Please read this story while listening Find You - Zedd. Thank you!

---

It feels wet. Cold. Suffocating. Nothing could be grabbed on. She was flying. Well, she felt like she was. Floating around somewhere quiet, neglected. Unimportant.

Go away, monster.

You are a ing disgrace to your family.

You didn’t belong together with us.

The piercing cold keeps stabbing her skin like tiny, microscopic needles. Her lungs keep force sending a signal to her brain, that she needs to breathe. She needs oxygen.

She opened her eyes as she struggles to go to the surface. She took a really deep breath once she reached it. Wiping her face, trying to get any drop of waters away.

Bright light greeted her as she took the view around her. There she was, in her bathtub. Once again dipping herself inside the water unconsciously. Her mind taking over her soul for the nth time, she can’t count.

Quick, deep breath was revibrating, echoing inside the large, empty, cold bathroom. As the only sound that could be heard besides a splash of water.

A small buzz suddenly heard from the left side. She turned her head, finding someone has sent her a message as her phone screen was lit up.

Drying her hand using the small hand towel that was hanged on her right, she took her phone with her frail, shaking pale hand. It wasn’t an unknown number. It was from her close friend.

Crash the club tonight? My treat. -Seulgi

She snorted. Seulgi rarely asked her to go to the club. Much more paying her behalf too. There must be something bugging her best friend. And she needs something to release her emotion.

And her choice falls to the club right down in the downtown.

She straightens her black leather jacket. Zipping her black boots as she looks at the view in front of her. Calming. Far away from any curious, prying eyes that seems like always want to know her next move.

She’s not even an influential person yet people still get curious. Trying to get under her skin, so they could attack her whenever they want. Whenever they feel like too.

Riding her beloved red motorbike, she goes to downtown.

If she could say it, she hates downtown to the core. Too many curious eyes. Too many judgemental people. Too many people want to know something and then destroy someone’s life. It’s too negative. And she is certain she didn’t like it.

Seulgi immediately engulfs her in a big hug and ordering her vodka once she has arrived. She was already halfway to drunk. Going unconscious. She sighs inwardly. It’s going to be a long night for her.

“I hate those capitalist people,” spite Seulgi, as she drank the gin she ordered for herself in one shot. “They always treat us like a pest and when we want to leave, they begged us to stay like we were their savior? I can’t believe their ignorant, hypocrite .”

Seulgi was an employee of one of the biggest start-ups in the city, working as their graphic designer. For her, Seulgi already lived her dream life. Having a great job, getting a good salary, completely the normal life that she was dreamed of.

Seulgi didn’t feel the same way.

“We were just assigned to make this design yesterday and we need to give the design tomorrow night!” exclaimed Seulgi with a voice full of poison and hatred. “That is impossible!”

“Are you sure going to this place is the right decision?” asked her, worried about the condition of her best friend. “It might be better if you go back to your place and finish the design.”

Seulgi put her glass with so much force, she almost got scared that the glass will be broken. Shattered into pieces. Could never go back to who it used to be. Like her life.

“I don’t care about them,” snorted Seulgi, asking the bartender for one more shot of gin. She gulped her nervousness that was stuck on , didn’t want to imagine what will she experience in the next hour. “Let them go bankrupt, anything. Heck, I don’t even care if I got fired the day after tomorrow.”

She knows that Seulgi will regret saying all of it tomorrow. But once drunk Seulgi knows what she wants to do, we can’t save her until she decided to stop.

One hour later, Seulgi was already snoring on the table. Going to the safe dreamland, that could give you the weirdest imagination you could ever think of.

She sighed. She was barely feeling it in the club. And she already needs to tend her drunk, unconscious friend? Yes, they are best friends. But they still got limitations.

“Go crash the floor,” said the bartender that keep serving them alcohol. “I’ll take care of her.”

She flashes a small smile towards the bartender, a sign of gratitude. “Thanks.”

The floor was crowded with any kind of people. Jumping here and there like they want to make one big hole on the floor. The music was loud, sending energies to people’s veins. The bass making everything vibrated.

She walks to the middle of the floor in between the gaps that were created by these people. She doesn’t even know why she was walking towards the middle. She only followed where her legs took her.

She still walking when her body bumped onto someone. On reflex, she quickly turned around and apologies. “I-I’m sorry!”

“What?”

Ah, she forgot that the music is too loud.

“I’m sorry that I bumped into you!” she said, this time louder.

“It’s okay! No need to feel bad!”

She scanned the woman beside her. She is the same height as her. Maybe taller than her for a centimeter. Her skin is white, pale. She has a big, doe eyes and curious black orbs added the plus to it. But it’s not the kind of curious that she hates.

