17 years ago

“Daddy, where are we going?” Jinsoul flips around her untied shoes, popsicle in hand. Her dad took her everywhere with him.  

He was her favorite person at that time. 

Dr.Jung doesn’t answer he only adjusts his rearview mirror, smiling at his daughter in tiny overalls. Jinsoul’s hair was done up in cute pigtails. His grip tightens on the wheel. He can only hope his daughters presence will help him not be so bitter. 

Jinsoul is lifted out of her car and sat on the ground. She giggles and grabs her dad’s hand as they walk on the dirt road. Looking up it’s a kinda big house, but age has done numbers to it. The home sits in the valley, surrounded by woods and far away from the city where she lives. 

He has his emergency kit in his hand. Age hasn’t got to him yet, his smile was still genuine. Looking around there’s a small garden out by the house and there’s a few kids playing around. He looks toward the porch of the home. 

His old friend stands there. Dr. Jung frowns, he looks frail. His oxygen tank sits beside him. “Hey you!” The weak man coughs out and steps down the stairs. Dr. Jung smiles when he’s pulled into a hug. They haven’t seen each other in over five years. 

He had moved back to the coast just to treat this man, one of his best friends he grew up with. Mr. Ha tilts and looks down at the little girl clenching to his leg. He waves at her, “Hi tiny thing what’s your name!” Dr. Jung snorts and looks down at his daughter, she hides behind his legs, her glasses pushing into the fabric of his dress pants. 

“Wow I can’t believe you’re back...you’ve got two now don’t you?” Mr. Ha asks and in turn Dr. Jung nods. His beautiful girls, he’d never let anything happen to them.  

Reaching behind him he pats on Jinsoul’s head, his daughter was a bit shy. “As soon as I heard about your...condition I had to come.” Dr. Jung sadly sighs out. His friend wasn’t always the healthiest, nor the greatest friend either. 

He’d left this city not on the best terms with his old friend. Mr. Ha coughs and smiles, his lungs were not strong enough anymore. He was dying. But Dr. Jung was a hell of a doctor so he’d see to it that he lived long enough to see his children grow up. 

At least that’s what he thought, until he saw her.

Out comes the love of his life, she gasps when she sees him. By her side was two girls. They looked just like him. Especially the taller one. Had the exact same face as his old friend. 

The one that stole his fiance from him. The friend that had almost killed him over this woman. The same woman that had cheated on him and got pregnant with the little rat by her side when they were engaged.  

Be civil. 

Mr. Ha and him were good friends, before his fiance, who was now Mrs. Ha, had gotten pregnant with his child. Dr. Jung dipped from the city then, not without a fight however. One that almost got him killed. 

He still doesn’t know if her forgives his old friend for sticking a knife in him. 

A drunken night, when he was still numb from what happened, he had mistakenly got with the wrong girl. Now he was married with two. He hated the mother of his children, but he loved Jinsoul and Chaewon. He was glad they looked like him. 

Smiling he looks back up to the man who ruined his life...almost.  

“Jinsoul go say hi and play while I speak to Mr. Ha,” his daughter shakes her head against his legs. Looking towards the porch he sees that his ex was pregnant again. Taking a deep breath he bends down to talk sweetly to his daughter, “Come on, you'll want to make some friends right? You’re starting school in the fall.”  

Jinsoul shakes her head no. She gulps at the tall girl with scratches all over her face. “Daddy has to fix his friend okay? Don’t be shy.” She nods and goes up to the porch.  

Mrs. Ha pushes her older daughter with a smile, while picking up her two year old. “Sooyoung be nice,” she says with a serious tone. Her daughter was a bit mean. Plenty times at the park she’s had to stop her daughter from hitting boys that would mess around with her. 

Jinsoul smiles and sticks out her hand. “Hi my name is Jinsoul!”  

It confuses Sooyoung, so she pushes the girl down the stairs. Jinsoul starts to cry when she lands on her hand funny. “Ha Sooyoung!” 

“She was going to hit me!” Her little sister was giggling. It was funny seeing that girl roll down the steps. Dr. Jung runs towards his daughter. Picking her up instantly to hold her close to her chest. 

Sooyoung actually feels bad for the first time.  

After Jinsoul is all fixed up she’s sat in the middle of the couch. Sooyoung is giving an whooping and a stern scolding by her mother.  

Crossing her arms she walks up to the sniffling girl. Such a cry baby, “sorry I pushed you down the stairs.” Jinsoul wipes her snot and tears. 

“It’s okay.”  

Sooyoung pouts, remembering what her mom said or she wasn’t going to get cake after dinner. “There’s this really cool puddle outside, do you wanna see it?” Jinsoul smiles and nods her head. 

Later on they’re both giggling and splashing in the puddle. Sooyoung’s face is covered in mud and Jinsoul’s shoes are sunk in the water. Sooyoung throws mud at Jinsoul and the girl whines when some gets on her glasses. 

Sooyoung smiles however, glad she’s found a new friend. 

~~~~  

14 years ago

Sooyoung holds up the tooth she just pulled out, “look Jinsoul we’re going to be rich!” Her best friend that was playing in the water looks up and claps her hands together. They were out in Jinsoul’s garden, the younger girl was playing in the small pond in the middle of it. 

Running towards her, she splashes the water as she meets Jinsoul in the middle. They both stare at Sooyoung’s tooth, huddled together under the hot summer sun, trying to cool down in the murky water. “I’ll buy you an ice cream with the money the fairy gives me.” 

Jinsoul looks at her friend who was now missing a tooth and giggles, “you look stupid.” Sooyoung shoves her and Jinsoul loses her footing and falls into the water. Sooyoung grabs her stomach since she’s laughing so hard.  

Until Jinsoul grabs her to pull her down as well. The water thankfully is shallow and they wrestle in it, getting mud caked in their hair and their clothes soaked through. Jinsoul is crying when Sooyoung is on top of her, keeping her down in the mud. 

“Wait...where’d my toof go.” Jinsoul raises her head up from where it was stuck in some mud and gasps. She looks up at Sooyoung who was missing her tooth, her tan skin almost dark as the mud as they were playing in.  

Jinsoul screams when Sooyoung pulls her hair, “MY TOOTH MONEY JINSOUL!”  

They continue to fight the entire day, not serious enough for one of them to get hurt. This is how their summers went, constantly playing out in the sun or inside when it was pouring the rain. They were best friends after all and they were stuck together like glue.  

It’s Jung Jinsoul and that Ha girl again.  

You wouldn’t ever see either of them not smiling however. Because they were the happiest they could possibly be.  

Later when Jinsoul is washing the muck out of Sooyoung’s hair she pinches her arm, “you’ll still buy me ice cream right?” Sooyoung glares at Jinsoul who is grinning at her.  

“I guess…” Sooyoung’s convinced furthermore with a kiss on the cheek in which she rubs off as quickly as she was given. 

~~~~ 

13 years ago 

The boys won’t stop throwing rocks at her, Jinsoul cowers underneath the playground. Her savior wasn’t there to protect her from the snot-nosed boys. She had slapped the main one when he tried kissing her.  

Boys were icky, Jinsoul didn’t want to kiss them. 

Sooyoung was probably still mad at her for earlier. She had wanted to go to the beach and swim but Jinsoul wanted to stay at the playground and swing. Sooyoung had left her swinging and that’s when the boys surrounded her. 

One rock hits her and it lands between her eyes. Jinsoul starts to cry, that one really hurt. Suddenly the rocks stop hitting her. Opening her eyes, she first noticed that her glasses are cracked. Next she notices Sooyoung beating up all the boys that were bullying her.  

Jinsoul runs to her when the boys start running off, she slams Sooyoung into a hug, “thank you...thank you so much.” Skinny arms wrap around her protectively and Jinsoul’s never felt so safe. Not even with her parents who over time, spent less and less time with her. 

Now Jinsoul was constantly with Sooyoung in her family...because that’s where her heart belonged. “I’m sorry Jinsoul, I won’t leave you no more.” Jinsoul squeezes tighter and snuggles into Sooyoung’s chest.  

