Plans

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"We'll be scraping the skies with our fingertips,

Screaming "This is the life, we were born for this!"

See, I've got plans to get to you,

You know, don't you know?"

The look of amusement on Yeri’s face when she entered ten minutes before her shift began was something Joohyun had not missed at all in the week she’d been away. So the first thing she said before Yeri could open was, ‘Don’t start.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t start.’

‘I wasn’t going to say anything.’

‘Yes you were. I know you were.’

‘I wasn’t.’

‘You were going to laugh at me for looking so glum and miserable, weren’t you? Probably were going to say something like, “Why the long face, Joohyun? Missing your girlfriend a lot?” Well, the answer to that is – Yes. Yes I do. A very lot.’

Yeri looked her with a sly smile on her face. ‘Well,’ she said, fondling the free packets of sugar on the counter. ‘How long has it been now?’

‘Seven weeks and three days.’

‘How long to go?’

‘Nine weeks.’

‘Ouch,’ Yeri said. ‘ for you.’

‘Yeah, it does. It for me a lot. A huge amount. And I hate it.’

‘God, look at you.’

‘What?’

‘Pouting. It’s kinda cute, honestly. I’ve never seen you like this before. All…whipped and in love.’

‘I’m not whipped.’

‘Oh, you’re definitely whipped.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Yes you are.’

‘No, I’m— Look. I get it, yeah?’

Yeri chuckled to herself. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘I won’t mention it again. Well, maybe in passing.’

‘How was your week away?’

‘Good. It was good.’

‘Did you do much?’

‘Uh, get drunk, mostly. Not a lot else. Seems most of my life nowadays consists of getting drunk. Strange. Maybe there’s something to that. I dunno. Anyway, what about you? How has your life been this past week?’

‘Pretty good,’ Joohyun said.

‘Really? Even with, you know…’

‘Yeah. I still Skype with her every day and we still chat all the time. And now I know the full details of my book arrangement I can put it all in the back of my mind and stop worrying about it. Not that I’m going to actually stop worrying about it or anything. Just that I can.’

‘Oh? Do tell.’

‘It’s due to be released in select stores January the fourteenth,’ Joohyun said with a proud smile. ‘On a limited release. And then a wide release two weeks later. They’ve been super helpful all the way through it, honestly. It’s nice to finally get some validation for all the work I’ve done. Nice to finally have someone else believe in me.’

‘I’ve always believed in you.’

‘Are you secretly moonlighting as the CEO of a top publishing company?’

Yeri was quiet a moment. Then she said, ‘No.’

‘Well, there you go, then. You know what I meant.’

‘Sure.’ Yeri glanced about. The shop was entirely empty. Even Noon Square outside seemed much quieter than usual and bitterly cold. ‘Had many people in today?’ she asked.

‘No. Not at all. Not for a while, actually.’

‘Damn. Maybe they all miss me. Maybe they saw you serving and were like, “Let’s just go to Starbucks instead.” You know?’

‘Whatever. Do you want a coffee?’

‘Sure,’ Yeri said. She looked about again and laughed to herself. ‘Man, it’s good to be back.’

‘Really?’

‘No. I just like saying it. Makes me feel like a movie character.’

The conversations were small segments of her day she partitioned away for later. Momentary imprints on the canvas of her memory. Perhaps it was the briefness of them that left such a profound impact. As if it forced her to pay extra attention to every second. Usually it was twenty or thirty minutes a couple hours before Seungwan had to go and rehearse at the venue. Or occasionally when Joohyun was working deep into the afternoon it would be an early-morning call when she’d just woken up. Or woken up early just for Seungwan. Just to have that little bit longer. The questions were almost always the same and they almost always made Seungwan laugh.

‘Are you eating okay?’ Joohyun asked.

‘Yes I’m eating okay.’

‘And you’re not getting sick?’

‘No, mom, I’m not getting sick.’

‘I’m just worried about you, is all.’

‘Don’t be,’ Seungwan said with a smile.

‘How did last night’s performance go?’

‘Went really well. Really well. Might have been my best one yet. I don’t know how to describe it but, like, there was this moment where the crowd started singing along and I just burst into tears. It was really dumb of me. I looked like a massive idiot. Thankfully I was wearing those massive glasses to hide my face, but still. I don’t know why. It was just, like, listening to them, and watching them enjoying my music, I just looked at it and was like…I’ve made it. This is where I want to be. This is what I want to do. I mean, the nerves are still there. I don't think I'll ever get rid of them. In fact, I know I won't. I've told you that before. But it's about taking it one step at a time, right? One foot in front of the other. It's about picking out the little things that I know are good for me and clinging onto them and riding them through. The stress ball, the deep breaths. You. All of it.’