Her nose is cute. She wants to boop it. Her lips look so inviting to her. She imagines, what does it feel like to be able to kiss it? Is it soft? Plump? Sweet?

She was brought back to reality, cutting her from her trance as the woman asked her something. That she couldn’t decipher quite right because of the loud music.

“What?”

“Are you alone here?” repeated the woman.

She shook her head, quickly realized that it might be too dark for the woman to notice it. Since the only source of light is from the stage laser lamp that barely hitting her and the woman. “I’m with my friend!”

“Where is this friend of yours!”

She snorted. “Fainted. At the bar!”

She swears to God (if they exist), she could hear her beautiful laugh in between all these loud beats and basses. Trying to make her way out, reaching her ears.

“You’re alone, then!” screamed the woman, once she finished laughing.

She shrugged. “If it looks like it!”

She can see that the woman is sporting her biggest grin from the flash of the light. Her heartbeat quickens. She felt heat creeping up her cheeks.

The woman is so beautiful.

“I’m alone, too!” yelled the woman. “Mind to accompany me?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

The woman took her wrist, pulling her closer. Close enough for her to be able to notice what she smells like.

That’s odd. She smells like lavender.

“Irene!”

She blinked. Didn’t quite understand why the woman yelled that. “What?”

“It’s my name!” the woman, whom she noticed that her name is “Irene!”

She just nodded, didn’t know what to respond. Irene chuckled at that, making her frowned. What so funny about that?

“Mind to tell me your name? Or should I call you stranger?”

Oh. It’s just hitting her now.

“Wendy!”

“Like the fast-food chain?”

Wendy laughed. “Yeah! Like the fast-food chain!”

They enjoyed the loud music after that. Swaying their body slightly, following the beats that were hitting around the walls. Making people go crazy, jumping around.

Wendy felt a hot breath tickling her ear, making a shiver running from her back.

“Mind to move away from here?” asked Irene, loud enough for her to hear it, but not everyone. “I want to talk more with you but I don’t think the condition around us are being supportive of that. And my throat starting to get hurt from all this yelling!”

“To the bar?” yelled Wendy back.

“Let’s go!”

Irene pulled her wrist once again, making her flustered because she doesn’t expect that at all. Her fingers felt nice around her. Warm, comfortable. Something that she rarely felt. Never felt, if Wendy could say that.

As they reached the bar, Wendy didn’t find Seulgi snoring on the counter anymore. A deep frown blossoming on her forehead.

“I moved her to the room in the back,” said the bartender while wiping her hands with a small towel. “Took lots of efforts but, I need to do that to attract customers to buy drinks.”

Wendy flashed a small smile to the bartender. “Thank you, Ms.-“

“Joy. Just call me Joy. Now,” Joy leaned to the counter, facing the two women in front of her. “What are these beautiful ladies want to drink?”

Wendy raised her eyebrow while Irene cracking out a laugh. “A vermouth for me,” ordered Irene that was answered by Joy with a nod. “What about you?”

“The same as earlier,” sighed Wendy. “I suppose you still remember it.”

“Another vodka? Are you sure?” asked Joy while wiping two glass that she going to use to serve them drinks.

Wendy just shrugged, following Irene to take the seat in front of her, right at the counter.

It took Joy two minutes to finish the drinks. She quickly serves it to the two women. “Call me if you need another one,” said Joy as she put the last glass in front of Irene.

Both of them just nodded. Joy quickly left them, serving another customer who was located right on the end of the counter.

“So,” asked Irene as she swivels her vermouth slowly, being careful to not let any tiny droplets out from the glass. “a regular here?”

Wendy softly shook her head. Took a sip of her vodka. The liquid quickly burns . It’s pained her, but she didn’t show it. She was used to getting pain. “No.”

Irene hummed, also took a sip of her vermouth. “It seems like you were close with the bartender.”

Wendy chuckled. “We just know each other now. I think it’s because my friend came to this club often and I’m not.”

Irene frowned. “Why? I heard this is the best club in town.”

“I just hate downtown,” sighed Wendy, putting down her glass of vodka.

Irene nodded, also putting down her glass. She moved her head to the left, looking at Wendy while prompting her head with her arm. “Now, tell me about yourself.”

Wendy scoffed. “There isn’t much to know about me.”

Irene rolled her eyes. “That is a sign that there is something to know about you. Come on, tell me!”

“Why don’t you first?” asked Wendy, sipping her vodka once again.

“Sorry but, if I recall, you were the one who bumped into me first.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” chuckled Wendy softly.

“I’m waiting here,” Irene said jokingly. A small smile appeared on her face.

“I live in the South.”

A frown erasing her small smile. “It’s so far from here.”