When she finally pulls back Sooyoung has a scratch above her eyebrow, her smile shines in the sunlight. Her front teeth were coming in, it made her look just like a bunny. Jinsoul tears up. 

Sooyoung was her guardian. 

Her best friend. 

~~~~

11 years ago  

It was colder out these days, Sooyoung only seemed to find warmth in Jinsoul’s arms. They were in Sooyoung’s bed. The sheets pulled up to their chests. 

She could barely see over the blanket. Jinsoul was rubbing circles into her back and Sooyoung was snuggled into her side. Her legs entangled with Jinsoul’s own.

The girl propped up on a few pillows has a book in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Sooyoung. Reading quietly out loud as the rain outside beats down onto the windows. 

Jinsoul always read to her on rainy days. She doesn’t know what she loves more. Jinsoul’s voice or the stories she told. Really thinking about it...she thinks she could go without a story and not without the slow drawl of her best friend’s voice. 

Sooyoung rubs her face into Jinsoul’s chest. Liking how the fuzzy sweater felt on her skin. She could almost fall asleep like this, but Jinsoul keeps her up by pinching her ever so often. 

The door creaks open, it’s her mom. Sooyoung wipes her eyes as she raises up in the bed. Jinsoul sits comfortably in the pillow seat they had made.  

Mrs. Ha smile and brings in two cup. Sooyoung sighs when she smells the chocolate. They sit on the edge of the bed as they sip on the sweet beverage. 

Sooyoung loved days like these.  

~~~~ 

9 years ago. 

“Are we going to catch fireflies again tonight?” Sooyoung asks her. Jinsoul shrugs and keeps digging in the dirt. 

The girl was planting some roses in the garden. Jinsoul was maturing fast. She started to understand that she and Sooyoung weren’t like normal girls. 

At school she noticed that other girls weren’t as close as they were. Asking around, apparently it was gross to kiss girls if you were a girl yourself.  

Jinsoul doesn’t mind however, all she needed was Sooyoung. 

It would be them forever.  

She was sure of it, “we can, I kinda wanna watch movies tonight too.” Sooyoung nods she leans back onto her elbows soaking in the hot sun while Jinsoul managed her mother’s garden.  

Tilting her head back she hums, feeling the summer heat. 

Planting the last rose Jinsoul looks towards Sooyoung. Jinsoul smiles, the girl was getting taller and was so skinny. Even then, she had a lot of baby fat on her face. “Soobunny you’re so cute.” Sooyoung glares at her, Jinsoul knows she likes it though. 

Wiping at the scratch on Sooyoung’s cheek she pinches it making the older girl groan. Sooyoung looks up to Jinsoul, her friend was starting to get really pretty. She got a lot of attention from the boys at school. 

Sooyoung made sure to run them off.  

The only person Jinsoul needed to give attention to was her. Sooyoung was the only one allowed to receive affection.  

Jinsoul knew that too. 

“Thank you for showing me them Sooyoung, the fireflies.” Jinsoul shares a look with her best friend. One night she was going on and on about the stars. Wishing she could see them up close. 

Jinsoul was in love with the stars. 

They were so beautiful yet so far away. Bright and always showed up in her dreams. In the darkness she didn’t have to be afraid, because the stars would always shine. 

Sooyoung had showed her the closest thing to them. One night the girl had dragged through the forest and into a field. Where thousands of tiny stars flickered right in front of her face. 

The girl had taken a jar and captured some, shaking them right in front of Jinsoul’s face. She was in awe, the jar in Sooyoung’s hand was like her own little universe.  

When they had laid down to look at the real ones Jinsoul had showed Sooyoung something as well. Jinsoul always liked the taste of bitter things. 

She saw the good in everything. The best example was Sooyoung. Many people said that Sooyoung was just a short tempered brat. Did nothing but get in trouble. 

Jinsoul thought Sooyoung was a sweetheart that was just misunderstood.  

She was so overwhelmed with emotion that she leaned forward and had her first kiss.  

Jinsoul had fallen in love with something else.  

It wasn’t the glittered specks of lights that painted the sky. Not the tiny creatures that glowed behind the glass of the small mason jar. Jinsoul had fallen in love with something she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with.  

It was the girl laying beside her. Whose eyes twinkled in the darkness. Who’s cuts and bruises she’d clean up. Who constantly listened to her no matter how much she talked. The girl who understood her and knew her like no one else did. 

The girl she shared something special with.

She didn’t really know in that moment though. How she was falling in love. 

And really, could she even call it love then? But that’s what she felt like. Similar to what the characters in all those books she read to Sooyoung. The ones that explained the emotion of love in explicit little details. Ideas that Jinsoul would daydream about and switch the characters out to her and Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul would blush when she’d read a scene where they kissed. 

All those girls in school talking about how they’d get the butterflies around the boy they liked. Jinsoul would sit quietly and listen to them, wondering why she’s never felt that way.

Jinsoul didn’t know because no boy made her float in thin air like Sooyoung did. Really, it was Sooyoung giving her all those fluttering feelings. 

She wasn't sure how to explain it, no matter how much she’s read in books or listened to those girls blabber on. Nothing could explain how Sooyoung made her feel, it was just...happiness.

She loved Sooyoung as much as she did the stars.

“You’re welcome egg-head.” Looking at Sooyoung, she feels the emotions again. The ones that she read about in those books. The ones that those girls talked about when talking about their crush. 

Jinsoul wasn’t normal was she? 

Leaning forward she presses her lips against her best friends again. They’re so soft but this time instead of the bitter taste of wild strawberries doesn’t stick to her lips. It’s a sweetness of a peach, Jinsoul can’t get over it so she moves her lips against Sooyoung. 

But then she pulls back, Sooyoung still has her eyes closed. Jinsoul giggles and shoves the girl. Her best friend proceeds to blink out of her daze. Raising up from where she was leaning on her elbows to lean on the back of her hands. 

Jinsoul wants to do it again. Because she likes it so much. Her curiosity is piqued, so she leans back over to press her lips back against Sooyoung’s puffy ones. She likes this. A whole lot more than she should. 

If she could, she’d spend all day kissing Sooyoung. Because finally she can relate to those characters in the books and those girls in her class. Except, it’s not exactly the same. 

She just doesn’t know it yet.

Mrs, Jung is walking outside with a glass full of water. She was going to check on her daughter. 

The glass drops to the ground and she screams. That girl was here again. 

And she was kissing her daughter. 

~~~~ 

Dr.Jung pinches the bridge of his nose. He was just trying to do his work but his wife had bursted into his office, “that **** was here again and guess what she was doing with our daughter.” He looks up from his papers, he was trying to open a hospital in Japan.  

It was the life out of him.  

“She was kissing her…” His wife hisses at him like it’s the most disgusting thing in the world. Narrowing his eyes he doesn’t see the big deal, who cares if they were smooching each other, they were twelve. Kids who were probably just having some fun. 

Mrs. Jung hated Ha Sooyoung. Even more then she hated the girl's mother. Dr. Jung had gotten over it, him and his old friend had closure. Now the man was on his last breath. He admired Ha Sooyoung, she was just like her father.   

Charming and braver than any kid he’s ever seen. The last thing, the thing that had ruined his life once, and now would be a pain in the . Stubbornness. 

Sure he could tell Sooyoung to stay away from his daughter. But the hell would that do? The kids would just sneak around. And his daughter would become even more distant from him than she already was. 

If it was his way he wouldn’t bat an eye. But his wife was seething. So he guesses he had to do something, “they’re just kids, it’s probably just some phase. Give it a year or two and Jinsoul will have a boyfriend.” He feels a headache coming at the the thought of Jinsoul having a boyfriend. 

The image replays in Mrs. Jung’s mind, her daughter leaned over, her hand cupping that girls jaw. It wasn’t something that kids did for fun. The kiss she had witnessed was an abomination.  

That girl was always around Jinsoul. They were always together. Jinsoul shouldn’t be spending her time, all her time with some child like that. Especially a girl.  

“Fine, but if I catch them again you’re doing something about it.” The door to his office is slammed.  

He groans and lays his head down, he hopes that Mr. Ha and the kids were alright.  

