Jackson’s POV

“Hey, where are we going? And let go of my hand!” she cried, and I felt her struggling to wriggle herself free from my grip. “We’re supposed to be—Jin-young said we were meeting for dinner!”

Slightly slowing my pace, I shot her an exasperated look over my shoulder. “In-ah, get a clue. Jin-young and Mark set us up. They wanted us to face each other alone.” I held up our connected hands for emphasis. She blanched, finally getting the picture.

“Then why are we at my apartment complex?” she pointed out, but realization struck her like a lightning bolt. She gasped, incredulous, “You live here, too?!”

At this discovery, I stopped in my tracks and turned to face her directly. “Yeah, it’s near the office. I live on the third floor.” I leaned in close, scrutinizing her wary expression. “What about you?”

She avoided eye contact with me. “The fourth,” she admitted glumly.

Fortunately, the elevator was empty, so the ride up to my floor was quick and quiet. I reached my door and unlocked it, motioning for In-ah to step inside. Sullen yet unresisting, she did so, pursed into a tense line. I crossed over to the kitchen to pour a glass of water for her, but she rejected the gesture.

“No, I want to leave,” she demanded, crossing her arms and staring anywhere that wasn’t my general direction.

“And we need to talk,” I countered, matching her stubborn tone. I placed the cup of water on the table and leaned against the armrest of the couch, not sitting yet just in case In-ah decided to make a run for it. “You’re not leaving until I get answers. What happened to you these past two years? I didn’t get a single text or word from you. And why did you say no to me that day at the airport?” The volume of my voice rose with my swelling frustration and hurt. “Do you know how depressed I was when I came back to Seoul? Did you even consider my feelings at all?!”

“Your feelings? What about mine?” she yelled, offended. Tears sprung into her eyes, her anguish and bitterness transparent. “Jackson, how many times do you need to hear this until it gets through your thick skull? You. Are. An. Idol! Being with me could ruin your career—the career you worked so hard for! And me—do you think I can handle the craziness that comes from stalking reporters and unhappy fans? No, I can’t! I’m not like you! I’ll crumble under all that attention, okay?! How hard is that for you to understand? Actually, let me make this clear before you get the wrong idea: I didn’t come to Seoul for you; I’m here on academic-related business.”

That last admission stung like an arrow shot. The steaming discontent in my wounded heart only intensified because of this. I leaped to my feet, growling, “We could have figured it out! I would do anything for you! So why didn’t you accept?!”

“Jackson, for the last time, I don’t want to be in a relationship. I like being single, okay?” In-ah’s hand trembled as she massaged her throbbing temple. “Besides, I have other worries to focus on. You don’t know how hard it was for me to come back to Korea. It’s been seven years, yet I can’t forget the painful memories that I have here.” She started sniffling, her voice thick with misery and helplessness, as she started breaking down. “I can’t fix these inner demons of mine, let alone you.”

It was like being er punched twice—I didn’t like being told that I was unhelpful, nor did I want for the person I cared about to be in pain because I was supposedly unhelpful. I straightened up and put as much conviction as I could into my voice as I urged, “What demons, In-ah? Tell me. I can help you, I swear. We can do this together. Just don’t turn me away. Please! Be mine!” I tried reaching for her hands, but she flinched.

“No,” she whispered, looking at me tearfully. “You wouldn’t understand. You’re so carefree and optimistic—the complete opposite of me. How could you feel what I feel?”

my hands, I hardened my gaze and dared her, “Try me.”

“Fine. Do you know what it feels like to be a burden? Needing to be reassured all the time? Or thinking that you’re the problem when people leave you? Have you ever suffered from high-functioning anxiety because you overthink and drown yourself in negative thoughts? That you have multiple breakdowns and struggle with stress-eating disorders?” In-ah covered her sobbing face with her hands, vulnerable as she poured out her hardships. “During college, I had to go to therapy for all of this, and I never told my family that I did. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them.”

My fists uncurled as the tension in my body went slack from shock. I never imagined that a sweet, simple girl like In-ah carried so much emotional pain with her.

This finally made me realize how my stubborn insistence in getting her to accept my proposal was the wrong way to go, since it only backfired, leading us into turmoil. Before my mind could form a thought, my body started working on its own accord. My legs brought me closer to In-ah, and my arms went around her in a tender embrace. She must have been grateful for the comfort, because she accepted the hug, her small hands clutching the back of my shirt and her teary face nestled in my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, In-ah,” I said as I rested my cheek against her temple. “I should’ve been careful in considering your feelings. I didn’t know, but now I do.”

“It’s o-okay,” she blubbered through her sniveling. “Could we…just be friends? I-I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“Alright, we can stay friends,” I conceded, but deep down, I knew I had to win her heart somehow. It was my greatest ambition, joy, and honor to earn her love.

