The silence following her words was deafening.

Taeyeon was so ashamed and gutted with her lie that she couldn’t handle staring at Miyoung’s face. Her gaze quickly shifted to look at the floor, beneath their shoes, as if the ground was a much more interesting spot than Miyoung herself.

Taeyeon closed her eyes, sighing, and she could swear she could hear a buzzing sound on her eardrums. The more seconds they stood in silence, the more Taeyeon could hear the continuous buzzing noise, making Taeyeon feel like she did a terrible thing.

But she did.

She lied to Miyoung in the most wrongful way possible.

That lie about her real gender was way overdue. Taeyeon should never even dare to approach Miyoung in a romantic way hiding that fact from hers. And the very first moment they shared a moment, Taeyeon should have revealed the truth to that lady.

Hiding that from her was so immoral and wrong, Taeyeon never felt so embarrassed and small in her entire life.

“I’m sorry for telling you like this, after all this time…” Taeyeon tried to speak, her eyes still not daring to look upwards. “But I am not a boy...”

A few moments of silence followed before Lady Miyoung could even be able to speak. “You’re…a woman?” Her shaking voice just broke Taeyeon inside.

When Taeyeon had the courage to raise her eyes up, Miyoung’s lips were trembling and there was a trail of tears on her face.

“I’m sorry, Lady Miyoung.”

Taeyeon gulped, feeling an utter shame engulf her completely.

When Miyoung stepped back for a second, Taeyeon tried to stop her. “Mi...young...”

“Don’t.” She said coldly, rushing herself to remove Taeyeon’s hands away from her. “Don’t you dare.”

“Miyoung…”

“Are you….even aware...of what you’ve done?”

Taeyeon had always been aware of it.

“How can you lie to me like that? How dare you lie to me like that?” Miyoung’s chilling voice made Taeyeon look away. And now that the secret has been exposed, Taeyeon had nothing else to do but to bear the consequences.

“I’m sorry.” Taeyeon said once again.

Miyoung scoffed, not believing in her ears. “You’re sorry?”

Taeyeon just lifted her shoulders. “So sorry.”

“You gotta be kidding me…”

“I’m not… I’m really sorry, Lady Miyoung…” Taeyeon closed her eyes. “I’m not a boy. I’m not this prince. And I’m not… someone you should fall in love with.”

“You...lied to me…”

“Miyoung…”

“How dare you...lie to me like that?”

“I told you, didn’t I?” Taeyeon came forward, her guts twisting for her imminent words. “I told you many times. Since we’d been crossing that desert to Stoneguard. You shouldn’t fall in love with me. Or I would break your heart. In the worst way possible.”

Taeyeon knew Lady Miyoung was hurt, but when her right hand met Taeyeon’s face in a slap, that was when Taeyeon knew she had crossed the line.

“The moment I kissed you that day.... You should have come forward and told me everything, Taeyeon! The moment I kissed you there after that night at the Gisaeng House you should have come forward to me! You had no right to hide that away from me! How dare you hide that away from me for all this ing time?”

Taeyeon stood silent, her gaze moving downwards. The burning sensation of Miyoung’s fingers starting to stir Taeyeon’s feelings up.

“You’ve kissed me on that ing ship…” Miyoung scrunched up her face. “And you made me…” She didn’t dare to finish it. “All this ing time… How ing dare you to accept all my kisses and love without even saying anything?” She pushed Taeyeon back.

“I didn’t.” Taeyeon replied, her eyes still hidden from Miyoung’s. “I always stopped your kisses and your love because I was aware of what was the meaning of it.”

“You made me fall deep in love with you pretending you are a man! Are you even aware of what this feels like?”

Taeyeon chuckled ironically. Her senses were becoming too numb to even care about that lady’s feelings.

“Is everything about you, isn’t?” Taeyeon’s voice rang a cold tune higher. “You don’t care about my feelings, or anything related to me! All you care about is you and your ing city and your ing wishes and your ing dreams!” She gutted all out, feeling completely desperate. “ Taeyeon and her desperate attempts to survive this ing world! Taeyeon and her promise to reach Hanyang alive! Taeyeon and her childhood without her parents! Taeyeon and her feelings! All it matters is me me me! Me and Taeyeon being a ing prince because I could marry him! Me and Rosegarden! Me and my feelings!” Taeyeon mocked in a childish voice. “Are you even aware of what I’ve done for you?”

Taeyeon came forward, her eyes now firmly fiery staring at the lady in front of hers. “Are you even aware of what I’ve been through to save you from your ty husband? To save you and your friends from that man? To protect you because you were the last flower of the Hwangs? I did it without an ounce of feelings for you! Never asking you to fall in love with me! Never asking you for more than friendship! But I’m the one deserving of the slap on my face?” Taeyeon chuckled. “You have no idea, Lady Hwang, how I ing tried to stop you from even getting closer to me. You have no idea how many nights I spent awake thinking if I should let you come with me or leave you to be on your own in the desert so you couldn’t dare to grow fond of me. You have no idea how pretending to be a man for all those months makes you feel empty and disconnected with your true-self. You think you are the one suffering? You have no idea, Lady Hwang… how I’m suffering right now. Everything around me is a giant mess and everything that is happening right now is about to make me go mad, but you don’t care!”

Taeyeon felt so uncomfortable there in her presence, she felt like her guts were twisting as if there was an alien inside. She turned around and felt tears running down her face.

“I’m really sorry, Lady Miyoung.” She sighed. “I really am. I am very sorry we have had to reach this point. But I am no son. I am no man. And I’m no ing prince! I’m a woman who needs to go to Hanyang to honour her late foster father’s request, dressed up as a boy as the only way to have a safe journey! And you can feel however miserable as you like, but you can’t really say that your feelings for me are directly my fault. I tried everything I could to make you stay away! So don’t you dare to put the blame on me! Don’t you dare to raise your hand against me!” She spoke firmly. “Not after everything I did for you.”