~~~~

Jinsoul is setting up some towels on the sand. She was waiting for Sooyoung and her dad to come so they could swim for the entire day. 

She remembers being taught how to swim, how Sooyoung instantly got it and was like a fish in water but it took her a little longer. Eventually she became interested in surfing. 

Jinsoul was scrubbing at her board, usually Sooyoung would help her out try to balance and ride. Saving her if she got wiped out. 

Mr. Ha would sit on the sand and watch the girls play. How their smiles reached their eyes and were brighter than the sun beating down on them. 

Sitting the board up in the sand Jinsoul shakes the excitement out of her hands. She and Sooyoung were attached to the hip and the longer she went without seeing the girl the more antsy she would get.  

Swimming was Sooyoung’s favorite thing to do during the summer. Jinsoul would be stuck staring at the girl who liked to just float for hours. Feeling the water underneath her body. 

Jinsoul tries to float to but it never works out. She was too afraid of drowning. 

Sooyoung helps her though by holding her underneath and whispering words of encouragement. Jinsoul floats in pools where it’s quiet and the movement isn’t as scary. 

There she could float for hours, Sooyoung barely holding her up while she closed her eyes and listened to the girl’s soft tone.  

Feels like you’re in the clouds right?

Floating became one of Jinsoul’s favorite things to do.  

But she liked calmer waters, while Sooyoung liked to feel the push and pull. She guesses that’s just another difference between them amongst the many.    

Jinsoul sits in the sand and closes her eyes, imaging Sooyoung’s face. Cute cheeks and plump lips stretched for a toothy grin. She couldn’t wait to see her today.  

She couldn’t wait another second to see her best friend.  

Seconds, turn to minutes, and minutes turn to hours. Jinsoul is still sitting at the beach alone and the sun is dropping in the sky. 

She doesn’t know why she starts to cry. Today was the first day Sooyoung hasn’t come without a word of warning. 

At the hospital Dr. Jung runs through the hallways. He was stuck in a meeting and got a call. Someone that hasn’t called him in over ten years. 

His ex-fiancé, once the love of his life. His title no longer served him.  

Daddy are you going to fix him?

He slams into the room. One nurse is there patting the back of a crying woman. He looks at the heart monitor. 

Flatlined. 

Dr. Jung let his old friend’s life slip between his fingers. He falls to his knees and weeps.  

Now Ha Sooyoung, Hyunjin and two beautiful twins were left without a father. 

One that he couldn’t fix 

~~~~ 

Seven years ago. 

Sooyoung has changed a lot in the past two years. She’s grown taller, her face has matured a bit and her whole personality has taken Jinsoul for a loop. 

She’s waiting for her at the entrance, they’ve been in highschool for little over a month now. Jinsoul doesn’t know exactly when the change happened but she didn’t want to blame it on the sudden… 

It’s been two years without him now. 

Her best friend has gotten a lot more clingy but Jinsoul didn’t mind it at all. More or less she fed into it. Giving Sooyoung the attention she wanted whenever she needed.  

Jinsoul was becoming popular, fast. People seemed drawn to her. She was incredibly nice and liked talking to everyone. It helped that she was pretty and one of the stars on the volleyball team despite being a freshman.    

Her heart quickens up when she sees the bus pull in. She bounces on her feet, almost impatient to see her best friend.

In reality, she had became needy too.  

People talked about it a lot. While they brushed it off as Jinsoul just being the kind person she was they looked oddly towards Sooyoung. 

Sometimes she couldn’t help it. Jinsoul just wanted to kiss Sooyoung’s cheek and see her blush red and hide her face in her elbow. Or hold her hand just to keep her close.  

People found it strange that they were so attached with one another.   

Sooyoung had become shy, a lot different than the girl that Jinsoul had grew up with. Rugged with a temper with a short fuse. It was like the roles had reversed. While she’d walk through the halls with her head held high, Sooyoung would meekly follow behind her. 

She’d smile while Sooyoung would look at the floor.

Jinsoul didn’t want to come off as possessive, but seeing that she was the only one that Sooyoung was comfortable with, made her zone out in class. How she couldn’t wait to rush out and go find the girl in the hallways to lock elbows with her. 

To see that smile.  

Sooyoung was all hers.  

Jinsoul leans on her tiptoes and bounces watching the kids come off the bus. Finally, she squeals when she sees Sooyoung. Her eyes still closed from lack of sleep. 

There was a reason Sooyoung wasn’t getting any sleep, because Jinsoul would usually keep her up all night on the phone.

Skipping towards her best friend she pulls her into a tight hug, earning a groan or two from the taller girl. Jinsoul only giggles and walks them towards the entrance. Sooyoung awkwardly shuffled her feet since Jinsoul didn’t give her much room to walk. 

“Good morning sleepy head.” Jinsoul sing songs to Sooyoung who was glaring at her. They walk through the hallway side by side. Sometimes Jinsoul had to give Sooyoung some space because oddly enough the girl really liked being alone. 

Unlike they used to, they didn’t spend every waking moment together. Jinsoul guesses it was because they were getting older. But Sooyoung seemed like a loner, she didn’t really talk to people, only did her work and went along with the day.  

The girl really liked her peace and quiet. 

So now, when they did find time to spend together, Jinsoul would cling onto her like she was going to disappear any second. Every moment she spent with Sooyoung she cherished and would smile about late a night when she’d write in her diary about the girl. 

Jinsoul squeezes into her side. Beaming a smile at Sooyoung who is sulking. 

Stopping at Sooyoung’s locker Jinsoul starts to fix the girl up. Her tie was crooked, her shirt was not tucked into her skirt and she had a bit of chocolate on her face.  “God do I really have to do this every morning?” Sooyoung smacks her hand away. 

“Yup!” Jinsoul glares at the older girl as she smirks. Sooyoung was still mean, but never ill-intentioned. It was more of a teasing manner. So Jinsoul her thumb to rub the chocolate off ignoring how Sooyoung’s eyes hood at the sight. 

Then with a wink she grabs the collar of the girls shirt and pulls her close. Jinsoul redoes the tie and everytime Sooyoung tries to pull away, she just tugs her right back in. Finally she redoes some of the buttons of the girls shirt and tucks the front in her skirt. 

Sooyoung grumbles out a thanks and opens up her locker. Jinsoul only rubs at her back as she’s pulling out her books for the day. Sometimes, she couldn’t keep her hands to herself. How could she when her best friend was this cute and soft.

Sooyoung hums at the affection and leans into her touch. “Hey Jinsoul!” She turns around and sees some of the girls from her literature class. One of them was named Nayeon and the other was Jihyo.  

Quickly, Jinsoul falls into conversation with them. They’re nice girls, she guesses. They’ve never went passed a simple conversation. But Jinsoul knows they’re not nice like she was, because they don’t even spare a glance at Sooyoung. 

It makes her blood boil. 

Jinsoul could already tell Sooyoung was falling behind her socially. She never thought something like that would happen. Sooyoung has never been the timid type and was more headstrong. In highschool she avoided others and didn’t say anything when people would gossip about her. 

There was another reason too, Jinsoul tended to forget about it. Like right now, when she doesn’t notice the stares Sooyoung is receiving in the hall. 

She already had a hefty group of friends, Sooyoung didn’t have a single one. Jinsoul considered her best friend sense of humor pretty entertaining and she was truly gorgeous, not counting the fact that she was such a thoughtful person. So she didn’t understand why people didn’t accept Sooyoung as easily as they did her.

Maybe Jinsoul was a bit bias.  

Not wanting to leave Sooyoung out she reaches behind her to try and find her hand so she can hold it. Just to let the girl know she still remembered she exist. 

The one thing Jinsoul didn’t want to happen between them was distance. She didn’t want to drift apart from Sooyoung because she was gaining popularity. Jinsoul would make sure that Sooyoung was her priority.

Jinsoul wouldn’t allow Sooyoung to think that she’d forgotten about her just because she had new friends. No Sooyoung was still the most important, this was just being friendly. 

They wouldn’t become estranged childhood best friends. Jinsoul wouldn’t fall into one crowd while Sooyoung was left behind alone. Thinking that Jinsoul has lost interest in her.

Except when she feels around for her favorite hand to hold it isn’t there. Jinsoul turns around and Sooyoung’s not there. Her heart sinks along with her smile. 

Jinsoul hopes that Sooyoung doesn’t think that she was forgetting about her. 

