Kang Hyewon shoves a candy into and quickly put the surgical mask back on when pondering how to explain the checkup report to the patient. She knows she is not good at talking and always find it difficult to convey her message well because most people do not want to hear the truth, and she has no talent in making patients feel good.

She flips through the report again and jots down a few points, and put a few more candies onto the desk before she presses the intercom.

The door is opened and Kwon Eunbi walks in, followed by nurse Yuri.

"Dr. Kang, Annyeonghaseyo?"

"Yes, Dr. Kwon, please have a seat." Hyewon eye-smiles. "How have you been? Has the semester started?"

"Yes, I just have the first lecture today. The kids are great." She looks a bit tired but with good vibes. "Doctor, just call me Eunbi."

"Good, Eunbi-ssi. So today we will go through your report. Please feel free to ask any questions."

Eunbi nods and smiles. 

Mrs. Kim's public smile. Hyewon thinks.

"Okay," The doctor starts. "Firstly, according to all the indexes, your health condition is much better than I have expected. You are a bit underweight but cholesterol level is borderline. Calcium level is not very ideal and that will add to the risk factor of Osteoporosis in the future. So you should exercise more and eat better, and take supplements the best you can. Other than that, almost all indexes fall within the normal range. There is no sleeping obstruction, Acid Reflux test is negative. "

She points to a number which is in bold, "here, the number of white blood cells is slightly borderline. It may due to a couple of inflammations. That can be well explained, but further investigations are recommended."

Eunbi nods. While waiting for a "however", the doctor put a piece of candy in front of her before she continues, "what needs to be worried is here."

She flips to the ultrasound report.

"There are lots of issues around the pelvic area. Multiple cysts and tumors are found. Most are benign. However, the more serious problem lies on the ovaries." The doctor points at one ultrasound photo, "there is at least one tumor that is different from the rest, and its size is quite big. Very likely it is what we call 'borderline ovarian tumors', BOT. But we need further tests to confirm and evaluate its nature."

"Can you explain a bit more?" Eunbi asks, try not to frown.

"Yes." Hyewon nods and tries patiently, in her deep voice, to explain the situation in lay people's language. "most BOTs have low malignant potential. They are different from cancer cells and tend to grow slowly and in a more controlled way, but they also cause swollen and pressure, pain during or after , and outside period bleeding."

"I didn't have a life since – " Eunbi suddenly realizes this may not be proper and quickly change the topic. "Is it serious?"

"If my guess is right, yes and no. Yes, because it can spread within the pelvis and then the abdominal cavity and other parts of the body, and that will be very problematic. But no, because we are still at an early stage, and BOT will very rarely be changed into cancer cells." Hyewon says. Her mind is filled with the feeling when she was doing the ultrasound scans. After 11 years of post-graduate studies and practices in her specialty, she still felt disturbed by the numbers, sizes, and varieties of cysts and tumors in the patient's reproductive system. She couldn't stop imagining what kind of life this woman is leading.

"So what are your suggestions?" 

"Surgery is the best option, and it should be done before the tumor spreads. Unlike other cysts and tumors that can easily grow back if the physical and mental environment has not changed, the comeback risk of borderline tumors is small."

"Do my ovaries have to be taken off?"

"Maybe just one, if you still want to have more children."

"No, enough." Eunbi snorts and shakes her head. "But what are the causes?"

"Honestly, we don't know. But in my experience, nutrition deficiency and emotional turmoil are the biggest risk factors that contribute to lesions."

After listening, Eunbi bites her lower lip and falls silent. 

Hyewon starts to count her breath and looks to Yuri for help.

Yuri subtly shakes her head.

After a while, Eunbi looks at Hyewon, her eyes are filled with uncertainty.

"So should I consult a gynecologist?"

