Several alarms blur off before either one of them wakes up. Sooyoung groans and fidgets around for Jinsoul’s phone, picking it up and glaring at the screen that was flashing. Shutting it off she allows her girlfriend to curl back into her underneath the sheets, she wonders how Jinsoul can even breathe under there. Once she hears Jinsoul’s snoring once again, she glances between the girl and the phone in her hand.

Sooyoung sighs and unlocks it, surprised it doesn't have a passcode on it. She scrolls quickly through Jinsoul’s social media accounts, noticing that the girl doesn’t often go on them...her only likes are all those robots she’s obsessed with and science related posts. Sooyoung’s photos are stuck between them all, along with Chaewon’s. 

Going to Jinsoul’s dms she snorts at all the unopened messages. From girls and guys alike trying to shoot their shot, from random bots and people trying to pull her into a pyramid scam. But they’re all unopened. 

Except a few.

One is Nana’s from years ago, when they were still in highschool It’s the oldest set of messages on there and Sooyoung peaks at it.

[Avaf_skoo_nana]: Jinsoul, I’m sorry I had no idea. I wasn’t thinking straight either. It was my mistake, don’t blame Sooyoung for any of this. 

Sooyoung clicks out of the messages as soon as she sees the date. It was around that time she had with Nana in the lockeroom. Suddenly the bitter taste of guilt fills but she reminds herself it was in the past.

She didn’t know Jinsoul was in love with her just as much as she was.

Ignoring her own messages sent to Jinsoul, which started out with . She goes to actual messages and regrets opening them as soon as she sees his name. It’s Kwon, Jinsoul’s fiance, and he’s messaged her fifteen times since last night. Sooyoung wants to be petty, wants to tell him that Jinsoul’s been screaming her name all night long. That the bruises on Jinsoul’s chest and inner thighs were from her lips and teeth. That Jinsoul’s chants out I love you every time she peaks in pleasure. 

But she knows it would be from her own selfishness, and wouldn’t help Jinsoul at all. It would only harm her and Sooyoung knows better than to be immature. The alarm rings again, Sooyoung lets it go and go before Jinsoul is cursing out to her, “damn Sooyoung shut it off.” Smiling to herself she turns the device off and lays it off side of the bed. She crawls underneath the covers with Jinsoul, replacing morning light with darkness when she pulls them over her head to be with Jinsoul.

The blonde has knots formed over her eyes and Sooyoung finds it adorable, so much that she kisses them away before entangling herself with Jinsoul. The girl deeply breathes in and mumbles out, “why do you always smell good?”

Sooyoung runs the tips of her fingers up and down Jinsoul’s spine, smoothing out the goosebumps with her palm when they rise. “What do I smell like?” Jinsoul hums and it vibrates against Sooyoung’s throat. 

“Vanilla.”

“Weird.”

Jinsoul lowly laughs to herself and Sooyoung thinks of how attractive it is. “Is it? Maybe it’s because you’re so sweet.”

Sooyoung tests her luck, because she’s in love with the way Jinsoul’s laughs. She obsessed with Jinsoul’s happiness to the point we’re she’d do anything to make the girl smile. “Yeah...weird.” She wants to make up for all the years that Jinsoul’s had to fight to smile just so everyone else was okay. Sooyoung wants the girl in her embrace to truly feel a calm to the storm that’s always been following her. 

Jinsoul laughs again, the way she does when she’s comfortable and it’s okay not to say anything else. A noise will do. Since it speaks multiple feelings.

Sooyoung moves with her when Jinsoul starts to stir, narrowing her eyes as bright morning light invades. Once she gets used to the light she discovers what it brings, Jinsoul seems to belong to it with the way it paints her perfectly. Sooyoung sinks into the pillows and mattress, her hair still knotted from the sea water. Jinsoul’s is too, blonde waves flow over sun tanned shoulders. Twisted with salt and her own hands. 

She can’t stand it. Sooyoung can’t stand how hard her heart is beating.

“What’s wrong?” Jinsoul asks with no seriousness in her tone. She looks exceptionally tired, but with acceptance. Like she was glad to be exhausted, like the way it is when she’s worked hard on something. Dark circles contrast the genuine smile on her lips and Sooyoung has to reach up to drag her thumb across the pink slips of flesh just to make sure they’re real. They are, they’ve been on her countless times. In reality and fantasy. 

Sooyoung sighs, “it’s nothing.” Is what she says.

What she wants to say is I can’t imagine my life without you.

Would I really have the life I wanted without you by my side?

