The next morning, Taeyeon woke up feeling a little lighter than usual. The very first training sessions with Lady Miyoung occurred alright. Taeyeon taught Miyoung how to handle a sword, how to stay on guard, and how to lower the opponent’s guard. Miyoung was a little clumsy at the start, but soon managed to pick up the basics really well.

It was a fun experience for Taeyeon. She missed having an opponent to fight against, even if it was just for practicing, and having Miyoung there could make her night shifts become more fun and engaging. Last night she had the idea to bring some bells so Miyoung could learn how to navigate between an opponent’s movement and block him from advancing, but quick shortly after that, their training session stopped being a real sword-fighting practiced and just became a make-out session, as Miyoung wasn’t so interested in the combat but just kissing Taeyeon through the whole night.

That was something that was making Taeyeon a little unsure. She liked to be around Lady Miyoung and she enjoyed the experience of having that lady with her, holding her hand and kissing her. The problem was that Taeyeon was aware what could mean if someone figured out about them. Not only based on their birthlines, which was a problem of its own, but her own gender.

She didn’t have the courage to tell Miyoung yet about her real gender. And how could she? What would happen if Miyoung figures out? She would leave her for sure.

So Taeyeon always had the urge to back off and remind herself that they couldn’t really do that. They couldn’t kiss each other, they couldn’t touch each other. They were both women, and even though it was very comforting for Taeyeon to be with Miyoung and have this relationship go on, she knew she couldn’t allow it.

It was really hard for Taeyeon to maintain that balance between kissing Miyoung and back off and don’t letting anything happen. Especially now that they’ve become teacher and student and they both have night lessons every day. Should Taeyeon not allow anything happening during their training sessions? Should Taeyeon back off completely and refute Miyoung altogether? Should she say she doesn’t like kissing Miyoung and prefers kissing in order to make the lady stay away? Taeyeon didn’t really know what to do.

After the group finished eating breakfast, they were actually glad that they were at Dunesport as their food was in shortage. Also, Taeyeon was so fed up on eating just buns, bread and tree roots, she was dying to have some sort of protein. Lady Miyoung also seemed to be having a hard time, as Taeyeon realized the lady has been losing weight very quickly. Her cheeks have just gone from a round shape to a more narrow straight, showing a little of her cheekbones in that area. Her jawline was also becoming sharper due to the loss of fat around her chin and overall face. Even though Taeyeon felt bad about Miyoung losing so much weight due to the lack of nutrients of their diet, Taeyeon couldn’t help thinking Miyoung was becoming prettier by the day.

Miyoung was a couple inches higher than Taeyeon, which she felt a little embarrassed by, as in the beginning of their journey, Taeyeon could’ve sworn she was the one being taller. Not only Miyoung was getting taller, she was becoming more mature, more sure of herself, and aware of the things she liked and disliked. She was very strong-willed, Taeyeon thought, which not only was good for learning sword fighting art, but it was actually quite fitting for her status of Lady of Rosegarden. Taeyeon didn’t know how the rules in the Hwang Estate worked, or if it was possible for the province to have Hwang Miyoung as its ruler, but Taeyeon couldn’t help thinking that Lady Miyoung had quite the grasp of a leader.

And now with Lady Miyoung wearing male clothes, that was something even more clearer. The colors suited her really well and even though it was male clothing, Miyoung still had her feminine grace. She didn’t look like a man at all as the features of her face were very sharp and feminine. Especially when she smiled and her eyes became the shape of crescent moons. It was a very endearing trait of hers.

When Taeyeon felt Lady Miyoung’s eyes fall on her figure, she became a little shy herself. Taeyeon looked away and approached Ginger, not bothering to look at Miyoung’s direction. She was having a little bit of trouble keeping her composure nearby Miyoung somehow. She always feels her face getting warmer and her heart increasing its beats against her chest when they both exchange looks or are alone by themselves.

Taeyeon climbed on top of Ginger, adjusting herself on top of the horse. A sudden breeze passed by, making her hair blow in the wind for a second. Taeyeon closed her eyes, trying to calm her thoughts down.

Sometimes Taeyeon hated herself for being a woman. Had she been a man, all that awkward relationship with Lady Miyoung would’ve soon been gone. Even if they were from different birth classes, being a male born would've been much more appropriate and much easier to somehow make that relationship work. How could Taeyeon keep a love relationship with Lady Miyoung when she was a female herself? That was absurd. That was illegal.

