Fuu jumped in her seat as the lights suddenly dimmed and a hooded figure was highlighted near the stage.  She had never been part of anything like this, not once in her life back in Macao did she think she would be in the audience for any type of music awards event, much less the MAMA’s. All the previous performances had left her in awe and her excitement was naturally heightened being so close to such dedicated and enthusiastic supporters of every fandom.

A hypnotic and sultry beat filled the hall as Ivy removed her cloak and started walking down the row of audience members. The crowd grew slightly louder as she stopped at Nichkhun, doing a small, seductive dance before leading him to the center of the stage. Fuu unknowingly scooted farther up her seat as the pair teased the audience with sultry stares, their actions obscured every once in a while by the dim lights. Her face suddenly grew hot; though she had been told the performance was scripted beforehand, she was still abashed by the display and her hands flew up to cover her warm cheeks.  

“Aish, do their faces have to be so close?!” she said, shaking her head profusely.

“Unnie, are you alright?” Kass asked, barely hearing Fuu over the buzz of the crowd.  

She didn’t answer the maknae, focusing instead on the stage. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotions she was feeling; Nichkhun was her friend, and she was only reacting this way because she had his best interests at heart. Right? Of course that’s the reason...  she thought to herself. She couldn’t possibly be the only one amongst the other girls who felt this way. Besides, wasn’t the duo being a bit provocative? She wondered if Nichkhun faced any objection being paired up with Ivy, and she adamantly felt that she wasn’t alone in her dismay.  

The stage flashed bright red and white strobe lights flickered as the performance was reaching its end. Ivy belted out the last of the lyrics as she and Nichkhun did their choreography, with much too much body rubbing in Fuu’s opinion. She hoped it would be over soon and her anticipation for 2PM’s performance grew, with her averting her eyes away from the stage before Ivy could “bite” Nichkhun and end the spectacle.   

Fuu found that she was breathing easier afterwards, though she was confused as to why it bothered her so much. She settled for the excuse that she found the show too for her taste, and judging from the fangirls’ reactions they thought something similar.  

Her attention was renewed when she heard the noise level increase. 2PM finally hit the stage and Fuu’s eyes widened, her excitement at its peak as the performance she was waiting for started.

They looked good in their stage outfits, Mai gave them that. White suits with a black tone, dim lit lights, and the way they carried themselves as the string intro played with Taecyeon’s deep voice in the background; she was impressed, although she’d never admit it to them.

In a way, Mai never really enjoyed their performance like a normal viewer would. When they were up on stage, her brain would be processing their dance, how they danced, and who in particular was a step behind, so that she knew who and what to work on when they went back to practice. Mai didn’t exactly do it on purpose- she was assistant choreographer after all, it was her job.

She had listened to this song countless times, working with Namyong to get the appropriate routine to match the theme, and then with the boys as they rehearsed, not to mention how many times she had the track on repeat so that she could go over and refine the choreography on her own time. The song was overplayed to the point she had gotten sick of it.

But as she watched the performance, Mai couldn’t help feel as if it was the first time she had heard it; she was absorbed by elements of the song she knew but had never fully appreciated. The instrumental elements of the track were being done live, the synthetic strings were replaced with a live violin section setting the haunting mood like a dark mist overhanging the stage, reinforcing the desperate clawing for a lost love to return. They were zombies until that one person returned. Then there were the lyrics that she knew by heart, but had she actually taken her time to understand them?

No matter who I meet, I can't open up a part of my heart and I keep your place empty

Mai couldn’t help but pull that one line out of the lyrics and have it echo inside her head. The crowds’ cheering escalated as Park Jinyong appeared on stage, interrupting her before she could process the significance of the thought in her mind. Mai returned her focus back to the stage as the boys moved onto their ending routine, their white suits taking on a blue tint from the dimmed lights paired with Jinyong’s baton and glasses lighting up in the dark. Although her eyes never failed to catch the slips in the choreography, her smile didn’t falter once as she watched Junho finish the song with his round off backflip.