Hyewon looks up and meets with Eunbi's eyes. She doesn't know how to respond to the question. She exhales slowly and says, "I am a gynecologist."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I...oh..." Eunbi looks around the room and snorts at her un-observance, "no wonder I am seeing you here, and it is so obvious."

Hyewon shakes her head with her eyes slightly narrowed. She is used to being misunderstood. "There is no need to be sorry, GP is also a specialty. But you can trust me, I am a gynecologist. Of course, you are always welcome to get a second opinion from other gynecologists."

Euni forces a smile. "No. I think I've found the right doctor. I don't have time to shop around. Thank you very much."

Hyewon nods and puts another candy in front of Eunbi.

"I cannot force you," Hyewon continues, "but I strongly suggest that we should conduct a few more tests to confirm the case and fix a date for surgery soonest the possible. I can do all the tests for you, but personally, I normally do not perform surgery, but I can arrange the best surgeon in gynecology for you."

Eunbi nods, "can I think for a few minutes?"

"Yes, sure. Shall I see you again in the next few days for the tests? I can also give you my handphone number, you can text me anytime."

"Thank you."

"Take your candies. You will need them."

Eunbi looks at the candies and decided to put them in her pants pocket. She stands up and bows slightly to Hyewon.

Hyewon turns to Yuri. "Yuri-ssi, please arrange the dates with Dr. Kwon, and give her my number."

"Sure." Yuri smiles and takes Eunbi out.

A few minutes later, Hyewon's phone suddenly rings and stops. She takes it out.

"Eunbi". 

Connected.

She lets out a sigh and rubs her temple.

To be a gynecologist may be the worst decision of her life. She has been very sensitive to other people's sufferings since she was a child, although her face will not show it. Talking to these suffering women every day actually becomes her own source of sufferings. But this is what she has promised her late mother. 

If she had a choice, she would really want to be a forensic pathologist. Talking to a corpse should be much easier than talking to a living human. And through the years, she has indeed developed an interest in forensic science and criminology as a hobby.

There is a knock on the door and Yuri peeks in.

"Hey, Philosopher, are you ready for the next patient?"

Hyewon shakes her head and signals Yuri she needs a rest. Talking to Eunbi has drained her emotionally. She is totally exhausted now.

"You need a coffee?"

Hyewon snorts, "I'm intolerant to caffeine and you know that. I will fall asleep."

Yuri giggles, "I will get you some cold milk then."

"Hamsteri why didn't you save me just now?" Hyewon complains.

"But I think she is okay, and you've done a good job today – 'you can trust me, I am a gynecologist' – so cool!"

Hyewon shakes her head, "she is a diplomat."

"Don't worry, she has fixed the dates and saved your number."

Dusk is falling.

Eunbi stops her car next to the shady part of the park again. She rolls down the window and just sits in the driver's seat. She feels like crying but her eyes are dry.

She doesn't know what to feel.

The only thing for sure is that she has lost all the momentum in life. She should be home and bathing Jaemin by now, then take a shower herself and prepare for a political dinner with Prof. Kim tonight. She will have another lecture tomorrow but it is still underprepared...

And all she wants to do now is to just sit in a dark corner all by herself until the end of time.

Will she be happier if Dr. Kang told her the tumor has already spread through her whole body and she is going to die tomorrow?

Maybe. But she is not going to die, yet.

But then, so what?

She starts to imagine if she is going to die, will there be anyone crying for her and begs her to live? Who will miss her and can't live without her? On the other hand, is there anything on earth that has made her life worth living? Is there anyone she will miss when she died?

She takes out her phone with Jaemin's picture on all screens. Jaemin will surely be the one she wants to live longer for, but he will be too young to miss her. And he can hardly differentiate between her and his grandmother.

She unconsciously presses #2 on the phone keypad, and quickly put it to an end before connection. Yes, she still misses her a lot, it indeed feels like there is a huge unfillable void inside her heart after she left, but she knows Chaeyeon will not miss her. Sakura should be the only one she cares about now. 

And her s