Taeyeon was so gutted and troubled that the moment she got into her room, she kicked the chair angrily, making it stumble and fall to the floor. Her hands quickly covered her face. Her chest was so exasperated, anyone entering that room would’ve thought she had run a marathon, but no, that was her anger, getting bigger and bigger, consuming her soul and heart out.

Taeyeon never felt so betrayed in her entire life.

After all his lessons, after all his words, after all his wisdom, after all his company…. She couldn’t believe he dared to commit those crimes. The fact that Master Kim never even brought anything about him and the war in all those years they grew up together made Taeyeon feel small and unimportant. She always took Kim Minseok as the father she never had, and she developed so much admiration for the man who took her in… To know that he did such a horrible act and he never even talked about that with her made Taeyeon feel completely gutted. Did she really need to hear it from somebody else? Was that the reason she needed to go to Hanyang to find Park Minshik? To discover that her Master was a murderer?

“How do you feel about him?”

“Who?”

“Kim Minseok.”

“Why are you asking me this, Lady Boshi?”

“Because I want to know if you are safe! I care about you! And I don’t trust military men! I don’t think you should as well... Too many secrets and hidden things those men do...”

“I’m fine, Lady Boshi! Master Kim is a good man.He is teaching me the way of the sword. His art will make me a better person!”

“Don’t let that old man brainwash you, Taeyeon.”

“He is not.”

“There is no art in the military. All they do is say “yes,sir”. The ultimate sheeps of the Estate. I swear to the Heavens if I had a coin for everytime a military man said no to his superior, I would have 2 coins, which isn't a lot, but it’s funny it only happened twice in my entire life!”

“Why did you let me go with him then?”

“Because I can’t have you around me all the ing time! Your place isn’t this brothel, Taeyeon. Your place is out there, in the ing wilderness of Joseon, and Kim Minseok is the one who will guide you through your first steps.”

“And you trust him to teach me those steps?”

“I don’t fully trust him. But from all those wolves, he is probably the best of the pack. Nevertheless, that’s why I’m asking you how you feel about him. If you feel like he is not good, just tell me, and I will yank you away from him as fast as possible.”

“He is a good man. Very honourable man.”

“There is no honour in the military. That’s just a fancy word they use to control common-borns and shame them for their choices. Don’t let that old fox sugarcoat the world for you, Taeyeon-a. Just have your education, your training, whatever that old man likes it to call, and call it a day. Never buy the lies of the military. Don’t forget where you came from, who you really are, your values and worth. The only thing you need from Kim Minseok is his training, not his lies.”

Taeyeon was so frustrated and angry that she threw all the belongings on top of her desk directly to the floor. Has Lady Boshi always been aware of Master Kim and his past? Did she know he committed those crimes as well? Is that the reason why she never trusted him entirely? Why did she never tell Taeyeon that as well? Was Taeyeon really the only one who didn’t know a thing?

Taeyeon couldn’t believe her ears. “Once you go to Hanyang and find Park Minshik, everything will be revealed to you… I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you myself, Taeyeon...”

“Master Kim...”

“Please, forgive me…”

How could she? How could she forgive him? How could she even relieve the moments she had with her Master, the father figure she always upholded as her own, and pretend everything was alright when he was on duty to commit such atrocious acts? He was at Ironstow in search of King Jaeyong’s children in order to kill them? Under the rule of that traitor of a king?

Taeyeon shook her head, not wanting to believe in what she’s just heard. All those children, dead, killed by the military in a dirty coup directed by their own blood. How could the scholars of Joseon even allow that to happen? How could the military even dare to uphold their bastion of honour when they had put innocent children to death?

She couldn’t hold her tears. “Please…” She closed her eyes, desperate for an answer. “Please, tell me you didn’t do it…” She cried. “Please...Master Kim…”

Taeyeon didn’t know what to do or what to think, there were so many feelings and thoughts coming through her, she felt completely exhausted.

When the migraine on her head became stronger, Taeyeon whimpered, feeling anxious and sick. She sighed and still feeling uneasy, she let herself lay on the bed, turning her body to the side and her gaze towards the wall of the room.

Maybe if she closed her eyes, she could forget what she just heard.

~~*~~

When Taeyeon heard the door opening, the small silence quickly told her that it was Lady Miyoung entering the room. The woman stood silent still for a long while before approaching Taeyeon’s bed. When Lady Miyoung grazed Taeyeon’s hair in a gesture to comfort her, Taeyeon felt her heart skip a beat.