~~~~ 

At lunch she searches the cafeteria before finding her. Jinsoul skips along the crowd to Sooyoung who was sitting alone at a table. “Hey you!” The girl is picking at the school lunch which looked nasty Jinsoul wasn’t going to lie but it was strange seeing Sooyoung so...small. 

The girls shoulders were slumped and her face was all sad. Jinsoul hated it. Sitting down she reaches for her hand, “Sooyoung what’s wrong?” Expecting her hand to get squeezed like it usually does she frowns when Sooyoung pulls it away. 

“It’s nothing Jinsoul,” Sooyoung looks at her with dark eyes. Almost glossy with tears. She doesn’t say anything though because when something was bothering Sooyoung it wouldn’t come out if she asked. Jinsoul had to be patient. So they eat their lunch together in silence, thankfully the next time she tries to hold her hand underneath the booth Sooyoung allows it.  

Some of the girls from earlier come by and only look at Jinsoul, ignoring the girl in front of her. “Hey you wanna sit with us?” Jinsoul blinks at the two and looks to Sooyoung, who has her head tilted down. 

“Um sure!” Jinsoul slides out of her seat and pulls Sooyoung up with her. If today could get any worse it does. 

The two look at Sooyoung for the first time, “actually we...didn’t mean her too.” 

Jinsoul cracks a smile, when she’d like to crack a fist into each of their faces. “you know what! I don’t want to so...bye!” They stare at Jinsoul with shocked faces as she pulls Sooyoung out by the hand. 

The girl wasn’t so happy either, “you could have sat with them I’m fine Jinsoul.” She doesn’t listen to Sooyoung and her self pity. Dragging her outside to where the athletic fields were.  

They stop at a palm tree and Jinsoul shoves Sooyoung into it before pointing a finger into her face, “I don’t like those es. So stop acting like I’m gonna pick them over you.” Sooyoung widens her eyes and blinks at the finger almost touching her nose. 

Jinsoul was sick of it. She didn’t want Sooyoung thinking that the only reason she still stuck by her was because she felt sorry. “I was just saying,” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at Sooyoung’s tone. 

“Well let me just say this,” she steps up closer to the girl. “Were not doing this okay?” Sooyoung knits eyebrows up, showing signs of confusion. But soon they soften back up when she finally gets it. Jinsoul is glad her message is understood. 

No matter what, we’ll be friends forever right? 

Right Jinsoul?   

They’re sitting underneath the tree now, Jinsoul entangles her fingers with Sooyoung’s and leans her head on the girls shoulders. “I don’t like the way they look at you.”  

She knew exactly why too, the same reason her mom...didn’t want her to be around Sooyoung. The girl never denied it, but her uality had been questioned a lot. 

Sooyoung liked girls.  

“You’re my best friend no matter what, I’m not sticking around out of pity, but because I love you.”  

Jinsoul had never been told directly, but Sooyoung’s hinted at it. Neither of them liked thinking about it because Sooyoung was already experiencing exclusion at school. It was all people talked about.  

She didn’t want to blame it on that. Jinsoul wanted it to be because Sooyoung was shy and that she barely talked.  

Not something as innocent as love.  

Leaning back she turns her face to see Sooyoung already looking at her. The girl blushes and quickly changes the direction of her gaze. Jinsoul only gently cups the side of her face and brings her back, “you know that right?”  

Sooyoung nods and closes her eyes to the touch. Jinsoul gets embarrassed when she hums, “I can’t believe you called them es.” They break out into giggles and Jinsoul finds a way to fit into Sooyoung.  

“Well they are? I miss it when you would just slap kids silly when they were mean to us.” She hums and stuffs her face into Sooyoung’s arm. Jinsoul guesses they can spend the rest of lunch here. Leaned against each other.

When Sooyoung replies she can feel the movement against her cheek, “when they were mean to you Jinsoul, they’re not anymore and I don’t mind it.” She doesn’t like that answer but Sooyoung doesn’t let her argue. 

Jinsoul shuts up when Sooyoung tells her to.  

She ends up falling asleep, Sooyoung was just too comfy.

They skip the rest of classes just to nap underneath the sun. Jinsoul would catch up in no time. But she didn’t want to lose a chance to be with Sooyoung.  

~~~~ 

Covering her face up she flinches every time she hears the loud snap of her coach's voice. He was yelling right in Sooyoung’s face and Jinsoul couldn’t bare to watch. 

No freshman girl should be broken down like that by a man pushing 50. Jinsoul may have been a star on the team, but Sooyoung was the star of the team. Already, Sooyoung was starting on the varsity team as a defensive specialist. 

She was quick, it was almost unbelievable. Although Sooyoung was really good at the sport, their coach constantly zoned in on her. She wasn’t perfect of course, but she was amazing. Jinsoul sometimes wanted to strangle the man from how harsh he could be to Sooyoung.  

Peeking through her fingers she feels tears building up in her eyes. Sooyoung only nods and bites her lips as she’s cussed at and called everything in the book.  

Jinsoul doesn’t know how this passes as coaching but hey, he’s took teams to state for the past 17 years.  

“Damn it!” He finally walks away and blows the whistle. It was the end of practice. Everyone stares at Sooyoung who was still nodding her head.  

One of the seniors shake her head and pat Sooyoung on the back before heading to the locker room. 

Jinsoul doesn’t understand. Walking up to Sooyoung she grabs her on the elbow, “come on let’s go home.” For the first time ever Sooyoung jerks away from her touch. Like Jinsoul burned her. 

Holding her breath she watches Sooyoung chew on her nails. “I’m gonna stay and practice some more.” Jinsoul isn’t going to let that happen, they’ve already practiced for almost three and a half hours. Sooyoung needed the rest. 

Grabbing her arm again Sooyoung pushes her off, “ off Jinsoul.”  

The tear that was hidden in her eye actually falls. Sooyoung was breaking, she didn’t know what to do about it. She’s been breaking for two years and this was the first visible crack. 

And while Jinsoul thought she’d be the one to pick up the pieces. The one that puts Sooyoung back together. She’s actually the one that shatters Sooyoung. 

She just doesn’t know it yet. 

~~~~ 

Popping an apple slice in she continues with her story, “then he just ignored the teacher and kept dribbling the ball like a .” Sooyoung smiles at her and Jinsoul can’t help but feel warm inside. 

This weeks been normal, well the past few have been normal. Sooyoung was starting to be more relaxed at school. Jinsoul didn’t feel this weird tension with her and they were finally talking again.  

Of course Jinsoul didn’t avoid her when Sooyoung was giving her the silent treatment. They just hung out...without saying anything which was kinda weird. 

But one day it started to ease out. Now they were back to normal, actually Jinsoul would consider it better than normal. It was like the summer before they came into highschool and didn’t worry about anything except for having fun. 

It finally felt like just the two of them again.  

Holding up her spoon she feeds Sooyoung a bite of her pudding. Jinsoul can’t help but scrunch her nose up at Sooyoung. She really was too cute for her own good.

Their feet are interlocked underneath the table and the skin of Jinsoul’s leg burns against Sooyoung’s. They don’t notice the wandering eyes of the school. 

Jinsoul starts to complain about her teacher overloading her with homework as she continues to feed Sooyoung her pudding. As they play footsie under the table she leans closer and closer to the girl. Her voice getting quieter. 

Sooyoung listens to her closely, with one hand resting underneath her jaw. That was one thing Jinsoul loved about Sooyoung. How she would just sit there and lend an ear. She just stared with soft eyes would make Jinsoul feel some type of way. 