“I know,” Wendy sighed. “That’s why I rarely go to the downtown.”

Irene hummed, quietly sipping her vermouth. “I thought there was more reason for that.”

Wendy froze for a second but quickly changed to her usual self. Wendy didn’t know if Irene noticed that or not. She hopes she doesn’t. “What about you?”

“I lived in here, in downtown,” answered Irene, finishing her vermouth in one shot. “That’s why I’m asking you if you are a regular here or not. Because I recall I have never met you.”

“Oh. So you are a party lady,” Wendy said with a smirk.

Irene laughed. “Much more like a stressful lady. I only come here whenever I want to release my stress off.”

“Including now?”

“Yup,” nodded Irene. “Including now.”

Wendy frowned. She didn’t look like someone who has lots of problems earlier. She looked, laid back. Well, one can’t judge a book from its cover. “Why? Something happens?”

“Work happens,” answered Irene, ordering more drinks. “Just this whole ty boss and deadlines that didn’t make sense.”

Wendy nodded, understanding of what Irene has explained. Seulgi was just like that too earlier. And it didn’t end well.

“What about you?” asked Irene, swirling her glass of alcohol once again. This time there is an ice cube inside, making this soft clinking sound. “Any stressful job you got there in the South?”

Wendy downed her drink in one gulp and immediately ordering the next one. “It’s not that stressful.”

“Oh?” asked Irene, seems interested. “I didn’t know we still have a job that doesn’t make one stressed enough. What did you do?”

“Writing.”

Irene frowned. “Writing what?”

Wendy smiled. “Everything.”

Irene chuckled, sipping her drink. “So, if I asked you to write a love letter, will you write it for me?”

“As long as you pay, then yes,” shrugged Wendy.

Irene looked at her with so much intensity. Wendy feels like she was deep inside those dark orbs of her. Exploring layer and layers of her personality. Her self. Irene prompted herself better, focusing her gaze on Wendy. “You didn’t look like a poetic person to me.”

Wendy snorted as she filled once again with alcohol. “One can never judge someone by its cover.”

“That is the wisest thing you ever said tonight,” laughed Irene.

“Still doubting my poetry skill?” asked Wendy, downing the alcohol to .

“That doesn’t prove your poetry skill to the slightest bit,” Irene said, drinking her alcohol.

Wendy just shrugged, rubbing the small, empty glass that she currently held softly. She released a sigh, one that she didn’t expect for Irene to catch, but she still heard it.

“Hard day too, today?”

Wendy smiled softly. “Not as hard as you.”

Irene hummed, drinking the last liquid of the alcohol. “You know, since we’re both kinds of stressed enough, we should unwind together tonight.”

“Unwind?” asked Wendy, raising her eyebrow.

Irene grinned while standing up. Encasing Wendy’s wrist once again with her fingers, pulling her off from the seat. “Yup. You are not going to be a coward now, are you?”

Wendy just chuckled. “Well. It seems I just can’t.”

Irene laughed at her response, continuing to pull her back to the dance floor. Jumping together with these people. Moving alongside the beat. Swaying to seek the heat between each other.

And one thing just led to another.

---

Wendy blames the alcohol for this.

She clearly didn’t remember how come they were already outside the dance floor once again. And she clearly didn’t remember how come they already stepped out of the club.

And here they are. Inside the dark alleyway. Irene’s body trapped between her and the wall behind. Lips locking against each other. Hands trying to remember every curve that the woman in front of her has.

Wendy feels Irene’s fingers move from her neck to her head, threading her hair between the gap of the fingers. Pulling her closer than she already is.

Their bodies flushed against each other. Wendy can feel every friction that their movement just made. Igniting the fire that has long gone, deep buried at the bottom of her greed.

Their lips being apart for a second, trying to catch every oxygen that was around, before locking it once again.

Irene’s lips tasted so sweet. It tasted like a peach. The faint smell of lavender fulfilling every sense on her. Making her wild. Making her wanted more. Making her don’t ever want to finish this.

Wendy stopping her lips movement when Irene her lips softly, asking permission to let her in. And Wendy, who can’t control herself, granted her wish. Tongues quickly fight for dominance. Trying to let know each other who was being in control.

“How come we were able to reach this situation?” asked Irene while letting out a moan as Wendy moved to her neck, kissing along the trails to get there.

“I don’t know,” breathed out Wendy, off the soft spot behind her neck, near her collarbone. Making Irene screamed louder.

“Hold your fire, tiger,” Irene said, pulling Wendy’s hair. Trying to let her off from her neck. Quickly kissing her on the lips hard after she successfully does so. “We’re not going to do this here.”

Wendy groaned between the kiss, voicing out her displeasure. “Then where?”

