me. "Okay, but could you give me a moment, Seol" she lookee much more worried and  said 

""I can't Jong, your dad is drunk and currently he is making a scene. "

"Oh my" I walked out swiftly and looked for dad and there he was, standing in front of mum portrait while throwing the flowers and mumbling nonsense. Its pretty much sum up how could you left me alone with that bastard. I hurriedly grabbed him and trying to calm him down with the help of Seol. 

"Minjung ah why you leave me alone with this bastard?" he cried shallowly as he tried to escape from me. At the final try I let him go as he said

"Minjung ahhh,  Hongjoong is not even carry my blood! " in front of everyone.