Staring at the clock, Jinsoul forgets just how fast time flies. She’s been sitting here for god knows how long waiting on Sooyoung. She feels relief, how the one thing she’s always wanted to reveal has been surfaced. Jinsoul can’t remember how long she’s been concealing herself, masking all the anger she’s had trapped inside.

She created a whole new identity just to hide the old one. 

And what for? Jinsoul was scared back then, she was afraid of ruining Sooyoung just because she was stuck in love. Jinsoul was selfish. She couldn’t let go when it would have been for the better if she had moved on. Her love like most, had consequences. The most dangerous kind. Ones where her future was determined and where another was broken. 

Jinsoul has decided to fight. The only way she can is by taking the risks. She’s never done that before, always being persuaded by safety. Her mother was certain to live through her, since her marriage was nothing that she ever wanted. Jinsoul was supposed to marry Kwon, wealthy, sophisticated, powerful. Jinsoul didn’t see him that way, just someone who was lucky.

Climbing off her bed she starts to rip her room apart. She first gathers the things precious to her, that hold fond memories. The things Chaewon had made for her, photos of her and her friends, the letters to Sooyoung. She places them all into a pile. Once she’s done she glances over, disappointed but not surprised at how small the mixture of items was.

Physical reminders of how frustrating her life has been. Jinsoul felt like her life has never been smooth, there was always a ripple that she couldn't straighten out no matter how hard she tried. Those ripples became larger and larger, harder to ignore. All sticking to her mind, failures that begged to be fixed or resolved. But she couldn’t, Jinsoul’s never been that good at solving her own problems. 

But she’s had years of practice of avoiding them. How to navigate through her issues without making them worse. It just seemed like more had built on. Maybe she at least should try fixing them. She used to consider herself a capable person, she had herself figured out. But after so many curve balls, Jinsoul wasn’t for sure if her vision was as straight as she thought it was.

Pulling out things she forget she even had she makes another pile. Of all the stuff she was going to sell, what she didn’t need anymore. What she never wanted. Jinsoul thinks necessities were always boring. Her wants have always been what drove her. Never her needs, she already had what she needed, but it never made her happy. She’s never experienced losing the things she’s needed, she wonders if it’s as frightening as losing what she wanted. 

Taking a picture of each item she posts them on the internet for everyone to see. She hopes they’ll all be sold by next week. But Jinsoul knows better than to have that luck. Turning her room inside out she thinks about how she’s never really liked it that much.