“My apartment. Did you bring a ride?”

“My bike.”

Irene grinned. “Hm, sounds y. Bring us to my apartment, then.”

Wendy doesn’t need to be told twice about that.

She doesn’t know how come they were surviving from the ride when Irene was being such a huge distraction along the road (She was kissing Wendy’s nape!) and finally reached Irene’s safe haven.

They barely could not touch each other as they were going to Irene’s apartment. Sometimes stopping along the way. Kissing each other so hard to make one of them mad. Barely not making a ruckus.

“ing hell, Wendy. Stop kissing me and help me find my keys!” protested Irene, locked in the middle between Wendy and her apartment’s door. Barely able to hold back her moan as Wendy keeps giving attention to her nape.

“Where?” whispered Wendy.

“At my back pocket.”

Wendy reached the spot with such ease, still giving the nape her utmost attention. After enough fumbling and sneakily pinching her , she quickly gave the keys to Irene.

Irene groaned, didn’t seem to be able to find the hole for the key. Her hand shakes too much. The effect of the attention that Wendy gave it to her.

A hand grabbed hers, helping her to insert the key to the hole. “Stop shaking your hand,” whispered Wendy right next on her ear, didn’t forget to give the ear soft nibbles.

Irene just groaned, did not able to form any syllable to reply to her. Once the lock got in, they unlock it and quickly went inside and locked the door back as fast as earlier.

“Now shut up and kiss me,” ordered Irene, which Wendy once again glad to comply.

The kiss was wilder. Everything felt so hot. Wendy is only able to smell lavender. Her senses were filled with lavender. Wendy never expected to go crazy over lavender.

Irene’s hands moved to her leather jacket, trying to pry it off from her body. She quickly throws it away once she succeeded to do so. Circling her hands to Wendy’s neck, pulling her closer to her. Feeling each other’s body with each friction.

Wendy’s hands were on her waist, gripping it tightly. Making sure that she stayed close to her. Erasing every gap that could be made.

Irene gasped when Wendy lifted her off. Her good reflexes making her legs quickly wrapping themselves on Wendy’s waist, locking it tight.

“I didn’t know you were this strong,” praised Irene in-between her kisses.

“It will be if you quickly told me where is your room,” grunted Wendy, trying so hard to not let Irene’s fall.

Irene laughed, touching her forehead with hers. “It’s the purple door. Go get us there, tiger.”

And once again, Wendy doesn’t need to be told twice.

Wendy quickly putting her on top of the bed once they reached inside. Taking off her white t-shirt before latching her lips once again with hers. Feeling the soft and plump lips of Irene.

Blunt nails scratching her toned abs, igniting a groan coming out from her. She kissed her collarbone once again. it. Kissing it. Biting it. Soothing it. Making an obvious red mark on Irene’s white, pale neck.

She was going to make another one when Irene flipped both of them, making Wendy being under her. Wendy raised her eyebrow, questioning her action.

A black, raven’s hair covering her surroundings, making her eyes only focused on the beauty above her. Getting inside as the dark orbs surrounding her with heat, lust, want, hunger. The plump lips were apart, trying to catch her breath.

“My room, my rules,” Irene whispered.

It sounds like a magical spell for Wendy, to only focused on her. Didn’t spare her attention to anything else.

Their lips locked once again. Their hands moved everywhere. Trying to mapping each other’s body. Remembering every sensitive spot that existed on all corners of their bodies. Getting rid of every layer that was covering their hot, numb skin.

Trying to taste the sweetness of their skin. Feeling the blood vessels throb softly, tickling their lips. Knowing how fast their heartbeats as a result of their action.

Reaching their core. Touching the perfect spot as they screamed so hard. Letting off the nectar of satisfaction. Breathing out the adrenaline.

Feeling loved and meaningful for just one night.

---

Wendy squinted her closed eyes as the morning sunlight attacking her eyelids. Groaned, she moves to another side as she felt soreness coming from that particular down part of her body.

Her eyes quickly went wide open, her breath quickens as she observed her surroundings.

This was not her room.

Her mind suddenly taking her back to several hours ago, as she remembers every part, every movement that she did. And also, that woman.

Not again, Wendy. Not again.

She was still pretty (she can feel the material of the blanket right at her skin) and pretty ed up. She wasn’t even drunk that night. How come she could let this happen again?

Wendy gasped softly as she heard the ringing of her phone that was on the nightstand beside her. She took it as Seulgi’s name and numbers greeted her on the screen. Wendy gulped before accepting the phone call.

“Hello?” asked Wendy timidly.

“Where are you?” asked Seulgi, sounded pretty pissed off. “And don’t answer home because currently, I’m standing right in front of your front door. Already punched the bells for God knows how many. Yet nobody answers me!”