Jinsoul seems to understand though as if she’s reading the words in her mind through the reflection in her eyes. “Do you want breakfast?” Sooyoung’s tummy growls on cue and her cheeks tint red as Jinsoul laughs it off. It takes minutes for the blonde to finally get all of it out, simply thinking everything is fun when she’s around Sooyoung. The girl must be her umbrella, always shrouding away the rain as it pours. Jinsoul’s world was nothing but clear skies when she with Sooyoung.

Sooyoung let’s Jinsoul crawl over her, but sheets slip away and remnants of last night appear. Sooyoung gets a weight placed on top of her chest when she sees bright red nail marks on Jinsoul’s hips, teeth indentations on her waist. It’s all in bold. Every mark has her name printed on it. Jinsoul’s is hers and Sooyoung almost feels primal with how possessive she is with the girl. How’s she’s never been a fan of doing things that’ll show the morning after. But every time she’s with Jinsoul is the darkest hour of the night she has the urge to imprint her name on the girl’s skin.  

Maybe it’s because she’s never felt like Jinsoul was hers when she’s always belonged to Jinsoul. Maybe it’s because she thought Jinsoul would get lost again and she needed a reminder for where home was. Sooyoung wasn’t for sure why she was so rough with something she held so gently. Why she wanted to break what she thought was the most fragile thing she’s handled. Why she wanted to destroy the thing that she protected so fiercely.

Grabbing onto Jinsoul’s waist, she pulls the girl into her lap. Jinsoul doesn’t protest, really, she greedily accepts Sooyoung’s invitation. Because she wasn’t a fragile thing. Jinsoul wanted to feel Sooyoung’s desperation, she liked knowing how badly Sooyoung needed her. The kiss they share brings it to a whole. The way Sooyoung’s lips press against hers and how teeth nip whenever she pulls away too far. How hands try and pull her closer and closer when there’s no more space to fill.

Jinsoul has to open to breathe when Sooyoung’s hands sneak to the area where it makes her weak. That makes her show how desperate she is with the breath she lets out. Sooyoung mumbles the words that she so wants to hear onto her already swollen lips, “one more time? Can I have you for breakfast?” The blonde would have never thought a question like that would make her eyes crossed.

