Ultralife

Now Playing

"I've got so much soul inside my bones,

Take a look at me now,

I'm young, forever in the sun,

Ever since you came, I'm living Ultralife."

She was drunk before she even arrived.

Half a bottle of wine had gone through her like nothing. The room was spinning. Somehow Joohyun made her way up to Yeri’s apartment on the third floor without falling over but it was a task of great difficulty she had to persevere to succeed at. The difference being this was a good drunk born of a desire to celebrate the New Year properly and not some poorly designed coping mechanism at having lost the light in her life. She navigated the hallway and down toward Yeri’s apartment with great difficulty. People were already laid about like members of the dying awaiting triage in various states of disrepair. It stank of all kinds of alcohol. There were bottles of soju littering the corridor and a handful of crushed cans of apple cider and half a keg of something Joohyun didn’t much like the look of.

Yeri was sat on the stool at her kitchen worktop when she came in. She looked like something on the verge of a terrible and sudden death. Her hair was matted in her face and her forehead glistened and it wasn’t with sweat and she grinned at Joohyun and pulled her in for a tight hug and Joohyun hugged her back. It occurred to her only after a moment how far she had come in such a short time that something once so overwhelming could seem now so insignificant. ‘You took your ing time,’ Yeri said.

‘Sorry.’

‘Are you drunk?’

‘A little. Quite a bit. Are you? Never mind. What a stupid question. What’s that?’

Yeri turned and glanced at the keg on the kitchen worktop beside her and grinned a lazy and intoxicated grin. Joohyun took a moment to look about as well. People came and went. They were playing house music in the livingroom and it smelt just as badly of alcohol and the TV was playing the New Years countdown on mute. Yeri laughed to herself with a drunk’s strange incomprehension. There was a small coiled spout hanging out the side of the keg and when she tapped the top it leaked a brown substance all over Yeri’s lap. ‘This,’ she murmured, ‘is…just cider. But I wish it were stronger. Oh well. You want some?’

‘Not really.’

‘C’mon. It’s the New Year. A new decade. Where’s your spirit?’

Joohyun thought about it for a moment. She thought about Seungwan, somewhere in Japan right now. Then she said with a little amused giggle, ‘Sure. Whatever. Give it here.’

‘That’s the spirit. You’ve gotta lean down and get it all in your mouth, you know? Properly. Yeah, like that.’

Half an hour later she was still there, watching Yeri occasionally gargle from the spout like an idiot. The room was very small and growing smaller still. The lights too bright. It spun and wobbled and the music oscillated between deafening and almost silent and Yeri too seemed to waver between between Yeri and being two Yeris and then four and Joohyun had to laugh to herself like a lunatic to hang onto even the thinnest semblance of sanity. She felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around she saw two Jennies, then three Jennies, then one Jennie, smiling at her. ‘Hey,’ she said.

‘Hey.’

‘You look…ruined.’

‘Thank you,’ Joohyun mumbled.

‘How are you doing?’

‘Uh…ruined.’

Jennie just giggled. ‘Happy New Year,’ she said.

‘Is it?’

‘What?’

‘The New Year. Is it yet?’

Jennie glanced at her phone. She held it up and Joohyun had to squint to make anything out of it that did not shake about and vanish and reappear. It read 11:59. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘Happy New Year.’

Her own phone hummed in her pocket. She fumbled with great clumsiness at it and pulled it out and the home button to read a single text from Seungwan that read:

Happy New Year!! Eight more days!! I miss you and I love you so much, don’t get too drunk!! Say hi to Yeri for me too 😊

She had to smile at that. When the house music dimmed seconds later and the fireworks outside popped about the sky in long streams of glycerine and the TV was unmuted and people stood and shouted Happy New Year she was still grinning, ear to ear. ‘Hey,’ she said to Jennie.

‘What?’

‘I’ve got a feeling this is going to be quite a good year. And a good decade, too.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I really do.’

Part of her had wanted desperately for Joohyun to meet her at the airport but that was both foolish and dangerous and walking through the airport toward the exit gates the crowds of fans gathered to welcome her back to Korea were proof of that. What if they’d seen? If they had caught sight of her kissing Joohyun? Wendy only smiled and waved. It didn’t matter. What mattered wasn’t the detail around the goal. It was the goal itself. What mattered truly was that she had Joohyun at all.

She was whisked unceremoniously from place to place through the early afternoon. First it was the Gold Star building to drop off a bunch of things and to say hello to everyone in the offices and then back to her apartment for a rest and then right back to the studio to talk to Sooyoung and be told about the performance tomorrow. It was a cold day and oddly bright. A pale sun hung like a great globular skull and there were no clouds and the day itself turned gunmetal and the light was lost in thin crimson ribbons dotted out there across the sky like a burning archipelago.