Wendy winced. “I’m sorry. Yes, I’m not at my home currently. I’m at my friend’s apartment.”

Wendy can feel that Seulgi currently squinting her eyes too hard at her answer. “Where?”

“Downtown?”

“You don’t have any friend that lives downtown, Wendy.”

Silence engulfs both of them as Wendy can’t even make a sentence to defend herself. opens as fast as she immediately closes it, trying to answer back to Seulgi. When Seulgi decided to break the silence, saying the sentence that was dreaded the most by Wendy.

“You are doing it again, don’t you?”

She quickly hit that red button, cutting off the call. Throwing away the damned phone somewhere as she tried to calm herself. Ragged breaths filled the whole room.

Why? Why this need to happen? She was so good suppressing her greed and lust for several months. And a couple of drinks and one beautiful woman just need to that up.

Noises started to fill her mind. Invisible hands choking her neck, grasping it so tightly she could hardly breathe. Red filling her eyes as stares of mocking and disgust started to reappear. Making her feel disgusted. Dirty.

“-ndy? Wendy! Wendy, are you okay?”

Wendy quickly was brought back from her darkest mind to reality as a concerned voice and a tight grip on her shoulders shaking her.

In front of her, Irene was looking with a frown on her face. Inspecting her. Her face filled with worries.

It can’t be. It’s just her mind. No one in this world would feel worried about her.

“I heard noises earlier,” explained Irene, still looking like a concerned person. Wendy fights back a snort that wants to come out from . “So I decided to come in, Founding your phone already on the floor. And you were already at a frantic state, so I thought something happened.”

Wendy cleared . “I’m fine, thanks for asking,” she said in a hushed tone, going out from the bed. Taking her clothes that were put tidily on top of a chair. Probably Irene’s doing.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Wendy took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m fine.”

Irene sighed. “Alright. Come out if you are already done. I make breakfast for both of us.”

Wendy winced inwardly. “I’m so sorry. I don’t think I can stay for breakfast. My friend already waiting for me at my house right now. I need to get there fast.”

“Oh,” answered Irene. Wendy swears she could hear a hint of disappointment in her tone. But she quickly got rid of those thoughts. “Can’t they wait for a little bit?”

“No, they have been waiting for too long,” said Wendy, picking up her phone and fished out her bike’s key from the pocket of her pants.

As Wendy wants to reach the doorknob, a soft hand wrapped her wrist, forcing her to turn around. As quick as she was turning around, a pair of soft lips quickly landed on top of her own. Making her body froze.

A slight blush could be seen clearly at Irene’s cheeks after landing that kiss on her. “Be careful on your way.”

Wendy just gave her a tight-lipped smile. Didn’t even say goodbye as she left Irene’s apartment.

How could she? When the goodbye was meant for forever. To never met each other again. And being a fool who was trapped inside the greatest temptation in the world. Lust.

---

Soft jazz thrumming inside the pub. A raw, emotionless voice accompanies the melodies, filling the pub with sorrow and insecurity.

Wendy sighed, took a swig of her whiskey and immediately asked for more. A loud snort could be heard as her small glass was taken from her hand.

“Going all out tonight?” asked the bartender. Quickly filling the glass with another whiskey.

“Shut up, Yerim. I need this,” hissed Wendy as Yerim quickly put the glass right in front of her after it was filled with alcohol once again. Yerim just rolled her eyes from her reply, leaving her alone again, tending another customer.

She was at the small pub on the West side of the city. Her favorite pub. It was small, but not suffocating. Serene, but not solemn.

It was her perfect safe haven from everything that was clawing at her back. Hurting her.

She just received a call from the editor-in-chief of some famous magazine in the city. Telling her that her writing was full of raw emotion. Screaming sadness in a void. An indescribable feeling of desperation surrounding the aura of her writing.

She didn’t say it was bad, nor she rejects her writing. The way she described Wendy’s story is the reason why she was disturbed and filled with stress.

That’s why she was running away. Trying to save her already bleeding self. Even if it’s just to numb all those pains.

A clinking of bells could be heard from her back. A sign that another customer just entering the pub.

Wendy thinks it was a group of people since they were so loud and there are so many kinds of voices, drowning the soft jazz that was being played by the pub’s band.

“Wendy? Is that you?”

Wendy froze. She recognized that voice. That particular soft voice could turn into a raw scream as Wendy attacked her sensitive spot. Wendy still remembers where was the spot exists on her body.

But the darkness inside her started to crawling too as they heard her voice. Trying to get out. Eating her right here and there.

“It’s been a while,” said the woman once again, now standing beside her as she ordered her signature drinks that she always ordered in the bar that night. Vermouth.