“There were pillows, and a blanket in the storeroom of the ship. They come in handy at the oddest times. Somehow, I thought this was an odd time to have ‘em.” She said, gently. Miyoung then moved to place Taeyeon’s head on top of the pillow. "In case your head is aching.” And then Taeyeon had her entire body covered with a blanket. “And in case you’re feeling cold.” Miyoung caressed her on her shoulder.

"I'm exhausted," Taeyeon said, watching the walls of her room still.

"Understandable." Miyoung nodded, her hands over Taeyeon’s shoulder. Taeyeon closed her eyes for a second. "Am I wrong, Miyoung? " She asked her friend, lowly.

"About what?"

“Feeling this way about Master Kim...”

Miyoung sighed deeply. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, Taeyeon...”

“I thought he was a good man.’

“Well, he might’ve been.”

“How can you be a good man when you kill innocent children?”

“Maybe he didn’t know about them.” She tried to reason. “Maybe he believed King Junyong was a good and loyal king. Maybe Master Kim believed he was doing the right thing for our country. If King Junyong poisoned the Magistrate and the Royal Council to make his schemery, so he did poison the military, and Master Kim might've been fooled by the king just as everyone else.”

“He could’ve said no.” Taeyeon spoke up, her voice barely out of .
“When those orders came by… he could’ve said no.” Miyoung sighed. “They were just children. Children who had no fault of their father’s doing. You can’t kill children who bear no weapons on arms.”

Taeyeon felt Miyoung her hair, gently.

“I’m sorry, Taeyeon…”

“I wish he had told me that…” Taeyeon said, feeling her eyes burn. “I wish he hadn’t hid things away from me.”

“We all have our secrets within. Secrets we don’t want people to know about ourselves.” Miyoung spoke up, making Taeyeon blink her eyes. “Maybe that was his secret. Maybe he was ashamed of what he had done and didn’t want nobody to know.” Taeyeon felt her heart twist a pinch. She turned her head to look at Miyoung. She had a sad yet kind semblance on her face. “Don’t think too much about this, hmm…” Miyoung suggested, still Taeyeon’s hair. “It’s been so long… that was before you were even born...so there is no need to attach yourself to this feeling. If he retired himself from the Army and adopted you, maybe it was his way of starting again, leaving his past behind. And after everything, he still raised you well. So, I don’t think the title of good man can be taken away from him that easily.”

Taeyeon blinked, sinking her words in.

“Besides… Everyone deserves a second chance…Your Master Kim… is more than fitting to have one, don’t you think so?” Miyoung continued.

Taeyeon stared at her. “Would you give me a second chance?”

Miyoung frowned, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

Taeyeon sat on the bed, her face getting closer to Lady Miyoung’s. “If I had committed a crime…” She started, her voice in low tune, almost like in a whisper. “What if I committed a sin? A criminal sin. The biggest of them all...” Her eyes traced Miyoung’s face. “Would you give me a second chance?”

Miyoung chuckled, moving her finger down to Taeyeon’s jawline. The softness of her touch made Taeyeon feel small shivers down her spine.

“Taeyeon… I would give you a thousand chances…”

When Taeyeon felt all the hairs of her arm lift up, she realized she wanted to kiss Lady Miyoung.

With her heart skipping its beats, Taeyeon closed the distance between them, letting her lips touch Miyoung’s. She leaned in closer and tugged on her bottom lip, pulling it in. As Taeyeon felt the temperature rising, her hand traveled upwards on its own accord, daring to rest it on Lady Miyoung’s neck, pulling the taller woman even closer. Such a tall woman. So brave and kind and young and innocent. Taeyeon wanted to protect her from the evils of the world. She wanted to kiss Lady Miyoung till the end of times, cover her with her own skin and comfort her through the whole night.

Taeyeon could feel her body getting alighted and a sudden fire engulf her being. Her lips moved from Miyoung’s mouth to her neck. Such a tall and slender neck. Taeyeon felt like she wanted to it. Thoroughly. From the base till its top. When she did it, Miyoung hissed, and her entire body shook. Her hand quickly found Taeyeon’s hair, and unconsciously, Taeyeon’s hips wiggled as Miyoung squeezed strands of her hair just lightly.

When Taeyeon kissed her neck once again, Miyoung left a low moan, and her hands moved to retrieve Taeyeon’s waistband.

And that was when Taeyeon was struck by reality.

The reality that they were both women.

And it was a criminal sin of the highest order what they were doing.

No.

It needs to stop.

Stop, Taeyeon!

