In a world of an idol, it is undeniable that it is unpredictable at times. There are good times in which we get recognition from our company, fan and colleagues… The most visible one through awards, increase of fans and of course cheers and supports. But of course, there is always another side. Being an idol make us prone to scandals, bashing and so forth. But, there are few things that we, as an idol, couldn’t escape from:

1. Being abandoned or forgotten by our fans
2. Being disband

Or both….

No matter how good you are in the idol industry, at the end, you will get replaced by the younger generations. That’s the reality of the idols world. It can start from a dating scandal that some medias report of. It may be just from a bad rumour about you. It also could be fans getting bored and found better group to stan… Or the company was broke and unable to support our idol’s life. It can also due to the idols themselves. In short, anything can happen and there are a lot of possible reason why it happened.

So, being an idol requires us to be tough in young age, both physically and mentally. We need to prepare ourselves in term of our singing and dancing skill. Besides, we need to involve in a lot of programs, classes and competitions in order to build ourselves. Not forgetting that we still need to withstand the pressure, stress and bashing especially when we fail. That’s something we all need to go through to be an idol. Some being push to debut just after a few months in the company. Some might need more than 5 years. Most of the idols starting to train at average age of 13 to 14 years old. But there is always an exception in some people, as young as 5 years old. But still, there are some, unluckily, still haven’t debut due to various reasons. This is a few tests that we need to go through to be an idol. Me? I was lucky to be an idol through a reality show in our company. In fact, the reality show is actually created to build a new girl group for our company. The girl group that previously planned was dissolved. It’s a hard time for our company and ourselves as a trainee. Why? When the plan fail, the rest of the trainee need to prepare themselves faster and be more competitive compared to others trainee. Even if you are the seniors, the chances is purely depend on our skills and of course, some luck. We have to compete among ourselves to be an idol.

Us trainee, had to try and compete on different category, from singing, dancing, acting, modelling, group singing, entertaining people, and so forth. Each of this was evaluated and being criticized by not only our trainer but the company manager himself. Knowing that there are possibility for us to be kicked out from the competition itself. Or worse, the company itself. That’s the reason why I try to develop myself to be able to make people laugh but at the same time being serious and aware on my surrounding. It is what the first step I do to achieve my dream.Being divided into 2 groups known as Major and Minor also helps me a lot. Everyone need to try and show their best on wooing the company staff, and of course, the audiences.  Some might think that wooing people is an easy feat. Just be a good singer, has a beautiful look and pretend to have good personality, that’s being an idol is. Wrong! Being an idol need to be realistic, not being fake. There are idols that was being bashed by pretending to be someone else.We need to be show our real self and life to people, without jeopardizing our chances as a growing idol. At the same time, still follow our company concept. Different company have different concept. Some are more toward dark and mysterious, some are more toward bright and happy concept. Our hair, our clothes and even our makeup need to align with our company image.

That’s not all, other idols and trainees are doing the same thing as well. So, the next step or problem is to build yourselves as another unique person in the company. No matter where you go, you need to let people know you are there. Some did it by their looks, trying to look cute/ beautiful/ mature/ etc or even established themselves as a proficient singer or dancer. Some did it by relationship and connection, involving with different activities and public events. Me? I did it by being crazy. Yup... Literally stuffs that not many idols dare to do. Ummm…  For example, doing eagle dance before my debut? So yeah, that’s what I did for me to get noticed. Succesfully becomes a member of a girl group idol doesn’t stop after that. We still need to train our skills up. We had to learn to share our life together as a team. There is no such things that me, me; you, you. No matter what it is, we need to do it/ accept it/ work it together as a team. When one make mistakes, all of us suffer. Without losing ourselves, we have to literally keep walking on the eggshell every day. Hoping that there is no such mistakes that can jeopardize our career. At the same time, we need to keep our smile on as we went out in public especially on camera or video.  Slowly, I begin to develop my keen eyes and 6^th intuition on detecting camera. This is what I can do to survive in this harsh world. Luckily, I need not to worry about my teammates. Everyone is kind hearted and humble, both in private and public. That’s one of the criteria that our company manager requires us to have. It different us apart from other idols group. And it makes us more united as a group. Plus, being with and cooperative with each other since the reality shows also help a lot.  Each of the members know each others very well. Though, some of us, especially Tzuyu and Mina is a bit shy and awkward at first. Most probably due to language barrier and their introvert personality.