“Irene,” Wendy breathed out, struggling to say her name. A clot inside was just gotten bigger, making it hoarse. “What are you doing here?”

“My work colleague inviting us to grab some drinks at this pub,” explained Irene, receiving her glass of vermouth from Yerim. “And here I am.”

Wendy just nodded. Afraid that if she was trying to let her voice out, Irene could know that she was struggling.

“So, I assume this is your favorite pub,” said Irene, took a sip of her vermouth after yelling at her friend that she will come to the table later. Probably wants to talk first with Wendy.

And Wendy didn’t feel good about it.

“Y-yeah,” squeaked Wendy, wincing inwardly by how she sounded earlier. “It’s nearer than the one downtown.”

Irene hummed. “You have great taste in a pub.”

Wendy shrugged. “Maybe.”

Irene seems struggled to ask about something since was opened and then closed pretty fast. And finally, she seems to already make her mind for it.

“Did you mind if you wait here a little bit longer? I would love to speak with you again if you want,” asked Irene in one breath. “It’s been so long since our last meeting.”

It was two months ago. And Wendy didn’t feel that it was that long.

Her mind keeps echoing ‘No.’ Rejecting her invitation. Sadly, has her own thinking.

“Sure. I would love to.”

Irene grinned widely. “Great! I’m going to go back to my friends first. See you later!”

Wendy groaned. What she just got herself into? This will not turn out well. She can feel it at her bones.

Turns out her feeling was right.

There she was. Once again inside Irene’s bedroom. Once again in her state, after having her mind-blowing escapades for the second time with the same woman.

Wendy swears to God do not ask her how come she could go back to this same state like two months ago.

Fear started clawing herself again. Stabbing her insides. Making her feel disgusted right at her gut. Disgusted at her mind. At herself.

She, once again, was defeated by lust and greed.

Wendy carefully leaves the bed, trying not to woke Irene up who was already sleeping comfortably beside her.

The blaring red marks that were on Irene’s neck, obvious that she was the one who made it, mocking her. Telling her that she will never change.

She wears her clothes silently, trying to produce less sound as she could. Once she success from didn’t awaken Irene at all, she left the apartment.

Once again didn’t leave goodbyes.

---

“You look wrecked.”

She snorted. “Yeah, I can tell.”

There she was. Alongside Seulgi once again. In the same bar downtown.

This time, Wendy is the one who invited her.

“Something happened?” asked Seulgi, gulping her cold beer in a big swig.

Wendy didn’t answer. Drinking all her sorrow away with vodka, burning .

Seulgi sighed. “Look, Wendy. If you didn’t tell me, I couldn’t help you in the slightest bit.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want help!” snapped Wendy, finishing her vodka in one shot. “Bartender! Another vodka, please!”

Joy sighed, took the glass away from her hand and putting it upside down in front of her. “That’s enough of vodka for you tonight, young woman.”

Wendy groaned. “I’m the freaking customer here.”

“And I’m the bartender.”

Wendy banged her head at the counter. Mad was getting resurrected inside her.

She had enough of bottling everything tonight.

A rough hand covering her own. “Wendy, you know you can tell me everything, right? I’m here. I will listen.”

Wendy raised her head, boring her gaze to Seulgi’s pair of eyes. “Everyone said that,” spat her, full of hatred.

Seulgi frowned. “Who?”

“All these persons. Once I tell them your so-called everything, they started to turn away from me. Looking at me with disgust. Like I was a pest that needs to be gone from this world.”

Seulgi’s frowns went deeper. “Wendy, I wasn’t that kind of person. I will never do that to you.”

Wendy snorted. “They all say that too. With their sweet, sickening voice. I have had enough.”

Wendy stumbled as she tries to stand up, leaving the bar. It was too suffocating. Too murderous. Too scary.

“Wendy, where are you going?” yelled Seulgi, trying to catch up with her friend frantically. “Wendy!”

“Do not follow me, Seulgi!” warned Wendy. “Go away!”

“Wendy, watch out!”

Seulgi’s warning came too late, as Wendy already hit someone. A pair of arms quickly circling her waist. The familiar smell of lavender filling all her senses.

No, not her. Not again.

“Wendy?” asked Irene. Worry lacing her tone. “What happened?”

Wendy held Irene’s hand that was still wrapped around her waist, pry it off from herself.

Her arms feel too comfortable for her. And Wendy was scared of it.

“Do not touch me,” Wendy said in a ragged breath.

“What?” a flash of hurt covering Irene’s face. Almost making Wendy feel sorry and wanted to take back those words. Irene asking her once again as her hand reached Wendy’s shoulder. “Wendy, what is happening?”