Lunch is almost over and Jinsoul can’t help but pout. She wishes she had at least one class with Sooyoung but nope, she didn’t have one. Jinsoul’s already gotten her phone taken from texting the girl too much during class. 

“Did you hear Sunmi’s new song?” Jinsoul raises her brow and shakes her head. Sooyoung squeals and breaks out her iPod and goes to her music, “listen!” Jinsoul lays over cross the table. The excitement bubbling in her chest from seeing Sooyoung so...happy. 

She really missed seeing that smile. 

Her best friend breaks into rant about her favorite pop star. Apparently she was doing some solo stuff on the side. Jinsoul bops her head to music until Sooyoung blurts out, “god she’s so hot.” Jinsoul stops and looks at Sooyoung. Who is red as a tomato with her eyes closed. “Um I mean- I.”

Jinsoul thinks quickly, she wanted to make Sooyoung comfortable, “I know right!” Sooyoung blinks at her and she only smiles.  

The next thing she knows Sooyoung is going on and on about Sunmi and how she absolutely adores her. She loved when Sooyoung would just blabber on like this. It was her turn to listen.

Jinsoul sighs to herself, because she absolutely adored Sooyoung. 

~~~~ 

Walking into her sisters room she groans, “I can’t take it anymore Chaewon!” Jinsoul throws herself onto the pink sheets and receives a curse or two from her 13 year old sister. 

“Not today Jinsoul I’m...busy.” Jinsoul looks over. Chaewon was just going to town on some rhythm game. She didn’t look that busy. 

Jinsoul gets comfortable in the bed and Chaewon rolls her eyes. Knowing she’s not getting rid of her anytime soon unless she listens to her. Shutting her DS off she gently puts it down before kicking Jinsoul. “OW!” 

“YOU ALWAYS RUIN MY PEACE!” Jinsoul feigned offense before giggling to herself. Chaewon was going to sit there and listen or she would tell their evil mother that the younger girl messed up her blender again.  

Laying on her tummy and propping her feet up she starts, “she was so freaking adorable today Chae I can’t take it anymore! One of these days I’m actually gonna have a heart attack.”  

“You always say this, everytime.” 

“Listen! After practice it was so mmh her hair was in this cute ponytail and she was all smiley have I told you how much I love her smile? Oh chae she was like ‘we talking tonight?’ I thought I was gonna pass out!” Chaewon watches her sister grab her chest and sigh, kicking her feet against the mattress. 

She keeps going on and on about Sooyoung. Chaewon is thankful that Jinsoul hasn’t been sad in the past couple months and all the talking has been easy to ignore. What wasn't easy to ignore was when Jinsoul was crying over Sooyoung. Now that’s when Chaewon actually listened. 

Her sister...really really liked Ha Sooyoung. Why? Chaewon wasn’t for sure. She guesses Sooyoung was pretty, well...she would rather not comment(she thought Sooyoung was cute too). But besides that the only thing Chaewon liked about her sister's best friend was that she was really funny.   

Chaewon’s been getting these talks for almost a year now. At first it was just talking about Sooyoung, what they did that day and how she was doing. Then progressively Chaewon noticed her sister kept smiling and twirling her hair.  

Blushing, whenever she’d say the girl’s name.

Jinsoul now would talk about how much she liked this and that thing about Sooyoung. How much she loved her.

“Her hands are so much bigger than mine! It’s like we’re meant to be together Chaewon I really think...oh wait!” Jinsoul’s cell is ringing, pulling it out she squeals when she sees the contact. Chaewon looks over as well and gags at contact name. 

My baby <3<3<3 is calling  

Jinsoul scrambles to answer it and Chaewon watches as the girl gets happier and happier as she talks on the phone with the one and only. The younger girl rolls her eyes, her sister was so lovesick.  

“Stop playing, you know I would come over.” Chaewon goes back to playing her rhythm game when Jinsoul starts flirting. Pacing back and forth in her room, giggling onto the speaker. It’s sick, Chaewon thinks it’s sick how bad Jinsoul has it for Sooyoung. Can’t believe she a bird.

Jinsoul bites her lip at the low mumble of Sooyoung’s voice, she didn’t know why, but the sleepy tone was addicting to listen to. “Sooyoung, if you don’t…” The girl was telling her that she was watching this really cool movie, that she wishes Jinsoul was there with her. 

She doesn’t end up getting to go stay over with Sooyoung, but she stays on the phone with her until she falls asleep. Jinsoul listens to the soft snores on the line while she pulls out pen and paper. 

The thumping in her chest driving her to write out the words. 

Dear Ha Sooyoung 

I want to tell you how you how much I love seeing you smile. 

~~~~  

Adjusting her hat Jinsoul runs to the door. Behind her was a ton of people, kids and their parents, all dressed up as creatures of the night and super heros. It was Halloween at the Jung house and every year they threw a big party. While Jinsoul had a strained relationship with her parents, well really, just her dad since she’s never had one to begin with, with her mom. They always made the effort in making it seem like they were the perfect family. 

So parties like this happened. Where her mom would chit chat with all the parents, talking about herself mostly and the new book she was writing. While her dad would stuff his face in the kitchen.  

Most of the adults stuck around in the ball room and dining area, places Jinsoul never sat foot. Their place was a mansion but rarely did she come out of her room if she wasn’t at Sooyoung’s. Jinsoul’s friends and some kids from school...a lot of them were in the lounge down the hall.  

All night she’s stuck by the door. Waiting for her best friend to come. She felt out of place without her. Opening the door up she gasps first, then blurts the first words that come to mind, “oh my god...woah.” Sooyoung smiles at her before her siblings knock into her running inside. Jinsoul is still awestruck as she stares at Sooyoung. 

Mrs.Jung across the room snarls her nose up in disgust. At the rowdy kids, at her daughter being all smiley with her, and most of all, the pretty woman that walks in that gives Jinsoul a hug. Jinsoul never hugged her.  

“You look cute my little one!” Ms. Ha pinches her cheek and Jinsoul giggles. 

Sooyoung is still smiling behind them, “please I’m grown now Miss Ha.” The woman only chuckles at her before giving her forehead a kiss. She walks off into the kitchen, probably to go find Jinsoul’s aunt she was really good friends with. 

Jinsoul groans when Sooyoung tilts her hat down over her face, “what’s up cowgirl.” Her view is only brown now but she can still hear the melody of Sooyoung’s giggle.

“I’m not a cowgirl! I’m Woody from toy story!” Pushing her hat back up she loses her breath again. Since when was Sooyoung this pretty? Jinsoul melts in her spot and laughs off her nerves. Sooyoung had a black suit on, with a hood made with cat ears and a pair of yellow goggles perched on her head. 

Taking in a deep breath she shakes her head when Sooyoung asks her, “you like my costume?” She doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she liked it, probably more than she should. Jinsoul was finally understanding how girls could go crazy over their crushes. How your thoughts went blank and all you could do was bounce on your feet and laugh at their jokes. The feeling of your insides going to mush whenever they smiled at you 

“Janet Jackson?” 

Sooyoung’s breathtaking smile drops, “no I’m catwoman.” Jinsoul smacks her arm but still laughs because god Sooyoung was so damn pretty. She thinks she died and gone to heaven when Sooyoung hugged her tightly for a greeting. “But your my .” Jinsoul swoons in her arms and Sooyoung pretends to drop her for a second before holding back on. 

Jinsoul squeals and they immediately fall into conversation. Forgetting about the crowd behind them. After all, when Sooyoung was around, Jinsoul tended to only look at her.  

Sitting on a couch, back where all their classmates are. Jinsoul leans her head back onto the cushion. She has a cup of punch in her hand, while the other one plays with Sooyoung’s utility belt. The girl was talking about volleyball, Jinsoul was having her turn in being the listener.   

It was like being a secret tucked away in this crowded room. All the people around sharing gossip with each other. Telling each other secrets.

But really she had the biggest secret in the room. 

Jinsoul  had the biggest crush on Sooyoung.  