Taeyeon broke up the kiss, closing her eyes, and stood up from the bed she was sitting on. Her entire body was warm and alighted, and quickly dried up. She desperately felt the need to kiss Lady Miyoung again, but did not dare to. She just simply gulped, and exhaled, trying to calm her feelings down.

“I’m s-sorry, Lady Miyoung…” She tried to speak, her eyes still closed, not daring to look at the woman sitting at her bed. “I’m r-really sorry… But uh… I think you should leave…”

“You expect me to leave… after kissing me like that?” The cold tone of her voice made Taeyeon feel shivers down her spine.

“Yes…”

“I don’t understand…” She complained, frustrated. “I don’t get it! What's wrong with you, Taeyeon?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me…”

“Yes, there is!” Miyoung said, firmly. She stood up from the bed and forcefully turned Taeyeon around, challenging the bastard to face her. “Why can’t you be yourself with me?” She asked, the frustration and anger in her voice just evident. “How come you accept me for a kiss and then reject me altogether all of a sudden? I don’t get it! I’ve just literally said I would give you a thousand chances! I told you that I would stand by you no matter what comes, so what is it that makes you step back every single time?”

Taeyeon looked at Miyoung, her guts twisting and an immense shame falling on her whole being.

“There is a mountain you climb every time we kiss, Taeyeon! Every ing time! And it’s ing exhausting to deal with it because it feels like we are distant even though we are a couple!”

Taeyeon never felt so much shame in her entire life.

Was that how Master Kim felt when he accepted the orders of the king? Was it with that feeling of shame and disgrace that he lived all those years? Because Taeyeon wouldn’t lie, that feeling was eating her alive.

“It’s not our birthlines, I know it isn’t! It’s something else! Something that makes you push me away really hard from you!” Taeyeon just lowered her head, feeling gutted and embarrassed. “Just tell me what it is! I deserve to know!”

Taeyeon stood silent, her guilt and shame completely heaving on her shoulders.

“If you don’t like me…” Miyoung started saying, firmly. “If you don’t feel the same way I do, just tell me. Just ing tell me! And we stop this. We’ll go to Rosegarden together without this wayward relationship getting it on the way! I swear I won’t move an inch to kiss you or to talk about us or any of this !”

She got closer to Taeyeon, making her taller figure stand out. Taeyeon felt her heart racing like a maniac. “But if you like me… if you feel something for me…Anything...” She felt a little intimidated, and Lady Miyoun’s overall tone and manners made Taeyeon feel like she was the smallest of the creatures right then. “Just climb down from your mountain...and accept me! Accept us! If you have feelings for me, get off your ing mountain and kiss me, Taeyeon! With no shame, no guilt… and no lies!”

Taeyeon was torn for her feelings towards Miyoung. Because she did have feelings for that Lady of Rosegarden. And she desperately wanted to kiss Miyoung. But her lie had to keep being told. And Taeyeon couldn’t risk her life and everything she was doing for Master Kim over that lady.

So when her words came out, it pierced through her heart and skin. “I don’t. I don’t feel the same way.” Taeyeon lied.

Miyoung’s eyes just lost their sparkle right instantly, and she nodded her head, defeated. Her long black raven hair covered her face.

“Right.” Miyoung sighed, closing her eyes. “Right.”

Taeyeon felt a cold shiver down her spine when Lady Miyoung left the place, without even saying anything. Taeyeon raised her head, looking up at the ceiling of the room. Her heart was twisting and aching for what she just did.

“I’m sorry, Lady Miyoung…” She spoke to herself. Her eyes started to get teary. “I’m really sorry.”

And Taeyeon came back to her bed, letting her head rest on top of the pillow and covering herself with the blanket Miyoung just brought her.

“I’m terribly sorry.”

She closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep and never wake up again.

~~*~~

When Taeyeon opened up her eyes, she felt her own body was warmer than before, and there was an overall feeling of apathy in her. Her stomach was still upset but Taeyeon knew the main reason behind her state of sickness and depression wasn’t that vessel sailing on the sea, but the actual happenings that occurred that day.

First, there was the discovery that her Master Kim might have killed King Jaeyong’s children under the command of the new ruler, who was a traitor, causing all the war that happened in Joseon 21 years ago. So many innocent people have died in the war, and so many families were separated and broken apart. Taeyeon’s real family might even have been one of them. She never met her mother, as she died giving birth to her, and no one ever knew who her father was. Taeyeon even dared to ask Lady Boshi if her father was a client of the brothel, but Lady Boshi denied, stating that she never reall