Joohyun had to smile at that. The enthusiasm with which Seungwan always spoke about it never failed to make her smile just the same. ‘Oh,’ Seungwan said, ‘I almost forgot to tell you – I’ve got some amazing news. Like, super amazing.’

‘You’re coming home early?’

‘No. Not that amazing. But almost.’

Joohyun pouted. ‘Go on,’ she said. ‘What is it?’

‘I was talking on the phone to Sooyoung earlier and guess what? You know all that stuff I said about them letting me write my own English single and release it? Well, yeah, it’s still going ahead. And they said the release date was early December. They said around December the tenth or so. I know they told me that before, but now it’s, like, official and stuff. So, yeah. But I still haven’t written it.’

‘What’s it going to be about? Or sound like?’

‘I don’t know. I’m thinking heavy on the synths. Something funky and upbeat and retro, you know? Something that I can, well…dance to.’

‘Really? You, dance?’

‘Well, not dance, but just, like…vibe out to.’

‘On stage?’

Seungwan gave a shy shrug.

‘Are you going to be able to, you know…do that?’

‘I think so,’ Seungwan said with a smile. ‘I think I can do that. All I have to do is think of you, really. Well, not even anymore. Like, I’m still absolutely terrified every time I go out on stage, and it’s still the worst experience of my life, but it’s also the best, you know? I can’t describe it better than that. I know that sounded dumb, but yeah. I adore it. Just the feeling of being out there. Maybe it would be different if I didn’t have these sunglasses on. I don’t know. But we’ll see. I’m thinking something catchy and fun. But I’ll let you know. And congrats again on the book deal. I’m so excited. I keep reminding literally everyone. All the makeup artists and tour managers and sound designers. I keep saying, “Hey, it’s coming out January the fourteenth, make sure you buy a copy and support her, yeah?” I think they’re probably bored of me doing that by now. But whatever.’

Joohyun smiled again. She shifted on her bed and straightened out her legs and swapped her phone to her other hand. For a moment she just sat there gazing at Seungwan through the screen. ‘I miss you,’ she said softly.

‘I miss you too.’

‘It feels emptier without you.’

‘I’ll be home soon. Only a couple months to go.’

‘That’s so long.’

‘I know. But it’ll fly by.’

‘Will you send me the finished version of your single when it’s done? I want to hear it. Before it goes out on streaming services, I mean.’

‘Sure. Of course I will. Oh, anyway, I’ve got to go. We’re starting soundchecks and stuff.’

‘Okay.’

‘I’ll talk to you soon, okay?’

‘Yeah. Let me know how it goes.’

‘I will,’ Seungwan said. She smiled again. Perhaps it was because she was preoccupied but she looked so at peace for a moment, so full of genuine joy and happiness that Joohyun had to smile as well. ‘I love you,’ she said.

‘I love you too,’ said Seungwan.

‘I’ll be cheering for you. Quietly.’

‘Thanks. See you soon.’

The only customer in the shop when she arrived for her shift on December the ninth was Jennie. She was stood leaning on the counter and tapping her foot on the floor and talking to Yeri and when she saw Joohyun she smiled and said, ‘Afternoon, stranger.’

‘You too.’

‘How long has it been?’

‘Since we’ve seen each other?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Like, two weeks. That meal we had.’

‘Really? Feels like years. How’ve you been?’

‘Not too bad. What about you?’

‘Drunk.’

‘Me too,’ Yeri said. ‘Seems like we’re two peas in a pod.’

‘Uh huh,’ said Joohyun. Yeri had that same sly grin on her face she didn’t much like the look of. ‘What?’ she asked. ‘What are you smiling at?’

‘A package came for you this morning.’

‘From who?’

‘Who do you think?’

‘I don’t know,’ Joohyun said, and it was the truth. Yeri leant down below the desk and produced a long and thin cardboard parcel and handed it over. On the front was a post-it note that read:

My new single (on vinyl!!) I wrote it while thinking of you, hope you like it! I miss you so much x

She turned it over and glanced at Yeri and Jennie and said, ‘This is for me?’

