The rumbling of an engine comes to halt as she car parks in the furthest end of the campus’ parking lot. She discreetly steps outside of the car and pulls her cap down low as her hair fell straight on her shoulders. She slightly hid the sides of her face making sure no one saw her on the grounds considering she was no longer welcome here.

As she looks past the oak tree, she watches the congregation of students watch expectedly at the holstered stage. Her eyes slightly narrow as she sees the President of the university conduct his speech, talking about success and the progression of their lives after college. He goes on talking about hardwork, but it was the last few words of his speech that had struck a chord within herself. Joohyun recognised it was a variation of Steve Job's speech at Stanford; "Your work is as true as love. You have to keep going and continue that drive because it will lead you towards what you love. You cannot stop and you should never stop."

She knew it was meant in the tangible and intangible aspect of one’s career, but she couldn't help but read between the lines that it also meant that a career and finding love was all hardwork. She had worked hard for her career and she wanted to find happiness in her personal life, yet here she was hiding behind oak tree, hundreds of meters away from the ceremony and hoping not to get caught by anyone.

A tear slowly cascades down her cheek, pursing her lips together trying to keep herself from breaking down again.

She hated herself and she hated she had put both of them in this predicament.

She never meant any of those words and especially she never meant to hurt Seulgi whatsoever.

Joohyun knew she wasn’t supposed to be here considering she took her last step in this place last week, but she couldn’t bear not seeing the graduation and more importantly, she wanted to see Seulgi at least one last time. She knew by being here was probably a bad decisionas she knew that when she would lay her eyes on her it was going to hurt. She never meant any of the words she said when Seulgi confronted her in her office and their phone call last week. She kept telling herself that she did it for her but every now and then she’d feel guilt and she hated she had hurt Seulgi the way she did. Saying she no longer loved her when in fact, she loved her so much that she had never loved anyone like this before.

I guess the saying ‘love hurts’ was truly right.

She thought what she did was the right thing, saying she 'no longer loved her' but she just said it like it was easy. Slipping off her tongue and seeing her girlfriend succumb into tears, hurriedly leaving her office. It broke both of them and now, she had lost her job, was on indefinite suspension. Her career as a professor hung in limbo and she was sure that there was in no way Seulgi would ever get back with her or forgive her. Even though she wanted to save Seulgi and that had always been her reason why she did and said those things. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if because of what they had, it was the reason Seulgi would never be able to pursue her career to the fullest and probably, be on the receiving end of criticism that she had a relationship with her very own professor; people looking down on her thinking she had used her as route for passing college without any hardwork involved. There were too many reasons things that could go wrong if word did get out; past the sandstone walls of the university.

But it seemed her losing Seulgi was the worse consequence of it all.

A few students walk past her, immediately tilting her head down and slightly pulling her black cap further down her face to avoid anyone recognising her.

What is this? It felt like she was a criminal, avoiding getting caught by anyone and their suspicions. She never fathomed she'd ever be in this position, but of course, life had its way and just decided that ing with her life for the time being was a great thing to do.

She once again focusses on the ceremony where they had commenced on calling each of the students one by one on stage to receive their certificates. The sea of mortarboards and parents cheer as each of the students stand on the stage shaking hands with their professors, fist pumping in the air and happy smiles plastered on their faces. Then the person she had been waiting to see the whole day finally makes her way to the stage. Her steps half-hearted, yet her face and smile showed she was fine or trying to be fine. Seulgi turns to her parents and Joy and Yeri waving to them happily.

She should've been the one to hand her certificate and she thought of the ways they'd secretly glance at each other during the scene. Knowingly and trying to hide anything between them and keeping everything civil and professional.

Joohyun even planned a graduation dinner and had even prepared a gift for her, but now, none of those things were going to happen. The gift she had thoughtfully planned out was now collecting dust on her bedside table and not being able to be given to the respectful owner. The ex-professor purses her lips together, suppressing the cascade of tears from falling down her face and diverting her attention to the greenery beneath her shoes.

If things were different and as simple as the grass beneath her, which was effortlessly trimmed and had maintained the emerald green shade she thought.

She turns around ready to head back to her car, but an immediate thought stops her.

She takes a glimpse of the sandstone and greenery that inhabited the campus. Watching students happily gather and walk-by, the ardent shine of the sun creating the perfect day and how this expansive of an area just made her feel like it was her second home. She knew it was against the rules to even be here after revoking her position as a professor at the university, but she just wanted to scope the campus one last time. She knew she was gonna miss this place and she knew she'd probably never see this place ever again.

The fervent pull of greed to roam around the campus even if it meant just a few minutes was greater than she thought. She felt her feet unconsciously shuffle its way towards the stone pavement that split and weaved around the various modern and olden architecture outlaid, as well as the famous college courtyard. The cheering and loudness of celebration from the garden square was slowly disappearing, its presence becoming less and less resound; fainting in the background as she continues her pursuit on the pavement. She passes the towering pillars of the courtyard, seeing how the patch of greenery in front of her was inhabited by various groups of students and the eye-catching arched oak and maple trees that were naturally decorated with leaves that were shaded in merlots and gold. Statues of the founding fathers of the university came into the picture; bronzed and detailed and the century old fountain. A pinnacle monument that was restored and maintained over the years, water gushing from its spouts and spewing into an effortless water display as many circled and walked past it. She continues to walk, her hands clasped in the front her and eyes still focused on the lively atmosphere of the nature and solid structures that surrounded her. It seemed she blended in pretty well with the students; not one recognised her but that was probably due to the face she was decked in denim jeans, a white t-shirt, a pair of vans sneakers and a black cap hanging low on her face. She literally dressed comfortably, casually and more importantly to blend in. As she continues to walk, her mind couldn’t help but drift off to another instance in the lead up to her last few days.

She overheard the secretary having a discussion with the receptionist that she’s been keeping tabs on a particular “chemistry professor” and the student of interest, making sure they weren’t in any interaction with each other. Whenever she’d walk past the secretary, she’d always receive that awkward and judging eye contact from her. And after that, it seemed word got around to everybody else in the faculty that one of their colleagues got involved with one their students. It was sort of hellfire after that, as her former colleagues started to put two-and-two together, realising she was leaving at