She’s always liked Sooyoung’s better.

~~~~

Chaewon isn’t for sure what to think when she finds Jinsoul’s room empty. Only her bed and piles of stuff stacked around messily. Was she too late? “Oh this stupid .” Stomping into the room she smacks into another body and clothes go flying everywhere since they were being carried by the person she bumped into. Chaewon blinks and finds almost a mirror image of herself across from her. Except it’s her sister, who she hasn’t seen in a week.

“You...” The emotions inside her chest contrast the actions that flow through her fists. Jinsoul doesn’t even try to protect herself from her baby sister’s aggravation, she only pulls her into a longer than necessary hug to prevent the swatting of hands. Chaewon shakes against her, like she has for all her life. “Idiot...you’re such an idiot.” Jinsoul doesn’t think she’ll ever love someone like Chaewon. 

Her sister clings to her, “don’t leave me here all alone again.” It breaks Jinsoul’s heart hearing that. All these years they’ve only had each other. Jinsoul hated her parents for what they’ve done. She didn’t consider the woman who tore them down her mother. And her father was never there to protect them. She didn’t hate him in a sense, she was more disappointed than anything. The one person in her life that she looked up to was absent. 

Jinsoul had to grow up fast in that absence, she had to take care of Chaewon, teach her how to be an adult as well. She had to give her a good childhood despite the torment they went through. Chaewon was strong because of her, she wasn’t affected by the abuse as much as she was because Jinsoul made sure she was okay. She always worried about her sister seeing it, she hated the fear in Chaewon’s eyes when her sister would see her bruised face, busted lip, the panic that ran through her chest. 

In those times Jinsoul comforted her. Telling her it would be okay when it wasn’t at all. Because Chaewon had to be okay. She couldn’t let this break Chaewon like it did her. Jinsoul would have left a long time ago, she would have run away if it wasn’t for her sister. So she took the emotional beat down from her mother just to make sure her sister would be alright. She had fought, screamed, cried to make it all come down on herself. 

“Are you okay?” Chaewon quietly asks and pulls back. Jinsoul flenches at the cold fingers on her face, but quickly covers them with her own. She liked the cold. It brought her back to reality, right now her head was hot from how much she was thinking. But seeing Chaewon, it brings her back down. It settles the thumping of her heart.

Nodding she slips the hands off her face and holds them in her own, “I’m sorry I ran away...I know you don’t like when I do this kinda stuff.” That was her promise to Chaewon, to never leave her side. These days they weren't around each other that much, but knowing her sister was out there meant something. But Jinsoul had disappeared without a trace and it left a hole in Chaewon’s heart. What if Jinsoul finally left for good?

“But I’m back, I’m not going anywhere.” Jinsoul tells her sincerely.

Chaewon looks around the room, it looked as if Jinsoul was packing. “You betta not be lying to me.” 

“Shush, I’m just getting rid of most this stuff, trying to make money.”

“For what?”

Jinsoul swallows harshly, “I have a plan.” It was a messy plan, but Jinsoul’s been sitting here for hours coming up with it. She knows because of the colors of her room, oranges and reds from the disappearing sun. Sooyoung should be done soon, but it’s untelling if she’ll return or not. Jinsoul said it was her decision. 

Chaewon starts to rummage through her stuff, seeing what all she’s letting go and keeping. “Hmm what is it this time?” Jinsoul cringes at her sisters words, her plans have not always been great. From her avoiding Sooyoung and getting out of an engagement she doesn’t want. There’s always trial and error. “Let me guess you’re gonna fake your own death by burning the house down.”

Jinsoul blinks, “ay that’s not too bad.”

“ are you for real?” Chaewon snaps at her while playing with a slinky from Jinsoul’s childhood. 

“No no...I’m kidding, I’m just gonna get enough money saved up to give it to Ms. Ha. Maybe then get out of here.” Her sister searches for more details in her voice and expression but finds none. Jinsoul only seemed tired, too tired. “I wanna have a fresh start somewhere. Anywhere but here. I want to cut them off Chaewon.” 

Her sister turns towards her, an old photograph in her hand. It’s of them and their dad at the beach. “You know that won’t be easy Jinsoul, mom will get her little friends involved. She’s a psychopath. Don’t forget about Kwon either.” Jinsoul sighs and flops onto her back and stares at the ceiling, she was in this position earlier this morning. She blushes at the memory and remembers how much hotter the room was than it was now.

“Kwon will be dealt with, he’s smart but if I tell him the truth I think he’ll understand.” That’s the best case scenario, Kwon was alright for the most part. He left her alone when she wanted, only invading when he was craving attention. There was plenty of girls to give him that. But her mother however, “about her...she can rot in hell. She can’t keep me on lockdown forever.” Her mother was a very popular writer, movie deals, talk shows, dinner parties all that. Jinsoul could ruin her if she pulled the right strings and be able to escape her grasp. 

“The only thing she has on me...is that she can leave me with nothing or being locked down the rest of my life, but I’m working on that right now, I have been for a long time.” Jinsoul smiles and pushes herself up, Chaewon watches her with closed eyes as she grabs her laptop to start typing away. 

Jinsoul pulls up a page and points at it. “ Jinsoul!” Chaewon yells out, squinting at the screen.

“It’s not enough, but it’s a start, I wish we had a way to break into their bank account.” Jinsoul knew her parents were loaded, but she didn’t know how much. She of course had loads of stuff, anything she asked for as long as she listened and did as she was told. “We’ll be cut off, I mean you already have been. So I have to have something to keep us up.” Chaewon was cut off when she was only 16, Jinsoul made sure to still take care of her. 

“How?” Chaewon asks, while leaning on her desk. Jinsoul’s had this boiling in her mind for years but things keep happening. The one thing that didn’t need to happen is for her to go to Japan, it’ll all be out of her control. The rest of her life will be somebody else’s. She won’t be the protagonist of her own story anymore, just some side piece to a man who she has to support. So she’s thought of everything, but she can’t figure what she’ll do if she’s forced to move and marry.