While Heechul and Seohyun were busy packing the tents up so they could continue their journey, Lady Miyoung didn’t waste any time to mount Ginger up and embrace her arms around Taeyeon’s waist.

She turned her head towards Lady Miyoung, still holding the reins of the horse in her hands. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a ride with you.” She said, smiling.

Taeyeon gulped. “Hm… are you sure this is appropriate?” She asked, frowning her brows.

Lady Miyoung chuckled. “What’s the wrong with that? Besides..It’s not like it’s our first time, is it?” She whispered in her ear, which made Taeyeon feel goosebumps all over her skin.

She gulped, feeling her shoulders heavy somehow.

“Miyoung…”

“Now that we are finally free from Yunsuk and need to continue our journey, it doesn’t really matter which horse I ride. I have to ride it with someone else, don’t I? So, this time, I’m riding it with you.“ Lady Miyoung cleared. To which Taeyeon didn’t really know how to react.

“Right.” Taeyeon exhaled, still feeling a little bit heavy.

“Besides, my arm and shoulder are still sore, so it’s not like I can really properly ride a horse.”

“Isn’t this another excuse of yours?” Taeyeon asked her, which made the lady smile.

“Show me how much you improved on horse riding from your last lesson, Kim Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon blinked, looking at Lady Miyoung, noticing her voice in a smug challenge-like tune.

“Are you challenging me, Hwang Miyoung?”

Lady Miyoung smiled. “Yes.”

Taeyeon then didn’t waste time to tap the sides of Ginger with her heels and make the horse start trotting around the camp. As she encouraged Ginger to increase its speed, the horse started galloping. Lady Miyoung clinged her body closer, holding Taeyeon’s waist tightly so she wouldn’t fall from the horse.

“Your balance on the horse improved.” Lady Miyoung remarked.

“Yeah, I know.”

“And look, you are not running out of breath when Ginger is galloping at full speed…”

“He is not at full speed.” Taeyeon retorted.

“He is not?” Miyoung seemed surprised

Taeyeon smiled. “You want him to gallop at full speed, Lady Miyoung?”

“Is that a challenge, Kim Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon just chuckled. “No… it was just a simple question…” She tried to defend her attitude.

“Well, surprise me.”

And Taeyeon made Ginger gallop faster. As she was riding the horse through that open field with the wind blowing on their faces, Taeyeon heard Miyoung giggle and she felt Miyoung’s arms embrace around her waist tighter. Taeyeon felt like butterflies were flying in her stomach and for a second she forgot who they were and where they were. For a second, Taeyeon imagined herself as a man, married to Lady Miyoung and riding a horse with his own lady wife.

Just for a second.

As the next second came along, Taeyeon reminded herself of the illegal act they were doing and then started slowing Ginger’s speed, breaking his gallop, and putting the horse to just trot around.

“Woah, you definitely improved!” Miyoung commented, and Taeyeon felt goosebumps all over her skin. “You learned really well!”

“I had the best teacher…”

Miyoung smiled, proud. She put her chin over Taeyeon’s shoulder. “And now you are my teacher…”

“Yeah..funny how things ended up...” Taeyeon added, feeling a little bit awkward about the whole ordeal.

“Are you uncomfortable riding a horse with me?” Miyoung asked, her voice on a low tune. Taeyeon didn’t know what to answer.

“No.”

“Why does it feel like so, then?”

Taeyeon sighed, making Ginger stop walking entirely. “Miyoung… I don’t think what we are doing...is right…”

“Riding a horse?”

“No...everything!” Taeyeon said. “Everything that has been happening since we left that gisaeng house!”

“Please, don’t…”

“We already talked about this… And you said you understood! But it doesn’t feel like you did!” Taeyeon felt Miyoung exhaling and shaking her head back. “We can’t do this, Lady Miyoung.”

“Now, it’s Lady Miyoung, huh?” Miyoung was a tad angry and she took the opportunity to get down off Ginger.

Taeyeon closed her eyes. “This is not a game...this is not a joke! We can’t do this!”

“Why not?”

Taeyeon climbed down from Ginger herself, trying to put some sense on Miyoung’s head. “C’mon, Lady Miyoung! We’re from different backgrounds! Different birth classes!”

“So what?”

“We can’t. Please...don’t make this hard for yourself.”

“It’s you who makes this hard for me…” Miyoung stated.