“I said do not touch me!”

The bar that was loud earlier, disturbing Wendy’s ears to the fullest, went silent as her loud yells piercing through every voice.

Eyes quickly landed on the two people in the middle. One looking distressed. One looking worried.

Wendy feels shivers all through her body. The wounds that were numbed by vodka earlier, hurting her again. This time, the wound was getting larger.

“Wendy-“

“Disgusting , stop it.”

Irene closed once Wendy letting out those words with venomous tone. Hurt was covering her face fully. Wendy’s words just stabbed her too deeply. Wendy was sure that the wound she just made at the woman won’t heal fast.

Wendy blinked once she realized what she just said. A flash of guilty could be seen from her eyes. She looked around. All those gazes and expressions that she scared to death, drowning her. Piercing her like a cold, ice knives. Doesn’t want to stop hurting her.

Wendy runs away. Running away from those prying eyes. From those disappointed gazes. From those uncontrollable words. From that hate and disgust.

---

It feels wet. Cold. Suffocating. Dark. Lonely. Nothing could be grabbed on. She was levitating. She felt like she was, once again. Floating around somewhere that was quiet, neglected. Filled with despair and the feeling of being unimportant.

All those words full of hate echoing in her brain once again. This time, they didn’t want to stop. They keep clawing inside her soul. Making her insane. And scared. Feeling small in this big world.

The cold pierced her skin like tiny, microscopic needles. Stabbing at every inch of her skin that was available. Not yet having a harsh wound. Feels like they won’t stop hurting her.

Her lungs burned. Keep giving force signals to her brain. They need oxygen. Wendy needs oxygen.

The white light bulb on top of her shines through the cold water that she was currently inside. Sometimes blinking, bidding their last goodbye to the person who always needs their lights.

A flash of several faces shows up at her orbs. Her best friend who feels like a warm teddy bear. The bartender at the bar downtown, whom her eyes always filled with love and affection whenever she looks at her best friend. The bartender at the pub, who looked too young to be a bartender.

And the last one. The woman who always gives her escapades. Who always made her feel loved. Protected. Important. Like she was finally grasping the idea of her existence in this world.

The image was getting clearer. Her face somehow filled with worry, scared. Wendy frowned. She wants those expressions to be gone. But somehow, it’s just getting clearer.

“Irene…” Wendy croaked out softly. Bubbles coming out from . She was desperate to say the last word that she never said to Irene.

Goodbye.

A hand pierced through the cold water, grabbing hers and pulling her out in a quick, fast motion. Wendy quickly took a deep breath, filling her lungs that already burned with oxygen once again.

The sight of Irene was getting clearer. moves in frantic. A suppressed sound of yelling trying to went through inside her ears.

She feels her soft hands wrapped her cold, body. Lavender started filling her senses once again. Making her suffocated in a good way.

“Oh my God! Wendy, are you okay? I’m here! Calm down, okay?”

Wendy widens her eyes. Irene is here. Literally. Inside the bathroom of her house. Just pulling her out from her unconscious attempt to make herself leave this world.

Her warm hands cupped her cold cheeks, trying to make herself warm. “I’m right here, okay Wendy? All it’s going to be okay,” said Irene frantically.

Wendy blinked. “H-how?”

Irene shushed her. “Later, okay? I will explain everything. Now, let’s get you out from here.”

She felt Irene pulled her to her feet slowly, wrapping her with a soft, warm towel. Irene guided her to step out from the bathroom carefully as her legs were shaking from the numbing coldness.

Next thing she knew, she was already tucked in her bed. Her palms holding a warm mug of hot chocolate. Irene sat across her on the bed.

“Feels better?” asked Irene softly, answered by a nod from Wendy. Continue to sipping her hot chocolate, filling it warming up her hoarse throat.

Her pale, frail hands still shaking slightly. Her palms latched themselves to the mug stronger this time. Trying to seek warmth. Spreading it through her body. And that didn’t go unnoticed by Irene.

“Still cold?” asked Irene. “Wait, let me prepare you some hot towel to keep you w-“

Wendy doesn’t remember the last time her hand moved that fast. Her fingers closing, wrapping themselves to Irene’s wrist. “Please,” croaked out Wendy with so much strength. “Don’t leave me.”

Irene sighed. “Wendy, you-“

Wendy shook her head. “I need you here. Please, lay down with me.”

Irene went silent for a little bit, before nodding and circling Wendy’s bed, moving next to her. Wendy put the warm mug on the nightstand beside her, laying herself carefully on the soft bed beneath her. A pair of familiar arms wrapped her waist, making herself receive a comfortable warmth.

The warmth that she seek for long.