Miyoung stood silent, not saying or replying to anything.

“I have my own life and it’s so much inferior to yours, everything could be a death sentence for me and I tried so so hard to not make this a big mess. You have no idea how many times Heechul asked me to leave you all alone and don’t bother with you. You have no idea how many times he told me you were just putting me in danger. You have no idea how this relationship of ours was ing killing me inside!” Her voice and hands were shaking, and Taeyeon was barely able to feel anything else other than hurt. “You can feel betrayed in a million ways, Lady Hwang. But you can’t raise your hand against me to corner me and say everything is my fault! Yes, I did lie to you. But only in regards to my real gender, for my feelings and friendship and consideration for you remains the same...” She closed her eyes, trying to sustain herself. When she felt like she couldn’t, Taeyeon moved on to sit on the edge of the bed, her hands above her knees, and her face ever looking down. “And it's up to you to decide how we go from now on.”

When Taeyeon heard the door closing on the way out, she felt her heart sink in her chest. The sudden feeling of emptiness and shame took over her entire being all over again, and Taeyeon dragged herself to the wall, embraced her own knees and legs and put herself to cry out even more.

There was nothing else she could do other than cry.

~~*~~

The following day, Taeyeon didn’t find Lady Miyoung anywhere near the lodge. Not her or Seohyun or the rest of the girls. It’s been almost a week now that she’s seeing Lady Miyoung and her group of friends rather sparsely.

As the days went on, Taeyeon started to feel angry about the whole situation. Yes, she could understand. The Lady truly believed they would have a chance to be together, but now with the reveal of her real gender, that was impossible. Miyoung was already suffering from the fact that Taeyeon told her she didn’t feel the same way, now with the real truth exposed to her right there, that was even a bigger shock. If Lady Miyoung was already hurt with Taeyeon, now she would be a thousand times more hurt.

Taeyeon knew Miyoung needed time to even comprehend all the information she just received. And Taeyeon knew she had to come clean with Lady Miyoung one day. The problem was that there was a feeling telling her that Miyoung wouldn’t really stop treating her that way. Ever.

And that was such a gut-wrenching feeling, Taeyeon didn’t know what to do.

She knew she had to give Miyoung the distance she needed, but at the same time, they needed to resume their journey back to Riversvale. So what was Taeyeon supposed to do? Pretend nothing happened and that there was no lie, no confrontation, no arguments between them? That was impossible. It was also impossible to keep going on that journey like that, as if they weren’t really friends. As if they weren’t really part of the same band.

It also didn’t help that Taeyeon was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening related to Master Kim and that stupid rumour of the lost prince and Nam Yong-Su firmly believing that Taeyeon is the very own prince of Joseon, that she honestly thought she was about to go mad.

Taeyeon couldn’t remember the last time she felt so empty and lost in life. Even after Master Kim’s passing, the presence of Lady Boshi and the other women of the brothel house was something Taeyeon really took as precious and definitely helped her dealing with grief. But now, she was just miserable. Everything was going wrong, and there was so much misinformation happening, Taeyeon could barely keep herself together.

“I wonder if it is okay for me to sit with you, My Prince.” Taeyeon heard the voice of Nam Yong-Su’s just nearby. The fact she could recognize him just by his manners of speech made her shake her head. He stopped closer but still left a good room of space between them.

“I told you that you shouldn’t address me like that, didn’t I?”

“Just in front of others. But when we are all by ourselves, I can’t see why I shouldn’t.”

Taeyeon just shook her head. “We’re at the harbor. People might hear you. So I’d rather you stop calling me like that, Officer Yong-Su.”

“I’m sorry, My Prince.”

“I’m not him, Officer” Taeyeon said, lowly. “I’m not him.”

“Yes, you are. I know you are.”

That made Taeyeon frown her brows. “How can you even be so sure about that? You have no idea how my life came to be!”

He sighed. “Kim Minseok adopted you from that brothel house, you said. I don’t think you know what that really meant, Prince Taeyeon.”

“You mean Master Kim thought that I was this prince as well and this is the reason he took me in?” Taeyeon almost scoffed at his guess. Master Kim knew about Taeyeon’s real gender. No way he would buy this stupid rumour that she was the lost prince of Joseon.

Yong-Su took a gulp of his soju. “Kim Minseok was a very honourable man. And at the same time very rigid, with old traditional confucian values of his time. He wouldn’t adopt a child with no connection to him or someone close to him just because.”

“Was he close to King Jaeyong?” She asked him, interested.

“Not as much as one could think.” He clicked his tongue. “He slayed King Jaeyong back there in the Island and never recovered from that. I’m sure it didn’t take long for him to figure out he was fooled by King Junyong. There is no utter shame for a highly honourable knight than slaying off his king. The only way Kim Minseok would feel free from his shame was to actually take care of the last child of King Jaeyong’s. As a way to pay off his debts if you will. Adopting you and taking care of you was his last duty as a Knight.”

Taeyeon actually felt her heart racing up its beats. Was that true? Did Master Kim adopt her for this very reason? Taeyeon couldn’t tell. And it was so painful to not know anything about his story. She was sure she would be having a very different moment if she knew everything about her late master.

“I know you wanna believe in this. Hold onto this feeling of hope...” Taeyeon started. “But don’t fool yourself. I’m not this boy you’re thinking of. I’m a fatherless child, born in a brothel house in a poor neighborhood at Ironstow. There is nothing in there that could connect me to King Jaeyong and his royal family.”

“The rumours in the Island runs that Queen Sunyeon