Taeyeon’s restless nights at Sundeok Warriors Academy were plagued by the recurring paintings of the young King Jaeyong, raising several unsettling questions within her. Was she truly his legitimate child? Was she the sole surviving heir to his legacy? And how could that even be possible?

“All four children of King Jaeyong and Queen Sunyeon had been killed. Their bodies were brought back to Hanyang so they could be sure no one was missing.” 

“Yes, that is true. All but one.”

“But how is that possible? How come one child might be alive?”

“You can’t kill a child who wasn’t born yet.” 

Taeyeon felt all the hairs on her body lifting up. The beatings of her young heart fastened its speed.

“Go to Hanyang, Taeyeon. Find Park Minshik, he will tell you everything… I’m sorry I couldn’t do it myself. Please forgive me, Taeyeon.”

“You are the lost prince of Joseon. You are the heir to the throne. You are the last living son of King Jaeyong. And Kim Minseok knew that.”

That notion was absurd. Utterly ridiculous. She was not a he. She wasn’t even a man, how could she be a prince?

“Your father? I’m sorry, Taeyeon, but I never met him. Your mother stayed with us for five or six months before having you. That woman was so poor and deprived, she was probably left without a husband during the war.”  She recalled Lady Boshi telling her once.

“How do you feel about him?”

“Who?”

“Kim Minseok.”

“Why are you asking me this, Lady Boshi?”

“Because I want to know if you are safe, I care about you! And I don’t trust military men! I don’t think you should as well... Too many secrets and hidden things those men do...” 

“Why did you let me go with him then?” 

“Because I can’t have you around me all the ing time, your place isn’t this brothel, Taeyeon… Your place is out there, in the ing wilderness of Joseon, and Kim Minseok is the one who will guide you through your first steps.”

Could it be that Lady Boshi knew of Taeyeon’s true lineage? Did she allow Taeyeon to go with Kim Minseok because she knew who Taeyeon was meant to be? “Your place isn’t within this brothel, Taeyeon. It’s there in the wilderness of Joseon.” 

Was Taeyeon’s entire life in Ironstow a big fat lie? 

“Why did you adopt me Master Kim?”

“It was my duty, Taeyeon.”

“Your duty? Why is it your duty to take care of me?”

“It just is. It is the duty of every grown up man to take care of a child.” 

Soon, the realization dawned upon Taeyeon that this was far from the truth. Countless bastard children were abandoned, left to the gutter and forsaken to die. Surely there must be a bigger motive behind Kim Minseok’s nurturing of Taeyeon. Especially to raise Taeyeon the way he did. 

“Kim Minseok was a man of great honour. And at the same time very rigid, with old traditional confucian values of his time. He wouldn’t adopt a child with no connection to him or someone close to him just because.” She remembered the words of Nam Yong-Su. 

“He slayed King Jaeyong back there in the Island and never recovered from that torment. I’m sure it didn’t take long for him to figure out he was fooled by King Junyong. There is no utter shame for a highly knight than slaying off his king.  The only way Kim Minseok would feel free from his shame was to actually take care of the last child of King Jaeyong’s. As a way to pay off his debts if you will. Adopting you and taking care of you was his last duty as a Knight.”

A longing to see Master Kim surged within Taeyeon. She would give everything to see her master one more time. Just one more time. Everything would be so clear if they had a chance to see each other one more time. 

However, that was impossible. 

Taeyeon never felt so overwhelmed in her life before. She had always held a firm understanding of her identity and origin, who she was and where she came from, and even as a child born in the shadows of a brothel house. Throughout her life, Taeyeon carried that knowledge without a trace of shame or doubts about her character. 

Yet, the revelation that she might be the Lost Prince of Joseon shattered her beliefs. It was as if just out of a sudden, she was somewhat even relevant to the upper echelons of Joseon’s society. What destiny awaited her? What is gonna happen to her? Will she be used as a pawn so those higher-borns could achieve what they want? How could she even fight against that if she was indeed royal blood? What even those people seek from her? Justice? War? Revenge? Reforms? How could she even safeguard her own autonomy and will?

All Taeyeon yearned for was to come back in time, to undo her departure from her hometown and never really leave Ironstow once and for all. The simplicity and comfort of her birthplace beckoned to her. Maybe she should go back to Ironstow after the Autumn Festival. Screw Hanyang altogether. She could finally see Lady Boshi again, have a talk with the woman who took care of her  and spend her days without minding those stupid rumours.  