‘Who else would it be for?’

‘Well,’ Jennie said, ‘are you gonna open it?’

She tore off the top of the packaging and pulled out the vinyl sleeve inside. The cover was a glitzy picture of Seungwan, blonde hair and huge bright sunglasses and twinned in the lenses an array of crystal neon lights. In bright gold font underneath it read BLINDING LIGHTS, and then WENDY. Joohyun spent a good minute or so just gawping at. She looked unbelievable. She was wearing a tailored red suit from only the chest up and Joohyun had never seen her wear formal clothes like that before and the feeling it stoked inside her had her heart jumping.

‘Is that a vinyl record?’ Yeri said.

‘Yeah. It’s her new English single. She told me it’s going to be released tomorrow. Guess my copy came early.’

‘That’s cute. Are you going to play it?’

‘How?’

‘On my record player? Duh.’

‘What? But—’

‘It’s in the back,’ Yeri said nonchalantly. ‘I brought it to work with me, like, three months ago. Surprised you never noticed it honestly. Remember when I told you one day it’d be worth something and you told me maybe I’d end up looking like an idiot with egg on my face? Well, who’s the egg-faced idiot now, huh? Don’t answer that. It was a rhetorical question. It’s you, Joohyun. You’re the egg-faced idiot.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Welcome. You wanna play it, then?’

‘Sure.’

They went into the back with Jennie and Yeri set up her record player. It was a classic turntable with a single arm and no frills to it. Joohyun passed her the record carefully and she set it on the turntable and began playing it. They listened to it twice in a row without saying anything. It was a bright and infectiously catchy dancepop track with tingly synths that made her head spin. By the second listen she was already humming along and smiling. The first verse went:

I’ve been tryna call,

I’ve been on my own for long enough,

Maybe you can show me how to love,

Maybe.

She glanced down at the note on the front of the packaging, the part where it said: I wrote it while thinking of you. Seungwan sang:

I’m going through withdrawals,

You don’t even have to do too much,

You can with just a touch,

Baby.

By the time the final chorus played even Yeri was nodding her head and singing along. They listened to it a third time before Jennie said, ‘This is her new single?’

‘Yeah.’

‘It’s so…good.’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘But, like, it’s crazy good. It sounds totally like her old music but different as well. It’s got so much energy.’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun said with a smile.

‘But I mean, back at Lost Village festival, everything felt so subdued and chill and catchy, right? This is so different. It’d look so weird if she sang this just standing there behind a keyboard or some , but at the same time I can’t see her, like, jumping around and stuff, right?’

‘I can,’ Joohyun said, still smiling.

‘You look happy,’ said Yeri.

‘I am happy. Very happy.’

‘Did that note say she wrote the lyrics while thinking about you?’

‘Yeah.’

‘She wrote “You can with just a touch” while thinking about you?’

Joohyun shrugged, the heat rising to her cheeks. ‘Why do you even know what that means?’ she said.

‘I’ve been taking English lessons for years.’

‘Still. That’s not the sort of thing they teach you in English lessons, is it?’

‘Yeah, well,’ Yeri said with a grin. ‘You know what I’m like.’

She sighed so loud and so long that Yeri actually came out from the back of the shop to see if something was wrong. Joohyun just stood there gazing out of the front windows. The enormous Noon Square Christmas tree winked in red and gold endlessly. Aside from the odd shopper it was mostly silent. ‘Are you alright?’ Yeri said.

‘Why do we have to work on Christmas day?’

‘I dunno. Don’t ask me.’

‘God, I hate this.’

‘Were you planning on doing anything today?’

Joohyun was silent a second. Then she said, ‘No.’

‘Well then, there you go.’

‘What about you?’

‘Yeah. I was planning on having a meal with my family. Christmas tradition.’

‘My parents are in Daegu.’

‘Right. But still. I know what you mean. .’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun said, pouting a slight. She glanced up at the clock on the wall. It had just gone four PM. She said, ‘Right. I’m going. I’ll see you next week, yeah?’

‘Wait, what? Already?’

‘Yeah. It’s four. I’m finished.’

‘But you started at midday.’

‘I know. I only have a half shift today. Do you not?’

‘No,’ Yeri said. ‘I started at nine this morning and I finish at six. And you have the nerve to stand there and complain about working today? Unbelievable.’

Joohyun had to laugh. She pulled her apron off over her head and said, ‘I’ll see you next week.’

