"It was my fault, wasn't it?"

Wooyoung helplessly asked, gripping Haneul's arm even tighter to convey the guilt that had ate him up until this moment. After that day, Haneul had always pretended that nothing ever happened. That the night he cried all night beside her was nothing but a nightmare to him—something that he should just shove to the back of his mind in order to make things okay between them. 

***

December, 2011

Haneul hadn't left her small apartment in Hongdae for almost a week. She didn't want to. It hadn't been long since she left Busan and lived by herself in a new city. Unlike Wooyoung who had left the family much earlier to debut some time ago, she hadn't felt at home in Seoul yet. Around this time of year, the dark and chilly days had added to her gloomy winter. Christmas was near, yet she didn't feel a mood to celebrate. She didn't have anything to celebrate.

Work hadn't also work out too well for her. She had just starting out and the future seemed bleak. The music producing world was already so saturated in this big city that she wondered if she would even found her chance to make it. She knew some people here and they had help her work in some small projects, but that's the thing about working in this industry, everyone knew someone—it wasn't something special. Staring at her reflection on the mirror, she sighed. She was just ordinary at best, she knew it too well. 

"Music producing, bull. Who am I kidding? Keep dreaming, Haneul," she whispered to herself.

Her ringtone came from where she put her phone on the table. Excitement rose for a moment, but then she noticed it was just a notification message from her bank about her overdue credit card bill. With a slight bit of hope, she unlocked her phone once again and opened her notification tab.

No more message.

The last contact she had with other people was several days ago, when Junhwa called to ask her about mom's christmas present. The older woman hadn't even asked her if she would come home for Christmas, she just thought she planned to celebrate it with Wooyoung in Seoul. Everyone seemed to think that, because no one expecting her home in Busan for the year end. She understood them though, as she also would had thought the same remembering how she and Wooyoung had spent Christmas apart from the family last year.

But, now things were different.

Forget Christmas, she hadn't even been in contact with her only bestfriend for three months. She figured he must be busy, she didn't want to bother him. 2PM also hadn't been exactly in their best situation this year. 'Let's wish him the best and wait for a better chance to call him,' she constantly conveyed herself. Things started to take a toll on her though. Being completely alone, days were suffocating and nights were agonizing. She wanted to go home, badly, but she didn't know where home was. Without her best partner in crime, Busan was just another lonesome city.

Mustering up her will, she grabbed her coat and rushed outside her apartment. She wanted to drown herself in a crowd, hoping that it would make her forget about him for a while—only until she wasn't so desperate to call him. She looked for the most crowded place, which wasn't hard to do in Hongdae at night. She went inside a convenience store in the corner and grabbed some drink to accompany her. As she took out money from her wallet, the TV behind the counter was showing an interview with none other than the guy she had missed so much.

"Ah, it's 2PM.." she said to herself, a smile formed unknowingly at the familiar face.

"You're a 2PM fan?" asked the girl on the cashier.

"Yes, I guess you can say that," Haneul smiled courteously.

"Who do you like best among them? For me it's Taecyeon!" the girl was excited upon finding a fellow fan.

My favorite? Easy..

"Wooyoung, Jang Wooyoung." she said with no doubt and handed her the money.

Haneul's eyes were locked on the screen, listening to words after words exchanged between the interviewer and the guys. When it was turn for Wooyoung to answer, he was addressing a question about Christmas plans.

"Me? I usually spend holiday season with family and friends. Last year, 2PM had a schedule for Christmas event and once it was done I immediately ran to my bestfriend to celebrate the day before it ended. This year, I don't know though.. I think 2PM will be busy," Wooyoung's voice echoed from the TV.

"Why don't you send your bestfriend a video message for this Christmas?" asked the interviewer.

"Ah, yes. Okay.. Yah! Chingu-ah! What are your plan for this Christmas? Let's meet up and grab some drinks like before! on me!" Wooyoung said casually on the screen. Despite knowing that message was addressed to her, Haneul didn't feel any sincerity from it. Everything was just for the sake of broadcast, she realized.

Sighing, she bitterly smiled at the cashier girl and excused herself. There was no use of her wandering out and about, her effort to forget Wooyoung had resulted to the opposite. It was better for her to go back. As she walked and walked, passing more and more people as the road changed, she felt her eyes getting hot. Snow had came dow