She could even ask Heechul to come with her and forget about Hanyang altogether.

That would be life. The life she truly deserved. Not going to Hanyang to serve whatever purpose Kim Minseok had in mind when he decided to adopt Taeyeon and hide themselves from the world. 

As the winds of change whispered through her thoughts, Taeyeon contemplated an alternative narrative - one where she could find contentment and purpose without bowing to the shadowy forces that sought to define her fate. 

~~*~~

Taeyeon had been in embarrassing situations before, but pairing up with a precocious 7-year-old in order to learn Chinese at Sundeok Academy had undeniably  earned a spot in her top 5 most awkward moments. The of 12 years between them was palpable, and even more striking, the child herself was ten times better at Chinese - far surpassing Taeyeon’s grasp of the language than she could ever have. 

"You can opt for courage, or you can opt for comfort, but you cannot have both." Gahyeon read out loud, her small voice conveying the weight of those words. Taeyeon tried to memorize the words to each character scripted.

"What if courage is nothing but a stupid decision?" The child asked her, and Taeyeon hesitated, not sure if she was the best candidate to answer that question. 

"I guess you have to trust your own judgment to know what is stupid and what is not." Taeyeon answered. 

"What if I'm a stupid and can't tell the difference?" A chuckle escaped Taeyeon’s lips. 

"The older you get, the more experienced you become, so I guess that'll start to add on your list of what is stupid and what is not." 

"I see." The girl nodded, embracing that line of wisdom. "Have you ever done something that you thought was brave only to realize it was actually stupid?" 

"Many times." Taeyeon confessed, recalling her own share of stupid actions. Entangling a relationship with Hwang Miyoung was certainly one of them. 

"Even as a grown-up?" 

"Especially as a grown-up." Taeyeon sighed. 

"I don't understand the message then. What is the point of being a grown-up if you can’t tell the difference between courage and stupid?" The child mused. Taeyeon thought for a second about what Gahyeon just read and came up with her own interpretation. 

"I suppose it's more about you actively do something, even if they result to foolish and stupid outcomes, rather than remaining in your comfort zone and stagnating." 

"What is that?" 

"What?"

"Stagnate. What does it mean?" She asked, not understanding the big word. 

"It basically means to stay the same, not changing or growing past something." 

"Is it  bad to stay the same and never change?" 

"It’s a complex question." Taeyeon considered. "We can never be the same for the rest of our lives, right? We change tastes, colors, flavors, hobbies. We change lovers and families. Change is constant in our lives, and we shouldn't really be fearful of those. Stagnation implies lack of progress. When we stagnate it just means we're not moving forward, we are not letting it go, which can cause emotional pain if left unchecked."

Gahyeon just nodded, absorbing the new insight. "So we can't actively opt to change and expect things to be the same, right?" 

"Yeah, that'll be a little weird to say the least." Taeyeon grinned. 

Gahyeon chuckled. "Is there something you wish you could've changed?"

"So so many things." She sighed wistfully.

"Is that why you are here at our academy?"  

Taeyeon tilted her head to the side. “In a way."

“In a way?” 

“I kinda needed some break from the outside world.” Taeyeon admitted. 

“Well, you’ve come to the right place for that.” 

Taeyeon chuckled. “Now, back to our readings, Gahyeon, or Lia-Sennim will surely scold us tomorrow.” 

“Right.” The child adjusted herself, bringing the scripts closer to Taeyeon and continuing their reading lecture. 

~~*~~ 

When Taeyeon yet another challenge slipped through Taeyeon’s fingers, this time against Ryujin, a younger student under Moonbyul’s tutelage, her penalty for the defeat was to assist in cleaning the art gallery once again. The task had become a familiar routine for Taeyeon and the close bond she forged with Seulgi, a fellow art-student, made the penalty actually enjoyable. In the grand scheme of things, Taeyeon didn’t really mind losing those challenges. 

“Did you intentionally let her win?” Seulgi’s voice echoed through the art gallery after a couple of minutes where Taeyeon navigated to the second floor to gather some art parchments. Taeyeon chose to remain silent in response. “How many times have you lost now?” Seulgi followed, her hands gracefully sketching something in a small piece of parchment.

“Three or four.” Taeyeon admitted, not entirely enthusiastic about it. “But it doesn’t bother me. I don’t really mind.”  