“What?”

“The way you…” She shook her head. “You don’t understand, Taeyeon… You don’t understand how this ing hurts…”

“Because I don’t allow anything to happen?”

“Yes! Because suddenly you accept my advances and the next second you are refusing me altogether! What’s the problem with you?” She asked, a little bit angry. Taeyeon couldn’t believe her ears.

“Are you serious? Can’t you understand how dangerous that is? If they…”

“Who is they?” She asked, abruptly, not letting Taeyeon really think of an answer. “The king?” She chuckled. “Do you think that he cares about the love-life of a bastard born?” She asked, snorting, almost belittling Taeyeon’s own self-being. Taeyeon didn’t say anything, she stood quiet feeling her heart skip a beat. “The Magistrate?” Miyoung questioned. “Are you going to tell those decrepit scholars and eunuchs what we’re doing?”

“No!” She instantly said. If anything, Taeyeon would walk miles away from the Magistrate as she was sure she would be put to death if they realized she is a woman hiding her gender as a man.

“My husband?” Miyoung asked again. “After everything he’s done to us, and when he is so far away, you still allow him to dictate what we are or aren’t supposed to do?”

Taeyeon blinked, not understanding where that hunger from Lady Miyoung to break the rules and law was coming. “It’s not Shin Yunsuk…” Taeyeon denied.

“Heechul and Seohyun?” Miyoung indulged. “How can they even stop us? What right do they have to stop us?”

Taeyeon stood quiet.

“Why can’t you accept me, Taeyeon?” She asked, her voice on a lower tone. Taeyeon looked downwards. “I’m not gonna have you forever. One day we’ll split up to fulfill our fates, aren’t we? So why can't you accept me for this little while?” Taeyeon closed her eyes. “What is so wrong about having this little freedom for both of us?” Taeyeon had aching. Should she say it? Should she reveal that she is actually a woman? Right now? Or should she keep her charade till the end? Was it even possible to reach Rosegarden without Lady Miyoung ever figuring out Taeyeon’s true and deepest secret?

“Lady Miyoung…” Taeyeon still tried to argue. “What if… what if this becomes bigger?”

“Bigger?”

“What if this becomes bigger and lead us to… you know…” She wasn’t sure how to say the word to the lady in front of hers. “It.”

“Sharing a bed?” She guessed correctly. “If you worried about everyone around us, we’ll keep it a secret.”

Great, another one.

Taeyeon would be mortified if that scenario was the one leading to Miyoung finding out the truth. Taeyeon nodded. “I can’t dishonour you like that, Lady Miyoung…”

Miyoung sighed. “We won’t allow it to happen, then!” She said, making Taeyeon lift her head up.

“We won’t?”

“No.”

“And how do you expect us not to?”

“When we feel like it’s going in that direction, we say no, and then we stop.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“What you mean it doesn’t work like that? If I say no, you’ll keep insisting?”

“No!” Taeyeon quickly denied. “I mean… when we feel too much there isn’t much time to be rational and we end up doing it without even noticing...”

“With your strict bushido code and moral compass, it would be a miracle if you let that happen without even noticing!”

Taeyeon felt her stomach a little turvy.

“We're gonna be fine, Taeyeon!” Miyoung said, getting closer to her, placing her hands on Taeyeon’s shoulders. “I’m the Lady of Rosegarden, I’ll protect you from the noble-laws. We're gonna be fine!”

Taeyeon closed her eyes.

“We’ll have this as just… kisses! Simple kisses! We will not reveal it to anybody. We’ll have this hidden from everyone. Is that okay?”

Taeyeon turned her face to the side, still unsure. “Whatever is killing you inside, don’t let it consume you like this. Give yourself some break, some freedom, some love.” Miyoung then hugged Taeyeon. “You’re the most honourable man I’ve ever met, Taeyeon, and ain’t a couple of hugs and kisses that will take that away from you. In this world of evil men, it might be the only thing saving us from going mad, Taeyeon...”

Taeyeon exhaled, her arms lifting to embrace Miyoung around her waist. “Just kisses, eh?” She heard Miyoung smiling. “I think I can deal with that...” Taeyeon nodded, praying to the heavens that whatever they were doing, would end up alright in the end.

~~*~~

When Miyoung fell to the ground once again, she closed her eyes. “Lost again, Miyoung.” Taeyeon said, retrieving the second bell up from Miyoun