The heartbeat of the track melted in with the next song, and Mai felt goosebumps crawl up her arm as the melodic beat replaced the beating heart. The hole in the choreography was prominent, and even if she didn’t want to, her thoughts roamed to him, and she couldn’t stop the soft sigh that escaped her lips.

Listen to their heart beat. Cause they’re waiting for you.

Can you feel my heartbeat?

Only music could ever express the way Renn felt the moment 2PM took the stage to perform tonight. Not words, not motion, not even still or moving pictures could ever express the way her heart was beating at that very instant. Her heart was still waiting, she in bated breath, as it took to the beat of every note Heartbeat had written. There was only music, and Renn’s heartbeat rose as the string section appeared on stage, the agony and desperation to to every note staining her soul.

Her eyes followed every movement, every action the boys did as they danced with all the longing they felt. More than dance, it was their voices that spoke the most to her. They had improved so much since when they first debuted, and she was so very proud of everything they had accomplished this year.

Tonight was their night, she knew. There was no doubting that one thought in her heart.

Listen to my heartbeat, it’s waiting for you.

It was so fitting, especially for Renn. She had gotten used to 2PM performing as six members on stage, but sometimes, her head kept nagging at her that there was something missing and/or out of place. She knew exactly what it was, but it didn’t lessen the debilitating pain that clenched at her chest every time she would watch them on stage. More hurtful now, though it was meant to be poignant and hopeful, was the spotlight where he would be had he been performing on stage at this instant. Everything may have been executed perfectly, but nothing was ever as perfect as it used to be. Not when there was a big gaping hole with 2PM dancing in broken formation.

Perfection was such a hard master to please, it was so hard to reach, yet it was so easy to break and Renn could only bite back the tears as she continued to watch the performance. She could still see him clearly and vividly as if he were on stage, commanding the world to watch him shine, blinding everyone with a brightness only he seemed to possess.

Renn backed into the shadows of the walls to avoid being seen as her eyes hungrily scoured the stage hoping for a miracle. She wanted to see him so badly that there were no words to describe the hurting and the sorrow that shook her lithe body.

Was she not perfect enough? Was that why he left without even saying goodbye? Was that why he, like many others, left too?

She violently shook her head to throw away the thoughts that clawed at her mind. Now was not a time to be thinking these wretched thoughts. Not when she knew the boys were slowly healing from the wounds they have received. With one breath, she plastered on her smile as she stepped out of the shadows and into the audience where her roommates were now seated and waiting for her.

She kept her smile as she walked over to them and took her seat at the end of the row next to Fuu. Her eyes were kept on the stage as the awards show continued but her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was on its way to the other side of the world where she had fervently hoped someone was watching.

Being seated in the audience didn’t give you the amount of coverage as you would see on broadcasts or in the waiting rooms, but Kass had to admit, the atmosphere here was way more exciting than backstage. The fans with placards stating their idol biases on them in bright neon colours, the screaming and waving of customised glow sticks, it was giving Kass second thoughts whether or not she should’ve made that “2PM” placard.

It was different for Kass though, as she had never actually watched 2PM perform, or any performance for that matter, seated in the audience before. She would either be running around backstage, watching in the waiting room or not present at all. This was her first time experiencing this type of atmosphere but she was sure not to make this her last.

Kass had been on the edge of her seat the entire night, wondering who the title of “Artist of the Year” would go to. She had a strong gut feeling that 2PM were going to take it out but she didn’t want to jinx anything. It was the last award announced for the night and Kass couldn’t seem to keep still, even when 2PM performed. Her unnies had given her odd looks throughout the night but she couldn’t care less.

“Best Artist of the Year 2009 goes to... “ This was it. For some reason, Kass felt more nervous than would’ve thought 2PM was, but Kass believed that they needed this. It would prove to everyone that 2PM was still 2PM, to prove to themselves that they were still 2PM. If there was any idol group worthy of it, it was definitely them.

“2PM!” Kass’ eyes widened and she immediately jumped up and starting cheering and clapping.

As 2PM made their way on stage, the cheers and applause only heightened with each individual speech the members had given. Kass couldn’t help but to join in the cheering, the boys deserved it. No matter how many hardships they had gone through, hands down they definitely deserved it.