“I’ve been working hard...online tutoring and even gambling hehe.” Jinsoul giggles and thinks of the addiction she had about a year ago. “Also I have a friend in Hawaii that helped a lot.” Jinsoul looks up at her ceiling, she wonders if her advisor was doing okay, he saved her life essentially with his help. “I can’t get married Chaewon, or move to japan.” She mumbled to her sister. “So imma need your help.” 

The smaller blonde bounces over to the bed, “hmm with what? I can get you a lot of money, it might take a while but-“

“With Sooyoung.”

Her sister’s jaw drops, “wait? Really what with?”

“Well, apparently I’m supposed to move to Japan this August, maybe sooner if I’m caught with her.” Jinsoul admits, recalling the conversation with Haseul. 

“You’re gonna have to explain better.”

Jinsoul scratches her head, “we um, we’re like a thing now.”

“Spit it out damn Jinsoul!”

“I think we’re dating!”

Her sister raises a brow, “you think?”

Jinsoul blushes and zoned out for a moment, “I mean we had this morning.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Jinsoul covers Chaewon’s mouth, not being able to handle the yelling that her sister spews. Jinsoul waits until she’s finished to pull away. “I’m nosy. Tell me now.” Jinsoul shakes her head and pulls out her white board. Setting it up on the drawer and drawing a stick figure. 

“No you have to hear me out first.” Jinsoul scribbles out onto the board. Writing plan Jinsoul at the top. 

Chaewon snorts, “okay weirdo.”

Jinsoul continues to write, before starting to explain. “This is where I am at now.” The words she used to describe her place right now was trouble, “if I sit and do nothing I got to Japan, get married and never see you again.” Jinsoul writes the rest of it out. “I need this much money...so I can give it all to Ms. Ha and then keep about five k for myself.”

Chaewon glances at the board and gives Jinsoul a questionable look, “is this because our mom owns their house because of the medical bills from their dad being sick all that time.”

“Right, isn’t that evil? Dad was just gonna pay them himself but she asked for the title to their house instead. It’s not worth that much but that’s enough to help them get somewhere else if something does happen.” Jinsoul rambles and rolls the marker against her bottom lip. “Imma need until December, that’s when Sooyoung graduates.” 

Jinsoul writes that down on the board. “I need to find a way to dodge August, I need to convince Kwon. After I have it all ready I’m skipping the country, hopefully with Sooyoung once I tell her the plan.” 

“Oh ...so you’re serious about this.” Chaewon asks her. Jinsoul thinks for a moment, she was serious about this. She wouldn’t stay away from here forever. But long enough to disappear. A year, that’s all she needed, a year away with Sooyoung. She just hopes Sooyoung agrees. 

“Yes, I can’t give up on my life like this.”

Her sister sighs sadly. Like she didn’t believe her. But Jinsoul didn’t care. She’s played defensive all her life, it was her turn to take a chance and play the game as well. Just as hard.

“I have to keep it all a secret, including my relationship with Sooyoung.” Jinsoul nods and draws a heart on the board before giggling. 

Chaewon swipes it away and pushes at Jinsoul, “it’s a plan alright, I hope it works sis.”

Jinsoul crouches down and lays her hands on Chaewon’s knees, “I’ll need your help, with the money and how I’m gonna sneak around with you know...if anyone knows I’m with her, the whole thing will be ruined.” 

Chaewon thinks for a moment, taking it all into consideration, “of course Jinsoul, I’d do anything to make you happy, even if it’s keeping your relationship with that beast a secret.” 

“Stop, she’s not a beast…she’s perfect.” The last part comes out as a whisper. Jinsoul gets awfully shy talking about Sooyoung and she blushes as she twists her feet. 

Her sister pushes her again, “ugh you’re so ing weird! You’re not fourteen anymore! Stop acting like that!”

Jinsoul widens her eyes, “you’re right but I can’t help the way I feel about her.” Chaewon gags as Jinsoul goes to flop on her bed, “ah to be in love Chae!” 

It’s silent for a few moments before her sister asks the question that’s been itching her, “so y’all really ed huh? Like all nasty .” 

“Yes, god Chae it was so ing-“

“Not another word I’m already sick.” Chaewon didn’t want to hear about her best friend that felt like a big sister bumping uglies with her actual big sister. 

Jinsoul grabs onto her pillow and squeezes it. Closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, “it was amazing.” Jinsoul’s had years filled with fantasies but nothing compared to the real thing. Sooyoung was magical in every way and form. Jinsoul wishes she could have been hers since the beginning. 

“She did this one thing with her fingers-“

“ENOUGH!” 

“Made me black out deadass.”

“Jinsoul please stop.” 

She’s laughing at her sisters disgust and throws the pillow at her when she starts to gag, “come on Chae we used to do this all the time! You’d let me talk for hours, you’re the best little listener ever.”

Her sister throws the pillow back at her, clearly amused, “I didn’t do it voluntarily.” Chaewon giggles out as Jinsoul kicks her feet at her. It felt like old times, when their parents were somewhere in the world being picture perfect people and they were stuck alone in the big empty box they called a home. When it was just girls talk between them, the most comfortable moments of Jinsoul’s teenage years. The only time she didn’t feel like she was being trapped. 

Her sister smiles at her and pokes through the stuff again, “I think I know a guy that can help out with the money.” Jinsoul’s ears burn, did she ever mention how much she loved her baby sister who seemed to have a whole army of underground friends. “But you have to promise to never mention you getting down with Sooyoung.”

Jinsoul groans, “that’s no fair who else am I gonna talk to!”

“Anyone but me! That homo stuff gives me the heebie jeebies.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, smacking her sister with a pillow. It the waning hours of the sunset, it’s the first time in a while that Jinsoul has felt not so afraid. That she doesn’t have to hide anymore.

She spends the rest of her afternoon speaking of trivial things, catching up with Chaewon who has been very busy lately with her social media presence.

Jinsoul always spends her last few hours speaking of someone who is constantly on her mind. 

She doesn’t feel that guilt when her heart thumps at the thought of Sooyoung’s smile.