‘Wait.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t you wanna, you know…not go home?’

‘What?’

‘I mean, uh…maybe you should go somewhere else. Somewhere that’s not your apartment. Just for a couple hours, I mean. Just somewhere else.’

‘What do you mean?’

Yeri shrugged. She looked rather shifty and Joohyun didn’t like it at all. ‘I dunno,’ she said, refusing to meet Joohyun’s eyes. ‘I just think maybe you should, like, not go home. To your apartment, I mean.’

‘What?’

‘You know what? Forget it. Ignore me.’

‘Sure. I’ll see you next week.’

‘Yeah. And before you say anything, I did try and warn you. It’s not my fault.’

‘What?’

Yeri only nodded and smiled and disappeared into the back. By the time Joohyun left it was ten past four. It was a bitterly cold day and grey and miserable. It had rained all morning and it smelt of the rain and the sidewalks were stained dark with the rainfall and it ran still in thin trickles from the awnings. It was almost five PM when she reached her apartment building. The last time she’d talked to Seungwan was more than a day ago. She’d said the concert in Japan was a big one and she needed to concentrate. Her mind was on Seungwan entirely, as it tended to be. Thinking:

I wonder what’s she doing right now. Is she thinking about me? Rehearsing? Maybe I should text her and see.

She was thinking about Seungwan right up until she put her key in the door and realised with an awful sinking tremor in her gut that it was already unlocked. Her first thought was to turn and walk away. To call the police. But for some strange and regrettable reason the intrepid part of her brain took over and she grasped the doorknob and turned it and went in and closed the door behind her.

She did not know what she had expected to see, but it was not a pair of white sneakers neatly left in the hallway and a winter coat draped over the back of the chair in the kitchen. And it certainly was not what awaited her in the livingroom.

In the corner on the table beside the TV was a tall Christmas tree draped in gold and silver tassels and a handful of small plastic baubles and plastic Christmas trees and candycanes and gingerbread houses and other trinkets. There was a long trail of gold tassels lined along the coffee table and over the back of the couch as well. Seungwan never even realised she had come in. She stood picking baubles out of a cardboard box and pinning them to the tree with all the concentration of a master architect.

For a minute Joohyun just stood there, her heart racing. She was almost crying and the smile on her face was so broad that under any other circumstance it would have looked horrifying. Seungwan was humming to herself. She slotted a red bauble on the end of one of the makeshift branches and smiled proudly at her handiwork and turned and saw Joohyun and almost dropped the cardboard box. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Oh . Hey.’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Uh, yeah. About that.’

‘I thought you were supposed to be in Japan.’

Seungwan looked almost apologetic. ‘I kind of…lied,’ she said. ‘My concert isn’t until the twenty seventh. So I figured since the flight isn’t that long I could sneak off – with permission, of course – and pop back and spend the day with you. And I knew you were working twelve ‘til four, since you told me the other day. So I rocked up at the shop at, like, ten this morning, and told Yeri what my plan was.’

‘Why?’

‘I wanted it to be a big surprise, but I didn’t know if I’d have the time to go out and buy a tree and a bunch of decorations and put it all up. So I asked her to keep you busy for as long as she could. Guess that didn’t really work out, so…surprise?’

Joohyun just smiled. She was very much crying now and she didn’t care.

‘Are you okay?’ Seungwan said. Instead of answering she almost ran across the room to draw her in for a hug and kissed her so passionately she dropped the box of decorations with a dull thud and went limp and kissed Joohyun back and smiled into it. ‘I love you,’ Joohyun mumbled.

‘I love you too. Sorry about, you know…barging into your apartment. I probably scared you.’

‘Our apartment. And yeah, a little. I thought I’d been robbed.’

‘Not quite. And sorry about the state of the tree. I’m not the best decorator.’

‘It looks great,’ Joohyun said.

‘Thanks.’

She took a step back to study Seungwan in the pale windowlight. She was real and there and it all felt right. Seungwan balled up the fist of her sweater and wiped a tear from Joohyun’s cheek and said softly, ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

‘I’ve missed you even more.’

‘Don’t think that’s possible.’

‘When are you leaving? For Japan, I mean.’

‘Ten AM tomorrow morning. What do you want to do for the rest of the day?’

Joohyun smiled the purest of smiles. ‘Nothing,’ she said gently, cupping Seungwan’s cheek. ‘Absolutely nothing at all.’