Not always has she known it, but she started figuring things out about a year ago. How she wanted to kiss Sooyoung and how she wanted to have that cheesy romance with her. Jinsoul’s heart would race thinking about it. Jinsoul wanted to go on dates with her, wanted to see her waiting by her locker every morning. To hold her hand while hanging out.  

What most girls where begging for at this age. Their first boyfriend. Jinsoul was praying that it would be Sooyoung. 

Although she really didn’t know how to go about it. 

Of course, they were already close, and well she didn’t have to worry about Sooyoung to be repulsed by it. But still it was so scary. She was sure she was in love. God she had to be in love or she wouldn’t feel this way.  

Jinsoul wrote love letters, every night, for almost a year now.

Sometimes they would be short and to the point. Just saying how cute Sooyoung’s ears looked. Sometimes they’d be pages long describing how much she adored Sooyoung. Detailing her desire for them to be something forever.   

As they got older, Sooyoung got prettier, Jinsoul got more lovesick. Her stupid homones and the flowing happy chemicals in her brain made her . Jinsoul wasn’t for sure how she was going to survive much longer if Sooyoung wasn’t hers. 

She’s spent a lot of time reading about it, romance. Love. Crushes.  

There was only one cure, either heartbreak or a confession.

Jinsoul wasn’t surprised to find herself falling in love with her best friend. But how couldn’t she, Sooyoung was perfect. 

She doesn’t realize how close she’s leaned in listening to Sooyoung until a deep voice pulls them apart. “Hey Jinsoul you and Sooyoung wanna play?” Jinsoul pulls her gaze away from Sooyoung and up to someone familiar. It’s Doyeon, probably the most popular freshman. 

The girl rubbed Jinsoul wrong in many ways. While it was nice at first, having someone actually pay attention to Sooyoung, Jinsoul soon would find herself getting annoyed at how much the taller girl would touch her best friend.  

However, she would play nice for now. “Sure!” Spin the bottle wasn’t the most ideal game. Especially when it was affiliated with truth or dare. But Jinsoul drags Sooyoung off the couch and into the middle of the floor.  

There’s a bunch of girls and boys around and it makes Jinsoul nervous. They were all looking at Sooyoung.  

The game goes on pretty normally, there’s a lot of kissing and stupid dares. Also a lot of gossip from people picking truth. 

When it’s Jinsoul’s turn to go she gulps nervously. Sooyoung’s turn was truth, they asked her if she liked someone in the room. 

Sooyoung had said yes and it was all Jinsoul could think about. Who did her best friend like? Was it her? There were so many girls that it was hard to tell. But Sooyoung liked someone. 

There was a chance it wasn’t her. 

Jinsoul doesn’t know what she’d do if Sooyoung likes someone else. Her life would be over she thinks. The thought of Sooyoung being with someone else made her want to vomit.  

Spinning the bottle they all watch it spin until it lands on...Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul blurts the first thing to come to mind, “dare.” She was still thinking about Sooyoung. 

Some boy in the corner celebrates but she doesn’t notice. Sooyoung does however and starts to get paranoid. “I dare you to...go into the closet with Ha for ten minutes.” Jinsoul blinks at the girl across from them. Why was that a dare. 

“And you have to kiss her.” 

Oh

“That’s one to many, do you know how to count ?” Sooyoung protests and Jinsoul looks over towards her. She doesn’t like the look on Sooyoung’s face. It makes her heart drop.  

The girl shrugs, “I don’t make the rules and it could just be a cheek kiss or something.” Sooyoung visibly relaxes and Jinsoul tenses up. Was the thought of kissing her that bad? They’ve kissed before...was it… 

Sooyoung liked someone in this room. 

And it wasn’t Jinsoul.  

Sooyoung was freaking out and Jinsoul knew why now. Why she was making that terrified face. Sooyoung didn’t like her in that way, Jinsoul wants to cry. 

Her first love didn’t love her back. 

She isn’t given time to think about it when they’re shoved in a dark closet down the hall. Jinsoul’s heart is beating so loudly. The people outside either go silent or leave. 

It’s silent for at least a minute, “it smells in here don’t you think?” Jinsoul is staring at the outline of Sooyoung’s silhouette. All those thoughts of them going on dates, them holding hands. Her kissing Sooyoung is changed into a faceless girl. 

One that Jinsoul was jealous of, afraid of. She doesn’t know how she’d survive. But she would, because all in all she was still Sooyoung’s best friend.  

So she’d fight through it, just to give Sooyoung support and lend an ear like her sister has given her when talking about her crush on Sooyoung.   

But still Jinsoul is nosy, “who you have a crush on?” 

“Huh?” 

“Don’t do me Sooyoung you said you like someone, who?” Jinsoul’s tone gets more and more strained biting back tears. 

Her best friend has the audacity to lie to her, “I was just doing that to shut them up.” 

“Oh please, I saw how red your face was! Sooyoung don’t act like I don’t know you!” Jinsoul didn’t expect it to blow out into an argument but she was so bitter and jealous.   

She doesn’t notice how close they’ve gotten in the closet, they’re whisper-yelling into each other’s faces until Sooyoung whines out, “isn’t it obvious Jinsoul!” She’s about to retort until her mind goes blank. 

Obvious? How could it be, Sooyoung never showed signs of liking someone. “Isn’t it obvious, god you’re so stupid sometimes.” 

“I’m not stupid!” 

“Clearly you are!” Jinsoul shuts up then. Looking at her watch she sighs. They only had three minutes left. 

Sooyoung is close to her and the closet becomes stuffy. She can feel the heat radiating off the girl’s body and it makes her stomach twist. “It can be on the cheek right?” Oh, yeah the dare. Jinsoul had almost forgot. 

However, she was feeling bold. Still she felt angry that she didn’t know about Sooyoung’s crush but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have her way. She could give Sooyoung a reason to forget about whoever that girl was, “what if I don’t want to there?” 

“Oh…” Jinsoul almost misses the heat of Sooyoung backing away. Before she grabs the girls costume belt and jerks her back closer, closer than before to her. Sooyoung’s breath hitches at the promixiety of their faces. 

This is what Jinsoul’s dreamed about, tilting her head up she likes how Sooyoung is just a bit taller than her. “You’re so stupid sometimes too Sooyoungie.” In the darkness she tries to find her favorite pair of lips.  

It’s hard but she can feel Sooyoung’s hot breath. She uses it for guidance. When their noses bump together that’s when she closes her eyes. Gripping on tightly to the girl’s belt she shivers when hands go to grip her waist. 

They’re shaking against her and it’s the same feeling she has in her chest. She was so anxious, but at the same time eager to just lean forward and claim what was hers.  

She can hear Sooyoung swallow. It drives her closer, so close she can feel the ghost of her lips against hers. Chills run up and down her spine when Sooyoung squeezes on her.  

God this was so much better than what she imagined.  

But dreams don’t always last, when the door to the closet opens. They break apart and Jinsoul watches in horror as Sooyoung is squirted with something unimaginable with a water gun. It smells and it covers the girl. 

Jinsoul is breathing hard as they all laugh and call Sooyoung names. Some of the boys even push on her. Jinsoul starts to cry, this was a nightmare compared to earlier. 

“Yo miss dyke! You really thought you were gonna get it with Jinsoul!”   

“ really thought…” 

“Jinsoul probably was scared less in there, I would be too if I saw those chiclets for teeth trying kiss me!”  

“Please Jinsoul’s such a dumb she probably doesn’t even know that weirdo drools over her.”

Sooyoung reverts back to her old self, and slams her fist into the first jaw she sees. Jinsoul cringed when she heard the crack. Sooyoung proceeds to fight, it’s at least a few boys. 

She’s sobbing when Sooyoung gets elbowed in the nose. 

Jinsoul sees her mother and Ms. Ha run in with a bunch of other adults. Breaking up the fight, Sooyoung stills kicks a few times and is pulled away by her mom while this random boy was held by his dad. 