But here she was, being eaten alive like she was the best meal on earth.

~~~~

Sooyoung doesn't know if she was starving or if Jinsoul was that good at cooking. She eats the food on the plate faster than Jinsoul can scrape it out. This was the way her body had shown exhaustion, not like Jinsoul’s sleepy eyes. But with a bottomless gut. Jinsoul snorts at her when she fits an entire spoon full of rice in . “How are you eating like that? Have you even breathed yet?” Sooyoung looks up at her sheepishly, Jinsoul was makeup free with her hair in a up ponytail. The only thing that covered her body was a thin but large t-shirt. Sooyoung can feel that pain in her chest once again, but she wouldn’t say it hurt...she wishes the pressure would stay forever.

Swallowing hard she gives an embarrassed response, “yes..I have.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and fills her plate with the rest of the food she fixed. Sooyoung’s eyes glare at every little piece, it’s not minutes later until it’s all gone. Patting her stomach she leans back into her chair, “when did you learn to cook so good?”

Jinsoul is only eating toast, Sooyoung notices how she’s been eating less and less lately. It doesn’t sit entirely well in her gut. Jinsoul smiles and shuffles over to sit next to her, “me and chae were alone a lot, so I usually made food for us, since Dad and...her were someone else in the world.” Sooyoung wishes she didn’t ask because something dark glints in Jinsoul’s eyes, like a painful memory. She rubs her ankle against Jinsoul’s hopefully bringing her back down to the present day, where she didn’t have to worry about that stuff.

The blonde slowly eats her toast, narrowed eyes at Sooyoung. “Are you worried about Kwon?” Jinsoul asks carefully, “I saw where his messages were opened.” 

Sooyoung turns red and scratches her ear. Jinsoul isn’t angry in the slightest, but she had caught Sooyoung red handed. She never opened Kwon’s messages, only deleted them. Jinsoul wanted Sooyoung to trust her however. She didn’t know how Sooyoung felt about him still talking to her.

“Not really.” Sooyoung replies, she was worried about Jinsoul’s safety, that was all. “He doesn’t bother you does he?”

Jinsoul shakes her head, allowing Sooyoung to press further. “Can I ask? I...don’t really know how much I can.” Jinsoul reaches over to steal Sooyoung’s cup, drinking out of it without breaking the staring contest she was having with the girl in front of her.

Bringing the cup down and her lips she raises one brow, “do you think talking about this stuff is hard for me?” It’s a question Jinsoul already knows the answer to. She knows she shows weakness when reliving a moment from her past but that doesn’t mean it hurts. She’s moved on, this was where she was now. Right where she wanted to be. 

“I didn’t say that, I just asked if it was okay.” Sooyoung softly reassures her, telling her she’s not trying to treat her like she’s a vase being close to breaking. But as a person who has a choice. “That’s all.”

Jinsoul doesn’t smile but she feels like it.. “No, he doesn’t bother me, he’s just annoying at most. I’ve ignored him for years.”

“You said you’ve been with him since…” It’s killing Sooyoung, she has to know. She doesn’t understand why it’s eating at her. “Have you two ever um..”

Sooyoung swallows hard when Jinsoul calmly laughs out, “What? Slept together or kissed or anything?” Nodding her head she curls into herself from how immature she’s being. But being with Jinsoul makes her feel like that naive teenager again. Wanting to know every single detail and being able to get jealous at the whole narrative that plays in her mind. 

It plays out as a horror movie. From Jinsoul laughing at his jokes to holding his hand. To him saying everything she wants to hear. Then doing everything she doesn’t want. Sooyoung closes her eyes when she pictures rough hands on Jinsoul’s smooth body. She squeezes them shut when she imagines his lips creating shaky breaths. That he doesn’t hold her like she wants to be held.

“You look like you’re about to have a . Does the thought of me being with someone else make you that mad?” Sooyoung huffs when Jinsoul reaches over to pinch her cheek, amused at how jealous she is. “If you wanna know so bad…” 

Sooyoung is tugged by the back of the neck closer to Jinsoul, where her ear brushes against the girl’s lips. She focuses on the still crackling stove, the smell of it still in her face. But her body reacts to how close Jinsoul is, so sensitive when she’s never been. “I’ve never been with anyone but you.” Sooyoung tilts her head, she must have heard that wrong. “You were my first.” 

“Wait.”

That has to be wrong, because she remembers Jinsoul telling her how she likes it, and how she couldn’t get the image out of her head. “You think I’m lying?” 

Sooyoung glances sideways at the blonde, “I only said those things to get in your head.” 

Jinsoul leans back when Sooyoung faces her, so close that their noses are bumping. “What else have you done?” Jinsoul smiles but doesn’t move, making it a little more intense than it seems.

“Remember when I was telling you all about the guy I liked?” Sooyoung widens her eyes, how could she be so blind. “You’re an idiot Ha Sooyoung.” Jinsoul screams as she’s almost pushed out the chair, Sooyoung only clings to her shirt keeping the blonde’s balance. 

“I love you, ya know?” 

Jinsoul grips her wrists tightly, afraid of falling but also afraid of Sooyoung’s words. “You just let me hate me didn’t you, all those years you allowed me to believe whatever I wanted.” Helping the blonde up she rubs the side of her head gently, “it was so frustrating because I could tell that you were fighting something. I just didn’t know what.”

“Everytime you tried to get close to me again, I didn’t accept it, because I was afraid the next day it would just be another lie.”

 Sooyoung lowers her head.“I changed because of you.”Jinsoul brings her hand up to cover the one that was laid against her head. 

First the first time Sooyoung doesn’t see regret in the blonde’s eyes.

There’s something changing in them as well.

~~~~

Sitting in the driver’s seat, Sooyoung taps on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. She and Jinsoul were waiting for practice. Looking over at her girl friend who had her face stuck to the vents she snorts and pokes at her waist, receiving a groan. The blonde in Jinsoul’s hair was starting to darken and Sooyoung couldn’t keep her fingers out of it. Picking at a strand she questions the girl, “sure you won’t be hot?”

Jinsoul was wearing longer shorts today and a large t-shirt. A contrast from her usual bikini that she wore that drove Sooyoung crazy. “Rather be hot than show everyone that you have an obsession with biting me…” Sooyoung turns red and looks out the window, “seriously, I don’t get it, crazy .” Jinsoul sighs remembering Sooyoung’s face when she was complaining about all the marks on her body, thankfully none was visible. 

“Sorry, I thought you liked it.”

Jinsoul draws back from the vent, indents of it imprinted on her cheek, “I do...when I’m about to I love everything you do.” Sooyoung’s eyes darken at her words and lips are glossed by a tongue that Jinsoul’s become addicted too. Jinsoul has to point a finger in her face, “don’t you start either, we’re taking a break.” 

“A break?”

“Yes.

Sooyoung smirks sleazily, “we’ll see about that.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and presses her face back to the vent, knowing that the girl’s words were nothing but the truth. She had no control over Sooyoung but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Her side is being poked again and Jinsoul grabs the hand to squeeze on it, she didn’t realize how much attention Sooyoung needed. When they were younger the girl hated it but now Jinsoul could do whatever she wanted to Sooyoung.

About to crawl over the seats and bust it open for her girlfriend there’s a knock on the window. Sooyoung and her both jerk their heads to the noise. 

