It was 6pm and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see her.

Joohyun was scared, anxious and guilty and she wasn’t sure whether Seulgi coming over would be a good idea, although it had already been a routine. A routine for her girlfriend to visit her apartment after school.

After the confrontation that had occurred in the president’s office, Joohyun wasn’t sure what to do.

She was angry at him for knowing their relationship and dictating what should happen.

She couldn’t believe he had given her an ultimatum as well as suspending her completely, rendering her inept to teach at the university for god knows how long. She had worked so hard to achieve her dream as a professor, putting in the gruelling hours in her undergraduate studies, then to her honours and eventually to her Ph.D. She spent pretty much her entire life at school and it wasn’t without tears and sleepless nights from the stresses of assignments, presentations or just school in general.

And now, all of that had been swept away and taken from her and also probably…the person she loves the most.

I think it’s best you put a stop with your relationship with Seulgi. Unless you want to prevent her from graduating…

His last few words hit her like a train, so sudden and so shocking. She didn’t want to fathom the thought of breaking what she had with Seulgi because she meant so much to her and loved her so much. The playful banter, the teasing, the escapades, the feeling of comfort and contentment, the reeling desire and affection, the way they complemented each other and the happiness she longed for was so perfect. But Joohyun had a decision to make, to whether let all of this go or not.

She didn’t want to lose Seulgi but she didn’t want to be the reason to hinder her dreams either.

She was so confused and she wasn’t sure if she could face her girlfriend without having a breakdown as soon as she comes.

She sits on the couch, the couch that her and Seulgi have shared so many moments on while she grips onto her phone contemplating on whether to message her not to come, creating an excuse that something came up unexpectedly…well really, something did come up.

She eventually scrolls through her phone, clicking on the message trail she had with her girlfriend, nervously typing what she wanted to say.

Bunny

Hey babe, I’m sorry but can we cancel tonight? I just have a few errands I need to take care of for my parents

She lied…and it hurt her doing this to Seulgi.

Gomdori

Hey babe! Aww really? I really wanted to see you…

Bunny

I’m really sorry, it was last minute…

Gomdori

That’s okay, well…if you need me around later…I’m available 😉

Bunny

Thanks for understanding love you <3

Gomdori

Love you too <3

Joohyun heaves a heavy sigh and closes her eyes feeling like her world was slowly crumbling. It hurt her to lie to Seulgi and it hurt her knowing why she had done what she did, she hated herself but what could she do? She knew if she told Seulgi the truth, her girlfriend would defend her, immediately bombarding the president’s office asking for an explanation and all sorts of whys and probably hindering her to graduate altogether.

She then proceeds to open up her message trail with Wendy.

Irene

Hey Seungwan, are you busy?

Wanda

Yo! Nope just chilling at home, why?

Irene

I need to talk to you it’s important…

Can you please come over?

Wanda

Isn’t Seulgi with you?

Irene

No…she’s not here I just need to speak to you. I told her not to come over

 Wanda

Why? Joohyun…what’s going on?

Irene

Just come over please. I’ll tell you once you get here

Wanda

Okay I’ll be there soon

If there was anyone else besides her girlfriend that she needed comfort and reassurance in, it was Wendy. She needed her best friend right now and all she wanted to do was have her listen to her because she knew she would say the right things and offer the support like a real sister.

She lays on the couch wrapping herself in the blanket that Seulgi had given to her for her birthday, starting to feel the tears well up in her eyes, hugging herself trying to understand what situation she had found herself in. Her eyes started to feel heavy, feeling the tears now coming out as she closes her them and sobbing uncontrollably. She wasn’t sure how long she had done that because the next thing is, she had fallen asleep only to wake up at the sudden touch of someone’s hand on her shoulder.

She opens her swollen eyes and sees Wendy looking over her with concern.

“Joohyun…are you okay?”

She sits up, still hugging onto the blanket while she faces Wendy who is now sitting beside her. She shakes her head, starting to sob once again and Wendy pulling her into warm hug to comfort her best friend.

“Joohyun…is it Seulgi? Did you and Seulgi fight?”

She shakes her head at both questions.

“Then what is it? Tell me…”

Wendy releases her from their embrace, where Joohyun gulps before going ahead to say what made her feel heavy and stressed.

“They know, Seungwan. They know…”

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“They know about me and Seulgi…”

Wendy lets out a gasp, shock written all over her face only for it to fall into a saddened look with guilt and concern and pulling her yet again for another hug, this time tighter and warmer.

“Bestie…I’m so sorry.”

All Joohyun could do was cry, soaking her best friend’s shirt while gripping onto the blanket that meant so much to her.

“I don’t understand Seungwan. I don’t know how they found out…how the president found out…he said someone sent him evidence of seeing Seulgi and I together…”

“Joohyun…does Seulgi know about this?”

“No, she doesn’t…”

“Don’t you think it’s worth telling her?”

Joohyun releases herself from her best friend, clasping her hands together and looking down not knowing where to start. She sighs deeply, before continuing what weighed so heavily in her chest.

“No, she doesn’t need to know…”

“What?! Why? This is concerning you both. But I feel like there’s something else you’re not telling me…” Wendy replies eyeing her.

“I’ve been suspended…indefinitely.”

“What?! What…what do you mean?!” Wendy gasps unable to hide the shock in her voice.

“Because of my relationship with Seulgi. And if she knows this, I know for a fact she would ask questions and without a doubt charge into the president’s office asking for an explanation. He gave me an ultimatum. He asked me to break up with Seulgi or else…”

“Or else what?”

“Or else she won’t be able to graduate. Look Seungwan, this is so complicated. I don’t know what to do…”

Wendy immediately gets up from her seat, her face furrowed in confusion and irritation.

“He can’t do that! That’s unfair!”

“He can. What we did…what we have goes against the oath I swore against as an academic and there are rules…”

“Who cares about that oath and those rules?! You guys are in love with each other. You both aren’t hurting anyone...”

“Well perhaps we did, because why would someone notify the president?”

“Well whoever that is needs to get a life. Clearly its someone whose has insecurities and jealousy that runs so deep.”

“Maybe…but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with her but I don’t want to be the reason Seulgi won’t be able to graduate either. I really need your help…I really don’t know what do…” Joohyun says as she buries her face within her hands frustrated with the situation she had been dealt with.

“I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know either bestie. I don’t know what to say to you…what advice to give you because I have none. I’m sorry.”

“Why is this happening to me?! Why is this happening to me and Seulgi?!” Joohyun muffles as she buries her face within the blanket.

“Joohyun…I wish I could help you but I really don’t know what you should do. I really don’t…But I know you would make the right decision after all. Do what’s right for you..” Wendy says as she embraces her best friend in an embrace yet again.

Joohyun tears wouldn’t stop.

She couldn’t stop them.

But Wendy was right, she had the decision. The ultimate decision on what would happen to her, to Seulgi and everything else. She just wasn’t ready to face the consequences of whatever decision she made because well…it was going to hurt regardless. But she knew she wasn’t ready to make one now or even…later.

All she really wanted was this heartache and pain to go away while she uncontrollably cried in her best friend’s arms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Friday.

The end of the week and this day meant a lot of things.

She hadn’t told Seulgi anything.

And the office she had found solace in among other things, was going to empty and barren in the next few hours.

A few boxes laid sprawled out on the floor, needing to be packed as she sits on her chair pursing her lips together not wanting to leave and not wanting to do what she initially came to do.

Every single time she saw Seulgi during their lectures and whenever she visited her, the guilt was slowly eating her up inside. Seeing how her girlfriend always looked so happy to see her. She really didn’t know what to say to her or what deci