It was almost six PM when she made her way up the stairs to Joohyun’s apartment and it wasn’t until she was on the second floor that she stopped and smiled to herself like an idiot and thought:

Not Joohyun’s apartment. Our apartment.

She turned the key in the lock and went on in. Her heart was already racing. The hallway was quiet. So too was the kitchen. In the livingroom all she found was a banner wrapped over the TV that said WELCOME HOME and a chocolate cake on the table with a candle softly smoking in the centre. She stood a minute trying not to laugh. When she turned around Joohyun was stood there in the doorway. She was wearing a cream shirt and her hair was loose like ink past her shoulders and she had a small streamer in one hand. She pulled the string on the end of it and it exploded in a muted pop with a handful of rainbow streams that fluttered to the floor with a whiff of smoke.

‘Surprise,’ she said.

Wendy just laughed. ‘Really now,’ she said.

‘I wanted to do something bigger, but I’m not good at that sort of thing. Not as good as you are. So all I could get was that banner and this. Well, a big bag of these, but I didn’t want to clean up the mess afterwards. So. Welcome home.’

At that Wendy had to smile. She wasn’t crying but she wasn’t far off. She dropped her bag by the coffee table and before Joohyun could even get rid of the empty streamer Wendy was kissing her. She closed her eyes and kissed back. It tasted like mint and lipstick and candy and coffee and it reminded her of a kiss a long time ago in an apartment not far from here and many nights since and suddenly she was grinning into it like a madwoman. She s her hands down to the small of Wendy’s back and said, ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

‘I’ve missed you too.’

‘Been so boring without you.’

‘I know the feeling.’

‘Are you back for good now?’

‘Yeah,’ Wendy said. ‘No more touring. Well, until the next tour, of course. But that’s not for a while. They haven’t even announced anything yet.’

‘Good. I hope it’s a long time.’

‘Me too.’ She brushed a hair out of Joohyun’s face with a smile. ‘I’ve been telling everyone about your book still,’ she said. ‘About how it’s out in less than a week. Literally everyone I know said they’re going to get it. So maybe you should, you know…give me a cut of the profits.’

‘You make enough money as it is.’

‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘I’m always right.’

‘Don’t push it.’

Joohyun giggled into her embrace. It was a place she never wanted to leave. Arms wrapped around her waist, the glimmer in Seungwan’s eyes. ‘What time is your performance tomorrow?’ she asked.

‘I have to be at the Music Bank venue by one PM. Are you still coming along?’

‘Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

She was led through to a private VIP area just off the side of the stage while she waited. There was a tension in the air she had never felt before and it was strange because she herself was doing nothing. It was all on Seungwan. And yet the fear was greater than any she’d ever felt for herself before. Even Lost Village was different. This was a different song, a different language, a different audience. No more hiding. But when Seungwan stepped out and the lights flickered and the small crowd cheered as the song began she needn’t have worried at all.

She watched with a smile of pure pride, so happy she was almost crying. This was almost a new person entirely. Gone were the quivering lips and the shaking and the crying behind the sunglasses. She wore a bright red suit jacket and red nineties Casino slacks and those same huge sunglasses that took up more of her face and she rocked along to the synths and smiled and even asked the crowd to sing along. She sang the first verse with such enthusiasm it was intoxicating. Gazing out at the blinding lights. Singing:

I’ve been tryna call,

I’ve been on my own for long enough,

Maybe you can show me how to love,

Maybe.

The stage was all hers. She owned it like she had never owned it before. Joohyun watched with tears in her eyes and fire in her heart. She swapped the microphone from one hand to the other and did a little spin to the glimmer of the tingling synths and then she sang:

I’m running out of time,

‘Cause I can see the sun light up the sky,

So I hit the road in overdrive,

Baby.

By the time the second chorus hit Joohyun was clapping and singing and smiling. Up there on stage she was Wendy and not Seungwan and for the first time in her life there was nothing wrong with that. They could co-exist. One and the same. The chorus went:

I said, ooh, I’m blinded by the lights,

No, I can’t sleep until I feel your touch,

I said, ooh, I’m drowning in the night,

Oh, when I’m like this, you’re the one I trust.

When the song ended she stood there panting and smiling until the notification on the LED display told her they were off air. The crowd were still cheering as she bowed and thanked them and disappeared backstage. When Joohyun came into the dressingroom a minute later she’d only just taken off the glasses and her soundpack and was ing the top two buttons of her black shirt. She turned just in time to catch Joohyun’s lips in a sweet kiss. The force of Joohyun against her almost knocked her off her feet.

‘I’m sweaty,’ she mumbled.