Jinsoul panics, cursing silently to herself, “why god this has to be a ing joke.” Sooyoung feels like she’s staring right at Haseul, but she knows better since Jinsoul’s windows are extremely tinted, so much that you couldn’t see in. They sit there silently afraid to make any move and Sooyoung makes a fearful noise when Haseul presses her face to the glass trying to peek inside.

“Nosey .”

Jinsoul taps on Sooyoung’s chest trying to tell her to lean her seat back as climbs over the middle part of the car to sit in her lap. Making sure Sooyoung isn't visible, with the seat all the way back Jinsoul pretends to just be chilling in her vehicle, blowing out a stressful breath of air she rolls down the window with a fake smile.

“Heyyy Haseul what’s up? Why are you here?” Jinsoul grits through her teeth while Haseul tries to hop up to look inside the vehicle, Jinsoul hangs out the window to prevent her from doing so...she knew exactly what Haseul was trying to do. 

The short girl glares at her, her hair has gotten longer since she last saw her. “Hey miss ugly.” Jinsoul ignores it and rolls her eyes when Haseul starts to glance around, “I’m getting back on the team.” Jinsoul’s nostrils flare and Sooyoung covers her face up with her palms to contain the groan she wants to let out, just when things we’re starting to go the way they wanted them to go something just had to happen.

“Of course you are.” Jinsoul cuts the bull. “And why do you think that’s a good idea?”

Haseul stops staring out into the distance, and turns to look straight into her eyes, “so I can be around Sooyoung? With you out of the picture it’s only a matter of time before she comes crawling back to me.” Jinsoul wants to punch Haseul right in her perfect nose. But she’s gonna be the bigger person, because if she were to say ‘oh really? Well she was ing me good last night and eating the breakfast I made this morning’ wouldn’t be the most mature thing to do.

And Haseul is dangerous, she’s close to Kwon, who is the person that still bridges her to her mother. If Haseul were to find out anything it would get to Kwon and eventually her mother. In turn, it would be a stupid mistake. The one thing Jinsoul needed to do was keep Sooyoung by her side, no matter how much she wanted to brag that the girl was finally hers. 

Instead, she finds a way to still be petty, “Haseul we both know where she’d be if you weren’t such a trifling .” The shorter girl clenches her jaw, but relaxes it to smile.

“We’ll see who she pays more attention towards today!” With that the girl leaves and Jinsoul narrows her eyes at the skimpy bikini Haseul has on. Rolling up her window Jinsoul is silent at first, thinking just how she was going to pull today off. First, she didn’t need Haseul to be suspicious of her and Sooyoung, second, she needed Sooyoung to only pay attention to her. Or this practice may end in another bloody nose.

Jinsoul was strategizing, but was interrupted by a giggle. Forgetting that she was even sitting on Sooyoung’s lap she turns to see the girl smiling. Scoffing she jabs Sooyoung in the tummy, “you like this don’t you!” 

Sooyoung holds her hands up in defense as Jinsoul starts to poke at her face playfully, “no jesus! I just-” Jinsoul stops poking her to listen, her arms crossed with an eyebrow raised, “okay maybe I like seeing you jealous is all, it’s cute seeing you get riled up ready to fight for me.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and turns around, ignoring Sooyoung’s soft pleas of forgiveness.

Jinsoul leans back when Sooyoung starts to gently caress her waist, pulling her back into her hold. Jinsoul sighs when Sooyoung kisses the side of her jaw, “you’re such a little hoebag sometimes you know that?”

Sooyoung snorts and scraps her teeth across the part of her jaw where Jinsoul’s is sensitive, “true playa for real.”

Groaning when Jinsoul jabs her in the elbows she laughs but quickly shuts up when she hears the timid voice, “you’re allowed to look at her...just don’t do it enough to make it hurt.”

Jinsoul looks at the situation at hand and Sooyoung learns that everything that Jinsoul’s been saying is the truth. It seems like everyone is against her. Hugging around the girl’s waist she whispers out against blonde hair, “baby, you know I’ll always look to you. I have my whole life, why would that change now?” 

The blonde holds the hands situated at her belly, “you always know what to say.” Turning in Sooyoung’s lap she scrunches her eyebrows together. “She knows Sooyoung, the whole thing.” Sooyoung nods, knowing what she means by the tone of her voice. 

“What do you need me to do?”

Jinsoul sighs and leans into Sooyoung, knowing that the next few hours are gonna be rough. She knows exactly how they’re going to pull this off.  

“I need you to be yourself.” 

~~~~

Sooo maybe I’m starting to like this story more? Still kinda mad it’s going on forever...when can i end this properly. I hope everyone is still liking it! Next time on this poorly written telenova we will see what Jinsoul means by telling yves to be herself.  Enjoy MWAH! 

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