She put one of her arms on Irene’s, circling them around her shoulder. Her shoulder endures a soft weight as Irene put her head on it. Making herself comfortable laying down.

They keep silent for long. Basking at each other’s warmth. Moonlight piercing through the window. Giving the room a soft, white glow for their light source.

“I’m sorry,” said Wendy, decided to break the ice.

Irene lifted her head slightly. “For what?”

Wendy moved her gaze downwards, founding curious, brown orbs looking at her. Full of attention, waiting for her next words. And she felt something switched up inside the darkness of her mind.

A bulb of light. Hope.

“For saying those words,” answered Wendy with a hushed tone. Scared to make Irene’s mad.

Irene shook her head softly. “No need to say sorry. It’s okay. You didn’t mean that.”

This time, Wendy is the one who shook her head. “No, you don’t understand. What I said is cruel, and you didn’t deserve it. And I’m too temperamental at that time. Cannot control my own emotion. The words that I let out was meant for me. Not for you. And it was spelled out like I was saying those words to you. I didn’t mean that at all. I-“

A pair of soft, warm lips stopping her from her rambling. Throwing out all of her insecurities and worries.

Once she let go, her soft fingers grazing through her hair. it as soft as she could.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Wendy,” whispered Irene. “So stop blaming yourself because of it.”

Something wet hit her cheek, quickly being wiped out with Irene’s finger. Irene smiled.

“Go. Let out of your bottled emotions. You deserve it.”

Wendy let out her first sobs. And another. It’s been too long since the last time she’s crying. Letting out all those tears that were pooled in her eyes

Irene wrapped her in a hug. Encourages her to keep letting out the rawest emotion inside her.

And Wendy did.

---

“I used to live in this conservative society,” Wendy started, once she was calmed.

They were still inside her bedroom. Still hugging each other.

“My family is too, a conservative. They go to church every Sunday. Homophobia was living inside their core. Once they found something that was deviant on their eyes, they went wild.”

“And they did,” Irene whispered carefully. “To you.”

Wendy let out a deep sigh. Tightening her holds on Irene’s. “When they knew that I was sleeping with girls all this time, they turned into something that I don’t recognize. And I quickly felt scared from it. Feels like I was being threatened. Useless. I didn’t deserve to live.”

Wendy stopped for a while, blinking her eyes that were already full of tears. Irene draws a small circle on her waist, trying to give her strength if she wants to continue. Which she did.

“I was beaten up for good. My family threw me away. I was just going to graduate from college at that time.”

A prickle of tear made it out from her eyes. Her breath was getting ragged.

“I thought that my family will only do that. Nothing more. Turns out, they spread the news all over the campus. People started to look at me like I was a disgusting human.”

Soft pair of lips kissing away her tears. “You’re not disgusting. They are.”

Wendy makes a small smile on her face. “All of my friends turned their backs from me. Neglecting me away. Insults me.”

“Except Seulgi.”

Wendy chuckled. “Except that warm bear. I suppose she already told you everything?”

Irene nodded, laying herself once again on Wendy’s shoulder. Letting her continue her story.

“Seulgi tried so hard to bring the old me back. Wendy that she used to know. Even until now,” Wendy chuckled. “But my insecurities and everything that I feared got the best of me.”

“The world is such a cold and harsh place.”

Wendy hummed, agreeing with the words that just left from Irene’s mouth.

Irene lifted her head once again, cupping Wendy’s jaw and cheeks with her palms. “It must be so hard for you. Living like that. All people stabbing you in the back. Attacking you endlessly. Throwing you at the darkest pit.”

Wendy sighed, fighting the urge to cry as Irene keep rubbing her face softly.

“I’m not trying to lift your insecurity. I don’t have any plan to heal your wounds. The only person that could do both of that is yourself,” Irene sighed before continuing. “But I promise.”

Irene almost closed the gaps between both of them. Connecting their foreheads.

“I will run away with your footsteps.”

Irene kissed her forehead softly, sealing the promise.

“I will build a city that dreams for two.”

Irene kissed the bridge of her nose, sealing the second promise.

“And if you lose yourself,”

Irene kissed her lips softly, sealing the third promise.

“I will find you.”

“That is a big promise,” Wendy said in a hushed tone.

“I know,” Irene said while giving her a small smile. “But it’s all worth it.”

Wendy smiled, latching their lips together once again. Sealing all the unsaid promises. Because Irene makes her move. Irene always makes her go.

Yeah, you always make me go.

---

I want to say thank you so much for reading my stories. It has reached 100 upvotes!! I didn't expect that at all TT so I sincerely says thank you to all of you. And because of that, I write this story as a thank you and also to celebrate Irene's birthday today! So, once again, thank you so much.