As times goes by, especially after we start to debut as Twice, we begin to become more comfortable between each other. Some getting more and more daring; Teasing each other, being clingy and so forth. Perhaps because of that, most of us fall in love within our own group. Knowing that they are reliable and of course, full of love. That’s what I felt too. My first love is with Sana-unnie. No thanks to her clinginess and 100% aegyo mode that you can’t help to melt before her. Though, in truth, our company forbid us to date until our 3^rd anniversary which is another 1 year. Thus, we need to be subtle, especially in public. What some of us did is by being flirting with other members. That’s what both Sana-unnie and I did for that one year. I focus more on Chaeyoung and Momo-unnie. Sana-unnie? All of us… Sigh… That’s why people label her as the snake in our group. In truth, she is the most loyal and understanding person in the group. From the outside, people see as a Sana being Sanaeke, flirting with all of us. In reality, she is doing her best to cheer us up especially when we are tired. Giving us energy to go through our busy day.

Sadly, my love with Sana-unnie didn’t last long… In fact, it is actually my fault... I fall to Momo-unnie instead... I try to seek advice with the other members and my close friends. But, both Sana-unnie and Momo-unnie also doing the same thing too. Plus, our circle of friends is actually quite small. That’s why it is awkward sometimes between some of us in our group, especially Tzuyu. As there are times where all three of us comes for her advices and comforts. But then, Tzuyu didn’t complain much and do her best on supporting all three of us. In fact, she is actually the most rational, neutral and of course, savage among all of us. Truthfully, there is no actual closure between three of us. Sana-unnie just become more ‘snake’. At one time, she is with Tzuyu, sometimes with Nayeon. So, both Momo-unnie and I becomes closer together. But she still spend her time with both Momo-unnie and me too. Joking that we are still in triangle love relationship both privately and public. I guess that's  Sana-unnie’s way on relieving her sadness and at the same time approving both Momo unnie and I together.

After a month, I was being invited by Nayeon-unnie over her new love discussion website. It’s a good channel for me to understand more about love while helping others on their love problem. That’s a win-win situation. It helps a lot getting other’s opinion and sharing of their love story. And of course, knowing Nayeon-unnie, I can guess that most of the people in the website are either our members or her trusted close friends. She even invites Chaeyoung together at the same time. So, knowing that, both of us opened an account together which is known as DOTS-MC #2. Reason? Because we are the main character couple of a parody drama: Descendent Of The Sun. The #2 means we are the second male/female main character and to tell people that there are 2 of us.  And of course, we are in Twice idol group.  Cool, huh? Both of us had been thinking all night for our user name. That’s how we start involved in Nayeon’s unnie website.

In time, we get to know that some of our unnies had already joined the group before us. Nayeon-unnie created the website one year ago with her user name as Master Squirtle-NY. Momo-unnie as Jokbal master and Sana unnie as CheezekimbapQueen. Hehe… we actually caught them writing during their rest time. It’s really an awkward moment for all of us actually. Really, all of us are commenting on the same user post at the same time. Looking back at my relationship with Sana and Momo, it is understandable why Yoda is frustrated and had a headache on this. Chaeyoung also had the same view with me. After some discussions, we agreed to suggest Yoda on comfirming back her feeling. We afraid that it could just be a fling or lust as most of her candidates is actually pretty too. So, we ask her to spend some times or have a date with each of them. If possible, comparing what makes her love them.

Though, secretly, we know that Yoda is actually serious about her feeling. 1 to 3 years one sided love and still the same until now really explained a lot about her love to them. That’s why both Chaeyoung and I are not surprised when reading through her second entry. All of us are actually rooting for her to confess. Sana-unnie suggest to do aegyo; Momo-unnie suggest on confessing after a good food while Nayeon unnie suggest to write a love letter. For us, we feel like it’s better for Yoda to be truthful about her feeling and confessed her love as soon as possible. Hiding her feeling for so long will hurt her more in the end, especially when there are couples among them. Getting hurt by direct confession is better than not knowing their feeling, It will hurt herself more in the long run and might lead to her afraid of falling in love again. But frankly, there are times where I feel like I know Yoda personally. Some of her entries really on point on our usual dorm life, especially the part where we just had a quarrel with Jihyo unnie few weeks ago...

However, it is also possible that Yoda changes the story a bit in order to hide her identity. So, I didn’t thought much about it, going through my hectic idol life normally. Plus, our side also had another drama… Which comprises of Chaeyoung, Mina and Tzuyu. Everyone is at edge right now, not knowing how to respond. Both Tzuyu and Chaeyoung are my Chingus, maknae and roommates, both whom I am close to with and important to me. And Mina-unnie is one that I looked up of. So, I don’t really have time to check on the website. Trying my best to comfort both Chaeyoung and Tzuyu; Chaeyoung for her heart break and guilty on not knowing Tzuyu’s feeling to Mina. And Tzuyu, feeling guilty on breaking Michaeng… In fact, both of them still care a lot about each other. But, they act in a different matter. Being direct as usual, Chaeyoung faces Mina on the issue and break up with her. Though, she didn’t talk much with Tzuyu after that. While Tzuyu stop hanging around with Mina-unnie and try to act as normal. She even ask both me and Chaeyoung for an archery practise the next day. Knowing Tzuyu, she wanted to talk to Chaeyoung about her breakup. That actually makes Chaeyoung angry, kicking Tzuyu out of our room.