“You don’t mind losing. Don’t you think your peers might see you as an easy target? They could exploit your losses to gain more points and secure their rewards.” Seulgi probed thoughtfully. 

“That’s very likely.” Taeyeon sighed, reflecting on the possibility. “But honest, I’m not that concerned. I don’t really mind.” 

“Don’t you think you should?” Seulgi asked her. 

“Should I?” Taeyeon inquired, turning to her friend, noticing Seulgi was just starting another sketch of hers. 

“If you want to improve at something, shouldn't you strive to surpass your previous accomplishments each time?” 

“I’m doing my best.” Taeyeon replied. And when she heard Seulgi halting her sketches, she recognized the skepticism in her friend’s expression. And truly Taeyeon wasn’t really trying her best. In fact, Taeyeon was not in any mood to do anything for the past few days. She had been grappling with a profound sense of numbness, feeling like she was merely going through the motions of existence. She felt like she was completely bereft of life. But she didn’t want people to catch on. “You don’t believe me…”

“I saw you fighting against Moonbyul-Jusen on your very first day here. Do you even know how many years had passed since Moonbyul-Jusen had been challenged by a gusen before you?”

“Not aware.”

“Four years.”

“Okay.” 

“Despite that loss, your potential was evident. We all could see what you were capable of. I even considered that had you wielded your true blade, the odds might have been different.” 

“Hard to tell.” Taeyeon said without thinking too much. 

“After a few days, it appeared as though your resolve to fight had waned. You seemed to have lost the fervor and the desire to compete.” Taeyeon just sighed, turning her eyes to the rolled parchments in her hands. “It’s like you don’t even bother who your opponent is, you just want the challenge to be over and don’t make an effort to win.” 

“That is not true.” Taeyeon retorted, albeit perplexed by Seulgi’s keen observation. “Those girls from our squad have exceptional skills. They dedicate themselves to daily training, honing their abilities to a greater extent than I have. It’s  only natural they could win.” 

“Aren’t you just finding an easy excuse?” Seulgi pressed. 

“Why do you mind if I do?”

“Because you’re better than all of them.” She declared, resolutely.  

Taeyeon turned her eyes to Seulgi once again. “What?”

“You excel way beyond them all. Only Moonbyul-Jusen and the other Sennims stand at your level.” 

“How can you even assert such a thing?” Taeyeon questioned. 

“Because I was part of that squad and had engaged in combat with all its members. Moonbyul was the sole true challenge.” 

That revelation shook Taeyeon to her core. “Wait, what? You were a member of our squad?” She turned herself completely towards Seulgi, long forgetting to arrange the papers around the shelves.

“I belonged to the Sword & Fencing Squad before I transitioned to the Art Department.” 

Taeyeon struggled to comprehend. “Why did you exchange teams? Did you have a hard time in our field of study?” Taeyeon asked, a little disappointed that Seulgi was not in the Sword Squad anymore. She had grown fondly of Seulgi for the past few days and Taeyeon would love to have that student be a member of her squad, as she would have another friend in class other than Moonbyul, who was busy most of the time because she was the Jusen of their class. 

Seulgi emitted a scoff, a mix of amusement and dismissiveness. “I was possibly the second best student around that time.”

Taeyeon’s eyes widened in jest. “How can you say that to my face and never really call me to a challenge?” Taeyeon questioned, amused with that information. It would be nice to have a duel with Seulgi. 

Seulgi’s lips tugged a grin. “Would you even bother trying? Or would you let me win as if it was nothing?” Taeyeon simply chose not to answer that, a faint smile on her lips as she appreciated the banter. 

“I didn’t know you were part of our class in the past. Why did you change to art?” Taeyeon resumed her question, setting Seulgi’s commentary aside.

Seulgi just sighed, an air of nostalgia mingling in her words. “A lot of things happened. Most importantly, I was very competitive and went a little overboard when fighting. Moonbyul, on the other hand, possessed a calm and collected demeanor. We were like opposite sides of the same coin. Both remarkably skilled. But only one could claim the title of Jusen, right?”

“The members of our squad often mention that Moonbyul was the youngest to become a Jusen in around fifty years or so.” Taeyeon commented. 

“And she was.” Seulgi seconded, confirming the information. “Most attain the rank of Jusen when they are sixteen or seventeen years of age. Moonbyul’s leadership journey began at the tender age of  thirteen. By that time, I had already transitioned to art classes, so there was no one else who could truly challenge Moonbyul. This made easy for her to repeatedly secure rank 1 in the class and challenge Yujin-Jusen over and over.”