And once I did, I would never ever let her go.

“Noona?! Hyung?! W-what’s going on? What is this?”

Young-jae’s incredulous exclamation made me and In-ah spring apart. Turning around, we found all the members crowding the entrance of my apartment. I had probably been too engrossed in the moment to have noticed them. Dammit, I have to change my password again, I grouched, rubbing my neck.

“In-ah, is everything okay?” Jae-beom asked, noticing her watery, red eyes.

In-ah wiped away her remaining tears and replied in a forced, steady tone, “Yes, I’m okay. Jackson, I’m leaving now. I need to be alone for tonight.”

My shoulders slumped, I nodded in agreement. I was not going to force her to stay after everything she had told me. She picked up her bag and made her way to the door, only to be delayed when Yu-gyeom and BamBam blocked her to steal some hugs, begging her to stay. It was no use, as her reply remained the same. She consoled them by saying that she would visit another time.

Before she stepped out the door, I blurted out, “In-ah, please let me know if you need anything. Food, directions, a ride—anything. We’re practically neighbors now, right?”

In-ah smiled and nodded. Then the door closed with a click, and the sound of her footsteps faded within seconds.

“Jackson, is everything alright?” Mark-hyung asked, worried. “What happened to In-ah?”

“Why should I tell you, when you’re the one who tricked me, huh?” I retorted sternly, glaring. Mark held up his hands in surrender, backing off. After a quick glance at the clock, I realized it was past dinnertime and In-ah didn’t get the chance to eat. I grabbed my phone, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to deliver food to her. I needed to order food for my groupmates, as well.  

Jin-young hovered next to me, palms pressed flat together in a reconciliatory gesture. “Please don’t be mad. Mark and I—we’re really sorry for tricking you. We bumped into In-ah this morning at the café before the meeting. She mentioned that she would be here for a while ‘cause she’s working on an academic project.”

“Yeah, I know. We already talked.” I pocketed my phone after making the order and paying for it. When I looked up, everyone was staring at me curiously. I cocked a brow, saying, “In case you’re wondering, I agreed when she asked if we could be friends, but even so, I’m not giving up. I will win her over. I mean it.”

“Hyung, I support you, but…” Young-jae tilted his head. “Why was she crying?”

I sighed, tired. “She finally admitted why she keeps refusing to be in a relationship. She thinks that it’s impossible for me to fix her emotional problems. And by emotional problems, she means stress and negativity. But I will prove it to her, that I can help. It’s a set goal of mine.”

My intense determination surprised them, but soon they broke out into smiles, expressing how proud and supportive they were of me.

                                                   *******

“In-ah, you home? Come on, open up!”

Pestered, In-ah warily opened the door, and I grinned broadly, holding up the bulging bag of takeout food and silencing any objections she had by speaking first. “Surprise! Dinner’s here! Hope you’re hungry.”

She looked puzzled as I casually swept past her to invite myself in. “What’s this?” she asked, shutting the door in defeat. “Food? I’m sorry. I don’t have much of an appetite right now.”

Placing the bag on the nearest table, I turned around to stare at her pointedly. “You need to eat.”

“No.” It was a straightforward answer, though somewhat childish. Actually, scratch that. She was childish, with the way she was bundled up in a blanket despite how the heater was at full-blast. Without thinking, I placed my palm on her forehead and then promptly winced. She was burning up. A fever?

“When I cry too much, or have stress-induced breakdowns, I get a light fever,” she explained, giving me a weak look.

“Well, you’re in luck, then, because I’m here, armed with food.” I coaxed her to sit down and began serving the dishes. “You need to keep your strength up. That way, you can fight the fever, understood?”

She nodded grimly, and together, we ate in silence. I’m glad I kicked my groupmates out of my apartment with their own takeout boxes after the food had arrived, because that allowed me to visit In-ah rather than dropping off the food and being ignorant to the fact that she was sick.

While I cleaned up the mess, In-ah dozed off, the blanket she was burrowed up in tangled around her legs. Multiple thoughts crossed my mind at seeing her all defenseless and cute, like how I wished I could cuddle up with her, to protect her from all her insecurities and fears, but now was not the time.

Being careful not to jostle her awake, I freed her from the blanket and picked her up. It took me a few seconds to find her bedroom. Nudging the door open with my hip, I walked over to the bed and lowered her down onto it. She looks like Sleeping Beauty, I thought fondly as I tucked her in. When I drifted off to leave, a hand snatched my sleeve.

“Don’t leave me…” In-ah mumbled, probably dreaming.

I don’t want to leave you, I corrected in my head as I gently tugged off her hand and replaced it under the bedcover. But it’s not the best decision to stay.

Aloud, I murmured softly, “No matter what, though, you should know that I’ll never let you go. I promise.”

With that, I left the room, closed the door, and showed myself out.