“ you! Don’t ever talk about Jinsoul like that!” Ms. Ha tries to calm her daughter down, who had a busted nose and a nasty gash above her eye. Mrs. Jung shakes her head, her party was ruined. 

Jinsoul clenches her fist tightly when her mom looks at her, “what happened?” 

She’s about to tell the truth, until the boy who started it blabbers out, “that weirdo was trying to kiss Jinsoul so we stopped it!”  

Jinsoul watches her mothers face morph into anger and disgust, “that’s not what happened Mom!” Mrs. Jung doesn’t even look at her. Only at Ms. Ha and Sooyoung. 

Her sisters are piled behind her. The twins cling to Hyunjin. Jinsoul’s mom goes to point right into Sooyoung’s mom’s face, “you and your kids are a bunch of animals! How dare you let them ruin this for me!” 

“Momma why she sound like a villain,” Hyunjin asks from behind. 

“I don’t know baby.”  

Mrs. Jung starts to get red in the face, “especially this one right here.” Sooyoung grimaces at the pointing finger. “She’s corrupting my daughter! Jinsoul is going to have trauma from all of this! It’s not natural, she is a freak and I will not allow my daughter to be influenced by her!” 

Sooyoung hangs her head down low, “she is going to ruin Jinsoul! And those gremlins behind you are going to ruin Chaewon!” 

“Stay away from me and my family!”  

Stay away from my daughter

Mrs. Jung steps forward but Ms. Ha pushes her back, “listen you ing mess of a , you will not sit here and disrespect me or my children.”  

“I don’t give a of what you think, but the only thing gonna ruin your kids is your manipulative self.” Jinsoul is staring at Sooyoung who is protectively held by her mother. “I should teach you something by calling my daughter a freak. You should be ashamed of yourself talking to a child like that, she’s perfectly fine the way she is.”  

Ms. Ha spares a glance at her, “and Jinsoul and Chaewon are amazing kids, so you shouldn’t be worried about anyone but yourself, because you the only one that’s gonna ruin them.” With that the Ha family leaves. 

Everyone is silent in the room as they shuffle out. Jinsoul is stuck at the corner of the room. Her mother comes over to check on her, “don’t touch me!” She was so embarrassed. 

Jinsoul runs up to her room and slams the door, throwing down the cowboy hat. She hated her mother more than anyone and many times she would get speeches on how she should start looking for a boyfriend. 

Jinsoul knew her mother would never accept her but she didn’t care. Because the Ha family would and that’s all that mattered. She loved Sooyoung, she would be with her.  

All those words she said about Sooyoung, it ignited a fire in Jinsoul.  

The only thing Jinsoul worries about was her father. If he didn’t accept it, then maybe it would hurt then, only then. Crying in to her pillow she thinks of Sooyoung. She hopes she’s okay.

Sooyoung’s mom cleans her daughters face, she shakes her head. Those kids were so damn mean and for what? Because her daughter was a little different?  

She was proud of Sooyoung and so thankful to have a child like her. All her children she were thankful for. She loved them so much, “momma are you mad at me?” She shakes her head and kisses Sooyoung in the forehead before hugging the girl. 

“Am I a freak?” It breaks her heart to hear it. How this world could be so cruel to them. That woman was the absolute devil. She’d like Sooyoung to stay away from it all. But judging by the looks of it, Jinsoul was someone special to Sooyoung.  

She wasn’t the one to mess with a love like that, “no baby, you’re not a freak. I love you no matter what okay?” She leans back and cradles her daughters face. “Don’t listen to none of them, they were born without a heart. Now you smell, go run the bath.” Sooyoung giggles and pulls away. 

Watching her daughter move up the steps she stops her one last time, “oh and Sooyoung?” The girl turns and looks at her. She’ll protect her baby no matter what, and support her for the rest of her life. 

“I think she likes you too.” 

Her goal was the keep that smile on her baby’s face, the one that she was looking at right now. 

~~~~ 

The next morning Sooyoung is getting a big pancake breakfast. She eats her grits and eggs before digging into the stack of cakes her mom made her. 

Her mother kisses her on the head before telling her she loves her very much. Sooyoung really feels it in her heart, her family was the best.  

Meanwhile Jinsoul’s mother is lecturing to her. How Sooyoung is an abomination with the rest of the Ha family and that she is forbidden to see them again.  

Jinsoul is told she will find a boyfriend and finally realize what’s wrong with what she has with Sooyoung. She’s told that Sooyoung is someone who will turn up nothing life, she won’t bring Jinsoul the love and success she deserves.   

Jinsoul is to focus on herself. Not some girl who distracted her.

Sooyoung is nothing but some poor trouble maker, only manipulating Jinsoul for her own selfish and evil needs. 

Jinsoul yawns, this was so boring. As long as her dad didn’t say anything then nothing would happen. She could take her mother’s harsh words over and over again.  

As long as she had her father’s support, then it would be alright.  

~~~~

Jinsoul throws rocks at her window, she bounces up and down when she sees Sooyoung’s head pop out.  

“You know you could just go through the door!” Jinsoul shakes her head. 

“Ain’t I cuter this way though?” Batting her eyelashes and squishing her own cheeks, Sooyoung scoffs at her. Jinsoul then rushes into the warm home and up the steps to her best friend. 

Bursting into the door she melts when she sees Sooyoung’s battered face, “my poor baby!” Sooyoung grumbles as Jinsoul rushes toward her to plant soft kisses all over it, squeezing the girl tightly into her arms. 

They haven’t talked in a few days, since technically Jinsoul was grounded, and didn’t have her phone. She had sneaked out however and now she was apologizing over and over again for what had happened at the party.  

Sitting on the bed Jinsoul stares at the bandages on her face. “I’m so-“ 

“Stop you’ve already said that fifteen times.” Jinsoul sulks and finally shuts up. She stares at the carpet for a moment before going back to taking in Sooyoung. 

It’s killing her, she really wants Sooyoung to tell her who she likes. Maybe she thought Jinsoul would be grossed out if it was a girl at first. “I know Sooyoung...that you’re um g-gay.” Sooyoung slowly turns her head toward her. With her eyes narrowed. “I’m not bothered by it at all, in fact! I think it’s neat.” 

Jinsoul starts to blush and feel nervous under Sooyoung’s glare. Until the girl bursts out into laughter, Jinsoul doesn’t know what’s so funny but she laughs along. 

She chokes up when Sooyoung giggles out, “god Jindori you’re so cute.” It’s a blow to the heart. One that feels way too good to be true.  

She takes her chance with Sooyoung’s good mood, “will you tell me who you like now?” Sooyoung smiles and tilts her head before taking a deep breath. Jinsoul swallows harshly when the girl nods her head. 

Sooyoung wiggles a finger for Jinsoul to come closer and so she does. Gripping at Sooyoung’s sheets as she does so. Sooyoung scoots closer to her, laying a hand over hers before leaning in. Jinsoul closes her eyes when Sooyoung’s lips barely touch her ear, her stomach turns into nothing but knots. 

You’re the only girl that I like.  

Jinsoul pulls back quickly and falls in love a little bit more. The blush dusting across Sooyoung’s cheeks makes it unbelievable, was she dreaming. “Why would I like someone more than you?” Shaking her head she shrugs. 

She can’t stop staring into Sooyoung’s eyes that were filled with affection. When her gaze moves to her lips, Jinsoul can’t seem to think or breathe anymore. “I wish we had more time at the party...in the closet.” 

“Yeah?”  

Jinsoul nods her head, suddenly her lips are dry so she them. It’s noticed by Sooyoung who now was slowly leaning forward. “Well we have all the time in the world now.”  

Just like at the party, their noses bump together and Jinsoul tilts her head to the right. She had a death grip onto Sooyoung’s sheets now. Closing her eyes she can only hear the shallow breath that comes from Sooyoung’s lips and the drumming beat of her heart. 

Two years she hasn’t kissed Sooyoung like this. But this time it’s all different.  

So much different.

Their lips meet hesitantly and a thousand fireworks go off in Jinsoul’s head. Sooyoung’s lips were so soft. Pulling back she finally starts to breathe again. Their eyes flutter open and Jinsoul can see how dilated Sooyoung’s pupils are.  