Curiosity still lingered within Taeyeon. “What prompted your decision to leave the Sword and Fencing Squad?” 

Seulgi took a deep breath, hinting a sign of remorse. “You know how nowadays we use practice swords for dueling classmates?”

Taeyeon nodded in affirmation. “Yeah…”

“Well, that wasn’t the case when Moonbyul and I were younger.  Back then, it was a different story. We engaged in duels with real swords. Actual blades. Moonbyul and I had always been tied in first-second place when we had our challenges. Our rivalry was neck-to-neck. Some days I was the one winning, other days Moonbyul was victorious. During our duel, I was Rank 1 and top of the class, I had the leverage, meaning that if I won that duel, I would have been set ready to challenge Yujin-Jusen.”

“You lost that duel?” Taeyeon guessed. 

A somber expression crossed Seulgi’s face. “I was losing and my frustration got the best of me. I got so mad at myself that I almost fatally injured Moonbyul. That was not allowed. So Yujin-Jusen halted the challenge right then and I was disqualified. After that duel, I apologized to Moonbyul and she kindly forgave me, but I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that I had personally asked Yoona-Sennim to not be part of the squad anymore. I did not have the right mentality to sword fight. I lack the proper mindset for sparring. So I went to the arts instead.” 

“So you are the reason real weapons are no longer used?” 

“Yep.” Seulgi said. “Sorry.” 

Taeyeon just chuckled, comprehending the situation. “It’s fine, no worries. Would’ve been incredible to have you in our class regardless.” 

“But I would’ve been really angry if I were to challenge you to a duel and you refuse to fight with dignity.” Taeyeon just sighed, not particularly interested in sharing her roots of concern. 

“There’s a lot happening out there, Seulgi.” Taeyeon disclosed, capturing Seulgi’s attention. “And I don’t think I’m ready to deal with it. It’s eating me alive and I don’t personally care for winning challenges around here. That is not the reason I’m here in the first place.” 

“What are you doing here in the first place?” She asked, interested. 

Taeyeon’s gaze turned introspective. “I’m trying to find myself; something I felt like I lost during my journey.” 

“It ain’t this place that you will find that, Taeyeon.” Seulgi’s response was rather candid. Taeyeon lifted her eyes back to her friend. “This place ain’t for finders. This place is for people who know who they are and what they wish to become.” 

“Don’t you think you guys could teach me how to become one of those?” 

Seulgi actually smiled gently at that. “Ah, you know, sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that external entities - that people and places - will provide us the answer we seek or the aspirations we yearn for. Yet, usually all those answers we search lie truly within ourselves.” 

“That means nothing to me.” Taeyeon said, shrugging her shoulders, not minding the fancy words. “I’m just a fatherless child born in a brothel house.” She repeated it as if it was a personal mantra. 

Seulgi maintained her smile. “Then why do you need to find yourself? Isn’t that who you are and always have been? Why are you not holding that on your core and raising your blade to fight for your identity so proudly?” 

Taeyeon’s response was a heavy silence.  

“The only reason why you are trying to search for yourself is because you can’t relate to that person anymore. Your identity has shifted, has it not? You are struggling to hold onto a version of yourself that no longer resonates, are you not? And you are desperately trying to hold it back even if it’s not in your essence anymore.” 

Taeyeon’s voice didn’t hide her note of vulnerability. “What should I do with it then?” Taeyeon asked, feeling her shoulders getting heavier by the second. 

“You should let it die.” Seulgi’s tone was resolute, catching Taeyeon by surprise. “It hurts because you are losing your innocence and childhood, but you need to cut it before it hardens. That’s how we grow up to be adults.”

“That’s rather harsh, don’t you think?”

Seulgi’s voice held unwavering conviction. “No, it isn’t. Our childhood and its memories are precious and should be preserved. Letting them reside in the past makes them even more valuable. Moving forward doesn’t mean you are abandoning that, you are just acknowledging that this was a part of you in the past that shaped you. But now you have grown up to be someone else. You have a new life to live, new places to go, new flavors to explore. Ironstow and your past in the Brothel house are part of your childhood and history. It doesn’t mean it has to be your future as well. And it is okay that it will not be your future.”  

Taeyeon’