So, what I could do is to accompany Tzuyu to the archery center. Hoping that she can shares her problem with me there. Sadly, she didn’t, trying her best on focusing her game. She even proposed to have a small game with me. The loser had to do whatever the winner want. Unsurprisingly, looking at her result, most of her result is either 5 or 6 points. She is actually affected and losing her focus… So, I end up winning the game. For her punishment, I asked her to smile and gave me a hug. That’s when she sobs painfully in front of me, hugging me tightly. She keep on crying, asking for apology and saying she didn’t mean to do that. Sigh… After that day, Tzuyu back to her cold self, working herself as much as she could. After few days, it’s a relief that all of us are given a short holiday break. Everyone are already exhausted and stressed out, both physically and emotionally. Hopefully, after going back, everyone will be more open-minded and able to solve this together. That’s what I initially thought when I come back to our dorm. Nayeon-unnie asked us to gather at the living room once reach our dorm for a talk together. All of us agreed. Even Mina and Chaeyoung are now smiling, willing to pour out what they feel willingly. All except Tzuyu…. No message from her side in our group chat. Suspecting that she usually forgot to check on her phone most of the time, we all waited patiently at the living room.

1 hour become 2 hours, 2 hours become 3 hours. We become anxious and worried, keep on calling and/or message her phone. No one was picking or replying, each of us tried, as though we are calling the wrong number. Or worse, Chou Tzuyu doesn’t exist. Even her parent’s phone is unreachable. So Nayeon-unnie and Jihyo unnie suggested to call our manager. By the time we phoned him, it’s already 11pm. When he picked up the phone, all of us are rambling here and there asking him what to do at the same time. Thankfully, our manager is patient with us, telling us that Tzuyu is still safe and is with her family. Nonetheless, no one expecting that our precious maknae, Tzuyu had requested to leave our company, to leave US. He also told us that he giving Tzuyu a month to think back her decision. All of us are speechless, not knowing what to do next, looking at each other. Hoping someone can guide us. Jihyo-unnie is the first to leave, going to the kitchen…  Sana-unnie and Momo-unnie go out together. Mina-unnie hiding at her room, hugging Tzuyu's Minjong. Chaeyoung go to the art room downstair; both Jeongyeon-unnie and I go back to our room respectively. Leaving Nayeon-unnie in the living room by herself.

The next day, Nayeon unnie call us all into the living room, saying she has an important announcement to make. She call us to bring our phone/laptop together with us as well. Let me quote what she say after gathering us…

 “One, I don’t care whether you are drunk, moody, still depressed, guilty, tired, or blank, do take note that I am going to Taiwan to see Tzuyu. I already booked my flight ticket and I expected to reach there by tomorrow morning.

Two, login to my website now and search for an entry from a user called Yoda. I believe all of us are aware of this user. Read through all the entry she wrote. That’s our Pabo Tzuyu’s real feeling.

Three, do whatever you want. You can stay here being drunk, moody or whatever it is or you can follow me to see Tzuyu in Taiwan. But, book your own ticket flight, I don't have time to help you.

That’s all. I am late. I have a Yoda to catch and drag. Bye.”

After finishing her ‘speech’, Nayeon-unnie coolly went out, just bringing her passport.  Frankly, I really don’t know how to react. Getting hit by a bomb shell again is too much even for me. Being one of our savage Tzuyu’s love interest? Together with all the others with equal chances? Tzuyu hiding her feeling for at least one year? She taking all of our advice seriously? The entry she wrote is actually the truth? Her family only knew it during our one week holiday break? Our manager had been briefed on the situation? She already planned to leave the company? She thought of continuing her idol life in China region? I don’t know about others, but, by the time I aware, I already found myself on my way to Inchoen International Airport.  By the time I arrive, everyone is there with their passport, doing registration at the counter. Nayeon-unnie and Jeongyeon-unnie just finish the procedures, waiting at the departure longue. No one is talking among us, waiting silently for our flight. Knowing that all of us have the same destination together…

~~To find that stupid Pabo Yoda as soon as possible.~~