~~~~

“Ha.” 

Sooyoung is packing up her things, she was the last to leave. Her coach stands in front of her; red hair flows down her shoulders and the dull light from the now settle sun sits on top of them. Vivi looks a lot more intimidating this way. Practice was about the same today, they were pulling their final stretches of the summer season. It wouldn’t be too much longer until Sooyoung was playing her final games. “What’s sup V.”

Her coach sits besides her down on the sand. It’s strange, the woman wasn’t really keen on words. “You’ve been sluggish, is everything alright.” Sooyoung’s surprised the older woman even noticed. She was sluggish because her legs weren’t quite solid from being turned to jelly from this morning. 

“Just tired.”

Vivi piercing eyes cut right through her, “where’s your partner? You ever find out where the hell she's been? I kinda wanna win this game next week ya know.”

Sooyoung tightens her grip on her bag, “she’s been sick, coming back tomorrow.” For some reason she hates lying. It leaves a tension in her chest she’s not comfortable with. Sooyoung’s never been a liar. There’s also a deep worry that’s residing in her. She just wants Jinsoul to be okay. Their talk this morning amongst other things had her on cloud nine. Her dream girl was in love with her. Just how lucky could she be? 

Her best friend, shared something with her that not many people would ever experience Sooyoung considered their story special. She considered their love special. But...something didn’t sit right with her, she knew it wasn’t the full story.

There was pain in Jinsoul’s eyes, it was bittersweet hearing those confessions. Because there were much more darker ones to be surfaced. Sooyoung was ready to face them though. All of what Jinsoul’s been hiding from her. She’s longed to be close to her again. Including all of Jinsoul’s flaws and vulnerabilities. Sooyoung would give her space, she knew the first part of the whole truth. It was more than enough now.

She’s always been patient with Jinsoul.

“You can talk to me Sooyoung, I’m not only your coach. I can be your friend too or whatever you’d like.” Sooyoung nods, Vivi seemed sincere. “I’ve coached you for almost four years now. I want to make it the most for you, so if you need anything just tell me.”

Sooyoung watches the woman stand up, leaving her behind. She’s never really had a mentor that’s not been family. Well besides Hani...and well. She’s not the sharpest knife. “Wait!” Sooyoung catches up with her coach who freezes at her voice.

“Um can I get your advice on something?” Sooyoung asks weakly, Vivi was seasoned. Sooyoung has seen her coach with multiple partners too. And despite knowing her pretty well, she was still a complete stranger. Sooyoung wishes to change that. The red-headed woman smiles.

“Let’s go get sushi Ha.”

~~~~

Ay yaya I’ve hit a bit of a bump hehe. A bit of a writer’s block maybe? I know this chapter might be trash but all in all I think it’s a nice filler. Drama will be coming soon hehe. Again sorry for the bland chapter :/