The girl looks about as in love as she was.  

Isn’t it obvious Jinsoul?

Oh...Oh!  

Jinsoul surges forward at that moment. She felt like the luckiest in the world. Throwing her arms around Sooyoung’s shoulders she smacks her lips onto the girl’s over and over again. This was so much better than she imagined. 

It was addicting. 

The kiss is awkward but neither of them want to pull back. It was something the both of them had been waiting in forever. Jinsoul’s lips start to swell up from how much they kiss, Sooyoung’s hands rub at her back as they keep at it.  

It’s an incredibly sloppy kiss. Nothing like in the movies, but Jinsoul pulls closer and closer to Sooyoung. Almost trying to crawl in her lap, when she chews on her bottom lip Jinsoul almost passes out. 

The door opens and Jinsoul screams as she’s shoved off, “OOPS SORRY!” 

Sooyoung stares at Jinsoul who was tossed on the floor and back to her mom standing with a wide smile at the door, “mom…” Sooyoung groans out and Jinsoul blinks out of her fuzziness. 

Sooyoung was such a good kisser.  

They start to argue then, or more that Ms. Ha is teasing while Sooyoung whines and cries. Jinsoul is pulled back up and sat on the bed by her best friend.  

Ms. Ha is smiling at her daughter, she really didn’t expect to walk in to see the two teenagers making out. But it almost felt like a relief. Looking past her embarrassed daughter she sees Jinsoul smiling devilishly, still touching her lips as if that didn’t just happen. 

Later that night Jinsoul is still buzzing from the kiss, as she and Sooyoung watch a movie on the couch, entangled with each other. 

Snuggling into the girls chest she thinks, 

This must be the best feeling in the world. 

~~~~ 

This must be the worst feeling in the world. Dr. Jung stares at the glass shattered everywhere in the kitchen, his daughter sits crying in the middle of it all rubbing her cheek. 

His wife had slapped her, he had walked in right after it happened. He stands idly by as papers are shoved into his face. 

He’s had a long day at work, he just wanted to pop open a bottle and start drinking. 

“Look at this! LOOK!” 

He doesn’t look, he doesn’t care. Jinsoul is sniffling in the corner of the kitchen. “Our daughter is writing love letters to that one freak of a child Ha Sooyoung.” He closes his eyes, he just wants to drink.

“Jinsoul go up to room okay?” He calmly says. 

He looks at his daughter that looked as broken as the glass on the floor, “okay daddy.” The girl runs away as her mother scoffs and rips some more of the papers up. 

“It’s not right! She’s going to end up becoming nothing in life, you’ll have no legacy!” He stares at his wife...the person he hates the most.

“Who gives a about legacy.”  

She gasps and looks at him, “you’re telling me you don’t care? That it doesn’t bother you that our daughter is writing love letters to a ****?” Mrs. Jung seethes out, like it was the most disgusting thing in the world. 

“She should only be enamored with men! Think about our image!” He narrows his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

Dropping his bags he shakes his head, “she’s fourteen, I would rather her be with someone known her whole life than some boy who only has one thing on his mind.” 

“Oh and that girl doesn’t?” 

Dr. Jung shakes his head. He shuffled toward the cabinet to get his bottle of whisky. He was nothing now, he couldn’t even protect his daughter.  

“How would people look at us if our daughter grew up to be with someone like that, I won’t have it!” 

Taking a big swig he feels a bit better feeling the burn go down his throat, “then don’t, Jinsoul can do what she pleases to, we can’t dictate her life like that. We can only support her.”  

It’s silent then, he keeps chugging the alcohol down. “Don’t you want her to be a doctor?” 

“Of course I do.” He groans out, but just because he wanted her to be one didn’t mean she had to be one.  

“I want a divorce.” He slams the glass down at the words. “If you don’t do something about it, I’ll divorce you and take everything you own.” 

“Including your girls.” 

His hand shakes, the blood dripping down onto the counter.  

“You’re nothing but a lowlife, just like them.”

~~~~ 

Jinsoul is dragged through the forest, the only warmth being from Sooyoung’s hand despite being layered in clothing. The girl in front of her had a lantern that illuminated their path. 

Although they weren’t going to see the fireflies, but the moon and stars were still out there.

The leaves crunch beneath their feet and Jinsoul would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared.  

When they’re finally in the field, the grasses are all dead and make funny noises when the wind blows. Sooyoung keeps her close as the lantern creaks back and forth. 

They settle in their usual spot, where the grass has been worn down and there’s old blankets sitting around. Sooyoung sits the lantern down and lays onto the ground, waving Jinsoul to come as well. 

Something is so dreamy about this, it’s like everything is a fog around her head and the only thing clear is Sooyoung. 

She sits between her legs and leans into her front. Sooyoung keeps her warm by wrapping her arms around her waist. Leaning her head back onto the girl’s shoulder she looks up at the sky. 

“Awe Sooyoung the sky is cloudy!” They both look at the dark sky, the stars weren’t glittering at all. The moon only peaked out from time to time. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Jinsoul shakes her head no and closes her eyes. If she can think hard enough she can see the stars in the darkness. “I have something for you.”  

She doesn’t open up she only hums when Sooyoung moves around a little bit. Suddenly there’s something being thrown around her neck.  

Jinsoul snaps her eyes open and looks down, it’s a necklace. Very similar to the one Sooyoung already gave her. Except this time it wasn’t the stars, it was a silver necklace with the pendent being a half moon. 

She gasps and holds between her fingers, it was gorgeous. “Now you’ll have the moon and stars wherever you go, you won’t ever have to miss them.” Craning her neck at an angle she goes to thank Sooyoung for such a thoughtful gift. 

But then Jinsoul gets stuck. 

The lanterns light reflects off Sooyoung’s eyes, Jinsoul doesn’t have to look for the stars tonight. They’re right there sparkling in those beautiful but dark eyes.  

Wow. 

They’re even prettier here. 

~~~~  

Waving at Ms. Ha, Jinsoul runs into her home. Life was perfect and easy right now. It was getting close to Christmas and she had so much planned with Sooyoung and her family. 

Jinsoul thinks they’re dating now. 

She was really for sure, but when they hung out it was different. She could feel it in her chest and tummy. From all the fluttering and tingles. 

They haven’t kissed since that night but it was okay. Jinsoul was sure they had forever so why rush and not let things go with the flow. It was so much better that way. 

Going into the kitchen she plays with the twin set of necklaces on her chest. Today Sooyoung was telling her about some friends she had made. ,

Jinsoul was so happy. 

She stops when she sees her father and mother at the table. Her dad has a bottle of whisky, he looks so tired. Jinsoul could hardly recognize him. Her mother is smiling at her, but it doesn’t have any warmth to it. 

It’s the coldest she’s ever felt. 

“We need to talk sweetie.” 

~~~~ 

Slamming the door to her room shut she starts to have a panic attack. Jinsoul slides down the door and grips at the fabric on her chest. Her heart was stopping. 

You’re going to go to boarding school in Japan. 

There’s this nice boy we want you to meet. 

You will stop seeing Sooyoung.

Jinsoul sobs remembering her father's face during it. He didn’t move or say a word. Only letting that woman tell Jinsoul how she was about to ruin everything for her.   

The plan left next week. They were moving to Japan, all of them. Jinsoul was going to have to block Sooyoung out and not give her a word or an excuse or even an explanation. 

She was going to meet a boy there, her mother said that he was nice. If the date went well then they would surely become an item. Jinsoul almost threw up seeing her mother's smile. 

Jinsoul had to forget about Sooyoung. She had to leave her behind. They were to become estranged and just a distant memory. It would be four years until she was able to see or even talk to her again.  

Her mother had gritted her teeth when she told Jinsoul she would make sure of it.

I hate you

She screamed it at her father and who didn’t protect her. He was once her favorite person. But now it was like he didn’t even exist to her. He was an empty shell of a person. 

Jinsoul stops breathing.