Joohyun didn’t seem to care. She cupped her face gently and kissed her for all the world to see but they were alone in the dressingroom and she knew it and so she kissed and kissed and giggled and said with such glee in her heart, ‘I’m so proud of you. That was the best thing I’ve ever seen. I knew you could do it.’

Seungwan pulled back and looked at her. Eight months ago she would’ve downplayed herself, a solemn sadness locked behind those eyes. Now she smiled and said, ‘Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn’t it?’

‘You’re the best performer I’ve ever seen. You were born for the stage.’

‘Thanks. I felt really good out there for once. And no soju either.’

As if to demonstrate this she gave a thumbs up and breathed all over Joohyun and laughed. ‘Sober,’ she said proudly.

‘I’m so proud of you.’

‘I’m proud of me too. And you. And us.’

‘Can we go home yet? I want you all to myself.’

‘I’ve got to wait around until the performances are finished,’ Seungwan said. ‘But then, yeah. We can go home.’

She was cooking when she heard the door go, which was strange in and of itself because usually it was Joohyun that did the cooking. All she ever did was bake. The pan spat and sizzled with hot oil and it smelt of chicken and Wendy turned it over in the pan and left it a moment to dry her hands on a towel when she realised Joohyun was just standing there in the kitchen doorway, dopey grin on her elegant face.

‘What?’ Wendy said.

Joohyun held up a freshly printed paperback book. The cover was a simple white and red design with ornate patterns drawn on in a beautiful collage. It said Dancing Under the Moon in bold black font, and then smaller, at the bottom, Bae Joohyun.

She looked so proud of herself that Wendy had to fight back a little laugh at how adorable it was. ‘That your new book?’ she said.

‘Yeah. I stopped by the publishing house on the way back from work. They rang me this morning and told me it was ready to pick up. Still doesn’t feel real, you know? Doesn’t feel like it’s actually happened.’

Wendy only smiled. When the food was done she plated it up and passed a plate to Joohyun and sat on the couch eating and watching the day go by. A lazy sun circled the east of the world and it was very pale, very blue. She lay out with her legs dangling off one end of the couch and her head resting against Joohyun’s curled up knee and eat with great difficulty. They were silent for a long time. That silence had come to define so many moments in their life – comfortable, unspoken, wonderful. The ticking of the clock. Scraping of the plate. Idle humming.

‘It’s crazy,’ Joohyun said.

‘What is?’

‘Just…this. My life.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘If you would’ve told me a year ago that I’d be here, doing this, having just put out my own book, I’d have called you crazy. I don’t think I had the self-confidence to even dream of such a thing. But here I am. Right now. And it’s all because of you.’

‘And you.’

‘Well, yeah. But you know what I mean.’

‘Imagine someone telling me I’d be a famous artist with an EP and an album under my belt and a chart-topping hit song and the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. And I’d been on tour around Asia. And to America.’

‘The most beautiful girlfriend,’ Joohyun said.

‘Yeah. There or thereabouts.’

‘You can do the washing up then, yeah?’

Wendy set her plate down on the coffee table and sat back up facing Joohyun again on the couch and smiled. ‘I love you,’ she said.

‘I know. I love you too.’

‘Thank you for making my life so much better.’

‘Thank you for making me believe in myself again. For teaching me there’s still a world out there even when you think you’ve lost it all. When you think nobody will ever love you again. And when you think you won’t be able to let anybody into your life. Thank you for teaching me that was wrong. There’s always a path back. Always.’

Wendy smiled softly. She ran a hand across Joohyun’s cheek and said, ‘I think we should write a song one day. A duet.’

‘But—’

‘We could always hide your name on the songwriting credits. Nobody would ever have to know. Nobody would get suspicious.’

‘You could do that?’

‘Sure.’

‘Then yeah,’ Joohyun said with a smile. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Something catchy?’

‘Something sweet. Very sweet.’

‘I can write sweet.’

‘Sweeter than “You can with just a touch,” I mean.’

Wendy shrugged. ‘That was poetic license,’ she said. ‘Sounded good, no?’

‘Yeah, I guess it did.’

‘Do you fancy a drink? Just a glass of wine or something. To celebrate.’

‘Celebrate what?’

‘Your book being released?’

‘Oh. Right, yeah.’

‘And just, you know…us.’

‘Us.’

‘Yeah,’ Wendy said. ‘Just us.’

‘I guess that’s an acceptable thing to celebrate.’

‘Here’s to our life.’

Joohyun put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a gentle embrace. ‘Yeah,’ she said, smiling for all the world to see. ‘To our life.’

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, that's the end at last! A huge thank you to everyone who's read and commented as always, really means the world to me!! I don't know what my next story will be yet but it'll be coming soon :)  Thank you again for reading, hope you all enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it <3